Ladies I want your views.............

FreedomRevived

Seems to be a common thing these days to be dumped by text, Is it that men are just too gutless nowadays or what, have you ever being dumped by a text? Whats your views on it?

I've never being dumped by a text or dumped anyone by text, I would find it to a gutless act, would make me think that the person that would do it didnt have a backbone.

seenitall

From what I gather from the RI thread on here, these days you can consider yourself lucky if you get dumped at all, as opposed to blanked/ignored/having calls and texts go unanswered all of a sudden...

DeVore

Dumping someone by text is callous to say the least. If you ever had feelings for that person you owe them better treatment then that.

I suppose if it was a long and heated text conversation which blew up its possible but even then I would prefer to say "lets talk about this in person".

I guess I'm old fashioned



DeV.

FreedomRevived

I totally agree with that, if it was a long/longish relationship of course the other person deserves some respect.

xxtattyberxx

Dont get me started, got dumped by the man I would have considered my soul mate twice in the space of 6 weeks only 2 weeks ago..... after 5 yrs together.
It wasnt a nice long gentle text , straight to the point 'your dumped'.
So needless to say I have no nice words to say about someone who would dump somebody by text....
He obviously didnt respect me enough to hold his thought till he saw me, defo shows me what kind of man he was.
So to answer your question op, yes Ive been dumped by text, unfortunately I cant give my opinion as I would have a life time ban for my vulgarness

FreedomRevived

Twice in 6 weeks? By text, what a ****. Yeah that would suck, but shows the type of person they are if they done that after 5 years!! What is it with people these days?

Wibbs

In my humble I'd say it's little enough to do with respect, more like cowardice. Much more. If you're not a spineless wonder like these gimps and gimpettes you'll tend to miss that and explain it away as lack of respect.

FreedomRevived

That was the word I couldnt think of at the time, its cowardly

RacoonQueen

If you get dumped in any way but in person by someone over the age of 16 you should just be grateful that you made a lucky escape.

Phone/text/email/facebook etc dumping is pathetic.

Breadcrusts

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Phone/text/email/facebook etc dumping is pathetic.

People actually facebook dump?! Jaaaysus

RacoonQueen

Breadcrusts wrote: »

People actually facebook dump?! Jaaaysus

Never witnessed it myself but I have a friend who bragged about doing it. He wonders why I won't go out with him... :rolleyes:

Breadcrusts

If you ever even slightly cared about the person then the only way to do it in person. Anything else is just cowardice tbh.

And facebook dumping is just infantile.

LeixlipRed

Couldn't think of anything more childish to be honest. I've done bad by a few girls in my time, let them down badly but at least I had the guts to say it to them in person! Just complete cowardice really.

bridgemond

Got dumped by text twice, The second time I taught was a joke as it was April fools day and I was at work. Not until I got home and found out I was dumped. That was a s*it day

bohochic

FreedomRevived wrote: »

Seems to be a common thing these days to be dumped by text, Is it that men are just too gutless nowadays or what, have you ever being dumped by a text? Whats your views on it?

I've never being dumped by a text or dumped anyone by text, I would find it to a gutless act, would make me think that the person that would do it didnt have a backbone.

Why are men always considered the bad guy women can be just as bad.

bridgemond

bohochic wrote: »

Why are men always considered the bad guy women can be just as bad.

As shown in my post above lol

Wompa1

Never really been dumped. Have been cheated on which is probably a worse way of being dumped I'd think and men and women are just as guilty as each other on that one I'd think

dsmythy

I don't think people have become more cowardly recently. I'm sure in the pre-texting past there's been plenty of dumping by mail or written note. Of course people didn't have the internet to tell the world about it then either.

starlit

Yes, I have been dumped by text. It was a couple of years ago and have been single ever since, just a lot more careful when it comes to fella's the past few years and taking my time and waiting for a special person!

Anyway the whole dumping me thing was prolonged a bit, got a text saying he wanted a break but we still boyfriend and girlfriend. He didn't seem to want to talk for a few days, I kept texting him what was up and didn't understand thought things were going well.

Anyway a week later he wants to get back together properly, be a couple and meet up. Did so but felt like it was our last night together as a couple, had almost like a goodbye kiss really. I only took him back thinking I dump him but was too cowardly to do it and thought I would get a rep for doing so didn't, hoped to just let it keep going until he did.

