Making the first move

gargleblaster

Have you? Would you?

I definitely have. I had no choice! :pac: I hardly ever get hit on so it was either do my own picking and choosing, or settle.

So do you ever approach a man who catches your eye? Or do you do the signaling thing and hope he notices and comes over to you? I either can't do the signaling thing or I'm impatient. One guy I went out with said he was working on a plan to ask me out. (A plan? Pff... why waste time?)

I think facing rejection and dealing with it is good for character, and I also think there are probably many lovely but shy guys out there who women might be missing out on.

Ickle Magoo

There's been plenty of times I've initiated contact...whether that's where I position myself, smiling and making eye contact and moving closer if I get positive signs back and so on until we get chatting - or sidling up next to them and making small talk and reading their level of interest from there...

Most of my friends are male and I went through my student days with five male flat-mates and we had some interesting competitions that gave me some good practice in approaching guys. :pac:

Yes I have, and not out of desperation either

gargleblaster

Desperation?

Are you misreading pickiness, perhaps? Oh I see, the part where I don't get hit on. Well not to toot my own horn, but I think I might be a tad bit intimidating.



I'm think I'm just too impatient for that smiling and hoping stuff. :pac:

Asphyxia

Yes I have! I did it with my now boyfriend. I wouldn't just jump into it, I waited to see how he acted around me and he made it obvious by flirting and trying to tickle me, I knew he liked me after that so I went for it!

gargleblaster

gargleblaster wrote: »

Desperation?

Are you misreading pickiness, perhaps?

Well, that's what it sounded like:

I had no choice! I hardly ever get hit on

gargleblaster

bluewolf wrote: »

Well, that's what it sounded like:

Hah yeah, sorry to give you the wrong idea. If I'd meant it that way I would have put a sad face.

:P

Kiva.D

I admire you all so much! I've never had the courage to make the first move. Which makes me laugh, considering I would have no hesitation popping THE question. I can't quite explain it... It makes life alot easier when I put men in the "friend zone" ...

krudler

Men are like bears and other wild animals, more afraid of you than you are of them.

newbee22

I'd love to but don't have the confidence:o

Lustrum

My missus did! And it worked for her, she has me marrying her now!

Acoshla

krudler wrote: »

Men are like bears and other wild animals, more afraid of you than you are of them.

So true! My own boyfriend said he was too terrified to make a move, it took him 2 nights out with our mutual friends, 1 week of internet contact (after I added him on Bebo, fb and msn!) and 1 night of dinner in his house for him to kiss me, and it took him til 5am that night! The only reason I didn't make a move is because I had done all the flirting, talking, randomly showing up beside him for the first two nights, I then decided "feck him, his loss!" before getting my second wind when I got home and doing my online stalking. By the time I got to his house that night it was like playing chicken, I wanted to see how long he would go without doing it!

I've made the first move as many times as I haven't, I'd say it'd be pretty even. But it's like a running joke with my current boyfriend, I do all the chasing, he maintains it's all part of his cunning plan. I'll probably be the one to propose and make all future decisions, he just shows up and plays along :pac:

Larianne

Yes I have and yes I would.

nicechick!

gargleblaster wrote: »

Have you? Would you?

I definitely have. I had no choice! :pac: I hardly ever get hit on so it was either do my own picking and choosing, or settle.

So do you ever approach a man who catches your eye? Or do you do the signaling thing and hope he notices and comes over to you? I either can't do the signaling thing or I'm impatient. One guy I went out with said he was working on a plan to ask me out. (A plan? Pff... why waste time?)

I think facing rejection and dealing with it is good for character, and I also think there are probably many lovely but shy guys out there who women might be missing out on.

****e! Rejection sucks ehhhh anyhow I'm the biggest flirt I know so no problem chatting someone up

dee.

I haven't made the first move but I have "initiated contact" as someone else put it. Before I began dating my current boyfriend we were hanging out and I started cuddling him, then suggested we cuddle on the bed (just cuddles!) as it would be more comfy. We did and a couple of minutes later he kissed me I probably wouldn't kiss a guy first, I'm far too shy! Admire those who can though.

gargleblaster

krudler wrote: »

Men are like bears and other wild animals, more afraid of you than you are of them.

:pac: That's great!

Aw I'm enjoying all these sweet stories. Thanks ladies (and gents), I was hoping for something light and sweet to read and discuss after all the heavy threads.

