Cheating?

LegacyUser

Regular enough poster going unregged for this for obvious reasons...

Not sure if this is the right place for this but i know people can go unregged here so i might get more insight...here goes:

I recently had a One Night Stand with a guy, not something I make a habit of, it just kinda happened, didn't know him but he was a friend of a friend of a friend, anyway a few days later i find out through facebook that he's in a relationship and has been for about 4 years now!!!! Their relationship from what i can gather seems very serious (well for her more than him if he's cheating i'd imagine). (I should state i had/have no interest in this guy, it was most definitely just a ONS for me, and he also saw it as just a ONS, and obviously i feel awful about the whole thing)

I was shocked to be honest as he really made no reference to having a gf, and he really didn't seem like the "type" who would cheat, very well mannered, respectful guy, is there even a "type" i dunno? It's just we were so intimate, and there wasn't even a hint of guilt or remorse from him?

Now this isn't the first time this has happened to me (although it is the first time i've ever had sex with a guy in a relationship) I've had a few guys kiss me over the years only to find out later they had gf's.

Why do people cheat? Honestly?
Personally i just couldn't do it to someone, 4 years into a relationship and cheating? No way could i handle the guilt.

How do you not feel even the slightest bit of guilt? Now there's no way this girl will ever find out about it, maybe some people cheat just because they know they can get away with it? I'd love to hear from people who have cheated and why they've done it/do it...*

* I've no interest in this becoming an all men/women cheat, men/woman bashing thread, just wondering how/why people can and do cheat.

Ickle Magoo

I cheated on a boyfriend when I was in my late teens...why? Because I was angry and frustrated with him and our relationship and the opportunity presented itself, I guess.

I knew the relationship was over but I hadn't really admitted it to myself, I was feeling down and someone new and exciting came along and made me feel good about myself and desirable again...reminded me of who I was before getting bogged down in an unhealthy relationship.

I ended the relationship right after so although I'm not very proud of myself, I'm glad it happened.

MagicMarker

Never done it, I like to think I don't have enough asshole qualities in me to do it. I couldn't imagine myself doing it in the future.

Ickle Magoo

MagicMarker, I don't think jumping in with a flame is going to encourage discussion or offers anything to the discussion, tbh...

metrovelvet

I cheated a couple times when I was younger. Why? Because I was bored. And it was wtith the same person I was doing the cheating with. Also because I didnt value the relationships I was in, so threatening them was not a big risk for me at the time. I also didnt think they would care that much. That may sound incredible, but it's true. Its a bad habit of mine, underestimating people's capacity for caring. Kind of cynical I guess.

Now that Im older, boring is good. But still, I dont know that I wouldnt get bored during the long haul and do it again. I really do not know that for certain. At the same time, I dont know if now, I would waste any time being in a relationship I didnt value.

Novella

CaniseesomeID wrote: »

Why do people cheat? Honestly?

I cheated on a boyfriend when I was about 18. Why? I'm gonna say it was because I didn't value the relationship enough not to. In reality, I was probably only staying with him because I thought having anybody at all was better than having no one. When I was younger, I couldn't move on from one person without having another waiting. Total minefield. Young and naive, I guess.

Personally i just couldn't do it to someone, 4 years into a relationship and cheating? No way could i handle the guilt.

How do you not feel even the slightest bit of guilt?

I did feel guilty. I truly did. I told my boyfriend about it and without a doubt, the way he looked at me at that moment is something I'll never forget. I would never cheat on anyone again. People who love you just do not deserve to be treated like that.

Handsome Bob

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I cheated on a boyfriend when I was in my late teens...why? Because I was angry and frustrated with him and our relationship and the opportunity presented itself, I guess.

I knew the relationship was over but I hadn't really admitted it to myself, I was feeling down and someone new and exciting came along and made me feel good about myself and desirable again...reminded me of who I was before getting bogged down in an unhealthy relationship.

I ended the relationship right after so although I'm not very proud of myself, I'm glad it happened.

How much of the blame would you attribute to your partner?

Ickle Magoo

LZ5by5 wrote: »

How much of the blame would you attribute to your partner?