Anyway, didn't hear from him for a whole week and got the surprised text, knew it was coming but thought he might have hung on a bit. He sent a few short texts and then sent the 'things are not working out' text then wanted a break again for the second time in the space of two weeks and wanted to think things over even more but the second time it was for real. He said he wanted a break as not girlfriend and boyfriend meaning he wanted us to break up and not be boyfriend and girlfriend any more. Didn't faze me, shed a tear but wasn't heart broken.

Think there was a lot more to the break up than the reason's he gave me for the break up. I wasn't annoyed over the break up if not I was delighted and jumping for joy cause I didn't want to be tied down with him. Didn't think he was right for me and we wanted different things. Like that now, the break up was fine just afterwards it was a lot worse than the break up cause he wanted me to go out with not just one but two of his friends which was mad. Thought we were to be friends but that didn't last either and don't talk to my ex any more. He for the birds. He wasn't the man I wanted to be with and there is someone out there for me! Just waiting for him to appear out of no where lol! I'm not looking for a prince but a good, nice, honest, caring and gsoh type of man!

I was a bit shocked after it but I got over it. Wasn't myself for the week, got be thinking and got over him pretty fast but took awhile to get over the fact I wasn't in a relationship any more. Knew I just had to move on with things enjoy my own company and being with friends for a while. Didn't go back on the dating scene again for about a month when I were up to it, but went on strike from men for a few months until I was good and ready to date again!

So I am with you OP, its not nice to be dumped by text. I haven't dumped someone by text per say but let them down gently by not wanting to be more than friends by a phone call and would do dump someone either face to face or by a phone call at least, its common curtsey! At least give some respect and dignity over it otherwise it be just a flash in the pan! No person should be treated badly when it comes to breaking up. Life's hard just have to move on and get on with things and enjoy life!

Good things come to those who wait! :cool:

Scarinae

I was sort of dumped by text when I was 16, I say sort of because I'd been trying to break up with him for a while but the bugger was avoiding me! I told my friends we were finished, and then one day I got a text from him saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, garbage is dumped and so are you"

eternal

I was dumped by text ,but oh no ,that wasnt enough .I was then told he wanted to see me again ,so he persuaded me over two months of constant texting to drive 7 hours to see him,which I did.
I wasnt long out of hospital but drove there ,was with him and then later in the day ,he went off with a one twenty years older than me and seriously worse looking ,right in front of me .
Think I would have been satisifed by the inital text tbh.

Neyite

In the pre-mobile days the dumper would just disappear - not be at home when you called, avoid the local pub, even call in sick to work for fear you would call there. Or they would convince a mate to tell you that you are broken up.

That happened me with my leaving cert ex. Went to the debs, then he disappeared off the face of the earth. Spinless gits will just avoid face to face whenever possible. Facebook and text just gives them more tools at their disposal.

They are nearly as bad as the overlappers - like monkeys who wont let go of one vine until they have hold of another, the monkey does not dump you until he/she knows that the replacement is a sure thing.

So you have about a month or several weeks at least with odd behaviour, vague explanations and knowing that something is off, and get accused of being paranoid only to find that when you are dumped, you were right to trust your gut in the first place.

lisasimpson

yes some women are as bad. one of my male friends took some amount of crap of a girl. she insisted he took her on a wkend away, he did by the time he got home after it he logged into fb to find she had changed her status to single and he never heard a word from her

Snoopy1

Ive been dumped by text, facebook, gmail chat you name it.
The latest one is just ignoring my texts and calls :mad:

Semele

I would have loved a text- that's how pathetic mine was! I suddenly and inexplicably got phased out by a guy I was seeing for 14 months a year ago...he cancelled plans first via text with the excuse of having an emergency at work and having to stay late for the week "but we'll do something next week". Next week came and not a word, I texted and got a really friendly "Oh, work is still hell, will see you soon though, chit chat..." type message...and on and on it went.

I kinda gave him the benefit of the doubt at first as we didn't live in each others pockets or anything and he didn't seem like he'd be so lacking in manners so like a fool I was actually quite concerned about him. Then he started taking days to reply to texts (and I'm talking a weekly casual check-in here, not hounding him!) until I finally cracked 6 weeks into the farce and sent him a text saying "look, I'm a bit confused here. Would just like to know what the story is please"...to which I got a "Hey, no it's all cool, work yadda yadda yadda, see you next week though?"

If you can't even dump me when given an invitation to...:rolleyes: Never heard from him again! It's hilarious looking back now but was rather upsetting at the time, mostly cos I was bloody mortified at having to explain to people that I'd just been dropped like that. And this was a really normal and nice guy- it did kinda make me lose faith in all mankind for a bit!

