Stupid recession :'(

nikkibikki

Hi everyone, just need to get this out. Background is me and H2B getting married in less than 7 weeks time, plan always was to TTC right away, we have a 3 yr old boy already who we both dote on and we both want more kids. I was so excited about having another baby and being pregnant again, couldn't wait to go on honeymoon!!
Last night then we are talking and he says that he wants to wait a little while til we are more financially stable til we TTC. Every penny the last while has been going on the wedding and the credit card balance is fairly high too, plus we will still need to borrow a few grand for the wedding. Financially, ATM we haven't any spare cash to do anything nice, as in go out for a few drinks every so often. None of his friends have kids so their social circle involves late nights out in the pub a good 30miles away still and he hates having to say no to them all the time, would like to be able to say yes sometimes. And also wants us to be able to have little nights out sometimes too.....
I'm devastated girls, I think I feel an element of loss, as if I had a child and now I've lost it. Nothing compared to actually loosing a child but an element of it all the same. Was all excited about the wedding and having a baby after it but now I don't think I can even get excited about the wedding. Hopefully we'll be in a better position come the new year but if it goes on any longer than that, not sure how I will cope.....
Not really looking for advice, just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

Joey the lips

Not getting to heavy except to say you are never financially secure when you are trying to have kids.

The only thing that should hold you back is the effect on your jobs. ie if one of you has to perm give up work because you cannot afford a creche.

nikkibikki

Thanks Joey, ah yeah I know will prob never ever be 100% financially secure (unless we win the lotto!!) but he would like to have at least one of our loans paid off before we TTC or be in a bit better position financially. I totally see where he is coming from, he is just being sensible. We know how stressfull having a baby can be and know that you need to look after yourself and our relationship as well, as things stand, we can't do things like that as every penny is going on the wedding and for a few months after the wedding it will all be going on paying the loan that we have to take out for the wedding. And god knows what will be in the next budget from the government, I dread to think. And if petrol goes up any more!! Already spend €60 a week on it just commuting.... It'll just be more out of our already empty pockets.... I don't want to keep on moaning coz the majority of people in the country are in exactly the same position, not having a penny.....

dan_d

Hi..(I'm a girl!!)..I never post here, but read your post and agree wholeheartedly.
I know you can't plan your life, but I'm getting married in a few months, and will be 29. I was hoping and we had kind of talked about kids and when we might try for them. We kind of thought maybe about a year after the wedding - ish, when I'm around 30.
Unfortunately I've been unemployed the last 11 months, and while we are still getting married (not paying thankfully, we've been very lucky with generous parents), it's affected our future plans a bit. I've just managed to get a contract job, but it's not secure, and the OH's job is very unsecure. So now kids are being put on the back burner. I know I've plenty of time yet and all, but it worries me, I don't want to be having child no.1 in my mid-late 30's, and definitely not because I was trying to find a stable job.The OH is a little less concerned from that aspect, but the job/money issues definitely play on his mind, as they should.
I often wonder how many others there are of my age and under who would have had/tried for kids but won't now because of the recession and what effect that might have in the future.
Like I said, I know you can't plan your life out and expect it to happen that way, but still...you can have a rough....framework (!!). So I agree...stupid recession.Ruins everything.:mad:

Ms2011

Myself and my partner will be made redundant in a months time (we work in the same place) but we are still ttc since May as it may take months for us to be successful and who knows what might happen in that time.
I grew up in the 80's where my Dad was in and out of work. I was the middle of 3 children and while we may not have had every luxury I had a good childhood with loving parents. If I'm honest I see a lot of spoiled kids who get (imo) too much, I think going back to a simplier time isn't such a bad thing.:)

galah

don't think there's ever the right time...

we got married 2 years ago, and definitely wanted kids - both in secure jobs, everything grand. Just before the wedding, hubby developed sarcoid, and had to take some nasty meds - which meant we couldn't conceive straight away due to potential severe birth defects etc. That meant we had to wait 6 months AFTER he finished the treatment before we could even START trying. Threw a spanner in my perfect planning, let me tell ya. Worst 1.5 years of my life, since I am not a patient girl, and am also in my mid-thirties. We bought a house in the meantime, which pretty much wiped out our savings, so there went the financial security. Started TTC last November, fell pregnant in February (thankfully that went really quick!) - and then hubby lost his job early April, completely unexpected.

