Irish Mammyisms

iMax

Shamelessly stolen from Hairy Baby.

I recognise so many of these

01. A little Birdy told me
02. Am I talking to a brick wall?
03. Are you deaf or something?
04. As long as you live under my roof you'll do as I say -d'ya hear me?.
05. Beds are not made for jumping on.
06. Close the door! You don't live in a barn.
07. Did you brush your teeth?
08. Did you comb your hair?
09. Do you think I'm made of money or something?
10. I suppose you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
11. If you eat that you'll get worms!
12. Don't make me get up!
13. Stop running in the house.
14. Sit back from the television or you’ll get square eyes.
15. Don't talk with your mouth full!
16. Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!
17. Eat your vegetables, they're good for you
18. How do you know you don't like it if you haven't even tasted it?
19. I brought you into this world, and I can take you out just as easy!
20. I didn't ask who put it there, I said "Pick it up!"
21. I don't care what "everyone" is doing.
22. I don't have to explain myself. I said no.
23. I hope someday you have children just like you.
24. If you could stay out last night, you can get up this morning.
25. If you stick your tongue out again I'll cut it off.
26. If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play outside.
27. I'm going to skin you alive!
28. I'm not going to ask you again.
29. What am I your cleaning lady?
30. It’s way past your bedtime.
31. Look at me when I'm talking to you.
32. Money does NOT grow on trees.
32. No child of MINE is going out dressed like that.
34. I swear ta God!
35. Over my dead body!
36. Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!
37. Put that down! You don't know where it's been!
38. Say that again and I'll give you a thick ear.
39. Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.
40. If Sean's mom let him jump off a cliff, would you want me to let you do it too?
41. There's enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!
42. Jeasus Mary & Joseph
43. You could grow cabbages behind those eaars.
44. Believe me this hurts me more than it hurts you.
45. Turn that racket down!
46. Right that's it, where's the wooden spoon?
47. Watch your mouth!
48. What did I say the FIRST time?
49. What part of NO don't you understand?
50. When you have your own house then you can make the rules!
51. Where do YOU think you're going?
52. Would ya look what the cat dragged in.
53. Finally, the dead arose and apeared to many.
54. Who died and made you boss?
55. Who do you think you're talking to?
56. Yes I am the boss of you.
57. You won't be happy until you break that, will you?
58. You'll understand when you're older.
59. If you fall off that wall and break your legs don't come running to me!
60. A little soap & water never killed anybody
61. Answer me when I ask you a question
62. You’re not going out dressed like that
63. Where do you think you're going in that get up?
64. Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I'm not your maid
65. Do you think this is a hotel?
66. Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO
67. Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way
68. Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again
69. Don't make me come up there
70. Don't use that tone with me
71. Ask your father
72. How many times do I have to tell you?
73. God above, give me patience
74. I don't care who started it,I’m ending it
75. If I want your opinion I'll ask for it!
76. If I've told you once ... I've told you a thousand times.
77. If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any dessert.
78. If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!
79. I'll treat you like a grown up when you start acting like one.
80. I'm going to give you until the count of three and then I'm getting your father...1,2...that's it!
81. I'm not running a taxi service yuno
82. I'm not your maid
83. Have you done your homework yet?
84. I've had it up to here with the lot of ye.
85. Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty
86. Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it!
87. Think of those poor starving children in Africa
88. Were you born in a barn?
89. Why? Because I SAID so, that's why!
90. You are getting on my last nerve.
91. You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.
92. You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!
93. You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders! 94. You're going to put your eye out with that thing!
95. Wait ‘til your father gets home!
96. Did you turn off the immersion?
97. If you're not asleep when I come up I'll kill ya!
98. Honest ta God you'll be the death of me!
99. Are you a man or a mouse?
100.What time do you call this?

ThinkAboutIt

"Spit or swallow?"

Oh we're not talking about your ma?

My name is URL

Nothing inherently Irish about any of them

4zn76tysfajdxp

iMax wrote: »

99. Are you a man or a mouse?

Mammy said as she challenged me to a boxing match.

hondasam

There might be five there out of the one hundred posted.

Captain_Generic

iMax wrote: »

19. I brought you into this world, and I can take you out just as easy!

Well I won that one

Latchy

Sounds like an old list full of Ballykissangel / The Hills cliches .

Kevin Duffy

TL;DR

My favourite Mammyism was shouting all the names of her children 'til she came to the one she actually wanted to summon.

Chuck Stone

DON'T TOUCH THAT YOU'LL DIE.

Catari Jaguar

I like the ones from Chris Rock's ma in Everybody hates Chris.

"Boy, I will smack the black off you!"

Captain_Generic

iMax wrote: »

41. There's enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!
43. You could grow cabbages behind those ears.

iMax wrote: »

87. Think of those poor starving children in Africa

Problem solved

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

"Use the humor form if you want to be funny."
- mammy.

Caoimhín

Tell the truth an shame the divil.

The head on ya an the price of turnips!

orourkeda

To Martha

PinkFly

thats it I'm getting the wooden spoon!

:eek::eek::eek:

Skerries

little apples will grow again

come here and i'll bate ya!

c'mere until i give ya a cat's lick (produces spit filled tissue)

d'ya hear me looking at ya!

aw sure you're your fathers son alright

it's far from fancy (insert item here) you were reared

Lord save us and preserve us!

give me strength!

will ya have a cup of tea? go on go on go on go on go on ya will!

kylith

"Jaysus, your bladder's very close to your eyes."

