Skanger Stories

JohnnyBananas

Hi Guys,

I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

Thanks In Advance for all responses.

Two Irish speakers walking on O’Connell St (Dublin) speaking Irish to each other. Skanger walks by and shouts “F*ck off back to your own country!!!!”

Taxi driver in Dublin picks up guy walking with limp at 2am. Turns out he’s a skanger with a bullet in his leg. Skanger tells taxi driver he’s a recovering drug addict, his girlfriends father disapproves of him and told the IRA he was a drug dealer, hence the bullet in the leg. Taxi driver drives skanger to Ballyfermot housing estate where Skanger has showdown with father. He shouts at the house for girlfriend to come out (at 2am) and father comes out to get rid of him. They proceed to have a big shouting match on the lawn. Neighbours come out of their houses to spectate. Father shouts “What the f*ck are you lot lookin’ at!!!!”. (Eventually things calm down and skanger leaves).

In North Inner City Dublin, a skanger is seen to have his girlfriend in a headlock and puts her head through the window of a fast food outlet. The Gardai are called to the scene and the girlfriend, for whatever reason, doesn’t want the Gardai to get involved. She shouts “Leave him alone, he is only on day release from Mountjoy!!!!”

Guy gets mugged by 3 teenage skangers. He reports incident to Gardai who successfully catch 2 of the culprits and obtain them in Garda station. A congregation of skanger mothers (tracksuits and prams) gather at door of the station shouting words to the effect “You’re making a criminal out of my son!!!”. Among the crowd is the third mugger who is spotted by the guy who got mugged (from inside the station) and is immediately arrested.

mathie

Already posted here

The King of Moo

Two "skangers" walks into a methadone clinic. Meanwhile their young child gets closer and closer to being sucked into a vicious cycle of crime, violence and drug abuse through no fault of his own.

Hilarious!

Lumbo

Skangers go to festivals like the Electric Picnic. Non skangers log on to the internet to complain.

Hilarity ensues.

W.Shakes-Beer

i know a chap, "John", who was on a night out in town once.

2 skangers were fighting among a crowd of people. Anyway, John wasn't paying too much attention to it until he seen one of the skangers with a bloody shirt and holding his side.

John turns to the uninjured skanger and says "Jaysus that was some dig ye gave him!"

Turns out yer man was actually stabbed.

true story.

FatherLen

the other day i saw a skanger running(presumably away from someone) and some chap got out of a taxi and didnt see him running. he ran straight into the edge of the car door. it looked sore.
i laughed my ass off.

orourkeda

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

Thanks In Advance for all responses.

Two Irish speakers walking on O’Connell St (Dublin) speaking Irish to each other. Skanger walks by and shouts “F*ck off back to your own country!!!!”

Taxi driver in Dublin picks up guy walking with limp at 2am. Turns out he’s a skanger with a bullet in his leg. Skanger tells taxi driver he’s a recovering drug addict, his girlfriends father disapproves of him and told the IRA he was a drug dealer, hence the bullet in the leg. Taxi driver drives skanger to Ballyfermot housing estate where Skanger has showdown with father. He shouts at the house for girlfriend to come out (at 2am) and father comes out to get rid of him. They proceed to have a big shouting match on the lawn. Neighbours come out of their houses to spectate. Father shouts “What the f*ck are you lot lookin’ at!!!!”. (Eventually things calm down and skanger leaves).

In North Inner City Dublin, a skanger is seen to have his girlfriend in a headlock and puts her head through the window of a fast food outlet. The Gardai are called to the scene and the girlfriend, for whatever reason, doesn’t want the Gardai to get involved. She shouts “Leave him alone, he is only on day release from Mountjoy!!!!”

Guy gets mugged by 3 teenage skangers. He reports incident to Gardai who successfully catch 2 of the culprits and obtain them in Garda station. A congregation of skanger mothers (tracksuits and prams) gather at door of the station shouting words to the effect “You’re making a criminal out of my son!!!”. Among the crowd is the third mugger who is spotted by the guy who got mugged (from inside the station) and is immediately arrested.

