If You Have No Job No Date

LegacyUser

I just like to say that like many, I can,t help been unemployed in Ireland at the moment because of the state the Economy is in, Im a very honest person and have it down on my dating profile, however but i talked to some women here and they say no job, no date, is that the way we think now? similar attitude to girls I have approached out in bars, once they hear Im unemployed they make a excuse to exit the converdation, if the Economy was in a better state I might understand this stuck up attitude but with mass Unempoyment at the present, I don,t get why so many are so stuck up when it comes to date someone who is unemployed.

LegacyUser

I'm an unemployed female. I deleted my dating profile because there is too much uncertainty in my life right now. I will definiately have to relocate when I get a job and I have little or no money to go out. The past two weeks have been particularly tight money wise. I just don't see it as feasible to meet someone now. If it happens it happens but I'm not looking.

MiniSquish

I met my boyfriend on a Dating site and he didn't have a job and still doesn't so what you were saying doesn't really apply to all Irish women. I have no job myself at the moment so I fully understand that it's hard for some people at the moment.

LegacyUser

I joined a dating site a while back and being a mature student in a full time degree I had a similar experience, it's sad but what can ye do???

I presume there are girls out there who would take you on your personality etc. and not just the size of your bank account but unfortunately the chronic materialism that has entered our society in the last 15-20 years has fecked it up for everyone, no one has their priorities straight.... still this just makes finding a good one all the sweeter

They say things come along when you least expect it, here's hoping they're right!

beano345

according to a recent survey 55% of irish women would'nt date a man with no job,i know these things arent always accurate or apply to the real world but my only advise would be,would you really want to date someone like that,who can't see beyond you being unemployed and liking you for the person you are.im sure theirs plenty of females in the same boat who have become unemployed from the fallout of the recession who would'nt mind dating someone in the same boat.

Depends on the type of women you're finding yourself interested in. I know some high maintenance women, some low maintenance women, and some women who expect to be completely taken care of.

Personally, my boyfriend has been unemployed for about a year, and it's never been an issue. When we first got together, he had a job, but even then, he never paid for me when we went out together, and as for himself, the most expensive thing we'd ever do was going to the cinema or having a night out where we'd drink a few too many. Usually we'd go walking together/beach/have a drink/have a coffee. Nothing more than a fiver. Now that he's unemployed, nothing's changed. Sometimes we go for chips or whatever and if one of us doesn't have money, the other will pay, but it works out equal as we sorta take turns.

If money is an issue for you when trying to find women to date, then you're clearly talking to the wrong type of women.

LegacyUser

ah here....I really dont' think it's materialistic or stuck up to have a bit of common sense and prefer to date someone who's got a job.

I've been out of work myself during the recession for a few months, and I have to say I still wouldn't date someone who's unemployed for a lot of very practical reasons.

Being out of work causes mental stress - I've experienced that myself, the boredom, low self esteem etc.....it's asking a lot to ask a new partner to take that on...it's hard enough to start and keep a relationship without picking someone who already will have a few issues that will likely affect your relationship as you get to know each other.

2. Free time - being out of work means you have lots of free time generally, and getting a girlfriend can be a way of distracting yourself and filling time - I'd rather be very certain that the guy liked me for other reasons.

3. Money - yes it sucks, but it's practical...you're out of work, can you really afford to go on dates etc?? I don't expect the guy to pay for me, nor do I like going to places that cost a lot of money, but I remember when I was unemployed I didn't even have bus fare most days let alone money for a meal out etc....and it gets frustrating to date someone who is constantly unable to afford even a take-away....fair enough when you're in a relationship it's different but starting out I'd like to know the man can pay for himself and we can enjoy a bit of a social life together.

4. Stability - like most people when I was out of work, and as a previous poster mentioned, I had no stability or sense of where my life would go in the near future. I ended up immigrating like a lot of ppl...I would be very very wary of getting involved with someone when they could end up having to move to find work in a few months anyways.