Snoopy1

Semele wrote: »

I would have loved a text- that's how pathetic mine was! I suddenly and inexplicably got phased out by a guy I was seeing for 14 months a year ago...he cancelled plans first via text with the excuse of having an emergency at work and having to stay late for the week "but we'll do something next week". Next week came and not a word, I texted and got a really friendly "Oh, work is still hell, will see you soon though, chit chat..." type message...and on and on it went.

I kinda gave him the benefit of the doubt at first as we didn't live in each others pockets or anything and he didn't seem like he'd be so lacking in manners so like a fool I was actually quite concerned about him. Then he started taking days to reply to texts (and I'm talking a weekly casual check-in here, not hounding him!) until I finally cracked 6 weeks into the farce and sent him a text saying "look, I'm a bit confused here. Would just like to know what the story is please"...to which I got a "Hey, no it's all cool, work yadda yadda yadda, see you next week though?"

If you can't even dump me when given an invitation to...:rolleyes: Never heard from him again! It's hilarious looking back now but was rather upsetting at the time, mostly cos I was bloody mortified at having to explain to people that I'd just been dropped like that. And this was a really normal and nice guy- it did kinda make me lose faith in all mankind for a bit!

Thats horrible, poor you :mad:

Scealta_saol

Fox News say that in America, 1/4 people are dumped by Facebook (I know Fox News but it's relevant )
And this just seems to be a "[your girl/boyfriend] has changed their status to single". They don't even tell you??!!

[seems to lead on from 5-10 years ago people being disgusted when they got dumped by text - some people are cowards and will do anything to avoid confrontation]

Face to face is the only way to do it.

@rti-shm@rti

I've never been dumped by text, but I have been cheated on so I suppose that's a more cowardly one really....not having the guts to say you want out and just goading someone into breaking up with you is a poor way to do it....

Dumping by any other way other than face to face if you've been seeing each other for more than a few dates/weeks is a cowards way out and you're better off without!

Scealta_saol

@rti-shm@rti wrote: »

not having the guts to say you want out and just goading someone into breaking up with you is a poor way to do it....

This actually has a name - it's called Constructive Dismissal...

eternal

Another thing is meeting a guy and he texts and rings you constantly and then the texts stop and you query and they say ' who is this ?'.This is like a day after only .Its beyond logical to believe.

shinikins

Semele wrote: »

I would have loved a text- that's how pathetic mine was! I suddenly and inexplicably got phased out by a guy I was seeing for 14 months a year ago...he cancelled plans first via text with the excuse of having an emergency at work and having to stay late for the week "but we'll do something next week". Next week came and not a word, I texted and got a really friendly "Oh, work is still hell, will see you soon though, chit chat..." type message...and on and on it went.

I kinda gave him the benefit of the doubt at first as we didn't live in each others pockets or anything and he didn't seem like he'd be so lacking in manners so like a fool I was actually quite concerned about him. Then he started taking days to reply to texts (and I'm talking a weekly casual check-in here, not hounding him!) until I finally cracked 6 weeks into the farce and sent him a text saying "look, I'm a bit confused here. Would just like to know what the story is please"...to which I got a "Hey, no it's all cool, work yadda yadda yadda, see you next week though?"

If you can't even dump me when given an invitation to...:rolleyes: Never heard from him again! It's hilarious looking back now but was rather upsetting at the time, mostly cos I was bloody mortified at having to explain to people that I'd just been dropped like that. And this was a really normal and nice guy- it did kinda make me lose faith in all mankind for a bit!

I had an almost identical experience, but with a guy I had been seeing for only a short time. I wasn't actually very into him, so it would have fizzled out anyway, but I was disgusted and upset that he didn't have the guts to just say "look, its not working out" I was even more upset to learn he had been telling lies to a very good friend of mine that he happened to work with, saying I was clingy and needy(i'm actually very independant and love having my own space so I don't know where that came from) My friend didn't believe any of it, as they know me well enough to know what I'm like, but this guy was their boss, and it put them in an extremely awkward position, especially as he had pestered them for weeks for my number. And it is mortifying to explain to have to explain to people that you have no idea what happened, most of the reactions I got were "but you must have some idea!!"