A future Darwin candidate there

Orando Broom

The King of Moo wrote: »

Two "skangers" walks into a methadone clinic. Meanwhile their young child gets closer and closer to being sucked into a vicious cycle of crime, violence and drug abuse through no fault of his own.

Hilarious!

The premise of Two And A Half Knackers?

Riesen_Meal

Yaw, another skanger/scobie thread in AH...

(Grabs popcorn)

blaze1

Skanger "hereeeeeeeeeeee buddy have ya got a spareeee smokeee?"

Me "No mate sorry last one..."

Skanger "HOPE YA CHOKE ON ITTTTTTTTT"

syklops

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

Thanks In Advance for all responses.

Two Irish speakers walking on O’Connell St (Dublin) speaking Irish to each other. Skanger walks by and shouts “F*ck off back to your own country!!!!”

Taxi driver in Dublin picks up guy walking with limp at 2am. Turns out he’s a skanger with a bullet in his leg. Skanger tells taxi driver he’s a recovering drug addict, his girlfriends father disapproves of him and told the IRA he was a drug dealer, hence the bullet in the leg. Taxi driver drives skanger to Ballyfermot housing estate where Skanger has showdown with father. He shouts at the house for girlfriend to come out (at 2am) and father comes out to get rid of him. They proceed to have a big shouting match on the lawn. Neighbours come out of their houses to spectate. Father shouts “What the f*ck are you lot lookin’ at!!!!”. (Eventually things calm down and skanger leaves).

In North Inner City Dublin, a skanger is seen to have his girlfriend in a headlock and puts her head through the window of a fast food outlet. The Gardai are called to the scene and the girlfriend, for whatever reason, doesn’t want the Gardai to get involved. She shouts “Leave him alone, he is only on day release from Mountjoy!!!!”

Guy gets mugged by 3 teenage skangers. He reports incident to Gardai who successfully catch 2 of the culprits and obtain them in Garda station. A congregation of skanger mothers (tracksuits and prams) gather at door of the station shouting words to the effect “You’re making a criminal out of my son!!!”. Among the crowd is the third mugger who is spotted by the guy who got mugged (from inside the station) and is immediately arrested.

The first one was funny. The rest werent funny at all. Keep looking.

smokedeels

Two skangers are on a bus, male and female, the male stands up.

Male: here, here....everyone listen

Female: sit down ya dope

Male: shut up ya s**t

Female: will ya sit down

Male: shut up ya stupid b**ch I'm trying to tell everyone I love ya

Temptamperu

proper skanger tactic is that :pac:

Giselle

smokedeels wrote: »

Two skangers are on a bus, male and female, the male stands up.

Male: here, here....everyone listen

Female: sit down ya dope

Male: shut up ya s**t

Female: will ya sit down

Male: shut up ya stupid b**ch I'm trying to tell everyone I love ya

Beautiful. Just...beautiful.

I love a love story.:)

grizzly

Those were more depressing then funny. Sorry to sound all PC, but these people aren't born assholes – they become them after having shít lives.

stmol32

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Hoy Goys (is the only accent I can think of that in)

mikemac

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

http://www.overheardindublin.com/

sing_dumb

Only a few weeks ago, I was queuing in Dunnes Stores, Earl Street behind a skanger couple (obviously off their faces on God-knows-what) as they were swaying from side to side, barely able to stand. They were having a very loud argument, using sorta' Telly Tubby dialogue, which most of us could'nt understand, but it was getting nasty between them. A bit of pushing and shoving and they kept dropping their groceries and toppling back and forward precariously, when we on the queue heard the following (loud!!) snatch of conversation :
(Male) "Sharon... I'm sorry love for being such a fxxxin bollix to ya, but its only coz I'm feelin like shxtx today"...
(Female) "Why...Whaa....?"
(Male) "I forgot to put me Nicotine Patch on dis mornin"..........

