Adult only wedding yes or no?

Bride2012

We were discussing having an adult only wedding as we both have young first cousins and friends and cousins with young kids. It would add up to a lot of extra seats and the kids tend to rule the dancefloor.

I'm not sure how it would go down with everyone though. A thread on another forum had a bride who was upset as close friends of theirs aren't coming because they cannot get childcare.

What do parents think, would you mind an adult only invitation or would your kids being there be important to you?

OS119

Bride2012 wrote: »

...What do parents think, would you mind an adult only invitation or would your kids being there be important to you?

i'm happy, in principle, with the idea of going to an adults only wedding - i get to have a night off, i can pretend to be a grown up and not be out of the pub by 9pm, and i won't be sat next to some whiny kid with bogies hanging off his nose throwing a tantrum because he should have gone to bed 4 hours ago.

however.

the reality is that at minimum i need to find a babysitter who will have two kids under five from 10am saturday till lunchtime on sunday. at worst that could be from friday evening till sunday evening.

such people often arrive in a diamond bikini carrying next weeks lottery numbers and look like Katy Perry. they are pretty rare.

as well as the above practical difficulties, many/some parents will think 'you don't want kids there, so you don't like kids - maybe you don't like my kids, so go and fcuk yourself'.

you have the absolute right to not not invite kids to your wedding - its your wedding and you're paying the bill - what you say goes. just don't be that suprised if some of the people you invite who have kids don't attend, either because they can't get childcare, or they get the hump because they think you don't like the people that are most important to them in the whole world.

your choice.

chickenbutt

At my brother's wedding they hired a babysitter to watch the children during the ceremony, not sure about the reception... It's a thought if you could afford it!

lynner83

I certainly wouldn’t mind an adult only invitation, I have been to so many weddings where kids take over and parents can’t relax, unless you have immediate nieces and nephews I wouldn’t invite.

Monife

While I have no children (yet), I would be perfectly happy to go to an adult only wedding. I would actually prefer it as there is nothing worse than screaming children when you are trying to enjoy yourself or for guests to have their night ruined by having to look after said children.

I can see the other side too. Although I think with enough notice for people to organise arrangements for their children, I think there should be no problem. It might get peoples backs up but if you explain to close family and friends (and get them to pass the message on), then I think it would be ok. Although, it might be better to get the opinion of actual mothers/fathers.

I wish my wedding was going to be kid free (wedding in 4 days ), but my soon to be sister in law never leaves her children with anyone (very much a homebody and if she goes out, husband stays home, vice versa, or if both go out, kids tag along) and my fiancé's best man cannot get childcare (my wedding is in Sligo, but we all live currently in Dublin) so there will be 8 kids at my wedding and there are only 50 guests for the meal But they are all good kids so really hoping everything will run smoothly.

lazygal

We had a child free wedding. The only child we may have made an exception for was my husband's niece, but her mother was happy to leave her with a babysitter. Some people annoyingly assumed their children were invited and put the poor mouth on, saying they might not come, to which our response was "Too bad, just let us know if you can make it before the day, we are not having any children".


I hate children at weddings, its not a suitable place for them and we didn't want them there on the day. If you decide on a child free wedding be firm, people will assume their little darlings are included on an invitation to adults only.

amdublin

I wouldn't want children.

But I'm not you. And I don't know your family.

Doesnt matter what we all think. You need to make your own choice.

bridetobeone

amdublin wrote: »

I wouldn't want children.

But I'm not you. And I don't know your family.

Doesnt matter what we all think. You need to make your own choice.

I am having Nieces and Nephews only. Whatever you choose it's your day!

iguana

I think adult only wedding are fine but unless you are having the wedding somewhere local to the majority of guests, allowing them to only need a babysitter from the afternoon and go home at night if necessary, many guests may not be able to go for practical reasons. As well as that it's worth bearing in mind that people with very young (up to a few weeks old) breastfed babies often can't leave them for more than a few hours so they will either have to bring the baby or not attend.

Toots

Iguana makes a good point about the very young babies needing to be fed, although I think they're hardly going to be very disruptive to the day considering their activity range seems to consist of eat, cry, poop, sleep!

We had loads of kids at our wedding, a lot of my cousins are at an age where they have young families and they live in northern Ireland so there was no way I'd have asked them to leave the kids at home for a weekend and come on their own. However, I should add in fairness that these kids have been to weddings before (I've been at the same ones) and they're the most well behaved bunch you could imagine, so I had no worries about them running around screaming during the dinner or being generally disruptive because I knew their parents wouldn't stand for it.

At my SIL's wedding there were 3 kids at it who basically threw one big tantrum from the start of the dinner until the cake was cut. The parents let them run riot for the whole thing, and they were really really noisy in the church and the parents just didn't care. If that had happened at our wedding TBH, it would have annoyed me, I wouldn't have been annoyed at the kids but I would be annoyed at the parents for being so inconsiderate and doing nothing to control the kids.

Personally if someone invited me to an adult only wedding I wouldn't be offended at all. The line needs to be drawn somewhere as regards numbers and a lot of people don't like kids at weddings. It's their big day so I think they have the right to choose.

LadyTBolt

If you have no children of your own, for friends/cousins children don't invite their children. I wouldn't even make an issue of the 'Adult only' wedding. I would just send out the invites inviting the parents and leave it at that. If somebody makes an issue of it then all you have to do is explain that it's not personal and if you invited one cousins children you would have to invite them all and it just would not be appropriate.

Most parents do not expect their children to be invited.
As a parent myself my children have not been invited to cousins/friends weddings and TBH the thought of the children not been invited did not even enter my head.

However, a friend of mine got married a couple of years back and our two children were invited and oh boy it was hard work. Trying to keep a two year old out of the band equipment. Him screaming to get out of the high chair when the other children were sitting at 'the big kids' table. Drinks being spilled, nappies to change, keeping them quiet in the church. It was not easy.
My parents came and collected them at 9pm which was great and after that was the only time we got to enjoy the wedding but by that stage we were exhausted and just wanted to go home.
I wished at the time our children would not be invited but as she had 3 children and nieces of her own she wanted the children there.

I enjoy a day out without the kids and maybe your friends/cousins want that too.

Don't make an issue of having an 'Adult Only' wedding as it will be reflected that you are anti-children and that may cause problems.
Instead just send out the invites to the parents and if somebody makes an issue of it explain your reasons and I'm sure it will be fine.

DM addict

It's a tough call. If a lot of your potential guests have young kids, then it is going to be an additional difficulty/expense for them. However, as posted above, kids can end up running riot and parents can be more concerned with enjoying themselves than keeping things under control. Getting a babysitter isn't a bad idea, if you think there's going to be a lot of kids - alternatively setting up a few games/ things for the kids to do then it can take the pressure off.

Ultimately it's your day. Parents would probably appreciate being able to enjoy a wedding without worrying about kids, but childcare can be an issue.

grumpymunster

Getting married next year and will be adults only, its what we want so if people dont want to come as a result of this decision so be it. The majority of people have in laws they can deposit the kids with for the weekend so it is a break for them as well.

And for Monife hope all goes well, best of luck for the future.

BostonB

Some people want a family day. Some don't. Both involve compromises.

ssbob

getting married myself next year and we will be inviting our nieces and nephews only but no one elses kids, we also have a 5 year old ourselves.

Was at a wedding recently where my brother was a groomsman and his wife(my sister in law) didn't attend the wedding because she got the hump that theor 2 kids were not invited.

I personally wouldn't care either way, you can't please everyone!!!

stargazer 68

My cousins wedding last year had no kids at it and she upset a few people but, as she said, Its my day and I dont want kids at it. I dont understand people who say 'kids make a wedding' - IMO they don't!!

BostonB

ssbob wrote: »

....
I personally wouldn't care either way, you can't please everyone!!!

+1

TBH I regret asking some of family I don't have time for, instead of more friends I'm closer too. But its not something I really dwell on. AFAIK everyone I care about enjoyed it.

Monife

ssbob wrote: »

getting married myself next year and we will be inviting our nieces and nephews only but no one elses kids, we also have a 5 year old ourselves.

Was at a wedding recently where my brother was a groomsman and his wife(my sister in law) didn't attend the wedding because she got the hump that theor 2 kids were not invited.

I personally wouldn't care either way, you can't please everyone!!!

Another +1 on this. You can't please everyone, and there may be that one person that gets the hump but at the end of the day, it is YOUR day, no one elses and if they don't attend just because they are annoyed, then let them be. Most people should understand.

BostonB

Dovies wrote: »

My cousins wedding last year had no kids at it and she upset a few people but, as she said, Its my day and I dont want kids at it. I dont understand people who say 'kids make a wedding' - IMO they don't!!

Well its a sweeping generalisation. So it can't possible be true for everyone.

I'm sure for some people kids do make a wedding. For others no.

Its a day out, and kids generally love anything different.

Silverfish

What would be the best way to phrase it on the invitations?

I have a lot of cousins with a lot of children, and kids would be in the majority if they were all brought along, so I'm trying to work out the best way to make it completely clear to all, yet without causing upset!

Really though OP, it's your day, so have it your way. If people do get annoyed, it's something that will pass and be forgotten in time anyway.

ssbob

Silverfish wrote: »

What would be the best way to phrase it on the invitations?

I have a lot of cousins with a lot of children, and kids would be in the majority if they were all brought along, so I'm trying to work out the best way to make it completely clear to all, yet without causing upset!

I think you just request the attendance of Mr & Mrs Banana and on the reply have a card maybe saying yes we can both attend or one of us can attend or sorry we cannot attend, then they get a clear message that it is either 1 or 2 of them that can go.

Also we are planning on getting our mams to say it to their brothers and sisters etc.......................

Cathmandooo

I think if someone is going to assume their child is invited then the wording of the invitation won't matter to them, they probably won't even read it, just the date and venue.

I'm not having kids at my wedding next year, except for any small babies that I wouldn't expect their parents to leave with a sitter. It can be their choice then. So far I've had all positive reactions to no children being invited. All the parents have said they'd be delighted to have the day off from the kids and don't want them hanging out of them for the day.

In a way I would love to have them, I love all my nieces and nephews dearly and it would be great to have them celebrating the day and be in the photos to look back on how small they all were! But I've been to weddings where I couldn't hear the vows being said over the noise of children in the church and I promised myself I'd never have that at my own wedding. Plus they'd be running around the dancefloor in the evening which I've also found very off-putting and annoying. It's not fair on them to make them sit quietly all day so they will run around. I don't see them enjoying the day either tbh so for me it's a straight no to all kids at the wedding.

paulbok

Only having neices & nephews and only 2 of them will be under 10 years old. Although we won't be putting it on the invites, it'll be well know that kids in general aren't invited due to numbers.
I know people who got in a strop over their kids not getting invited, but it's completely down to each couple who they want to invite.

the only kids at my wedding were my son and two of his best friends (both cousins) because my extended family is huge and i have loads of cousins with children. I didnt want to have to pick and choose who could bring their kids or not so i just had a blanket ban for want of a better phrase.

I never was offended when my own son wasnt invited to weddings either, i agree with a previous poster who dismissed the claim that "kids make a wedding" - what a load of tripe. Its your wedding, you are paying for it, what you say goes and you shouldnt let anyone make you feel guilty. Again, it is true you cant please everyone, but thats always the way!

seamus

ssbob wrote: »

I think you just request the attendance of Mr & Mrs Banana and on the reply have a card maybe saying yes we can both attend or one of us can attend or sorry we cannot attend, then they get a clear message that it is either 1 or 2 of them that can go.

You would think so. But unfortunately some people just don't get it.

You'll hear all sorts of stories of people turning up with +1's when they're not included, 3 children in toe despite no mention of children on the invite, and so on.

I have no idea how you would go about phrasing it on the invites in such a way that you don't sound like you hate children. Anyone I know has just subtley made it known that children are not invited. This kind of worked for us, though not entirely. One couple ran their "plan" by us to see if it was OK, where basically they would bring the child to the ceremony and dinner and then leave before the music started. We had "spread the word" that there were no kids, and very specifically tried to get people to tell this couple, but they still didn't really get it and wanted to bring the child.

My sister-in-law had a similar problem where it had been made known to friends and family that there were no kids at the wedding, but two days before the wedding she was made aware that a couple were coming over from the UK with their child in toe, because nobody had the guts to tell them the child wasn't invited. Bags packed, flights booked, not much they could do about it.
When my SIL explained that there would be no facilities for the child, they were actually very embarrassed that they hadn't copped it and to be fair to them they kept a very low profile so as to avoid people thinking, "How come they brought their child and we couldn't?".

So the answer really is, don't assume that anybody will just get it. I would run a subtle campaign where you manage to speak to all the parents and drop in things to the conversation like, "So will you be leaving the child with his granny for the day". At least that way you can be fairly sure that nobody will turn up with their child.

ElleEm

I don't have kids, and definitely want an adult only wedding.

I don't agree with kids being around alcohol anyway, and find it really sad when I've been to functions where the parents are drunk and the kids are bored and acting out for attention.

On the other hand, you have parents who cannot let their hair down fully as their kids are there.

I would have imagined that parents would (childcare permitting) prefer to go to a wedding without their kids.

ElleEm

Silverfish wrote: »

What would be the best way to phrase it on the invitations?

I have a lot of cousins with a lot of children, and kids would be in the majority if they were all brought along, so I'm trying to work out the best way to make it completely clear to all, yet without causing upset!

Really though OP, it's your day, so have it your way. If people do get annoyed, it's something that will pass and be forgotten in time anyway.

What about saying something like, "this hotel/ venue caters for adults only" or something like that.

Clare Bear

We're having an adult only wedding. Apart from my nephew and two nieces but they're going to be page boy and flower girls and are past the running around screaming stage. I've been at weddings where the kids have ruined it. I'm no child hater but I'm being firm about having no kids at my wedding. If people won't come because of that oh well.

b743k

The poster who had the babysitter idea in another room, it's a great idea but it doesn't always work as well as adults only in practice. I was at one recently with 10 kids, they were as good as gold during the ceremony, couldn't fault them and then for the meal and speeches they had their own room with kids meals, babysitter and entertainer so that was great. Once the meal was over (about 8.30), the band started so the kids rejoined the room and took over the floor, knee skidds, running into the couple on their first dance and ruling it. Also by 10 all the parents or at least one from each of the kids called it a night, some looked really disappointed. This wedding had the bar and music going until 7am, best wedding ever and the parents who had to leave early was gutted the next day, que overtired kids when parents aren't the freshest yuck.

I would love an adult only wedding but I don't think it would work in my case. I have first cousins who are under ten and my fiance has nieces and nephews so I couldn't invite some and ask our friends to leave theirs at home but it would amount to 40 kids. Cousins kids have to be yold no though, we have 58 first cousins between us so them and a plus one is half the list. Just hope that they understand.

I wouldn't blame the hotel if it really isn't adult only as people will find it out and be annoyed that you lied, just say due to numbers etc.

stinkle

This is something bugging me too - we're likely to be getting married in 2/2.5 years at the latest and I'm starting to think about venues and the like, and of course numbers. Family alone (including plus one's and all kids) comes to 120 people!!! And to be honest, theres plenty of family friends and our own friends id rather invite ahead of certain family members....

In our case re:kids, we have no kids or nieces or nephews. its the beauty of being the eldest! But there are LOTS of cousins with kids though, ranging in age from 12 - 2 by the time we get married. One concern though is how do you manage when inviting people from abroad??? He has a cousin in the States with 2 kids, and one of mine is emigrating soon with one child, so if we assume they want to travel back for it, we have to invite the kids too! all lovely children tbh, but I can imagine others taking offence if their little darlings dont get invited :rolleyes:

Glitter

stinkle wrote: »

In our case re:kids, we have no kids or nieces or nephews. its the beauty of being the eldest! But there are LOTS of cousins with kids though, ranging in age from 12 - 2 by the time we get married. One concern though is how do you manage when inviting people from abroad??? He has a cousin in the States with 2 kids, and one of mine is emigrating soon with one child, so if we assume they want to travel back for it, we have to invite the kids too! all lovely children tbh, but I can imagine others taking offence if their little darlings dont get invited :rolleyes:

This problem has just reared it's ugly head for us too. My finace's mum called yesterday with the news that apparently my finace's sister and her husband are flying in from Australia for our wedding next year, which we did not expect. She and her husband have just had a baby. How can we expect her to find a babysitter in Dublin (the family is based in Mayo) for our day??
Our wedding will really not be suitable for kids at all , it's black tie/formal in a room that is basically a library filled with valuable antique books for starters!

stinkle

Glitter wrote: »

This problem has just reared it's ugly head for us too. My finace's mum called yesterday with the news that apparently my finace's sister and her husband are flying in from Australia for our wedding next year, which we did not expect. She and her husband have just had a baby. How can we expect her to find a babysitter in Dublin (the family is based in Mayo) for our day??
Our wedding will really not be suitable for kids at all , it's black tie/formal in a room that is basically a library filled with valuable antique books for starters!

ooh awkward, especially as you didnt think they'd go. That's a bit like us, OH reckons they wont travel, but all his gang LOVE a good wedding and visits back to Ireland. We have to assume they'll go for our numbers estimates.

Is your venue also the accommodation? Hotel might look after babysitting from that end

tfitzgerald

I think that children have as much right to go to a wedding as much as anyone else as for them ruling the dancefloor at least it's better than the drunk cousin that always seems to be at these things

Bride2012

Glitter wrote: »

This problem has just reared it's ugly head for us too. My finace's mum called yesterday with the news that apparently my finace's sister and her husband are flying in from Australia for our wedding next year, which we did not expect. She and her husband have just had a baby. How can we expect her to find a babysitter in Dublin (the family is based in Mayo) for our day??
Our wedding will really not be suitable for kids at all , it's black tie/formal in a room that is basically a library filled with valuable antique books for starters!

Ohh awkward. Your venue sounds gorgeous though. Nearby babysitter maybe?

I googled 'adult only wedding' to check out etiquette and invitation wording etc. Some of the sites are unreal, the wedding sites support them in the main as long as it's all or nothing with the exception of own kids or flower girls and page boys but the parenting sites, wow! 'How dare they split up a family and choose adults over kids' or 'they should know that I'll still be breast feeding my two year old'.

Kathnora

Another aspect of having children at a wedding is the extra expense on parents to dress their children for the occasion. Some parents may not want to spend money on buying formal clothes (e.g. proper trousers for boys as opposed to jeans) that may not be worn again. It all costs money and.....if my children were invited to a wedding I would feel that I'd have to give an even bigger wedding gift. Bottom line... you could be doing some parents a favor by not inviting children!!

stinkle

Bride2012 wrote: »

Ohh awkward. Your venue sounds gorgeous though. Nearby babysitter maybe?

I googled 'adult only wedding' to check out etiquette and invitation wording etc. Some of the sites are unreal, the wedding sites support them in the main as long as it's all or nothing with the exception of own kids or flower girls and page boys but the parenting sites, wow! 'How dare they split up a family and choose adults over kids' or 'they should know that I'll still be breast feeding my two year old'.

ugh no one cares about other people's kids, that's why! Was at a mate's wedding recently, they were lucky in that no nieces or nephews yet for both of them, so had a kid-free wedding. It was in the bride's hometown, so the following day they had a small party in a local pub and aunts, cousins etc brought the kids along to that. it was a great compromise and good fun, but at the same time I dont think anyone was put out that the kids weren't invited to the wedding to begin with, presumably cos it was a local wedding anyway. I'd do this if it was an option for us, but it isn't really

moco

I'm having adult only! Mostly to keep costs down. If I ask one child I'll have to ask them all, and it'd add about 60 extra guests on which we really can't afford.

Glitter

stinkle wrote: »

ooh awkward, especially as you didnt think they'd go. That's a bit like us, OH reckons they wont travel, but all his gang LOVE a good wedding and visits back to Ireland. We have to assume they'll go for our numbers estimates.

I hear ya - I'm starting to suspect that all the the international invites I dismissed as "ah sure, half of them won't come" WILL come now. Gah!

stinkle wrote: »

Is your venue also the accommodation? Hotel might look after babysitting from that end

Good call - I'll check with them about that.

Bride2012 wrote: »

Ohh awkward. Your venue sounds gorgeous though. Nearby babysitter maybe?

Thanks! It's the Radisson Blu St. Helens in Stillorgan - their La Panto Suite, it's half library, half Georgian drawing room. It's my fantasy venue! Couldn't belive it when we went to see it.
Will def. check babysitting options in the locale.

Bride2012 wrote: »

I googled 'adult only wedding' to check out etiquette and invitation wording etc. Some of the sites are unreal, the wedding sites support them in the main as long as it's all or nothing with the exception of own kids or flower girls and page boys but the parenting sites, wow! 'How dare they split up a family and choose adults over kids' or 'they should know that I'll still be breast feeding my two year old'.

Jebus H! I really hope it doesn't come to anything like that, none of my friends have kids yet so it shouldn't be an issue as we're only inviting aunts and uncles, not cousins. But this Australian thing has thrown me for a loop.

Toots

My brother in law had an adults only wedding and the way they did their invitation was they had all the normal bits and pieces on it and the names were say 'Mr & Mrs Toots' and then at the RSVP details it said 'We have reserved 2 places in your honour, please let us know if you will be able to attend by X date.'

stinkle

Toots* wrote: »

My brother in law had an adults only wedding and the way they did their invitation was they had all the normal bits and pieces on it and the names were say 'Mr & Mrs Toots' and then at the RSVP details it said 'We have reserved 2 places in your honour, please let us know if you will be able to attend by X date.'

Thats genius, I'm writing that down!

Sunny Dayz

I must prefer an adult wedding, I have never bought my son to a wedding - I must prefer a night off, I get plenty of notice and have time to organise childcare.

For our own wedding, we are having our son and his 4 cousins and that's it. Any of our friends with children are not bringing theirs (as far as I know!)

I was at a wedding last year where a couple didn't have a moment's peace, child kicked off in the church so one of them missed the whole cermony, child then needed nap so one of them need to bring the child up to the room, child kicked off during meal, they took in turns to eat courses, one had to miss speeches, one had to have an early night. Now how on earth can you enjoy yourself?!

OS119

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

...Now how on earth can you enjoy yourself?!

it is difficult, even if its a 'child friendly' wedding - you can't both stay up late, you can't both drink, one of you will miss great lumps of the evening, and the whole thing, by and large, is pretty unsatisfactory for all involved.

we generally can't get a babysitter for overnight jobs, so either we decline, one of us goes while the other declines, or if the couple particularly want us there, we take the kids to the service itself, then leg it.

i generally don't enjoy weddings, and i certainly agree that tired, bored kids with drunken/feckless parents are a disaster for everyone else they are inflicted upon - however, there are two problems that aggravate this that fall outside the particular parents control.

(i) in the society that we live, the geographicly close family is much less prevailant - quite simply, they may not be anyone within 200 miles that will have your kids overnight.

(ii) close friends and family generally aren't just 'invited' to a wedding, they are expected to attend - by the couple themselves, and by the rest of the family. if you send a 'sorry, can't come' RSVP you may well get a snotty comment or phone call that damages relationships you don't want damaged.

the OP aludes to the thread in PI about this issue - in that thread the couple are, to some degree, offended that another couple they invited to their child free wedding have declined because they can't get childcare. that couple, entirely reasonably, decided that they didn't want kids at the wedding - thats fine, but they can't then bitch when the hurdle that they placed in the way of people attending their wedding stopped people attending their wedding.

the couple have the absolute right to have the wedding they want, but if they choose to get married in the top turret of a fairytale castle they can't pretent to be surprised when 89 yo wheelchair-bound Aunty Edna doesn't come, and its exactly the same with inviting parents of kids to adults only weddings - if you place barriers to people attending, some of those barriers will, astonishingly, stop people attending.

The Big Red Button

tfitzgerald wrote: »

I think that children have as much right to go to a wedding as much as anyone else

Ummm ... nobody has a "right" to go to any wedding! No matter who you are, or what relation you are to the bride or groom.

Every couple has a "right" to invite the guests that they want to be there to their wedding. If the couple don't want to invite children - completely understandable for many reasons - then that's entirely their prerogative.

moco

stinkle wrote: »

Thats genius, I'm writing that down!

Me too lol

Heineken Helen

As long as you know your guests... there shouldn't be much of a problem. We had a small wedding and there were only two people who might bring their kids (6 kids in total). We wanted kids (as they're great craic at a wedding anyway). They told me they weren't bringing them... I presumed this was cos they thought I wouldn't want them and they were being polite so I talked them into bringing them. Yep, the kids were wonderful at the wedding but both sets of parents were the only ones who really didn't seem to be enjoying themselves at all and couldn't let their hair down . On the one hand I kinda wish I'd just left them alone when they said they weren't bringing the kids as they're both very important to me but hey ho... you're never gonna keep everyone happy!

Daisy M

I have never came across anyone who would presume their kids were invited if their name wasnt on the invitation. We invited all my husbands neice and nephews to our wedding and also my young cousins as their parents were travelling from england especially to be at our wedding. It didnt impact on our day at all they didnt cost me a thought it wasnt my job to be looking after them! My children have been invited to all my siblings weddings and have gone, and yes it is a completly different day for people who have children with them but that is their problem. My kids have been invited to the wedding of a couple of our close friends, this wasnt expected and we didnt bring them, I didnt see the point as they would have known none of the other children and been bored.
Glitter I am going to be honest here and say I am suprised that you are seeing your fiances sisters child as been a problem. Its one small child and they are travelling across the world to come to your wedding, surely that must mean something if not to you but to your fiance and his family. I definetly think you should issue an invite for them all and mention none of the concerns you have, you may end up tarnishing what should be a very special visit.

lace

The last wedding I was at was a family friend with a LOT of nieces and nephews ranging from babies to preteens. They attended the church and there was quite a lot of crying and tantrums and children having to be brought outside to calm down. For the dinner, the family had organized a kids' table far away from everyone else with two childminders to help with all the food-chopping and keeping the kids seated and quiet. As the speeches were going on the childminders took the children for some colouring and activities and they stayed until the first dance. As it was a large, close family they had organized a suite in the hotel and two (different) childminders to keep an eye on them until three at which point an aunt who's a non-drinker took over.

aw

Here's a question though....

Kids.... Teens.... Young adults....
Where do you draw the line?

For example, one household in my family has five boys ranging from 18 down to 5.

What would be the best way to work that out if I didn't want kids at the event?

Maybe individual invites for the parents and then for the 18 & 16 year old?

Bride2012

aw wrote: »

Here's a question though....

Kids.... Teens.... Young adults....
Where do you draw the line?

For example, one household in my family has five boys ranging from 18 down to 5.

What would be the best way to work that out if I didn't want kids at the event?

Maybe individual invites for the parents and then for the 18 & 16 year old?

Good point, inviting some siblings and others could get very messy. If you were doing that I'd go the separate invitations route.

iguana

aw wrote: »

Maybe individual invites for the parents and then for the 18 & 16 year old?

I'm the oldest of 23 grandchildren on one side of my family and whenever there was a wedding that the nieces and nephews weren't invited to I didn't get an invite, even in my 20s. I was fine with it as I knew that if you invite one and not the others it can make people feel left out and that inviting us all could cost 4 figures. The only time I was ever at a family wedding without my brothers or cousins was if I was in the wedding party.

Kinetic^

ElleEm wrote: »

What about saying something like, "this hotel/ venue caters for adults only" or something like that.

You will be guaranteed that people will call the hotel to find out why and when they get a different response you'll be called every name under the sun.

Toots* wrote: »

My brother in law had an adults only wedding and the way they did their invitation was they had all the normal bits and pieces on it and the names were say 'Mr & Mrs Toots' and then at the RSVP details it said 'We have reserved 2 places in your honour, please let us know if you will be able to attend by X date.'

I like it, will be similar to what we're sending out.

aw wrote: »

Here's a question though....

Kids.... Teens.... Young adults....
Where do you draw the line?

For example, one household in my family has five boys ranging from 18 down to 5.

What would be the best way to work that out if I didn't want kids at the event?

Maybe individual invites for the parents and then for the 18 & 16 year old?

The invites we're sending out are going to have names on them, if the names aren't on the invite, they're not invited. We're not inviting children and the youngest person in attendance will be 19, next up from that is 21.