Stupid recession :'(

irishgal2012

psychward wrote: »

Apologies if I somehow came across as rude. That was never my intention. I was only commenting from a practical financial planning towards your goals point of view.



That's always your decision. Finances were what worried the OP hence my fair comment about financial planning.

Ok, I apologise, I just thought you were being a bit unfair to Nikkibikki...at the end of the day your wedding day only happens once (hopefully!) and I dont think anyone should have to justify what they've spent-regardless of their financial situation. I couldnt afford a big wedding so did what I could on a small budget-but we still ended up borrowing a little! But I dont for a second regret it, I had the most wonderful day with my new husband and our close family and friends-and now we're ready to start our family, ok so we'll struggle a bit at the beginning im sure but I dont think we'd ever be in a position where we could say we're completely financially secure and I don't want to let our opportunity pass us by!

psychward

Irishgal it's just my probably typical male reaction when my own fiancée mentions weddings to want to keep the costs down. I was working then returned to college for another degree and after I signed up for my coursework after having left my job with enough savings (I thought) to survive on she fell pregnant. It wasn't planned but I have to admit my little girl is amazing and makes me very happy but the next year is going to be tough particularly as part time jobs seem in short supply. If we had spent a fortune on a wedding and then she had fallen pregnant I would probably have had to drop out of college which would be awful for my little girls future financial security. A fortune to me in my present circumstances would probably be not even a grand. When you have little ones depending on you, it's always nice to have some kind of cash as a buffer against surprises just in case.

nikkibikki

Have been there PW when €100 is a fortune, never mind a grand!!!! My husband was out of work before and very lucky to have gotten a job when he did. It's not nice at all so I do empathise. But if all we could have afforded was a registry office ceremony in our jeans at lunchtime, than I would have done that no problem. It was actually him that wanted to do the big wedding thing a bit more than me! I did too, don't get me wrong, but would have compromised with a smaller do for sure. We scrimped and saved and sacrificed for our wedding and borrowed a bit but only because we could. My husband was the one that was worried about finances, not me, I could see that after the wedding things would be a lot different (I'm an accountant of sorts! Dealing with numbers everyday!!) but he took convincing, he had to see the raw proof so to say before he would believe it! Anyway, I came on here to rant moreso than looking for advice, as it's difficult to talk to people that I know about this and felt better after writing it all down and getting it out.

irishgal2012

Ive also been there PW, both my husband and I went through a few years of being through a rollercoaster of three day weeks, temporary lay offs and then finally being let go. Thankfully we both managed to get back to full time work last year which is when we decided to get married on the cheap-as we will never take having a job for granted again and wanted to get married while we could even afford a cheap wedding!

But anyway, im delighted for you Nikki that your DH has come around to you trying for a baby-fingers crossed you wont have long to wait!

MastiffMrs

I don't understand when people say that things will work out and just to go for it even when money is a problem. I'll be married 2 years this year&would love to start a family but simply can't afford it. We both have stable perm jobs but with mortgage,loans etc theres no money left for savings. I've cried some days wondering if we'll ever be in a position to start trying,but I know we just have to wait. The main issue will be having to put the child inv creche as family won't be able to mind them,then will I only see my child for an hour in the am&an hour in the pm? Creche would be the biggest expense too as family would pass down prams,car seats etc. Neither of us will have the option to go part time in our jobs,in mine I often have to work late at short notice.it just seems that our lives right now wouldn't be suitable for kids but we'd love to have them. I don't know how its going to work out. I've no interest in being a career woman but still want to provide for my kids&give them a good life. It's a worry and I think there must be thousands of people feeling the same.

psychward

MastiffMrs wrote: »

I don't understand when people say that things will work out and just to go for it even when money is a problem. I'll be married 2 years this year&would love to start a family but simply can't afford it. We both have stable perm jobs but with mortgage,loans etc theres no money left for savings. I've cried some days wondering if we'll ever be in a position to start trying,but I know we just have to wait. The main issue will be having to put the child inv creche as family won't be able to mind them,then will I only see my child for an hour in the am&an hour in the pm? Creche would be the biggest expense too as family would pass down prams,car seats etc. Neither of us will have the option to go part time in our jobs,in mine I often have to work late at short notice.it just seems that our lives right now wouldn't be suitable for kids but we'd love to have them. I don't know how its going to work out. I've no interest in being a career woman but still want to provide for my kids&give them a good life. It's a worry and I think there must be thousands of people feeling the same.