I've since given up worrying about this kind of stuff...You can't plan for anything, really, so just take it as it comes - that's my lesson learned, anyway ;-) I'd say people a lot poorer than most of us also managed to raise kids perfectly well - they may not have the most expensive things in life, but that's not what it's about anyway...

whatdoicare

There is 110% never a right time - ever. Married a year and we decided to sit down recently and work out when we could start our family......the answer? NEVER!:eek:
What did we do? We got a bit merry on our anniversary champagne and said feck it! If it happens, it happens.
Talking to our folks helped too - both sets confirmed that they had nothing and managed away regardless.

My dad gave the best advice: "It was easier for us, sure we didn't even have condoms! The babies arrived and somehow you fed them and put nappies on their bums (or newspapers on the ground...whichever was closest to hand!:D)"
Followed closely with "We didn't even have a lidl back then - you kids these days, don't know how good ye got it--- and there's like five pound shops in town-what I would have done for two pound shops!!"


Um... we backed away and out the door after that......:rolleyes:

cbyrd

I can honestly say that there's never a sure time to have children. Our first was born 12 months after we met and somehow we managed to get married and buy a house just before the 2nd came along. We're expecting our 4th now and looking back at what we started with i don't know how we did it. I think if we knew then what we know now we would've run for the hills:eek::D

You have to be sure that you are capable of loving a baby and providing the basics. Everything else will fall into place. They're really not as expensive as you might think and with the recession people are not as proud and will offer to lend things if you'll have them. The good thing is you get so tired that you don't feel like going out so you save on that expense too .
good luck with what ever you decide but i always like the idea of throwing caution to the wind and seeing what happens. .(within reason and only if we have talked about the possible outcomes(my husband is now booked in for the snip:D:D))

Mink

Know how you feel OP. We're about the same age, job trouble & surprise unemployment since last year has crippled us but we're getting back on our feet. Renting & no sign of us being anywhere near being able to buy a house for probably another 2 years! We have career goals etc etc.

But I've been mega broody for a couple years & started bringing up starting a family on & off with himself. There are loads and loads of reasons why it's not the best time (work still all over the place, we're renting, still have career goals).

But after speaking to so many parents, they all say there is never a perfect time, that you just make things go the right way, and that babies are not nearly as expensive as people think. Mothers always say to me don't leave it too late as pregnancy & labour etc gets that bit harder the older you get (unless you are super fit & healthy).

I agree with the posts above about how it was when we were growing up, we really didn't have much but it was fine. The main thing is that the basics are covered and there's lots of love. I know I can provide that at least so we are going to start trying this year & whatever problems come our way we'll just get through it as it will be worth it (unless of course we produce the anti-christ baby )

Also, you don't have to give up everything to have a baby, you just have to find a compromise and work around things.... I hope!

caprilicious

Can't agree more with all of the people saying 'there's never a right time'.
We got married 2 years ago & I fell pregnant soon after with our daughter. Before we started trying for a child, we were both in secure jobs, decent wages.

Soon after I became pregnant, we took joint pay cuts of 37% between us, then my hours were cut to a 3 day week when I returned to work after maternity leave.