With my last ex, we had a massive row over the phone. I had been trying for weeks to peg him down to talk, as things just weren't going well, and hadn't been for several months. That day I had made a special effort to dress nicely and tried to arrange to meet him for a nice lunch, in the hopes that we could work things out. After hanging around waiting for him to call back all day, and all evening, I called him with my number hidden. He was in the pub! I can remember being so upset, he had ducked my calls and mesages from 8.30 that morning, and had the receptionist lie to me, and then didn't have the decency to even text me back, so I had just had enough of his crap and told him it was over. We did go out for a meal the next night, to talk maturely, but when he was dropping me home he asked me to check an incoming text, which happened to be from my (former) best friend who he had been having an affair with. If I had never had that argument with him the night before, we would have carried on as we had been for so many months and I would have been none the wiser.

I don't think it's a "man thing", women are just as bad. My bf was dumped by his last ex by text, no reason given, just a "your dumped, move out" text and that was it. I have a few male friends who have been either dumped by text/email, or blanked and phased out. Its a cowardly way to go about things, I felt awful when I broke up with the ex over the phone and it was me who insisted we meet to properly talk things out, because I didn't want to leave him wondering why, and me get off scot free.

Acacia

I've always thought it was a pretty cowardly thing to do, and I didn't really think people over the age of 16 dumped people by text, but I was dumped by my ex of 3 years by text ( were both 20 at the time). Well, it was more of a "Maybe we should just be friends" text but it was still a pretty crap way to end a relatively long relationship. We made up for about week or two afterwards, but then I felt I didn't really want to be with someone that flaky and immature so I dumped him, in person. Yet, I was still the bad guy for ''stringing him along for a week"?

I was also recently ''dumped'' by a female friend through text, so it's not just a guy thing. I have to say, the friend thing hurt more than losing my ex, though. It seemed like a pretty callous way to end what I thought was a good friendship.

Personally, I hate texting for dealing with any sort of emotional stuff, as stuff always gets taken up wrong or not explained properly. I'd much rather meet face to face or at least over the phone.

starlit

These things happen and can happen at any age. Cruel, why people do it by text is awful. Better to do so face to face or by phone call at least. Just move on, plenty more fish in the sea! Someone better will come along than you ever imagined, good things come to those who wait!

Stargazer7

Is there a consensus on the general age group that does this? Be they male or female? Or does it just seem to be a random thing?

I encountered the gmail thing recently - had been in a long distance relationship (he was in the UK, moi here) and we were chatting most days, meeting up every 3/4 weeks. We were going out over a year, getting on pretty well besides the stress of college and the distance. Then he breaks up with me over gmail and refuses to discuss the exact reasons he wanted to break up. Says he's not sure he cares about me and doesn't want to be friends. I had hoped that we could be civil at least whenever the s**t hit the fan.

Yesterday he emails me asking if we could build a friendship, how he cares about me and always did. Total freaking headwreck. I had to cut him out of my life to pass my exams and just cope emotionally. To be honest the whole thing smacks of a total lack of emotional maturity. It seems like a very cowardly act. I can't imagine spending over a year with someone, chatting every day and meeting regularly and all of a sudden dumping them without doing it face to face.

Confused! I have no problem with rejection, I'm very independent. But I do deserve a bit of respect I think

LittleBook

Wibbs wrote: »

In my humble I'd say it's little enough to do with respect, more like cowardice.

I remember being dumped by a French guy by text and poring over the English/French dictionary to find the exact translation for "you f'cking coward".

doovdela

doovdela wrote: »

These things happen and can happen at any age. Cruel, why people do it by text is awful. Better to do so face to face or by phone call at least. Just move on, plenty more fish in the sea! Someone better will come along than you ever imagined, good things come to those who wait!

I wouldn't agree with phone call, not if you've been in the relationship for any length of time. Always face to face. Unless you're in massively long LDR like asia-ireland or something.
Personally I was broken up with in LDR by phone call out of the blue; person finally agreed to come over to discuss it in person. Next thing, not 2 mins after hanging up, gmail to say they actually weren't coming over and don't contact them ever again :rolleyes:

LaHaine

I dont know how people can be so cruel to do this. The least you can do is sit someone down and tell them face to face.

I suppose its a sign of the times, so much flirting etc is done by text now. Pretty cold thing to do really. Then again, who would ever like the way they were dumped.

I broke up with someone by text once and I have no regrets as to the way I did it.

You lot can go on and on, about how "gutless" and "cowardly" it is to do as I did.. But, you don't know what kind of situation I was in, or anyone else for that matter.

It's not for you to judge.

jaffacakesyum

Deleted User wrote: »

I broke up with someone by text once and I have no regrets as to the way I did it.