The King of Moo

A "skanger" goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, doctor, I'm feelin' awful weak and lethargic."

The doctor says "I'm afraid you've contracted H.I.V from using contaminated needles. I'm so sorry. Let me outline where we go from here..."

smokedeels

grizzly wrote: »

Those were more depressing then funny. Sorry to sound all PC, but these people aren't born assholes – they become them after having shít lives.

Nah, I went to school with plenty of these people, some had the same upbringing as most of my friends and myself, some had good families and opportunities too.... but they were just dumb as f**k and useless, they turned out "skangers" due to their own shortcomings.

There's a difference between being poor and being ignorant and lazy.

I'm paying for these people and I've been harassed and robbed from by them... so I've no shame in getting at least a cheap laugh out of them in return.

JohnnyBananas

mathie wrote: »

Already posted here

This appears to be a link to this thread that I have started. I think you put in the wrong link. Can you please re-edit. Thanks.

mathie

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

This appears to be a link to this thread that I have started. I think you put in the wrong link. Can you please re-edit. Thanks.

My bad.
Heres what I meant to link to

bnt

Go to Sickipedia, look up their Chav Jokes, replace "Chav" with "Skanger".

My only Skanger Story was from Cork a few years ago: I was waiting in the queue to get in to a gig, and someone threw an egg at me. it bounced off my back and on to the ground without breaking; it was a boiled egg.

JohnnyBananas

mathie wrote: »

My bad.
Heres what I meant to link to

No, same problem again, I think.

mathie

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

No, same problem again, I think.

Sorry I'm not great on computers.

This should be it now

denhaagenite

Passing Mangan's nightclub queue in the rain one Saturday night

Bald Guy: I wish they'd hurry up, my hair is getting wet.
Skanger tart behind him: Haha and he have no hair like!

Davidth88

mathie wrote: »

Sorry I'm not great on computers.

This should be it now

This is actually getting quite funny.... still pointing to the same thread

Icyseanfitz

some one has to point it out to the poor guy lads

smash

Awww, I thought this was going to be about Paddy Doherty appearing on celebrity big brother.

Lumbo

I was at the Luas stop in Tallaght yesterday and was using my phone. I suddenly realised there was 4 kids, none of them no more then 8 years old, standing beside me and one of them was saying “swipe his phone, go on swipe it”. So I gave a look like I was going to kill them and they backed off. One of the lads got a bit brave and asked me did I want a fight, so I asked him how he thought that would work out. “Ah, I think you’d win but me da would ****in kill ya”.
I though they were funny until I seen them harassing some other lad. Security got rid of them eventually.

Would you not be better gathering up as many skangers as you could find lock them in a caged and poke them with a stick and see what happens.

They use to do that with mad people the 18't century apparently people though it was hilarious.

problemchimp

Lumbo wrote: »

I was at the Luas stop in Tallaght yesterday and was using my phone. I suddenly realised there was 4 kids, none of them no more then 8 years old, standing beside me and one of them was saying “swipe his phone, go on swipe it”. So I gave a look like I was going to kill them and they backed off. One of the lads got a bit brave and asked me did I want a fight, so I asked him how he thought that would work out. “Ah, I think you’d win but me da would ****in kill ya”.
I though they were funny until I seen them harassing some other lad. Security got rid of them eventually.

SWIPE? NAH!

Plazaman

mathie wrote: »

My bad.
Heres what I meant to link to

mathie wrote: »

Sorry I'm not great on computers.

This should be it now

Mwahhhaaahaahaaa, nice one Mathie. But seriously thats dangerous looping threads like that, you could rupture the time space continuum.

Niles

I was waiting on the Rosslare bus one evening, when one when one of these wonderful people got into an argument with the driver over a pass. The driver told him that the pass only covered him, not his girlfriend. The scanger in question carefully considered this problem, and replied "it only says that I can't bring a companion, but she's not my companion she's my partner".