I'm not sure - I don't really attribute blame to either of us tbh. We were very young, it was a very unhealthy relationship and we both did a lot of things that I'm sure neither would consider now...

Logical Fallacy

CaniseesomeID wrote: »

Why do people cheat? Honestly?

There are any number of reasons. Sometimes people do it simply because they want to and can get away with it. It's also much harder to tell what a relationship is like unless you are in it, and sometimes even then it's difficult...someone who seems like a loving doting partner might have zero respect for the person they are with.

Then you've got the people who are in a relationship that is very rocky and having major ups and downs, emotional turmoil can lead them to seek a bit of fun and comfort in other places.

I have never cheated myself...but i am not going to lie...i have wanted to. It was always in the last instance, the relationship was ****ed and i was angry...in a way i wanted to do something that would hurt the other person, or make myself feel better or wanted or interesting. I don't know...it's hard to remember exactly what i was thinking back then.

I'd love to say that it was being a nice and honourable person that eventually stayed my willing to wander hand but if i am honest it wasn't....when the **** finally hit the fan i was just so arrogant and up myself that i wanted to be the person in the right and the one with the moral highground.

Charming.

Relationships are weird, they bring out the worst and the best in us.

No idea. Been cheated on before. Couldn't do it myself. If I'm unhappy it's time to work on it and/or move on and end things without the added headfcuk of cheating. I have absolutely no idea how the guy from OP could justify doing that and going home to the gf.

The number of stories on boards from cheaters and cheatees is a bit scary

metrovelvet

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

There are any number of reasons. Sometimes people do it simply because they want to and can get away with it. It's also much harder to tell what a relationship is like unless you are in it, and sometimes even then it's difficult...someone who seems like a loving doting partner might have zero respect for the person they are with.

Then you've got the people who are in a relationship that is very rocky and having major ups and downs, emotional turmoil can lead them to seek a bit of fun and comfort in other places.

I have never cheated myself...but i am not going to lie...i have wanted to. It was always in the last instance, the relationship was ****ed and i was angry...in a way i wanted to do something that would hurt the other person, or make myself feel better or wanted or interesting. I don't know...it's hard to remember exactly what i was thinking back then.

I'd love to say that it was being a nice and honourable person that eventually stayed my willing to wander hand but if i am honest it wasn't....when the **** finally hit the fan i was just so arrogant and up myself that i wanted to be the person in the right and the one with the moral highground.

Charming.

Relationships are weird, they bring out the worst and the best in us.

QFT.

Very honest there logical fallacy.

The funny thing is... even though I cheated myself a long long time ago...I'd have never ever helped someone else cheat, be a homewrecker, step on someone else's turf EVER. And I've been given plenty of opportunity to, but that is a line I have never crossed.

Logical Fallacy

metrovelvet wrote: »

Very honest there logical fallacy.

I blame having to mentally dismantle myself twice a week to get over my anxiety/agorphobia issues. I reckon it's gonna lead to a pretty big overshare some time in the future. lol

Eve_Dublin

I cheated once. To me it wasn't really cheating because over the years I've justified it and discounted it because I don't see myself as THAT kind of person. I'm well up on my high horse sometimes and can be quite sanctimonious and preachy and the idea that I could do something like that doesn't fit in with the holier-than-thou image I have of myself sometimes tbh.

I was away for 2 months in another European country 10 years ago and my boyfriend stayed in Ireland but I kissed a guy for about an hour outside a bar after about a month. Why did I do it? Because I fancied the guy, had a few drinks and fancied a shift. Never told the ex and we broke up a week after I got home anyway. I suppose in my head I realised that would happen...I was missing him less as time moved on and I know he felt the same. Still, I should've just ended it when I spoke to him on the phone and just enjoyed myself. I felt bad but I knew things were coming to an end. I'd have a very Catholic 2nd chance "I'm very, very sorry and I won't do it again" mentality about this incident and feel I've absolved myself over the years as I haven't cheated since...and it was only a kiss :rolleyes:

Handsome Bob

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'm not sure - I don't really attribute blame to either of us tbh. We were very young, it was a very unhealthy relationship and we both did a lot of things that I'm sure neither would consider now...

Ah that's fair enough. Seems to be a similar pattern going from other posts as well.

Anyway, I have been cheated on. We were both at fault if I'm being honest (though she gets the lion share of it ), but yeah, I'm self aware enough to recognise my own faults that contributed to her cheating.

Elmidena

In my experience, cheating tends to stem from two things: boredom and frustration.

The boredom is pretty self-explanatory. One person is happily "settled" and feels there is no longer a need to "court" as everything is the way it should be and lalala everything is good. But this can make the other person feel old before their time, undesirable, sexually repulsive and like wallpaper.

Frustration can be from a number of things; the other person cheated first and they want revenge, something to just rile the other person, wanting to prove that yes they are sexually appealing and no they don't HAVE to be stuck in that relationship forever if they feel unappreciated, and a lot of time it is a cry for help due to lack of communication, or the communication being ignored.

I've cheated in the past, and been cheated on in the past. I'd like to think that I'm mature enough to never feel temptation (and being honest, I don't as I'm in a long and namely happy relationship) but at the same point I think that a person is entitled to one mistake. Obviously if they're cheating left right and centre they're not for you, but if they scored when totally hammered or when things are going back between ye, it can be worked on and in time, overlooked.

Cheating can actually bring some people closer together, as it makes people value what they risk losing and reshift their priorities, and allow for a healthier environment. But as I said, one mistake is a lot to ask for, more than that and you should walk away if you want any respect for yourself.

The Princess Bride

This is a tough one.
To my knowledge,I've never been with a guy when he's been in a relationship- again,I stress -to my knowledge.
OP- you did nothing wrong, I hope you know that and I'd hate to think you feel even a little bit guilty- you shouldn't.You had a pleasant night with a man-over and out.The guy was in the relationship and his other one is the person I feel sorry for as she's possibly oblivious to his carrying on.

I've cheated on boyfriends in the past-only ever kissing others,and only because I was in short term relationships and I was already at the point of knowing the end was coming.Why did I cheat? Because I was attracted to the other men.Did I feel guilty.Only once,because I genuinely adored my boyfriend,even though I knew we wouldn't last,and we didn't I broke up with him the following week.

Am married now, this is in fact the only relationship I've ever been faithful in.And guess what? Temptation doesn't automatically go out the window just because I've a ring on my finger-in fact sometimes,I think it's a magnet for some people. And yes, occasionally I meet men and find them attractive and it would be so so easy to be unfaithful, but I value my relationship with OH and we are happy.We are alas,also very human,and sometimes people don't work hard enough at their relationships and when someone else flutters an eyelid,if you're feeling vulnerable...... well,anything can happen and does.

xaoifsx

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I cheated on a boyfriend when I was in my late teens...why? Because I was angry and frustrated with him and our relationship and the opportunity presented itself, I guess.

I knew the relationship was over but I hadn't really admitted it to myself, I was feeling down and someone new and exciting came along and made me feel good about myself and desirable again...reminded me of who I was before getting bogged down in an unhealthy relationship.

I ended the relationship right after so although I'm not very proud of myself, I'm glad it happened.

exact same thing happened to me and i was over the moon with what happened.. i live such a better life now

krudler

I'd rather be dumped than cheated on tbh, boredom isnt really a good reason, relationships hit a rut sometimes, either you do someone to work on it or call it a day, I dont see how cheating on the other person just to make yourself feel good solves it.

Ickle Magoo

The OP asked:

CaniseesomeID wrote: »

I'd love to hear from people who have cheated and why they've done it/do it...*

* I've no interest in this becoming an all men/women cheat, men/woman bashing thread, just wondering how/why people can and do cheat.

Whether others consider it "good" reasons don't really come into it - the question in the OP had nothing to do with moralising over the rights and wrongs, the OP asked for the reasons why people cheat.

Justask

I think people cheat because they think they will get away with it and not get caught.

IMO you either have it in you to cheat or you dont.

squeakyduck

Anger, frustration and hurt are three reasons I have. Only did it to get back at the ex love of my life after he cheated on me with a 16 year old (i was 19 he was 21) after three and a half years of a LDR, supposedly he knocked her up too. He didn't give a **** having his cake and eating it.

No sex just kissing when I cheated.

I'm in a happy relationship now, sure we have fights but I wouldn't do anything rash as I'm actually content and happy with him. Not worrying where he is or who he's with.

Novella

Justask wrote: »

I think people cheat because they think they will get away with it and not get caught.

IMO you either have it in you to cheat or you dont.

When I cheated, I genuinely did not think about getting away with it. As soon as my lips touched someone else's, I was thinking, "How am I gonna tell him about this? What am I doing?". I never wanted to be deceitful. I could never be with someone who thought I was faithful to them when I wasn't.

Wibbs

metrovelvet wrote: »

The funny thing is... even though I cheated myself a long long time ago...I'd have never ever helped someone else cheat, be a homewrecker, step on someone else's turf EVER. And I've been given plenty of opportunity to, but that is a line I have never crossed.

I've lived in opposite land. Never cheated on a relationship myself,. Never really been tempted save for one time. However I have been the "other man" a few times during a past period in my life. Some I didn't know about some I did. Wasn't particularly guilty over it at the time TBH. If I wasn't doing the dance with no pants with the women in question, I was 99.999% sure they'd be doing it with some other bloke(with the exception of one). The women I was attracting/attracted to/subconsciously picking.

Their reasons from what I could gather? The previously mentioned boredom was most of it. Some were bored or starved of attention(particularly starved of desire) in the main relationship, but didn't want to leave it for various practical reasons. The others were bored and were looking for an exit from the relationship. The "if I loved X why would I be looking at Y/other men?" principle. Thereby building a roundabout excuse to leave and funny enough I think to avoid a long drawn out breakup. But with a side order of lining up a replacement guy, though I'm usually the inbetweenie guy, not the next boyfriend.

kingtut

I have never cheated on anyone myself and I never will (There is no excuse for cheating in my opinion)

All but 1 of the girls I was with cheated on me. I have just put it down to the fact that I must come across as an asshole

To say it hasn't effected me is a lie, most of my friends are girls (which has always been the case) however I can no longer trust a girl enough to form a romantic relationship with her.

People will probably say 'not all girls are the same' etc which I know but at this stage I have had one too many bad experiences.

metrovelvet

Wibbs wrote: »

I've lived in opposite land. Never cheated on a relationship myself,. Never really been tempted save for one time. However I have been the "other man" a few times during a past period in my life. Some I didn't know about some I did. Wasn't particularly guilty over it at the time TBH. If I wasn't doing the dance with no pants with the women in question, I was 99.999% sure they'd be doing it with some other bloke(with the exception of one). The women I was attracting/attracted to/subconsciously picking.

Their reasons from what I could gather? The previously mentioned boredom was most of it. Some were bored or starved of attention(particularly starved of desire) in the main relationship, but didn't want to leave it for various practical reasons. The others were bored and were looking for an exit from the relationship. The "if I loved X why would I be looking at Y/other men?" principle. Thereby building a roundabout excuse to leave and funny enough I think to avoid a long drawn out breakup. But with a side order of lining up a replacement guy, though I'm usually the inbetweenie guy, not the next boyfriend.

Its always those pesky practical reasons!

So not quite subs bench but transitional guy for you. No wonder you have your musical chair theory.

Im not even that sure where on the morality line my absolute resistence to crossing that line is... the other woman... the relief project..the accomplice to destraction [ha! just noticed I compounded distraction with destruction.] Im not even sure it is based in ethics but I just don't want to be that girl, and double where families are concerned.

I have to say...Im pretty convinced the nature of desire is that it is elsewhere...

I_am_LOST

I don't think I will ever understand why people cheat. To me it's very simple: Either you stay single and shag whoever you like or you commit to a relationship.

I don't mean to be on a high horse or anything but I just don't get it. I'm no angel but I don't think I'd have it in me to cheat

booboo88

kingtut wrote: »

I have never cheated on anyone myself and I never will (There is no excuse for cheating in my opinion)

All but 1 of the girls I was with cheated on me. I have just put it down to the fact that I must come across as an asshole

To say it hasn't effected me is a lie, most of my friends are girls (which has always been the case) however I can no longer trust a girl enough to form a romantic relationship with her.

People will probably say 'not all girls are the same' etc which I know but at this stage I have had one too many bad experiences.

aww king tut not all women are bad. I promise. I used to think all men were di*ks. But ocasionally come across gems. You have to live and learn

Ickle Magoo

So is cheating just shagging? Cheating isn't kissing? Or chatting on-line? Or watching each other on web-cam? Or whatever?

I don't think it's as black and white as some see it - I've cheated on one occasion, when I was a teen. I haven't cheated since and I've been with the same partner 11 years now without it even crossing my mind to cheat.

I think it's a bit simplistic to say it's just one kind of person, otherwise surely I'd have cheated in all my relationships? I've certainly had the opportunity. I think it more likely to be a certain set of circumstances that combine to result in cheating than there is some kind of chromosomal difference between those who cheat and those who don't...

I also think there is a whole spectrum of cheating, from someone in an unhappy and damaging relationship having a regrettable drunken snog all the way up to those in long term relationships/marriages who deliberately go looking for sex and continue to do so through-out the relationship.

It's an interesting topic.

Justask

Cheating is doing somehing you wouldnt feel comfortable doing in front of you other half

Ickle Magoo

Justask wrote: »

Cheating is doing somehing you wouldnt feel comfortable doing in front of you other half

Cheating is having a crap, then? Or using porn, or a vibrator or one of the other zillion things people have claimed to feel uncomfortable doing infront of their partner?

Justask

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Cheating is having a crap, then?

You know exactly what I meant....

Will avoid any threads your in future as a MOD no one is ok to have an opnion.

Have a nice evening

Sibylla

We all have different views on cheating. Personally I believe if the relationship is over one should have the decency to break it off first then move on to someone else. Break ups are painful enough without adding insult to injury. I have/would never cheat but know people have and seriously regretted it. Even if you don't care about the person you are with breaking up amicably without infidelity is best. Why do people do it? I had a friend who did it because she was bored, another with conflicted emotions but it didn't help them resolve their issues either way.

Ickle Magoo

Justask wrote: »

You know exactly what I meant....

Will avoid any threads your in future as a MOD no one is ok to have an opnion.

Have a nice evening

Okay. I'm sorry you feel that way. If I'm not posting in bold then I'm just posting as any another poster so I'm not sure what my being a mod has to do with anything.

If I knew exactly what you meant, I wouldn't be asking; hence my point that it isn't black and white. You first of all made the claim that people either have it to cheat in them or not - I queried that rather extraordinary claim & you appeared to then reply to my post - I'm trying, albeit tongue-in-cheek, to qualify what exactly you mean by your rather vague one-liner which I assumed was a reply to my post.

iseeyouu

my comment was deleted sniff sniff

krudler

iseeyouu wrote: »

my comment was deleted sniff sniff

Its because you cheated.


on grammar.

krudler

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Okay. I'm sorry you feel that way. If I'm not posting in bold then I'm just posting as any another poster so I'm not sure what my being a mod has to do with anything.

If I knew exactly what you meant, I wouldn't be asking; hence my point that it isn't black and white. You first of all made the claim that people either have it to cheat in them or not - I queried that rather extraordinary claim & you appeared to then reply to my post - I'm trying, albeit tongue-in-cheek, to qualify what exactly you mean by your rather vague one-liner which I assumed was a reply to my post.

I think they meant what you wouldnt feel comfortable doing with someone else if your partner was there. Like if you were out dancing and were grinding up against some guy in a pretty overtly sexual way, is that cheating? not exactly but your partner would have be plenty of reason to be right pissed off about it.

Ickle Magoo

iseeyouu wrote: »

my comment was deleted sniff sniff

You've been sent a PM with links to both The Ladies Lounge Charter and a guide to posting etiquette on this site. I'd ask that you acquaint yourself with both before posting again.

Many thanks.

bryaner

msthe80s wrote: »

This is a tough one.
To my knowledge,I've never been with a guy when he's been in a relationship- again,I stress -to my knowledge.
OP- you did nothing wrong, I hope you know that and I'd hate to think you feel even a little bit guilty- you shouldn't.You had a pleasant night with a man-over and out.The guy was in the relationship and his other one is the person I feel sorry for as she's possibly oblivious to his carrying on.

I've cheated on boyfriends in the past-only ever kissing others,and only because I was in short term relationships and I was already at the point of knowing the end was coming.Why did I cheat? Because I was attracted to the other men.Did I feel guilty.Only once,because I genuinely adored my boyfriend,even though I knew we wouldn't last,and we didn't I broke up with him the following week.

Am married now, this is in fact the only relationship I've ever been faithful in.And guess what? Temptation doesn't automatically go out the window just because I've a ring on my finger-in fact sometimes,I think it's a magnet for some people. And yes, occasionally I meet men and find them attractive and it would be so so easy to be unfaithful, but I value my relationship with OH and we are happy.We are alas,also very human,and sometimes people don't work hard enough at their relationships and when someone else flutters an eyelid,if you're feeling vulnerable...... well,anything can happen and does.

Don't think I'd like to be married to you, just seems like a matter of time before you cheat tbh..

Richard Dower

Dreadful carry on....are we not allowed to judge and scold admitted bad behaviour?

Ickle Magoo

krudler wrote: »

I think they meant what you wouldnt feel comfortable doing with someone else if your partner was there. Like if you were out dancing and were grinding up against some guy in a pretty overtly sexual way, is that cheating? not exactly but your partner would have be plenty of reason to be right pissed off about it.

I get that but I think obvious is obvious, with both the moral outrage and what the majority of people would consider cheating - no ground-breaking news there. The interesting bit in terms of discussion, imo, are the grey areas around what constitutes cheating and what reasons people have/give/make for cheating.

For instance, there have been discussions where some posters view using porn as cheating, chatting to an ex on facebook as emotional cheating, etc, etc - what one partner views as perfectly okay, another will see as cheating. I just don't think the idea that cheating is this simplified moral stance, is really giving a common and often complex issue very much consideration.

Princess Peach

I've been cheated on before. Not a nice feeling at all. Felt so worthless, like I wasn't good enough, tried to think of all the things I could have done to be better and came up with a list of things I could have done to prevent it happening. Took me years to realise that it wasn't my fault he cheated on me.

I've never cheated on anyone but almost all of my girlfriends have in the past. I had a think tonight as to why they did it. Can't really know, but my theory is that they weren't happy with the relationship they were in at the time but too afraid to get out of it, like they didn't know how to go about ending it. Cheating is an easy excuse to end a relationship maybe? One of my friends is now in a long term relationship with the guy she cheated with. One of my other friends had a fascination for a guy in a band, kissed him and slept in his bed and so broke up with her boyfriend for it. She later slept with him and said it was the worst night of her life. Her boyfriend was a virgin and not ready for sex, so she cheated out of lust. Couple of my friends are in just awful relationships but won't get out of them, but think because they're boyfriends are crap its kinda ok to cheat. I won't even get started on them!

I guess there's many reasons people cheat. Its not something I understand. I've never once gotten the desire to it, and even just thinking of it makes my stomach turn. Don't know how I'd ever look my boyfriend in the face again.

Small rant coming! I hate when my good friends tell me about their cheating and I can't air my honest views on how lousy I think they are because they are my friends! I don't want to get into arguments or have my friends feel I'm judging them for their awful behaviour so I keep my mouth shut. Just wish they would stop telling me! The girl who was with the band guy was spending nights in his house for a couple of months before she broke up with her boyfriend, and would constantly tell me how she liked him more. I couldn't look her boyfriend in the eye, but couldn't betray my friend's trust either.

Dolbert

bryaner wrote: »

Don't think I'd like to be married to you, just seems like a matter of time before you cheat tbh..

Because she admits to still being attracted to other people? I guess when you're in a relationship you never even notice a hot girl? Get real.

bryaner

Dolorous wrote: »

Because she admits to still being attracted to other people? I guess when you're in a relationship you never even notice a hot girl? Get real.

Maybe read her post and do the math, get real!!

gargleblaster

Dolorous wrote: »

Because she admits to still being attracted to other people? I guess when you're in a relationship you never even notice a hot girl? Get real.

I suspect it was more the way it was worded, about how if someone is vulnerable and someone else flutters an eyelid, who knows what could happen. Makes it sound all so very accidental and blameless.

I think cheating happens simply because people are being thoughtless and immature. Maybe also inconsiderate. I cheated twice for revenge after being cheated on. I was definitely being thoughtless and immature when I did it. I should have just ended the relationships. I did afterward, but it should have been before. There is zero chance I'd ever do it again (any kind - including skyping, sexting, sexy chats online, various betrayals of trust, etc.)


Would this thread be a good place to talk about things like the websites that are specifically set up for people to find a partner to have an affair with? I forget the name of the one I heard of. Oh yes, Ashley Madison. And there are sex swinger sites where the attached people aren't swingers, they're cheaters. Swingers' partners are aware of the swinging. Many of the people on those sites seem not to bother informing their partners of the fact that they're now in an open relationship. I can't help but wonder what they'd think if their partners decided to join in the fun - if they'd be ok with that.

bryaner

Everyone gets a chance and many of them, I'm of the opinion that it takes the stronger person to turn away and do the right thing, its sometimes hard to do but better for all, and not be the foolish sheep..

--LOS--

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

So is cheating just shagging? Cheating isn't kissing? Or chatting on-line? Or watching each other on web-cam? Or whatever?

it's all of those

CoolGirl101

I HATE cheaters with a passion.
I have a now ex-friend who cheated on every guy she was ever with (several times each), and then had the cheek to complain when they broke up with her.

There really is no excuse, if you're bored with someone, break up with them first.
If you are mad at them, be an adult and tell them, don't go out and go off with someone else..

Not judging OP, just my opinion on cheaters!

CoolGirl101

Dolorous wrote: »

Because she admits to still being attracted to other people? I guess when you're in a relationship you never even notice a hot girl? Get real.

If you're truly committed to a relationship there shouldn't be the need to even LOOK at anyone else. It isn't that hard like..

krudler

CoolGirl101 wrote: »

If you're truly committed to a relationship there shouldn't be the need to even LOOK at anyone else. It isn't that hard like..

Ah now, just because you're in a relationship doesnt mean you cant find other people appealing looks wise. Acting on it is different, but you dont automatically turn off what you do and dont find attractive in people just because you're going out with someone. Theres a world of difference between lusting after someone and looking at a girl/guy you think is cute on a night out or on the street or something.

Asphyxia

I've never cheated but I have been cheated on, it's not nice thing it makes you feel worthless and is a complete confidence knock! I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Everyone has different views on what cheating is! While some think viewing porn is cheating I don't, but I also think kissing another person is still just as bad as being intimate with someone else!

There's loads of reasons why people cheat whether it's being young and immature or being unhappy in a relationship it isn't pinpointed to being one thing. I also don't believe in the saying "once you're a cheat your always a cheat" I've been in a happy relationship for over four years with a person who had cheated in his past relationship, of course it brought trust issues at the start of the relationship but he's more than proved to me that I can trust him.

I find it funny how hypocritical people can be about cheating!

Princess Peach

I agree with Asphyxia about the once a cheat always a cheat thing. I think people who cheat in relationships don't want to be in that particular relationship. I think if a past cheater finds the right person they will want to settle down and be with only that person.

Its the same for when people use the "I have commitment issues" excuse. I think its all just a matter of finding the right person.

I never ask new boyfriends about their previous relationships or what went wrong in them, I don't want to know. If I learned early on in a relationship that he had cheated before, it might weigh on my mind and give me some worries, but I know that doesn't mean he will do it to me.