You lot can go on and on, about how "gutless" and "cowardly" it is to do as I did.. But, you don't know what kind of situation I was in, or anyone else for that matter.

It's not for you to judge.

Do you mind if I ask what the circumstances were? Perfectly acceptable for you to say no of course, as I'm sure it's a very personal matter.

I just can't think of any circumstances where it's acceptable to break up with someone over text unless you actually feared for your safety if you were to meet up with them in person. Obviously, if you were in an abusive relationship, it would be understandable to dump by text. I can't think of any other circumstances, however, where it is not rude, gutless and cowardly to break up with someone by that way. Unless you're under the age of 16.

(I admit when I was 12 I dumped my boyfriend by text but we were hardly boyfriend and girlfriend...hadn't even kissed yet )

jaffacakesyum

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Do you mind if I ask what the circumstances were? Perfectly acceptable for you to say no of course, as I'm sure it's a very personal matter.

Very personal matter.

Exactly.

Marty McFly

Deleted User wrote: »

Very personal matter.

Exactly.

Well then maybe your is the exception to the case, what being discussed here is really about general break ups, at least thats the perception Ive been given from reading the thread.

Ive been dumped once by text and found it really cold to be honest it leaves you feeling as if did I really mean that little to the person they didnt even feel the need to do it in a nice way, if your with someone I think you should have at least the decency and the warmth to do it in person.

Ickle Magoo

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I can't think of any other circumstances, however, where it is not rude, gutless and cowardly to break up with someone by that way.

Or you are different countries and found you've found out they've been cheating, or perhaps if they accidentally text you a naughty picture of themselves that was meant for someone else and you reply with "you're dumped"...in fact, most cases when a partner has done something pretty bad and hurtful where dumping them to their face is more of an effort than they deserve...

Handsome Bob

If you cared at all about someone and meeting them wasn't going to cause you any physical harm, then you really should do it face-to-face.

To do it any other way is cruelty in the extreme.

Ickle Magoo

Handsome Bob wrote: »

If you cared at all about someone and meeting them wasn't going to cause you any physical harm, then you really should do it face-to-face.

To do it any other way is cruelty in the extreme.

I'm not sure I'd care about "cruelty in the extreme" if I was dumping someone for cheating on me or some other betrayal, I imagine I'd view it that they waived the right to respect and niceties as dumpee when they chose to behave in such a way that prompted me to dump them...

If it's just your common and garden break up then face to face all the way. :cool:

Handsome Bob

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'm not sure I'd care about "cruelty in the extreme" if I was dumping someone for cheating on me or some other betrayal, I'd probably view it that they waived the right to respect and niceties as dumpee when they chose to behave in such a way that prompted me to dump them...

If it's just your common and garden break up then face to face all the way. :cool:

Ah yeah, that would be another exception I suppose.

titan18

I can see why someone would do it if the partner had cheated/was abusive etc, but in other cases, let's say if you didn't see yourself long-term with that person for whatever reason, it's pretty cowardly to not explain yourself in person and to treat them with respect, no matter how hard it is.

enfant terrible

Even the guy from American Psycho did it in person

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnoTUjzbI3o

Fluorescence

Got dumped by text when I was 17. It wasn't pleasant to say the least ( I was fuming for days about it) but to be fair to him I think he thought I was doing that thing where you just ignore the other person for a while until they break up with you :rolleyes:. It was 6th year, so I was fairly busy with school (and then sickness) so I didn't see him for about 2 weeks, and then I got a message saying, "Yeah you clearly have no interest in me anymore. I'm breaking up with you." I find it hilarious now, looking back :pac:


On the flip side, I had to break up with a guy about 2 years ago and decided to do it face to face. It was really really awkward. Probably would have been less embarrassing for us both if I'd done it by telegram or something :pac:.

Dudess

Deleted User wrote: »

I broke up with someone by text once and I have no regrets as to the way I did it.

You lot can go on and on, about how "gutless" and "cowardly" it is to do as I did.. But, you don't know what kind of situation I was in, or anyone else for that matter.

It's not for you to judge.

Yeah, depends on the circumstances I guess.

Deleted User wrote: »

Very personal matter.

Exactly.

Looks unnecessarily hostile and defensive tbh...

sleepyescapade

I got dumped via an MSN Messenger conversation after one year. That stung a lot at the time, but tbh I would have preferred it in person - he still had to see me in bits the next day so it didn't change anything, just that he didn't have to see me upset at the initial news.

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

Looks unnecessarily hostile and defensive tbh...

And here we go again with the judgement card.

Well done you.