I totally sympathize with you. I would love to have a large family but need to sort out my finances once and for all before I can. You are both lucky to have jobs but in one sense its' like being a bird in a gilded cage without the freedom you really desire. You should try drawing up a list of things you can do without and ways to save money. Then ask yourself for example is my Sky tv (replace with freesat) more important than a new baby ? Is a bus or bicycle commute with saved money more important than 2 cars or 1 car etc etc. I found there were lots of things I was quite happy to deny myself in order to make sure my new baby had as much as possible. And my baby was a complete surprise as we were using supposedly excellent contraception. So I don't wish to worry you but theres a chance you or anyone else could be similarly surprised too as no contraception is 100% safe even if it's 98 or 99. So whatever you do you should try to plan ahead. Those creche fees are a killer. I would almost consider emigrating to somewhere like Sweden where Creches are free at least for 4 or 5 years. Ideas like that are dependent upon finding 2 new job offers though.

LegacyUser

MastiffMrs, while I see your point, I also disagree with what your saying. My husband and I are both working too and while having a baby will be a big struggle, its what we really want and so decided to go for it, Im now 3 months pregnant and while it terrifies me, the thoughts of letting my opportunity of having a family slip through my fingers terrified me even more. I was worried in case I might have fertility problems and it could take years to conceive. Luckily for me that wasnt an issue but i have a friend who has been trying for over 4 years with no success. Also I dont see when our financial situation would ever improve and if it means a few years of tightening the purse strings now then so be it-in 20 years time it will be the happy times brought by the baby that we'll remember, not the few years of not socialising much etc!! I certainly wouldnt be holding off having a family just because of financial reasons as it could be something you'll really regret. Childcare will be a big expense but even thats only for a few years until the child starts school when that expense will ease off somewhat. The main thing is that the child will be loved and have a stable home. The way i see it if everyone was to wait until they were financially stable to have a family-no-one would be having children!!

MastiffMrs

Holding off "just because of financial reasons" is 100% necessary for me. I don't see how you can disagree with what I said,you don't know my situation. I won't regret waiting,I wish I didn't have to,but I need to be able to pay all my bills and save for my future kids. It's being practical,no point in just hoping for the best. You have probably not had the same financial issues as me so you don't have the same perspective.

LegacyUser

MastiffMrs, I didnt mean to offend you in any way and for that I apologise. All I meant was that waiting for financial reasons could mean waiting for years and then possibly finding out I had fertility issues which would then take years to deal with too and maybe mean we would miss our opportunity for having a family. For us everything is working out nicely, a family member has agreed to look after our baby for a lot less than a creche would cost which will be a huge help to us. We have been in dire financial situations ourselves in the last few years, we both were out of work and really struggled just to get by. That was actually what spurred us into having a family now while we are both working again and things are going ok for us, as we realise you never know whats around the corner and for us we just couldnt plan for these things!

I wish you all the best for your future family planning and I hope everything works out well for you when the time is right x

Paddy Bateman

Ms2011 wrote: »

Myself and my partner will be made redundant in a months time (we work in the same place) but we are still ttc since May as it may take months for us to be successful and who knows what might happen in that time.
I grew up in the 80's where my Dad was in and out of work. I was the middle of 3 children and while we may not have had every luxury I had a good childhood with loving parents. If I'm honest I see a lot of spoiled kids who get (imo) too much, I think going back to a simplier time isn't such a bad thing.:)

That is a very good point a lot of 30 - 40 year old can agree with