My current bf finally gave in to my wiles, but it took forever. :pac: And he had to make the first move physically, of course. I have no problem making the first approach out of interest but when it comes to kissing and stuff I'm a complete coward.

nicechick! wrote: »

****e! Rejection sucks ehhhh anyhow I'm the biggest flirt I know so no problem chatting someone up

Oh yeah, it most definitely does suck - I just think that experiencing it helps you get over the initial fear of risking failure. That's not to say that being shot down over and over is good for your ego, but failure is good in that it lets us find out through experience that it's not the end of the world and often we end up learning from it. That's all I meant.

Novella

Yeah, I've made the first move and yeah, I'd do it again.

LegacyUser

Yip, total stranger who'd I'd briefly (as in, a few minutes) met on two occasions through work, felt there was a spark, but had no way of randomly bumping into him outside of work. So, rang up& said "Don't suppose you'd like to go for a drink sometime?"- to which he enthusiastically agreed! Early days but all going well. Think I would have regretted NOT asking more.

Eve_Dublin

If I knew the guy liked me or gave me some kind of signal that he might be interested or if he seemed like a nice guy who wouldn't laugh in my face then yep I would and yes I have. The guy I'm seeing now sent my housemate (who he only knows in passing) a message on Facebook to arrange some kind of casual meeting between myself and him...the fact that she would be out with me and invite him along was so completely absurd that I don't know what he was thinking. He's a grown man, for crying out loud! I'd seen him before and spoken to him a few times and fancied him, so I cut to the chase and asked him out directly. We laugh about it now....he was very nervous and didn't think I liked him. At the time I thought it was a bit wimpy but now I find it endearing...and if he'd no idea I liked him back, it's kind of brave, I suppose.

If were out on a date and there's no lip action, I'm usually the one to make the first move. No problems with that.

Scarinae

I have made the first move several times, maybe it's just the type of guy I go for, I don't know!

jaffacakesyum

I've never made the first move per se. I've done the whole 'giving the look' thing and smiling, flirting etc. But I figure, if I'm not getting positive signs after that, and if he doesn't make the move after that, then he's not interested.

Emiko

I've often made the first move, and will again.

2 Miles From Narnia

I've done it too, I reckon it's only fair now that we're all mod-ren wimmins with votes and careers. With rights come responsibilities ladies!

Stheno

I asked the OH out for lunch, that was over two and a half years ago. Just a "do you fancy meeting up for lunch" and that was it, that lunch turned into dinner, and so it goes

LeeHoffmann

I made the first move with a guy I met in a nightclub. He was hot, he flirted back. He was quite shy and I'm pretty impatient. It worked out well for us - we're getting married next year

krudler

Its a huge confidence boost if a woman flirts or intitiates contact, shows as well she's not one for being chased if she goes for someone she wants first. Wish more women did it "I'm too shy"? welcome to our world ladies :pac:
Its a pity its seen as odd to ask someone out in a non pub/club environment over here, its not in other countries but here a lot of people need to be sufficiently socially lubricated to intitiate contact, rejection blows but if its done with tact then at least you know you tried and its not the end of the world. I was out one night with a friend (and no it wasnt me before anyone think that :pac: ) who asked if a girl wanted a drink and she just looked at him with disgust and said "as if" fair enough if he wasnt her type or she was taken or whatever, no need to be such a cow about it though...

LeeHoffmann

I was out one night with a friend (and no it wasnt me before anyone think that ) who asked if a girl wanted a drink and she just looked at him with disgust and said "as if" fair enough if he wasnt her type or she was taken or whatever, no need to be such a cow about it though...

That 'lady' lacked class. Pretty poor form. Anyone who reacts like that must think they're God's gift. A friend of mine was out with a group of work-mates. There were some people there he didn't know. He said 'hi' to one woman who was with the group. Her response? "I have a boyfriend!"...my friend's in a long-term relationship and was not hitting on her. He was just saying hello! Would have loved to see her face!!

Catari Jaguar

Made the first move 90% of the time (back in my single days long ago) Even if a lad approached me it was cos I'd been giving him the eye all night

In nightclubs I'd just go up and chat or dance with them, or comment on something like their t shirt or hair or bracelet. But I'd chat to a wall, and usually just being friendly end up with drinks bought for me etc. I can buy my own drinks like, it's grand.. :rolleyes: Seriously though, it's way easier for girls to hit on guys. Most men won't turn an offer down and they probably wouldn't be as blunt/ nasty as some women.

Took me FOREVER to get with my fiance; hanging out of him, texting him, sending him funny emails, telling his mates I liked him, inviting him to parties and cuddling him/ sitting on his knee/ holding his hand. We were "friends" for ages. Never friends though I guess, because I first saw him in the pub one night and he didn't seem interested in me and I was like "I have to have him!" so just kept chasing him! I kissed him in the end, knees shaking and a lot of booze downed. The rest is history.

Raekwon

I have to say I'm very surprised that the vast majority of women on here admit to making the first move on a guy, I honestly thought that it would be the polar opposite

krudler wrote: »

I was out one night with a friend (and no it wasnt me before anyone think that :pac: ) who asked if a girl wanted a drink and she just looked at him with disgust and said "as if" fair enough if he wasnt her type or she was taken or whatever, no need to be such a cow about it though...

That's a sure sign of a lack or maturity and low/misplaced confidence and is quite a common reaction from girls in their late teens & early twenties. Women do grow out of this thankfully, but some guys seem to have long memories and still refuse to approach more mature women from the fear of experiencing these negative reactions/put downs.

Malari

Yep, I've done it more than once. And not under the influence of alcohol either.

I didn't find it that troubling to do. One guy was going out with someone and I just sort of shrugged it off. Fair enough. You don't risk anything really, if you don't know the guy that well.

Although several weeks later he came back, sans girlfriend, and asked me out. Too late buddy

terlywerly

Many a year ago I made the first move on a guy I fancied, and we're 2 years married now

gargleblaster

krudler wrote: »

Its a huge confidence boost if a woman flirts or intitiates contact, shows as well she's not one for being chased if she goes for someone she wants first. Wish more women did it "I'm too shy"? welcome to our world ladies :pac:
Its a pity its seen as odd to ask someone out in a non pub/club environment over here, its not in other countries but here a lot of people need to be sufficiently socially lubricated to intitiate contact, rejection blows but if its done with tact then at least you know you tried and its not the end of the world. I was out one night with a friend (and no it wasnt me before anyone think that :pac: ) who asked if a girl wanted a drink and she just looked at him with disgust and said "as if" fair enough if he wasnt her type or she was taken or whatever, no need to be such a cow about it though...

That's really sad. I guess on the bright side, at least she showed her true colors immediately, and didn't accept the drink and then blow him off as if he had no feelings. I saw that happen plenty of times when I was out clubbing.

krudler

gargleblaster wrote: »

That's really sad. I guess on the bright side, at least she showed her true colors immediately, and didn't accept the drink and then blow him off as if he had no feelings. I saw that happen plenty of times when I was out clubbing.

I've started chatting to girls who at least have a bit of banter at the bar and then say they're taken or just say they're heading off and make it clear they're not interested but at least not in a "I'm going to humiliate you now" kind of way. I dont get the

"Have you gotten served?"
"I HAVE A BOYFRIENNNNNNND!!!"

reaction either, sometimes you just say hi to someone standing beside you in a pub to chat or y'know that whole "socialising" thing.

Malari

krudler wrote: »

I've started chatting to girls who at least have a bit of banter at the bar and then say they're taken or just say they're heading off and make it clear they're not interested but at least not in a "I'm going to humiliate you now" kind of way. I dont get the

"Have you gotten served?"
"I HAVE A BOYFRIENNNNNNND!!!"

reaction either, sometimes you just say hi to someone standing beside you in a pub to chat or y'know that whole "socialising" thing.

Sounds like they are treating guys like charity muggers. Best defence is offence

Next time you get the hysterical boyfriend line just reply: "really???" in a surprised and incredulous tone.

gargleblaster

krudler wrote: »

I've started chatting to girls who at least have a bit of banter at the bar and then say they're taken or just say they're heading off and make it clear they're not interested but at least not in a "I'm going to humiliate you now" kind of way. I dont get the

"Have you gotten served?"
"I HAVE A BOYFRIENNNNNNND!!!"

reaction either, sometimes you just say hi to someone standing beside you in a pub to chat or y'know that whole "socialising" thing.

:pac::pac::pac::pac:

Frank Black

dee. wrote: »

I haven't made the first move but I have "initiated contact" as someone else put it. Before I began dating my current boyfriend we were hanging out and I started cuddling him, then suggested we cuddle on the bed (just cuddles!) as it would be more comfy. We did and a couple of minutes later he kissed me I probably wouldn't kiss a guy first, I'm far too shy! Admire those who can though.

I think in fairness asking a guy to cuddle you on the bed is making the first move.;)

Eve_Dublin

Raekwon wrote: »

I have to say I'm very surprised that the vast majority of women on here admit to making the first move on a guy, I honestly thought that it would be the polar opposite .

Most women I know would make the first move. My housemate gave out her number a few times on the Metro to a few guys she was giving the eye to Brilliant. She's from Canada and we're living in Spain. It really isn't the done thing here. Women generally do the waiting around for the guys to ask them out but I find women from the North American continent much more forward. HOWEVER, I wonder is it in an age thing? My housemate is 40 and I'm 31 and yes, I've asked guys out in the past and been the one to make the first move on the date...but when I was over the age of 24 and not younger. I was too shy and presumed the guy would think I was a slapper or "desperate"...and now I don't care. You don't get labelled as much as you get older. People get a bit of cop on generally.

Stheno

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Most women I know would make the first move. My housemate gave out her number a few times on the Metro to a few guys she was giving the eye to Brilliant. She's from Canada and we're living in Spain. It really isn't the done thing here. Women generally do the waiting around for the guys to ask them out but I find women from the North American continent much more forward. HOWEVER, I wonder is it in an age thing? My housemate is 40 and I'm 31 and yes, I've asked guys out in the past and been the one to make the first move on the date...but when I was over the age of 24 and not younger. I was too shy and presumed the guy would think I was a slapper or "desperate"...and now I don't care. You don't get labelled as much as you get older. People get a bit of cop on generally.

Good point I'm 37 now, and with my current partner nearly three years, and asked him out.

It was just for lunch three years ago, if he'd said no I'd not have fussed, but he said yes, we went for lunch, then dinner, loved each others company and it went from there.

snickerpuss

I wouldn't have any qualms asking a guy out for lunch/coffee but I have a ton of guy friends so it wouldn't be too weird for me to do this in a platonic way either! And sure if he says no who cares? It was only an offer of coffee not marriage.

Gilda Fortune

I always approach a man if im interested in him . how i met my husband was at a funeral bizarrely. not a close relative. i thought he looked amazing in his suit. at the afters I approached him and asked was he attached. he said no. so i wrote my number on a piece of paper with the name princess. i handed it to him and said. dont wait for the dust to settle baby.
we got married 6 mths later in las vegas.

The_Minister

I had one girl come up to me in a nightclub about two years ago, and it took me by surprise - it didn't click until after the poor girl had left (looking very embaressed) that she had been trying to pick me up

LegacyUser

The_Minister wrote: »

I had one girl come up to me in a nightclub about two years ago, and it took me by surprise - it didn't click until after the poor girl had left (looking very embaressed) that she had been trying to pick me up

That happens to me too, 'cept I'm a woman, so ya think I'd be a more clued in knowing when a man is coming on with me. But I'm socially awkward so whatchagonnado?

krudler

Gilda Fortune wrote: »

I always approach a man if im interested in him . how i met my husband was at a funeral bizarrely. not a close relative. i thought he looked amazing in his suit. at the afters I approached him and asked was he attached. he said no. so i wrote my number on a piece of paper with the name princess. i handed it to him and said. dont wait for the dust to settle baby.
we got married 6 mths later in las vegas.

Thats alright then.

so Wedding Crashers was right..

eternal

bluewolf wrote: »

gargleblaster wrote: »

Desperation?

Are you misreading pickiness, perhaps?

Well, that's what it sounded like:

I had no choice! I hardly ever get hit on

Jees bitchiness much ? Took bit guts coming out and posting this thread.I suppose youre so drop dead gorgeous you have men pounding down the door at you.

Ickle Magoo

eternal infracted.

As per site protocol, if you have an issue with a post or poster then use the report function - do not interject on threads just to insult other posters.

I'd advise that you take the time to read the forum charter here and Boards general posting rules and etiquette here before posting in this forum again.

Many thanks.

Young_gunner

have to say i find it very attractive in a girl who knows what she wants and has the guts to act on it - fair play i say !

newbee22

I just wish I was brave! Been staring at my phone all day waiting for some guy to text, why didn't I get his number:(:(

gargleblaster

newbee22 wrote: »

I just wish I was brave! Been staring at my phone all day waiting for some guy to text, why didn't I get his number:(:(

Ah I'm sorry to hear that newbee.

That was another of my rules when dating. I prefer to be the caller instead of the callee. So I'd get his number, and then make mine private when calling him. I liked to keep things on my terms at first, I suppose. :pac:

krudler

gargleblaster wrote: »

Ah I'm sorry to hear that newbee.

That was another of my rules when dating. I prefer to be the caller instead of the callee. So I'd get his number, and then make mine private when calling him. I liked to keep things on my terms at first, I suppose. :pac:

I'd never answer a random private number

gargleblaster

Well you see now, I haven't been involved in the dating scene for quite some time now. This was before caller ID was even that popular and certainly before cell phones were all over the place. (I don't like discussing my age so thanks a lot! ) So anyway, I just thought that might explain why I never had much of an issue with guys not answering. Cue "Times were so much simpler then, ah the good old days" type of nonsense. :P

krudler

I dont really like talking on the phone anyway (I do it 8hrs a day at work :pac: ) so I'd prefer to meet in person or a brief chat and texts