OP be careful about the women that do get in touch. Women that turn you down over the unemployed status are not being materialistic, they're being practical, they probably are looking for something more than a fling and really when you're out of work, it's not feasable to start a relationship with so much baggage, and instability. Some people like 'looking after' their partner....fine if that's later in the relationship, but at the beginning esp when that person isn't doing it out of genuine care for their partner...it can be a bit demeaning and suffocating. I've met people that like to play the role of caregiver/sugar dady and I can tell you - people don't give away anything for free, often you end up feeling indebted to the other person if they constantly give you hand-outs or pay for dates.... Just to make clear again, if it's your friend/an established relationship of course, this will happen out of genuine care/love for your partner...but someone that acts that way at the start without really knowing you, I'd have my suspicions

fghijkl

ohhh i'll probably get slated for this but i'll throw my 2 cents in anyway:

I presume there are girls out there who would take you on your personality etc. and not just the size of your bank account but unfortunately the chronic materialism that has entered our society in the last 15-20 years has fecked it up for everyone, no one has their priorities straight.... still this just makes finding a good one all the sweeter

I really disagree with this, i don't think it has anything to do with money or materialism at all i think it really is more about the personality of the man (or woman) who is unemployed tbh.

I think another poster hit the nail on the head, sometimes a relationship almost becomes something to fill the monotony of being unemployed, something to pass the time. Now if a guy was unemployed but was using his time to i dunno take up hobbies or volunteer at a local charity or learn a new skill or even do a fas course or something, then i'd have no problem dating him at all because that to me would show he had a bit of drive in him and was doing something worthwhile with his time, that's attractive. If however the guy is sleeping all day or sitting on this a**e all day in front of the tv and moaning that "there's no jobs" and spending his days wasting his time, that's not attractive, And i'd almost feel he only wanted to date me because he had nothing else to do. Most women want a bit of security, it's not materialistic to want a secure future with a potential partner, Most women (well me certainly) want a man with a bit of drive who when the going gets tough makes the most of it, not someone who uses it as an excuse to be lazy. (Not that i'm saying unemployed people are lazy, and i'm not slating anyone who's unemployed, i've been unemployed myself for long time periods...)

if the Economy was in a better state I might understand this stuck up attitude but with mass Unempoyment at the present, I don,t get why so many are so stuck up when it comes to date someone who is unemployed.

I think that's a bit of an excuse to tar all these women with the same brush tbh, i wouldn't see it as being stuck up. It's about a guy having a bit of ambition and drive about him, i just don't think by nature women are attracted to men who are not proactive about making the best of their circumstances and who are overly pessimistic. (Actually i'm pretty sure most men wouldn't be attracted to that in a woman either)

If i met a guy and told me "oh i'm unemployed" and started all the usual blah blah the economy is awful, it's terrible, everyones in the same boat blah negative moaning etc i'd absolutely wouldn't want to date him

If however i met a guy who said ""oh i'm unemployed" but hopefully i'll find something soon, but at least it has given me a chance to do x y and z and i'm really enjoying x y and z, that is a man who i would definitely date.

anewme

I am single at the minute and have to say would be very weary of dating someone who is not working. Not because I am materialistic, far from it, I am more with the other posters who say that peoples emotions are all over the place when they are concerned about work and they are possibly not in the frame of mind to concentrate on a relationship.

You have to be realistic and if people are used to a certain lifestyle, it would be very hard to start a new relationship with someone on a different footing. I would like to go out, go for weekends, go on holidays, and want to meet someone who has like minded interests. I feel this is very important in the getting to know you stage.

I am not high maintenance, far from it and do not expect to be taken care of, but in reality, I also need someone that can take care of themselves. Why give yourself unnecessary stress?

I think it is a very different scenario when you are in a relationship and one of the people lose their job, it is easier to deal with because you already know the person, their aspirations, their goals, but a new realtionship has its own set of pressures enough, without job stability adding to that.

G-Money

I wouldn't want to go out with some lazy bum who's just on the dole milking the system with no intention of ever getting a job. But someone who's happened to just become redundant or something then I might consider it.

