If You Have No Job No Date

LegacyUser

OP i think you need to chill out....the main factor is whether you don't live with your parents...DO NOT discuss your unemployment when chatting to girls because its boring, negative & no fun. just chill the feck out and have fun, job or no job...i know plent of people that have recently been made redundant that are having fun with girls & guys...

if a girl really finds you sexually attractive it doesnt matter unless you are crap in bed......

thecookingapple

Dating is expensive in truth, i know it doesnt have to be but in reality it is, i am not saying your life stops once you become unemployed and your rights as a human being somehow stop, they dont, but there has to be a realisation as well that your life has changed and changed dramatically, the things we could afford before are not affordable anymore and you can live in a world of make believe but it will get you nowhere, if you did date someone it would be very difficult to maintain that to where you become to being in a relationship because the relationship will be born unbalanced and will stay unbalanced if the other person is working, i presume the vast number of dating is to meet someone to be in a relationship, as anyone with experience will tell you the first year of a new relationship is abliss with.

Dining experiences

weekend aways

holidays
etc etc etc

in other words it costs money whether you like it or not and if you dont have it and they do then two things will either happen:

one pays for nearly everything

or

the other one becomes bitter and resentful because they can not do the things they want even though they have the means to do them and they view this as holding them back.

There has already been a few threads about the person working and the other not and how they are resentful that their life has been altered to the point of unemployment just because their partner has become so. its harsh and it may not be cool but it is a problem whether we like it or not.

There are jobs out there also, they may not be what you trained for and they may not be the hours you want and they will not pay very well, but thats a personal choice for a individual to make, personaly i would would rather clean toilets and be independent than to remain long term unemployed.

ash23

Do you actually say

currently Unemployed, live out on my own with rent allowance

because in my opinion that's too much info and comes across as a bit, i don't know, negative I guess.

If someone asks me where I live I say I have my own place. They don't need to know if I rent or if I own, if I get rent allowance or not, if my parents are minted and bought me a house etc. That stuff is none of their business and to be talking finances within the first few emails is all a bit much, a bit soon.

No harm saying "I'm a builder" or whatever it was you were doing before coming unemployed. If they ask where you live, say I've got my own place. Be vague.
I know you're saying you want to be honest, but from a girls point of view, there are a lot of strange people on dating sites, some with emotional problems who want you to become their agony aunt. I don't use those sites anymore but the number of needy, obsessive, moaning, whingy emails I got was unreal. I'm not saying that you are being that, but after a few of those encounters, as soon as someone starts whinging or getting "poor me" in their emails I'd just stop replying because I didn't want to be their shoulder to cry on, I wanted to have fun and date.

If you're replies here are anything to go on, you need to change your style because you have a doggedness about the unemployment thing. You're ignoring the replies people are giving and are 100% adamant that your lack of job is the issue. The last 3 guys I've dated have been between jobs. anyone with an ounce of cop on knows that for guys and girls in their 20s,30s unemployment is massive. Especially for those who went into a trade.

I'd imagine that rather than being "honest" about your unemployment, you're actually challenging with it. You've decided it's the make or break issue and you throw it out there in all it's glory to see how the women react. Just so you can be right about your assumption that unemployment is the reason you aren't successful in dating. But in doing that you may be coming across as negative rather than matter of fact.

HugoDrax

Tommy87 wrote: »

@ Hugo, whether chatting online to a girl, or chatting to a girl on a night out, I have never brought up subjects like the Economy/being unemployed or politics, if I get asked the what do you work at/are you in college question, I always answer honestly instead of pretending to be something IM not, and quickly change the subject.

What do you mean by the 'what do you work at/are you in college question'? Do you have a check list or something?
Maybe girls find that question boring? How many guys do you think ask them exactly the same question? Maybe that's your problem then? No originality.
It sounds like you think you are obligated to tell a girl the absolute truth from the get go?
If you get a cold call from a sales rep on your mobile do you immediately tell them your blood group or under what flower pot you hide your house key?
Chatting up a girl is not a post mortem - she doesn't need to Y-section you and take out your innards.

Fentdog84

I spent 18 months unemployed, until recently. It can suck the confidence out of you if you let it. But it is nothing to be ashamed of, especially nowadays. If you are chatting to a girl or in any social situation, best thing is not to appear down and out about it. appear upbeat, say you are looking for a job and you want to do x, y & z. It makes you look like you know what you want and arent self conscious or moping.

As for the money situation,just say you cant do the regular dinners out/nights out/weekends away, at least until you get back on your feet. Any person who cant understand that isnt the kind of person you'd want to be with anyway. But dont ask/take money or expect them to pay for you. Offer to cook her a meal at home and a DVD etc. There is plenty stuff a couple can do without breaking the bank.