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Skanger Stories

  • 06-09-2011 11:47AM
    #1
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭


    Hi Guys,

    I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

    Thanks In Advance for all responses.

    Two Irish speakers walking on O’Connell St (Dublin) speaking Irish to each other. Skanger walks by and shouts “F*ck off back to your own country!!!!”

    Taxi driver in Dublin picks up guy walking with limp at 2am. Turns out he’s a skanger with a bullet in his leg. Skanger tells taxi driver he’s a recovering drug addict, his girlfriends father disapproves of him and told the IRA he was a drug dealer, hence the bullet in the leg. Taxi driver drives skanger to Ballyfermot housing estate where Skanger has showdown with father. He shouts at the house for girlfriend to come out (at 2am) and father comes out to get rid of him. They proceed to have a big shouting match on the lawn. Neighbours come out of their houses to spectate. Father shouts “What the f*ck are you lot lookin’ at!!!!”. (Eventually things calm down and skanger leaves).

    In North Inner City Dublin, a skanger is seen to have his girlfriend in a headlock and puts her head through the window of a fast food outlet. The Gardai are called to the scene and the girlfriend, for whatever reason, doesn’t want the Gardai to get involved. She shouts “Leave him alone, he is only on day release from Mountjoy!!!!”

    Guy gets mugged by 3 teenage skangers. He reports incident to Gardai who successfully catch 2 of the culprits and obtain them in Garda station. A congregation of skanger mothers (tracksuits and prams) gather at door of the station shouting words to the effect “You’re making a criminal out of my son!!!”. Among the crowd is the third mugger who is spotted by the guy who got mugged (from inside the station) and is immediately arrested.


«1

Comments

  • #2
    mathie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,103 ✭✭✭mathie


    Already posted here


  • #3
    The King of Moo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭The King of Moo


    Two "skangers" walks into a methadone clinic. Meanwhile their young child gets closer and closer to being sucked into a vicious cycle of crime, violence and drug abuse through no fault of his own.

    Hilarious!


  • #4
    Lumbo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,113 ✭✭✭Lumbo


    Skangers go to festivals like the Electric Picnic. Non skangers log on to the internet to complain.

    Hilarity ensues.


  • #5
    W.Shakes-Beer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,975 ✭✭✭W.Shakes-Beer


    i know a chap, "John", who was on a night out in town once.

    2 skangers were fighting among a crowd of people. Anyway, John wasn't paying too much attention to it until he seen one of the skangers with a bloody shirt and holding his side.

    John turns to the uninjured skanger and says "Jaysus that was some dig ye gave him!"

    Turns out yer man was actually stabbed.

    true story.


  • #6
    FatherLen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭FatherLen


    the other day i saw a skanger running(presumably away from someone) and some chap got out of a taxi and didnt see him running. he ran straight into the edge of the car door. it looked sore.
    i laughed my ass off.


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  • #7
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,918 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    JohnnyBananas wrote: »
    Hi Guys,

    I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

    Thanks In Advance for all responses.

    Two Irish speakers walking on O’Connell St (Dublin) speaking Irish to each other. Skanger walks by and shouts “F*ck off back to your own country!!!!”

    Taxi driver in Dublin picks up guy walking with limp at 2am. Turns out he’s a skanger with a bullet in his leg. Skanger tells taxi driver he’s a recovering drug addict, his girlfriends father disapproves of him and told the IRA he was a drug dealer, hence the bullet in the leg. Taxi driver drives skanger to Ballyfermot housing estate where Skanger has showdown with father. He shouts at the house for girlfriend to come out (at 2am) and father comes out to get rid of him. They proceed to have a big shouting match on the lawn. Neighbours come out of their houses to spectate. Father shouts “What the f*ck are you lot lookin’ at!!!!”. (Eventually things calm down and skanger leaves).

    In North Inner City Dublin, a skanger is seen to have his girlfriend in a headlock and puts her head through the window of a fast food outlet. The Gardai are called to the scene and the girlfriend, for whatever reason, doesn’t want the Gardai to get involved. She shouts “Leave him alone, he is only on day release from Mountjoy!!!!”