I wouldn't change a thing though. We absolutely adore our daughter & knowing what we do now about how our finances would end up, we'd still do it again in the morning

I can understand where your soon to be husband is coming from wanting to clear off a loan or two first, but hopefully he'll come around to the idea of starting a family soon

Best of luck with your upcoming nuptials

Fittle

I agree with what most here are saying - if we were all to sit down and figure out when we could afford to have children, we would have none! For what it's worth, pregnancy in itself isn't a huge financial burden - so even if you got pregnant straight away, you could still afford to pay your loans off for at least 9 months before it had a huge financial impact on your life. If you're lucky enough to have two sets of decent parents as you say, chances are you'll get buggies/cots etc as gifts...and the amount of clothes you get when you have a new baby is just ridiculous! So life can tick along pretty nicely for a while even if you got pregnant...
In my case, I got pregnant at 34, working in a secure job on a good salary (civil service) - my partner left when I was pregnant leaving me pretty much alone with little family support (great friends though). I had to take a career break after he was born, and realised pretty soon after I returned to work, that I couldn't afford large creche fees and large rent (1200 each per month, at that time). So I resigned, lived on lone parents allowance for a while...not sure how I survived, but here we are, 9 years later, with a house I bought in 2007, a happy, healthy child and working full time and doing ok.
I think when we have our children, somehow human nature gives us the will or power to survive...and we do! Best of luck OP.

Neyite

Op, I agree with Joey the Lips.

We both work, but dont have lots of excess cash. In our case, engagement and weddings are waiting until after we start our family because we are now under a fertility specialist so until we know what finances we need for that, our little savings are earmarked for that.

I know that if one of us (me probably since I have the smaller salary) had to quit work to save on creche fees, we would certainly not be flush but we would manage.

I can understand your disappointment, but if you say that you have spent loads on your wedding and honeymoon, have loans and a credit card maxed out, I do think that he is being sensible. Having said that, You might be in a different position after the wedding once you open the cards - the majority of people give cash, so that might put a nice dent in your debts?

nikkibikki

Hi everyone, thanks a million for all the replies! Yeah I know if you keep doing sums you'll never be able 2 afford a baby, H2B is just being wary, he lost his job when our son was only 9 months old, just before his first Christmas and we were in the middle of renovating the house we had bought. Thankfully, he got another job after 9 months on unemployment (very lucky, I know) and works EXTREMELY hard both in work and at home and his job wouldn't be very secure and it is very low paid. My job is secure thank god and pay is ok. Oh and we haven't spent "loads" on the wedding either, it's not a tiny wedding but all in it's about €13K including honeymoon, we only need to borrow about €4K so we're not doing too bad there at all, not blowing €30K on it or anything like I see some people doing! I know in my heart and soul that we will manage if we had a baby 9 months after the wedding and that fine with me, I will make the sacrifices, but he kind of wants to be a little bit more comfortable than just managing iykwim, and can't see what more sacrifices either of us can make. Our mortgage int rate is due to come down from 1st Sept (stuck on 6.15% for the last 3yrs) and also our son is starting pre school so creche fees will come down also so I reckon I will get him to change his mind and he said he's defo open to changing it so fingers, toes and butt cheeks crossed!!
Thanks everyone again for your replies, felt better after getting it all out.

irishgal2012

nikkibikki wrote: »

Hi everyone, thanks a million for all the replies! Yeah I know if you keep doing sums you'll never be able 2 afford a baby, H2B is just being wary, he lost his job when our son was only 9 months old, just before his first Christmas and we were in the middle of renovating the house we had bought. Thankfully, he got another job after 9 months on unemployment (very lucky, I know) and works EXTREMELY hard both in work and at home and his job wouldn't be very secure and it is very low paid. My job is secure thank god and pay is ok. Oh and we haven't spent "loads" on the wedding either, it's not a tiny wedding but all in it's about €13K including honeymoon, we only need to borrow about €4K so we're not doing too bad there at all, not blowing €30K on it or anything like I see some people doing! I know in my heart and soul that we will manage if we had a baby 9 months after the wedding and that fine with me, I will make the sacrifices, but he kind of wants to be a little bit more comfortable than just managing iykwim, and can't see what more sacrifices either of us can make. Our mortgage int rate is due to come down from 1st Sept (stuck on 6.15% for the last 3yrs) and also our son is starting pre school so creche fees will come down also so I reckon I will get him to change his mind and he said he's defo open to changing it so fingers, toes and butt cheeks crossed!!
Thanks everyone again for your replies, felt better after getting it all out.