Although I don't really get this "wanting some security" aspect that people mention. Surely if you are independent and self sufficient, you don't need the security of someone else's job, at least not at the start?

anewme

G-Money wrote: »

Although I don't really get this "wanting some security" aspect that people mention. Surely if you are independent and self sufficient, you don't need the security of someone else's job, at least not at the start?

But where do you leave shared interests? I like going for meals, drinks, holidays, weekends away etc. If someone was unemployed, they might not have the funds to do that. Not being bad, but I am not willing to pay for them. It would lead to stress, which you dont need that early on in the relationship.

nyarlothothep

well, you'll get people who like to make assumptions and then rationalize them back to themselves in order to make them appear justified. They like to put people in categories and impose a universal set of criteria on them rather than using their judgement to suss out individual cases. Also there is a lot of instant gratification superficiality revolving around relationships, that they have to be some form of monetary/social entertainment exchange. It doesn't occur to such people that they can also take work and that things which take work can also be rewarding. Think of it this way, you're avoiding foolish superficial people.

G-Money

anewme wrote: »

But where do you leave shared interests? I like going for meals, drinks, holidays, weekends away etc. If someone was unemployed, they might not have the funds to do that. Not being bad, but I am not willing to pay for them. It would lead to stress, which you dont need that early on in the relationship.

What would you honestly expect if the situation was reversed though?

beano345

so much for the humble country we once were.wonder what people did in the 80's or even before that stayed single??some of these unemployed are higly skilled professionals and are probably facing long term unemployment untill things pick up which could be a long time.being unemployed is soul destroying and if you cant get a date on top of that you've pretty much hit rock bottom.if i was the op id be using it to filter the likes of some of the attitudes people displayed here

mood

anewme wrote: »

But where do you leave shared interests? I like going for meals, drinks, holidays, weekends away etc. If someone was unemployed, they might not have the funds to do that. Not being bad, but I am not willing to pay for them. It would lead to stress, which you dont need that early on in the relationship.

But most couples don't go on holidays together until they are together a considerable lenght of time. it is likely that the person could have a job got by then. Or most people I know who bought apts/houses had to knock meals out and weekends on the head. That kind of lifestyle doesn't last for ever.

fghijkl

so much for the humble country we once were.wonder what people did in the 80's or even before that stayed single??
being unemployed is soul destroying and if you cant get a date on top of that you've pretty much hit rock bottom
some of these unemployed are higly skilled professionals and are probably facing long term unemployment untill things pick up which could be a long time.

But surely that's the point?! Being unemployed is what you make it, you can wallow in the negativity of it (i'm not underestimating the utter void it puts in your life -i've been there!) or you can be as positive as you can about it and do your best to fill your time with things that enrich your life, hobbies/training/learning whatever. Like you say it will be a long time before many people get work again, who wants to be around a negative person for that length of time? If a man/women is making the best of their situation and showing positivity in the face of unemployment that is so much more attractive.

I don't think anyone is attracted to a negative person regardless of where their negativity comes from tbh.

thecookingapple

I am not being funny, but maybe your focus should be on getting a job and then dating.

anewme

G-Money wrote: »

What would you honestly expect if the situation was reversed though?

I dont think I would be in the frame of mind to start a relationship. Though am lucky, have a few bob saved that would keep the wolf from the door and the Bank from the house for a good few years, though I dont think I would be in frame of mind for holidays, weekends away, etc.

Also agree about negativity not being unique to those not working by the way!

LegacyUser

Just after reading all the replies, I will reply to some as best as I can.

@ true or false, money isn,t an issue for me, just because someone is unemployed don,t mean they can,t afford to go out on dates to the cinema,for a quiet drink or for a meal.

@ fghijkl You bring up a Fas course, you say if a guy was on a Fas course you would have no problem dating him, but what if he was a fas course and no one including him got Jobs when the course ended, would you still date him? Because I,ve being on Fas courses and the most anyone got was a work placement for two weeks from it without a job offer when the placeement ended, why? because yes the economy is that bad at the present, if it wasn,t most people from the course would be getting Job offers and not just some work placement where you don,t get paid.