    Guy gets mugged by 3 teenage skangers. He reports incident to Gardai who successfully catch 2 of the culprits and obtain them in Garda station. A congregation of skanger mothers (tracksuits and prams) gather at door of the station shouting words to the effect “You’re making a criminal out of my son!!!”. Among the crowd is the third mugger who is spotted by the guy who got mugged (from inside the station) and is immediately arrested.

    A future Darwin candidate there


  • #8
    Orando Broom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,351 ✭✭✭Orando Broom


    The King of Moo wrote: »
    Two "skangers" walks into a methadone clinic. Meanwhile their young child gets closer and closer to being sucked into a vicious cycle of crime, violence and drug abuse through no fault of his own.

    Hilarious!

    The premise of Two And A Half Knackers?


  • #9
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Yaw, another skanger/scobie thread in AH...

    (Grabs popcorn)


  • #10
    blaze1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭blaze1


    Skanger "hereeeeeeeeeeee buddy have ya got a spareeee smokeee?"

    Me "No mate sorry last one..."

    Skanger "HOPE YA CHOKE ON ITTTTTTTTT"


  • #11
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,966 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    JohnnyBananas wrote: »
    Hi Guys,

    I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

    Thanks In Advance for all responses.

    Two Irish speakers walking on O’Connell St (Dublin) speaking Irish to each other. Skanger walks by and shouts “F*ck off back to your own country!!!!”

    Taxi driver in Dublin picks up guy walking with limp at 2am. Turns out he’s a skanger with a bullet in his leg. Skanger tells taxi driver he’s a recovering drug addict, his girlfriends father disapproves of him and told the IRA he was a drug dealer, hence the bullet in the leg. Taxi driver drives skanger to Ballyfermot housing estate where Skanger has showdown with father. He shouts at the house for girlfriend to come out (at 2am) and father comes out to get rid of him. They proceed to have a big shouting match on the lawn. Neighbours come out of their houses to spectate. Father shouts “What the f*ck are you lot lookin’ at!!!!”. (Eventually things calm down and skanger leaves).

    In North Inner City Dublin, a skanger is seen to have his girlfriend in a headlock and puts her head through the window of a fast food outlet. The Gardai are called to the scene and the girlfriend, for whatever reason, doesn’t want the Gardai to get involved. She shouts “Leave him alone, he is only on day release from Mountjoy!!!!”

    Guy gets mugged by 3 teenage skangers. He reports incident to Gardai who successfully catch 2 of the culprits and obtain them in Garda station. A congregation of skanger mothers (tracksuits and prams) gather at door of the station shouting words to the effect “You’re making a criminal out of my son!!!”. Among the crowd is the third mugger who is spotted by the guy who got mugged (from inside the station) and is immediately arrested.

    The first one was funny. The rest werent funny at all. Keep looking.


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  • #12
    smokedeels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,883 ✭✭✭smokedeels


    Two skangers are on a bus, male and female, the male stands up.

    Male: here, here....everyone listen

    Female: sit down ya dope

    Male: shut up ya s**t

    Female: will ya sit down

    Male: shut up ya stupid b**ch I'm trying to tell everyone I love ya


  • #13
    Temptamperu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,303 ✭✭✭Temptamperu


    proper skanger tactic is that :pac:


  • #14
    Giselle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    smokedeels wrote: »
    Two skangers are on a bus, male and female, the male stands up.

    Male: here, here....everyone listen

    Female: sit down ya dope

    Male: shut up ya s**t

    Female: will ya sit down

    Male: shut up ya stupid b**ch I'm trying to tell everyone I love ya

    Beautiful. Just...beautiful.

    I love a love story.:)


  • #15
    grizzly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭grizzly


    Those were more depressing then funny. Sorry to sound all PC, but these people aren't born assholes – they become them after having shít lives.


  • #16
    stmol32
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 718 ✭✭✭stmol32


    JohnnyBananas wrote: »
    Hi Guys,


    Hoy Goys (is the only accent I can think of that in)


  • #17
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,968 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    JohnnyBananas wrote: »
    Hi Guys,

    I am putting together a collection of Skanger stories that are of a humorous nature. Here’s what I have come across so far. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

    http://www.overheardindublin.com/


  • #18
    sing_dumb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 89 ✭✭sing_dumb


    Only a few weeks ago, I was queuing in Dunnes Stores, Earl Street behind a skanger couple (obviously off their faces on God-knows-what) as they were swaying from side to side, barely able to stand. They were having a very loud argument, using sorta' Telly Tubby dialogue, which most of us could'nt understand, but it was getting nasty between them. A bit of pushing and shoving and they kept dropping their groceries and toppling back and forward precariously, when we on the queue heard the following (loud!!) snatch of conversation :
    (Male) "Sharon... I'm sorry love for being such a fxxxin bollix to ya, but its only coz I'm feelin like shxtx today"...
    (Female) "Why...Whaa....?"
    (Male) "I forgot to put me Nicotine Patch on dis mornin"..........