Hi Nikki,

I know this thread is old but im just curious as to how things panned out for you?!
Ive come off the pill and we are hoping to get pregnant but I know my Husband is very nervous about finances too. We've had a rough time of it the last few years with jobs, both of us were out of work at one point but thankfully we are both working again now. We are lucky in that we have a tracker mortgage on the house, but we also have some big loans that wont be cleared for a few years yet...but I dont want to wait, everyone keeps telling me that 'the universe will provide' for the child so im hoping its true what everyone says about children not being so expensive!! My main worry is having to go back to work after-I know ill be devastated,i'd love to be a stay at home mum-just for the early years, but we couldnt afford to live on just one wage so we'd have no option! But ill deal with that when it happens! Fingers crossed I wont be waiting too long before the pitter patter of tiny feet!!

nikkibikki

Hiya, at the moment we are looking at starting to try in the new year. Or sooner if things start looking up sooner. I asked hubby what if i accidently got pregnant and he said he'd actually be delighted really but a bit worried all the same. I'm on pogesterone only pill at d mo not combined pill anymore for health reasons so its not as reliable. I hate taking the bloody tablet every morning. I'm doing exams in work as well as exercise classes in the evenings to keep my mind off it as much as possible. I've learned recently from a family tragedy that life is too short and u shouldn't take anything for granted. Don't take ur fertility for granted. I've got Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome so I know I won't conceive easily.

Sorry for ranting, I'm not answering ur questions at all! I won't lie to you, going back to work was very tough, but we'd still be living in my parents house if I didn't, not in our own home. We were just back from travelling for a year when we discovered I was pregnant and were living there while saving to buy our house. You will do it coz u know its best thing for your family. I'd love to have stayed at home but no way hubbys job was enough to support us on its own. And I've been lucky with the creche our son is in, they're amazing there and he's learned so much!

Edited to add, ur child will b provided for, u and ur husband will make sure of that, but be prepared for sacrifices, which I can assure u are a million per cent worth it! If money is tight, forget about buying new clothes for yourselves for a while, the baby will be eating up the clothes budget for a while, they grow so quickly!

tupoftea

Just my 2 cents. I have two kids under two and have taken out a loan so I can use the additional unpaid maternity leave to stay the extra time at home with my newest little one.

I had a terrible time ttc and carrying babies and I think finance and worries can add to things no end but once you have your kids they are worth every single penny and more you ever spent and the financial worries for me are there still but the kids are not a major impact on this.

Things work out....dont know how but they do! Going back to work in a few months and will clear my debts I hope by mid-next year fingers crossed and belt tightened.

I wish you all lots of happy times ttc and dont worry it all works itself out in the end and you will have amazing little people to share your life with:D

irishgal2012

Thanks guys, its good to hear stories of other people who werent totally financially secure but got through it ok!!

I have no doubt sacrifices will have to be made and have no problem with that-I'd give up anything to have a little bundle of joy! Up until now we havent been 'trying' as such-just not preventing it either..this month will be our first month to actually 'try' for a baby so im excited and nervous at the same time! I'd be so happy if we were pregnant by christmas! But only time will tell I guess! Good luck when you start trying, hope you wont have long to wait!:D

longinforababy

nikkibikki wrote: »

Don't take ur fertility for granted.

That's for sure, you only have to look at all the threads and posts about not being able to conceive naturally and you realise life is for living and not putting off.
Even my dad said same thing about never a good time (money wise) so just go for it.
We thought 8 years ago when we could "afford it" started ttc...
8 years on we are both on sw and still no babies, have not stopped trying though!

Good luck for ttc in the new year! Hope it all goes well for you!