More adventures ensued as the journey progressed...

questionmark?

mathie wrote: »

Already posted here

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

This appears to be a link to this thread that I have started. I think you put in the wrong link. Can you please re-edit. Thanks.

mathie wrote: »

My bad.
Heres what I meant to link to

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

No, same problem again, I think.

mathie wrote: »

Sorry I'm not great on computers.

This should be it now

<insert mandatory epic facepalm moment here>:eek::D

RichieC

Skangers, mine struggle - a final solution by Richard H C... bookshelves next july

black & white

http://www.limerickleader.ie/news/local/a_reluctant_robber_is_jailed_for_3_years_for_robbing_his_local_shop_at_gunpoint_in_limerick_city_1_2457761

Kerrydude1981

A Skanger with a brain now there is a dangerous combination

miss molly

as soon as i got off a bus from galway to dublin the other day (on which there was a lot of tourists) a skanger couple and their offspring pushed into a lady with a buggy and started blaming the lady calling her a "fat c*** all the way along the quays,luckily the lady was irish and just laughed it off, funny thing was the skanger was bigger than the lady and walked straight into appache pizza after.

Niles

black & white wrote: »

http://www.limerickleader.ie/news/local/a_reluctant_robber_is_jailed_for_3_years_for_robbing_his_local_shop_at_gunpoint_in_limerick_city_1_2457761

I see the Judge took into account that the individual had "a mild intellectual disability". Yeah, sure. It's not a question of intelligence even, it's a question of morality, I'm sure he knew that holding a cashier at gunpoint was wrong. His "disability" may have led to him getting caught, but I doubt it affected his moral judgement. Such mollycoddling only sets a precedent for future crimes.

_feedback_

mathie wrote: »

Sorry I'm not great on computers.

This should be it now

Still the same - I think I know the one you are talking about.

[noparse]http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056379980[/noparse]

mathie

elviscostello wrote: »

Still the same - I think I know the one you are talking about.

[noparse]http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056379980[/noparse]

Nice one thats it.

Sorry not sure what happened there.

JohnnyBananas

Just thought of another one. An American tourist couple were once looking for directions in Dublin City Centre. One said to the other “Let’s ask those fine looking athletes sitting on the corner, over there”.

(Link still not working, btw)

mathie

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

(Link still not working, btw)

Working for me maybe your computer has a virus?

red_red_wine

Lumbo wrote: »

I was at the Luas stop in Tallaght yesterday and was using my phone. I suddenly realised there was 4 kids, none of them no more then 8 years old, standing beside me and one of them was saying “swipe his phone, go on swipe it”. So I gave a look like I was going to kill them and they backed off. One of the lads got a bit brave and asked me did I want a fight, so I asked him how he thought that would work out. “Ah, I think you’d win but me da would ****in kill ya”.
I though they were funny until I seen them harassing some other lad. Security got rid of them eventually.

In future, just scream 'Swiper, no swiping!' and the skanger will disappear.

mcmoustache

smokedeels wrote: »

There's a difference between being poor and being ignorant and lazy.

This ^^^^.

I am sick to the teeth of well-meaning bleeding hearters trying to equate the two. It's an insult to poor people to suggest that people are scum because of poverty.

They are scum because somewhere in their ancestry, someone decided that personal responsibility wasn't really a virtue.

mcmoustache

elviscostello wrote: »

Still the same - I think I know the one you are talking about.

[noparse]http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056379980[/noparse]

That thread has much funnier stories than this one. To be fair, it is an older and longer thread.

JohnnyBananas

The other day, I was rushing along to get my bus near O’Connell street (Dublin) when I passed a skanger couple on a footpath having an argument. Just heard the following:

Female shouts to male: “You were telling everyone I was giving bl*wj*bs while you were locked up!!!”

Ohh, Skanger Love.

lastlaugh

These two skanger sisters chopped up their mother's boyfriend and hid his flute somewhere.

Gas story altogether.