  • #19
    The King of Moo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭The King of Moo


    A "skanger" goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, doctor, I'm feelin' awful weak and lethargic."

    The doctor says "I'm afraid you've contracted H.I.V from using contaminated needles. I'm so sorry. Let me outline where we go from here..."


  • #20
    smokedeels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,883 ✭✭✭smokedeels


    grizzly wrote: »
    Those were more depressing then funny. Sorry to sound all PC, but these people aren't born assholes – they become them after having shít lives.

    Nah, I went to school with plenty of these people, some had the same upbringing as most of my friends and myself, some had good families and opportunities too.... but they were just dumb as f**k and useless, they turned out "skangers" due to their own shortcomings.

    There's a difference between being poor and being ignorant and lazy.

    I'm paying for these people and I've been harassed and robbed from by them... so I've no shame in getting at least a cheap laugh out of them in return.


  • #21
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyBananas


    mathie wrote: »
    Already posted here

    This appears to be a link to this thread that I have started. I think you put in the wrong link. Can you please re-edit. Thanks.


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  • #22
    mathie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,103 ✭✭✭mathie


    JohnnyBananas wrote: »
    This appears to be a link to this thread that I have started. I think you put in the wrong link. Can you please re-edit. Thanks.

    My bad.
    Heres what I meant to link to


  • #23
    bnt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,183 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    Go to Sickipedia, look up their Chav Jokes, replace "Chav" with "Skanger". :p

    My only Skanger Story was from Cork a few years ago: I was waiting in the queue to get in to a gig, and someone threw an egg at me. it bounced off my back and on to the ground without breaking; it was a boiled egg.

    You are the type of what the age is searching for, and what it is afraid it has found. I am so glad that you have never done anything, never carved a statue, or painted a picture, or produced anything outside of yourself! Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets.

    ―Oscar Wilde predicting Social Media, in The Picture of Dorian Gray



  • #24
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyBananas


    mathie wrote: »
    My bad.
    Heres what I meant to link to

    No, same problem again, I think.


  • #25
    mathie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,103 ✭✭✭mathie


    JohnnyBananas wrote: »
    No, same problem again, I think.

    Sorry I'm not great on computers.

    This should be it now


  • #26
    denhaagenite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,169 ✭✭✭denhaagenite


    Passing Mangan's nightclub queue in the rain one Saturday night

    Bald Guy: I wish they'd hurry up, my hair is getting wet.
    Skanger tart behind him: Haha and he have no hair like!


  • #27
    Davidth88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,181 ✭✭✭Davidth88


    mathie wrote: »
    Sorry I'm not great on computers.

    This should be it now


    This is actually getting quite funny.... still pointing to the same thread :)


  • #28
    Icyseanfitz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,539 ✭✭✭Icyseanfitz


    some one has to point it out to the poor guy lads :D


  • #29
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Awww, I thought this was going to be about Paddy Doherty appearing on celebrity big brother.


  • #30
    Lumbo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,113 ✭✭✭Lumbo


    I was at the Luas stop in Tallaght yesterday and was using my phone. I suddenly realised there was 4 kids, none of them no more then 8 years old, standing beside me and one of them was saying “swipe his phone, go on swipe it”. So I gave a look like I was going to kill them and they backed off. One of the lads got a bit brave and asked me did I want a fight, so I asked him how he thought that would work out. “Ah, I think you’d win but me da would ****in kill ya”.
    I though they were funny until I seen them harassing some other lad. Security got rid of them eventually.


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  • #31
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 12,694 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Would you not be better gathering up as many skangers as you could find lock them in a caged and poke them with a stick and see what happens.

    They use to do that with mad people the 18't century apparently people though it was hilarious.


This discussion has been closed.
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