Hope your lo is enjoying the prep for the wedding too! as well as h2b!

nikkibikki

Oh they didn't do a whole pile! Was mostly me that did everything! Married nearly 2months now, have been to 3 other weddings and sadly also the funeral of my 29yr old cousin in that time, so a right mixture of emotions there, life shouldn't be taken for granted either. Wishing you all the best with ttc, I know of a couple that were trying for that long and they had triplets last year so there is hope!

longinforababy

wow triplets!
Sorry to hear about your loss.

Life is such a biatch guess you have to keep on going, onwards and upwards eh... good luck again!

allgirlz

We are in a similar position, just married already have a 5 year old daughter and my husband was worried about trying as I am working on a contract which is unstable and he is also contract working but far more stable and extremely well paid. So after lots of discussion and anguish on my part we have decided to throw caution to the wind and start trying, am so excited, I just hope now that it does not take long!!

caprilicious

The very best of luck Allgirlz. I think you do right, and please God by the time you have baba you will both have a more stable work situation

longinforababy

good luck allgirlz,

nikkibikki

He's come round!!! Stopping the pill as and from today!!!! Let the rollercoaster begin!!!!

longinforababy

good luck nikki!

psychward

nikkibikki wrote: »

Last night then we are talking and he says that he wants to wait a little while til we are more financially stable til we TTC. Every penny the last while has been going on the wedding and the credit card balance is fairly high too, plus we will still need to borrow a few grand for the wedding. Financially, ATM we haven't any spare cash to do anything nice, as in go out for a few drinks every so often.
Not really looking for advice, just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

Know ur not looking for advice and can see all is going well for you now. Good luck

But would it not have made sense to have a cheaper wedding in order to work towards your goal at the time ?

nikkibikki

psychward wrote: »

nikkibikki wrote: »

Last night then we are talking and he says that he wants to wait a little while til we are more financially stable til we TTC. Every penny the last while has been going on the wedding and the credit card balance is fairly high too, plus we will still need to borrow a few grand for the wedding. Financially, ATM we haven't any spare cash to do anything nice, as in go out for a few drinks every so often.
Not really looking for advice, just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

Know ur not looking for advice and can see all is going well for you now. Good luck

But would it not have made sense to have a cheaper wedding in order to work towards your goal at the time ?

it was as cheap as chips, believe me!!

psychward

nikkibikki wrote: »

it was as cheap as chips, believe me!!

well I guess everyones definition of cheap as chips could be different if you had to borrow a few grand to make it happen. I haven't got married yet. I hope I don't end up in debt when I do

nikkibikki

psychward wrote: »

nikkibikki wrote: »

it was as cheap as chips, believe me!!

well I guess everyones definition of cheap as chips could be different if you had to borrow a few grand to make it happen. I haven't got married yet. I hope I don't end up in debt when I do

We're not in debt for the wedding anymore, I'm talking 2 or 3 grand of a loan that was paid within 3 months. We paid for stuff as we were going along and saved hard, cutting corners and making compromises everywhere. We were very lucky with gifts that we received. Not going to comment anymore on what our wedding cost.

irishgal2012

psychward I dont think its any of your business how much nikkibikkis wedding cost! I personally spent less than 5k on my wedding but still got a small loan out for it-does that mean I shouldnt be trying for a baby?! I wanted to be married before having a baby so that the child would have the same surname as both its parents, I know its old fashioned and if i'd gotten pregnant before i'd have been just as thrilled. Nikki doesnt have to justify getting married or what it cost to anyone!

psychward

irishgal2012 wrote: »

psychward I dont think its any of your business how much nikkibikkis wedding cost!

Apologies if I somehow came across as rude. That was never my intention. I was only commenting from a practical financial planning towards your goals point of view.

irishgal2012 wrote: »

I personally spent less than 5k on my wedding but still got a small loan out for it-does that mean I shouldnt be trying for a baby?

That's always your decision. Finances were what worried the OP hence my fair comment about financial planning.

irishgal2012

psychward wrote: »

Apologies if I somehow came across as rude. That was never my intention. I was only commenting from a practical financial planning towards your goals point of view.



That's always your decision. Finances were what worried the OP hence my fair comment about financial planning.

Ok, I apologise, I just thought you were being a bit unfair to Nikkibikki...at the end of the day your wedding day only happens once (hopefully!) and I dont think anyone should have to justify what they've spent-regardless of their financial situation. I couldnt afford a big wedding so did what I could on a small budget-but we still ended up borrowing a little! But I dont for a second regret it, I had the most wonderful day with my new husband and our close family and friends-and now we're ready to start our family, ok so we'll struggle a bit at the beginning im sure but I dont think we'd ever be in a position where we could say we're completely financially secure and I don't want to let our opportunity pass us by!

psychward

Irishgal it's just my probably typical male reaction when my own fiancée mentions weddings to want to keep the costs down. I was working then returned to college for another degree and after I signed up for my coursework after having left my job with enough savings (I thought) to survive on she fell pregnant. It wasn't planned but I have to admit my little girl is amazing and makes me very happy but the next year is going to be tough particularly as part time jobs seem in short supply. If we had spent a fortune on a wedding and then she had fallen pregnant I would probably have had to drop out of college which would be awful for my little girls future financial security. A fortune to me in my present circumstances would probably be not even a grand. When you have little ones depending on you, it's always nice to have some kind of cash as a buffer against surprises just in case.

nikkibikki

Have been there PW when €100 is a fortune, never mind a grand!!!! My husband was out of work before and very lucky to have gotten a job when he did. It's not nice at all so I do empathise. But if all we could have afforded was a registry office ceremony in our jeans at lunchtime, than I would have done that no problem. It was actually him that wanted to do the big wedding thing a bit more than me! I did too, don't get me wrong, but would have compromised with a smaller do for sure. We scrimped and saved and sacrificed for our wedding and borrowed a bit but only because we could. My husband was the one that was worried about finances, not me, I could see that after the wedding things would be a lot different (I'm an accountant of sorts! Dealing with numbers everyday!!) but he took convincing, he had to see the raw proof so to say before he would believe it! Anyway, I came on here to rant moreso than looking for advice, as it's difficult to talk to people that I know about this and felt better after writing it all down and getting it out.

irishgal2012

Ive also been there PW, both my husband and I went through a few years of being through a rollercoaster of three day weeks, temporary lay offs and then finally being let go. Thankfully we both managed to get back to full time work last year which is when we decided to get married on the cheap-as we will never take having a job for granted again and wanted to get married while we could even afford a cheap wedding!

But anyway, im delighted for you Nikki that your DH has come around to you trying for a baby-fingers crossed you wont have long to wait!

MastiffMrs

I don't understand when people say that things will work out and just to go for it even when money is a problem. I'll be married 2 years this year&would love to start a family but simply can't afford it. We both have stable perm jobs but with mortgage,loans etc theres no money left for savings. I've cried some days wondering if we'll ever be in a position to start trying,but I know we just have to wait. The main issue will be having to put the child inv creche as family won't be able to mind them,then will I only see my child for an hour in the am&an hour in the pm? Creche would be the biggest expense too as family would pass down prams,car seats etc. Neither of us will have the option to go part time in our jobs,in mine I often have to work late at short notice.it just seems that our lives right now wouldn't be suitable for kids but we'd love to have them. I don't know how its going to work out. I've no interest in being a career woman but still want to provide for my kids&give them a good life. It's a worry and I think there must be thousands of people feeling the same.

psychward

MastiffMrs wrote: »

I don't understand when people say that things will work out and just to go for it even when money is a problem. I'll be married 2 years this year&would love to start a family but simply can't afford it. We both have stable perm jobs but with mortgage,loans etc theres no money left for savings. I've cried some days wondering if we'll ever be in a position to start trying,but I know we just have to wait. The main issue will be having to put the child inv creche as family won't be able to mind them,then will I only see my child for an hour in the am&an hour in the pm? Creche would be the biggest expense too as family would pass down prams,car seats etc. Neither of us will have the option to go part time in our jobs,in mine I often have to work late at short notice.it just seems that our lives right now wouldn't be suitable for kids but we'd love to have them. I don't know how its going to work out. I've no interest in being a career woman but still want to provide for my kids&give them a good life. It's a worry and I think there must be thousands of people feeling the same.

I totally sympathize with you. I would love to have a large family but need to sort out my finances once and for all before I can. You are both lucky to have jobs but in one sense its' like being a bird in a gilded cage without the freedom you really desire. You should try drawing up a list of things you can do without and ways to save money. Then ask yourself for example is my Sky tv (replace with freesat) more important than a new baby ? Is a bus or bicycle commute with saved money more important than 2 cars or 1 car etc etc. I found there were lots of things I was quite happy to deny myself in order to make sure my new baby had as much as possible. And my baby was a complete surprise as we were using supposedly excellent contraception. So I don't wish to worry you but theres a chance you or anyone else could be similarly surprised too as no contraception is 100% safe even if it's 98 or 99. So whatever you do you should try to plan ahead. Those creche fees are a killer. I would almost consider emigrating to somewhere like Sweden where Creches are free at least for 4 or 5 years. Ideas like that are dependent upon finding 2 new job offers though.

LegacyUser

MastiffMrs, while I see your point, I also disagree with what your saying. My husband and I are both working too and while having a baby will be a big struggle, its what we really want and so decided to go for it, Im now 3 months pregnant and while it terrifies me, the thoughts of letting my opportunity of having a family slip through my fingers terrified me even more. I was worried in case I might have fertility problems and it could take years to conceive. Luckily for me that wasnt an issue but i have a friend who has been trying for over 4 years with no success. Also I dont see when our financial situation would ever improve and if it means a few years of tightening the purse strings now then so be it-in 20 years time it will be the happy times brought by the baby that we'll remember, not the few years of not socialising much etc!! I certainly wouldnt be holding off having a family just because of financial reasons as it could be something you'll really regret. Childcare will be a big expense but even thats only for a few years until the child starts school when that expense will ease off somewhat. The main thing is that the child will be loved and have a stable home. The way i see it if everyone was to wait until they were financially stable to have a family-no-one would be having children!!

MastiffMrs

Holding off "just because of financial reasons" is 100% necessary for me. I don't see how you can disagree with what I said,you don't know my situation. I won't regret waiting,I wish I didn't have to,but I need to be able to pay all my bills and save for my future kids. It's being practical,no point in just hoping for the best. You have probably not had the same financial issues as me so you don't have the same perspective.

LegacyUser

MastiffMrs, I didnt mean to offend you in any way and for that I apologise. All I meant was that waiting for financial reasons could mean waiting for years and then possibly finding out I had fertility issues which would then take years to deal with too and maybe mean we would miss our opportunity for having a family. For us everything is working out nicely, a family member has agreed to look after our baby for a lot less than a creche would cost which will be a huge help to us. We have been in dire financial situations ourselves in the last few years, we both were out of work and really struggled just to get by. That was actually what spurred us into having a family now while we are both working again and things are going ok for us, as we realise you never know whats around the corner and for us we just couldnt plan for these things!

I wish you all the best for your future family planning and I hope everything works out well for you when the time is right x

Paddy Bateman

Ms2011 wrote: »

Myself and my partner will be made redundant in a months time (we work in the same place) but we are still ttc since May as it may take months for us to be successful and who knows what might happen in that time.
I grew up in the 80's where my Dad was in and out of work. I was the middle of 3 children and while we may not have had every luxury I had a good childhood with loving parents. If I'm honest I see a lot of spoiled kids who get (imo) too much, I think going back to a simplier time isn't such a bad thing.:)

That is a very good point a lot of 30 - 40 year old can agree with