4zn76tysfajdxp

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

"Use the humor form if you want to be funny."
- mammy.

Can I borrow a pen?

builttospill

"YOU'VE BEEN OUT GALAVANTING ALL WEEKEND!!!"

Captain_Generic

Skerries wrote: »

come here and i'll bate ya!

That seems like a fairly inappropriate relationship

Eroticfishcake

Smells like a brewery in here

*opening bedroom windows after a night out

Skerries

most of those sayings are quickly followed by "aw ma!"

Abi

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

TL;DR

My favourite Mammyism was shouting all the names of her children 'til she came to the one she actually wanted to summon.

My hen never had that problem, though hers did. She mixed them all up, and she often called me by one of my cousins name, my father was called my mothers brother-in-laws' name.


Funny how she got the two fuckin' dogs names right though.

Kevin Duffy

Abi wrote: »

My hen never had that problem, though hers did. She mixed them all up, and she often called me by one of my cousins name, my father was called my mothers brother-in-laws' name.


Funny how she got the two f uckin' dogs names right though.

In fairness, she got people's names mixed up, but didn't mix up the dog's names with them. We'll call that a win of sorts for Abi's granny.

Dubh Geannain

Go get me a switch :eek: :eek: :eek:

BluesBerry

If you dont stop that I'll plant ya into the ground

Abi

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

In fairness, she got people's names mixed up, but didn't mix up the dog's names with them. We'll call that a win of sorts for Abi's granny.

Oh she knew what she was doing.

Crea

Don't give me that face, I invented that face

I made you so I can kiss you - quote from me.

Latchy

BluesBerry wrote: »

If you dont stop that I'll plant ya into the ground

Or...'' if you dont stop I'll hop ya off the wall ''

My name is URL

Not really a mammyism, but I remember my granny threatening to kick my head in when she was about 92

Abi

Latchy wrote: »

Sounds like an old list full of Ballykissangel / The Hills cliches .

Oh you and I could write the book on this shit :pac:

Abi

My name is URL wrote: »

Not really a mammyism, but I remember my granny threatening to kick my head in when she was about 92

My granny's weapon of choice was the poker, or a brush. She talked about the two dogs affectionately, fed them everything from the table, yet if they came over sniffing for something they'd get a kick up the arse for 'being greedy'.

One dog went blind eventually and the other started pissing itself. I'm pretty sure the blind one tried to fork his own eyes out, and the other one got so nervous around her, that her bladder emptied on sight of her.

Latchy

Abi wrote: »

Oh you and I could write the book on this shit :pac:

And the sequel to :pac:

Kevin Duffy

My name is URL wrote: »

Not really a mammyism, but I remember my granny threatening to kick my head in when she was about 92

Abi wrote: »

My granny's weapon of choice was the poker, or a brush.

My granny used to carry a flickknife in her handbag. Jesus, no wonder they kept us disciplined.

Seachmall

Every Irish mother puts Dr. House to shame. Fact.

*Cough*

"Must be coming down with a cough."

How did she know?! o.O

Tesco Massacre

Get up them stairs.

Latchy

Seachmall wrote: »

Every Irish mother puts Dr. House to shame. Fact.

*Cough*

"Must be coming down with a cough."

How did she know?! o.O

Irish mammys always did state the obious ...much better than any .

As for grandmothers ,well mine just stared at ya ...didn't say a lot ,just stared but she was the strong silent type ( mind you with no tv back then there wasn't much to talk about where she grew up and lived ) :pac:

But that stare ...to a 5 year old child ...araggggh :eek:

Abi

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

My granny used to carry a flickknife in her handbag. Jesus, no wonder they kept us disciplined.

Pishh. Kids these days don't know how easy they have it.



Bring back the flick-knife I say!

Kevin Duffy

Abi wrote: »

Pishh. Kids these days don't know how easy they have it.



Bring back the flick-knife I say!

Once in a while she'd use it to peel an apple....but with a look that said "the apple, you, all the same to me kiddo".

stoneill

This happened a long time ago - when money was valuable.

My brother was looking for £30 off the mammy for a new pair of shows that he saw in Heathers on Arran Quay.

30 pounds for a pair of shoes! she excalimed.

But they are George Webb's.

I don't give a fúck if they are King Farouk's, you're not getting £30.

Capt'n Midnight

When you kept in fear of what "the man" would do

Temptamperu

Dont come runing to me if you break your legs.

Orando Broom

Seachmall wrote: »

Every Irish mother puts Dr. House to shame. Fact.

*Cough*

"Must be coming down with a cough."

How did she know?! o.O

Did your mother routinely diagnose you with lupus?

Seachmall

Orando Broom wrote: »

Did your mother routinely diagnose you with lupus?

It's never lupus.

Lady von Purple

Did anyone else ever get, upon not finishing their dinner, ''Tut tut. Willful waste makes woeful want''? Up until I was about ten I thought they were names- Wiffle and Wuffle. I learned otherwise from a placard on RTE news during some strike or other.

LH Pathe

"I'm calling the guards on you .. "

"this dinner's getting cooold..."

"I'm calling social services and asking them to have you removed"

starlit

Oh my god my mammy is all those things but I'm too drunk to notice...:eek: