Moderen day reletionships....

Snowie

I was reading the are you happy being single and something stud out...

krudler said about the amount of drama in reletionships physcotic women as well as men and just a constant state of drama... Also some people commented on seeing a lot of their friends joined at the hip...

But with in modern, day reletionships are they as simple as they were 10 15 years ago.. Do you think the likes of soical networking, emails and modern tec, text I could say more if i included smart phones...

But my question do you think this cvan create a larger amount of miss-trust. With in reletionships.. I've poped into Pis once or twice not very often but you always see some sort of issue with soical networking.. with an x girlfriend boyfriend or something.....

Do you think in a way modern tec/ soical networking has had some what of an effect on reletionships? paronoia etc ?

WeeBushy

With things like facebook, and indeed boards, peoples lives have become a lot more public and things that you say/post/pictures online are a lot more permanent. As with many aspects of life, this presents problems. The only thing is though (imo) the problems that it causes are generally due to insecurity or something similar that would have manifested itself somewhere else in the relationship pre-social networking anyway.

Captain Havoc

Yeah definately, I think you've always had people that are naturally suspicious and these people now have more things to be suspicious about. Gossip and stuff can fly around very quickly now as well as photos of your "business trip" that you happened to bump into all your old drinking mates on.

On the flip side, there are many people getting together, I know one person who met his girlfriend through boards. Also some people are very comfortable communicating through writting. I'm still morto approaching burds down the pub but on the internet it's meh, you don't get to see facial expressions.

There was a woman on today fm there recently talking about close relationships formed on the internet and it being a form of cheating, which I don't agree with but can see the point as it could make a partner jealous but then I think we all have mates that we'd prefer to discuss things with than partners.

I think the internet has been good to form relationships and to be fair anyone who got caught out by it, deserved it if they were cheating anyway.

kellsbells73

Had this conversation with my 70 yr old mum a while back I was saying that nearly all my mates are either broke up from affairs or are going through infidelity problems and I was saying its rampant and her response was affairs have always happened its just modern tec is leaving a trail for cheaters to be caught!

g'em

I'm all for transparency, but social media has made everything and everyone a little too available where relationships are concerned. It's a lot harder to maintain any kind of mystery and mystique when you become facebook friends after knowing with someone after a three hour date and all of a sudden you have access to photos of them as babies/ with exes/ on holiday in Mexico in a dodgy sombrero. There's a false intimacy that you can create when you only converse via the internet and from behind the comfort of an impersonal computer screen - you can go from zero to swapping innermost details in a matter of days. As for what it's like once you've established yourselves in the relationship...



But that doesn't make it all bad, not in the slightest - it opens your world to a whole set of people who you'd never otherwise come across in your own social circle and definitely does make it easier to make that initial "hi, how are you?" first step. I guess it's not better or worse, it's just different. As for increasing or decreasing trust levels, I think kellsbells got it spot on there tbh

Eric Cartman

I know a lad whos girlfriend deleted all his female friends off facebook, girlfriends who ask for lads passwords and check their text messages , I consider it all really creepy and wouldnt want anything to do with a girl like that , but its definitley a part of modern relationships

Snowie

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I know a lad whos girlfriend deleted all his female friends off facebook, girlfriends who ask for lads passwords and check their text messages , I consider it all really creepy and wouldnt want anything to do with a girl like that , but its definitley a part of modern relationships

Heave hove,
its not creepy its completely violating someones privacey
but thats the kinda thing i,m getting at to a degree I would say face book causes more problems then anything else...

Ickle Magoo

I think it's just changed the direction. I have no doubt that there have always been paranoid and insecure people - it's just that prior to the advent of the internet and social networking, they would have had issues with their partner looking at other people, or talking to other people, or having a magazine or film collection - and those issues would be thrashed out/endured in private.

I don't think it's made people "more" insecure or relationships any more complicated - it's just made the insecurities and complications more obvious, more quickly.

Morag

It can be a great way to get to know people and what they think about certain topics
before you meet them. It can create a familiarity with people which can take away the awkwardness of trying to talk to a complete stranger.

But different people have different levels of sharing when it comes to sites like this one and socail networking sites. That's something which is different from when my parent were dating, there wasn't a way to tell 100 people who your first date went and some relationships flounder under the scrutiny which can happen and even if it's not happening being worried that it can be a headwreck.

LightningBolt

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

krudler said about the amount of drama in reletionships physcotic women as well as men and just a constant state of drama... Also some people commented on seeing a lot of their friends joined at the hip...

I know it's not you that said this but I never get people when they mention this. Do they think being with somebody invariable ends up like something on a TV show where they always seem to be at each others throats?

Most people I know who have gfs/bfs tend not to have "drama"...

coffee_cake

It seems to have opened up a whole new level of interaction in some respects
like "facebook etiquette after a breakup" :rolleyes:
and it's a new method of "oh i like someone and i found them on facebook should i add them??"
i mean i suppose the worrying and drama would be there anyway if the people concerned are the type to be worrying and dramatic, it's just a more visible and new medium for it

I don't think it creates more mistrust though, I think anyone inclined to be jealous or paranoid or mistrustful would still be that way, and anyone who isn't so inclined, wouldn't be

No time for drama myself, communication all the way

Princess Peach

I don't know if all this creates mistrust in a relationship or just adds to it. If you don't trust your partner you are going to be keeping an eye on their facebook and such just as much as you would keep an eye on them on a night out. I trust my boyfriend completely so it never bothers me when he talks to girls online. I know he has a few close female friends, and he has been totally honest about all of them and his past and whatnot.

People have been jealous in relationships for years before all this technology came around. Its not the technology is the problem is the crazy people.

I love having it cause my boyfriend lives in Dublin but with online chat and skype and e-mail we are in constant contact and send each other links and pictures all the time.

parker kent

LightningBolt wrote: »

I know it's not you that said this but I never get people when they mention this. Do they think being with somebody invariable ends up like something on a TV show where they always seem to be at each others throats?

Most people I know who have gfs/bfs tend not to have "drama"...

I'd agree. I'd tend to view drama as being the preserve of bad TV shows and teenagers.

I think the best way to treat Facebook, Boards etc is to keep everything low key, whether you are in a relationship or after breaking up. In other words, don't annoy everybody talking about how amazing your little Teddy Bear is when together and no childish rants after a breakup.

Logical Fallacy

It's kind of odd one, as a relationship is supposed to be genuine but Facebook and social media tends to give false impressions of what genuine. It's pretty easy to do up a Facebook that makes you look quite flattering. You have your hobbies and interests loaded up, a nice flattering photo of you, funny video's from Youtube to show how humorous you are, your clever little quotes that show the world how deep a thinker you are (although i tend to doubt people who feel the need to over quote others ever really do much more than skim the surface) and all the other bollix and tripe that is social networking.

In reality you go to work, you go home. You watch some TV and maybe at the weekend you do something interesting unless you are too hung over.

Social Media allows for a fancy lie that we are all great and perfect, interesting and energetic. Everything goes according to plan and there is no real need for honesty. We might bitch about the occasional thing but it's always inane.

The **** that hurts , that's the stuff that family, close friends and partners see. It's the bits they help you pick up the pieces of and put it all back together into something resembling normality and that doesn't make it onto Social Media in my experience.

Everyone on my facebook knows i have been ill, but purely because it's been mentioned in passing on the site. It's my girlfriend that has come home from work to find me a ****ing mess on the floor, my parents that have cried down the phone to me they were so worried what was happening and why i wasn't getting any better and one or two very close friends that have seen the impact it has had on my life because i won't let anyone else see it.

Everyone else is the same i reckon, the good is made public, the bad is kept private.

And no offence to people with a thousand friends on Facebook....those friends are not worth **** when stuff genuinely gets heavy.

It's the same with building a relationship...you can read all you like...but to assume you know a person based off anything other than real life interaction is flawed. I've started friendships on the internet, but i've cemented them in real life.

With regard to generating mistrust, i don't think it does. As others have already said...it just leaves a new avenue for people with trust issues to find things they will take issue with.

CDfm

The FB generation - I do not really use FB and was out in Howth a week or so ago and the following day was told by someone where I was.

They had read it on Facebook.

If there's trust in a relationship then none of it matters, neither me nor my girlfriend ever check out each others email or private message on any social network site unless were showing one another something. Now we both know each others passwords for various things such as email but we also know one another pin codes for the atm, just in case of emergence.

BigDuffman

Nothing worse than having your arm innocently round a female friend and so much being read into it by a GF! I had one such pic of me with my arm around one of my (very attractive) friends. The ex took an instant dislike and whenever I went out with that group it lead to b!tchy comments like "oh I see on FB that She was out with you guys"!

Social networking really can magnify peoples insecurities, particularly pics with ex's etc.

sunflower27

BigDuffman wrote: »

Nothing worse than having your arm innocently round a female friend and so much being read into it by a GF! I had one such pic of me with my arm around one of my (very attractive) friends. The ex took an instant dislike and whenever I went out with that group it lead to b!tchy comments like "oh I see on FB that She was out with you guys"!

Social networking really can magnify peoples insecurities, particularly pics with ex's etc.

Good grief!!!

it goes both ways. I was going out with a guy a few years ago and ended up going out with his work colleagues. He was (still is I imagine ) a decent dancer and a few of the female colleagues were asking him to dance with them as the other lads were more content to just drink and watch.

He came up to me at one point and said 'are you jealous?' I said no and he asked why not. I explained to him why would I bother. If he wanted to cheat with one of the women on a subsequent night, there was no way I'd be able to stop him and if he did that, we'd be over.


Jealousy/insecurity is such a stupid emotion and makes people look ridiculous. I really cannot stand it. It's a total turn-off. I don't find it cute or endearing at all.

Little Acorn

bluewolf wrote: »

It seems to have opened up a whole new level of interaction in some respects
like "facebook etiquette after a breakup" :rolleyes:
and it's a new method of "oh i like someone and i found them on facebook should i add them??"
i mean i suppose the worrying and drama would be there anyway if the people concerned are the type to be worrying and dramatic, it's just a more visible and new medium for it

I don't think it creates more mistrust though, I think anyone inclined to be jealous or paranoid or mistrustful would still be that way, and anyone who isn't so inclined, wouldn't be

No time for drama myself, communication all the way

Well I don't know what the correct etiquette is on facebook after a breakup, but this is what I've witnessed:

I'm not on facebook and neither is my boyfriend. Pretty much everyone else I know from college is though, so they are regularly showing me various facebook pages of friends.
The whole thing about when people break up is really cringeworthy.
I'll use fake names and couple as an example: Mary and John.

You see this update message thing that "Mary changed her status to single",
this will have about 10 thumbs up and maybe 7 or 8 comments from her various friends, some saying she's better off, maybe 1 or 2 saying "aaaaww, thats so sad :-(, what happened 'hun'? " as if they really cared, just hoping to get some more thumbs up for their own comment.
The cute profile picture of them as a couple will be replaced with Mary alone or with friends, with hair and makeup perfected and a sexy dress on.
John will of course be defriended.
Mary will add an ex that John never liked to her friends list.
Mary will "like" some of the following quotes:{Not direct quotes just what I can remember of the top of my head}

"Behind every paranoid girl there;s a dickhead who made her that way"

"She will chase you around for a while , but there's gonna be a day when she stops chasing you, she's gonna get over you. And on that day you're gonna wish you let her catch you."

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes and can sometimes be hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you certainly don't deserve me at my best. --Marilyn Monroe"

[There's nothing really wrong with these quotes, it's just that it's THE SAME fcking quotes on every single breakup page!]


John will update his status to single. This will get the thumbs up from a few of his buddies, with some comments like "no worries dude, lads nite out 2nite, wahey!"
John will the change his profile pic to one with him out with the boys, with a beer in his hand, laughing his ass off, or else one with him hugging a female from his class and a big smirk on his face.
John will add females that Mary doesn't like to his friends list.
John will add regular updates with comments such as "such a night, absolutely plastered, dying today, the talent/birds were great out last night though!"
or " such a night, been missing out on this before, making up for lost time lol"
[followed by thumbs up from his buddies, he might get a sarcastic "glad your enjoying yourself" comment from Mary]

When John starts seeing a new girlfriend, Mary will "like" the following quote:

"oh, you're dating my ex. Cool, I'm eating a sandwich, you want those leftovers too?"

It's the same scenario I see over and over again. Granted this is mainly with my college friends, many of whom are quite young, I don't see it as much with more adult friends, although I do with some.

I'm always being asked to join facebook by my friends, I just don't really want to. I just don't feel the need to make widespread updates telling people that I was out last night, or that I just ate a takeaway. I don't want to have 1000 friends, a few hundred of which are pubs, takeaways, nightclubs, hairdressers, local businesses, or celebrities. The majority of the rest being people I never met, barely know, or wouldn't talk to in the street.
I know you don't have to add anybody as a friend, but I would feel a bit rude or something if I didn't, and some people might take huge offense to it.

It can be really good for people keeping in touch with friends they don't get to see very often, or seeing distant family/friends photos. It can be good for businesses. It can be very handy for invites to parties and things instead of asking to ask everyone individually.

I'm not really against it. I fully believe people when they tell me that it's just a fun thing to mess about on for a few hours, I fully believe when people say that it is very addictive. [I find boards addictive]
I'm just as bad for looking at all these pages and photos that my friends show me, I do find the breakup facebook wars kinda sad, but also a bit amusing I must admit.
If I was on it, I'd probably be a right nosy fecker checking out pages and photos.:o
I would just prefer my own photos, and daily activities to be a little bit more private.

If I ever give in to my friends and join it, I would NOT put any relationship status on it.:pac:
Sometimes that just gets nasty!
I would also agree with the people who said that it can give false impressions of people, and that it can put more of a public spotlight on your relationship if allowed, which I imagine would not be pleasant if things went pear shaped.

I've waffled on a bit there. To answer the OP, I've only ever seen it cause insecurity when someone is constantly on their ex's page or chatting to the ex.As has been said already though, these people may have been insecure to begin with.

Snowie

little acorn

you got a really nice hammer there

ive seen all of the above, its just so out there...

yawha

Little Acorn wrote: »

John will of course be defriended.

How can any of what you've described happen if the ex couple are no longer friends on facebook?

Gotta say, I've never witnessed anything like that happen on facebook after a couple split up, though it sounds like something which might happen between teenagers... In my experience, generally the only evidence you see of it on there is the message saying their relationship statuses have changed to "Single".

Little Acorn

yawha wrote: »

How can any of what you've described happen if the ex couple are no longer friends on facebook?

Gotta say, I've never witnessed anything like that happen on facebook after a couple split up, though it sounds like something which might happen between teenagers... In my experience, generally the only evidence you see of it on there is the message saying their relationship statuses have changed to "Single".

Well not sure what your on about, but from what my friends tell me some of these pages are public so that their ex can see what they're getting up to, or some do these things because they know that their ex can view their page from a mutual friends account, so they will leave things deliberately for their ex to see. Some don't get defriended but will leave snarky comments on some of each others updates. I just know that I was shown these things from my friends accounts. I'm no expert on how it all works I'm afraid.

I think I've gone on too much about facebook at this stage, don't want to derail the thread any further. Sorry Snow Monkey!:)

sunflower27

Thanks for the laugh, Little Acorn

I'm not on facebook and personally have no time for it at all, but I can totally imagine young people doing that. I'm really glad facebook wasn't around when I was a teenager.

Wibbs

Little Acorn wrote:

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes and can sometimes be hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you certainly don't deserve me at my best. --Marilyn Monroe"

[There's nothing really wrong with these quotes, it's just that it's THE SAME fcking quotes on every single breakup page!]

Yep. I have a FB page but I very very rarely log into it and FB? Feck off I know I've not been back in a while. There's a reason for that. But yea I've seen that guff with one mate of mine when her relationship went belly up. It got all sorts of nasty and bloody silly on FB. Very public. The same platitudes and silliness that used to be private left in the ether forever. *shudder*. It gets real embarrassing for some of the "oh he/she was no good for you" mates if they happen to get back together. Ouch. Now people will say that in private. It's a platitude for the most part or a more nasty "I told you so" thing. Either way who the hell wants that guff in the public domain?

Though I'd say one thing as an aside, IMHO of course, any woman who uses that Monroe quote is to be avoided like the very plague. Always a drama queen using this as an explanation/excuse. Basic translation being, "I'm a high octane nutjob who refuses to take responsibility for my emotional state, but hey you have to take that so you get to have me at my "best" when I'm being somewhat normal. Oh I have breasts you know". Monroe being a classic example of the breed. I'll take normal thanks luv. There's enough of them out there. The older version of that were the ladies who liked that "I'm a bitch" song. Remember that one? No, you're not a bitch, you're an emotionally unstable idiot.

pajunior

Me and my girlfriend both interact a bit on FB. Don't worry we don't go all luvy duvy on FB just post links on each others wall and make some fun of each other.

Never really caused any problems, if were to ever split (please god no) then I can imagine it causing trouble with mutual friends. 5 years ago you wouldn't hear about every night out that one of your friends had with your ex.

Galvasean

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep. I have a FB page but I very very rarely log into it and FB?

OOhhhh *stalky stalky*

I recall I was seeing a girl not too long ago and I really didn't want to do the whole status 'seeing someone/in a relationship' thing, for the very reason that I think it's more trouble than it's worth. So, I eventually relent from her pestering, so now Facebook acknowledges we're 'in a relationship'. I think I got 4 comments on mine. About 40 on hers, mostly, "I'm so happy for you!!!! xoxoxo"
Just over 24 hours later she dumped me well n' proper. Also blocked me on Facebook.
She was an odd one...

um7y1h83ge06nx

I'm still friends with my ex and her brother and sister, no hassle there.

I don't put up my relationship status on FB though, that's awfully cringe!! Plus you have the fcuking "It's Complicated" status.

My GF and I don't overdo FB, put up a few pics of trips and crack the odd joke at one another but we never declare our love for each other or any of that crap.

If I want to declare my love for her, I keep it trad and say it to her face.

Little Acorn

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep. I have a FB page but I very very rarely log into it and FB? Feck off I know I've not been back in a while. There's a reason for that. But yea I've seen that guff with one mate of mine when her relationship went belly up. It got all sorts of nasty and bloody silly on FB. Very public. The same platitudes and silliness that used to be private left in the ether forever. *shudder*. It gets real embarrassing for some of the "oh he/she was no good for you" mates if they happen to get back together. Ouch. Now people will say that in private. It's a platitude for the most part or a more nasty "I told you so" thing. Either way who the hell wants that guff in the public domain?

Though I'd say one thing as an aside, IMHO of course, any woman who uses that Monroe quote is to be avoided like the very plague. Always a drama queen using this as an explanation/excuse. Basic translation being, "I'm a high octane nutjob who refuses to take responsibility for my emotional state, but hey you have to take that so you get to have me at my "best" when I'm being somewhat normal. Oh I have breasts you know". Monroe being a classic example of the breed. I'll take normal thanks luv. There's enough of them out there. The older version of that were the ladies who liked that "I'm a bitch" song. Remember that one? No, you're not a bitch, you're an emotionally unstable idiot.

Yeah it's the whole public thing that boggles me, who wants to air their arguments like that? I must say I like Marilyn Monroe's look, I think she was very beautiful and glamorous, I don't know much about the bad sides of her personality that she might be known for though! She quite possibly was high maintenance.:D

gargleblaster

Jesus LittleAcorn that sounds like some seriously pathetic teenage drama crap there.

I've had multiple facebook friends break up and get back together - sometimes multiple times - and have never seen *anything* like that. Good grief.

Little Acorn

gargleblaster wrote: »

Jesus LittleAcorn that sounds like some seriously pathetic teenage drama crap there.

I've had multiple facebook friends break up and get back together - sometimes multiple times - and have never seen *anything* like that. Good grief.

It is pretty immature, but some of these people are only 17/18/19 and just out of home. (I'm in first year, just turned 24, second year this september)
They are not ALL this immature though, some are very mature and lovely. I think I am probably a little immature for looking at these pages when shown them.:o

gargleblaster

Little Acorn wrote: »

It is pretty immature, but some of these people are only 17/18/19 and just out of home. (I'm in first year, just turned 24, second year this september)
They are not ALL this immature though, some are very mature and lovely. I think I am probably a little immature for looking at these pages when shown them.:o

Oh! Well that explains it then.

I've looked at worse when bored.