@ thecookingapple I concur and agree with a post from Beano345, a lot of people including highly skilled professionals are facing long term unemployment until things pick up, I fail to see why anyone single,long term unemployed until things pick up, should put off dating for years and miss out on a part of life, the next thing I intend to focus on is being a mature student for the next few years, but like college bum said in a post if being a mature student he himself had the same experience on dating sites.

Distorted

thecookingapple wrote: »

I am not being funny, but maybe your focus should be on getting a job and then dating.

That would be my thought too. Its not just about the unemployment, the way you write seems to imply you'e not too bothered about it, that its all right because a lot of people are in the same boat, kind of an abdication of responsibility. I'm not on dating websites but I would guess its kind of same old, same old. Most guys I know would look for a job and then a girlfriend, and not blame women for not wanting to date them if they didn't have a job.

Its not so much to do with money, its about work ethic. You can be unemployed and still have a work ethic.

Another reason might be that women are not the only ones who can be golddiggers and are increasingly wary of being taken for a fool.

LegacyUser

@ Distorted, One can unemployed but still have a good Ethic and find stuff to do to keep occupied, with regards to dating sites you re right it is the same old, a lot of profiles are on the same dating sites the last two to three years, namely profiles that have a big long checklist of requirements a guy must have in order to date them, Im not blaming women for not wanting to date Unemployed guys, I don,t like being brushed off and judged by someone the second they hear he,s unemployed when its no fault of his own, and its not just me who feels like this way when it comes to dating sites and modern dating, there,s a site, plenty of fish sucks, with stories and posts from guys who are sick of being Ignored and judged by some girls on dating sites just because he might be unemployed or in a low paying job.

johnr1

My two cents :

I've noticed that it's not just being unemployed that's a problem, my business hasn't made money in over a year and even though I work 12 hours a day five or six days a week, I've not had a weeks wages in the same time.
It caused constant hassle in my most recent relationship, for all the reasons mentioned by other posters. The woman concerned is not a goldigger nor a lifestyle junkie by any means but she has never been out of work or ran an unprofitable business in her life, and simply couldn't understand someone working so much and not having enough money for a simple weekend away or a nice meal out every couple of weeks. It suggested to her that I wasn't a "good provider" who could support kids or her in the future. All currently true of course but won't always be the case.
I'm currently of the opinion that some measure of financial stability even at a very low level must be a prerequisite for any relationship to have a chance.
Here's hoping. :-)

countryliving

hey tommy, i am sorry you are unemployed. who the hell wants to be unemployed? as for those girls you approach in bars - let them off. if a girl is not interested in you because you are unemployed that is ridiculous. especially in this climate, it is horrendous. being unemployed does not mean you are not the same person etc. a decent girl would not leg it. i met a guy who was unemployed a few weeks ago and i did not fancy the guy he was decent respectable etc. but not my type. i didnt care if he was employed or not, circumstances out of his control. he is a good guy but i didnt fancy him in the slightest. so dont worry you will meet the right girl

ash23

Honestly, I think you're over thinking it. It's very easy to say "I get rejected because I'm unemployed" but realistically, there will be people who like you and people who don't.
Those women may have disliked something else about you not necessarily the fact that you were unemployed.
It's very easy to pick one aspect of your life and blame failure on that. And maybe it is a turn off for some, but so what? Just move on to the next and the next until you find someone it isn't an issue for!

I've a child and some guys just don't want to go there. Grand, that's their call and their choice. But I just have to trust that I'll meet someone it won't be a problem for, because people are allowed to have preferences for what they want in a partner. God, I've had people tell me that I'm too independent to attract a man. I'm working, have a nice house, a car and am raising a child. Apparantly that scares men. According to some. But if it does then I don't want some chicken sh!t guy who wants a needy little girl.

Different strokes for different folks. You may not see unemployment as a turn off. But I'm betting there are no-nos in terms of what you want in a woman which others may see as being a non issue.

It's the joys of dating. We're all looking for someone who matches what we want and who we, in turn, fulfill what they want. That's why it can be tricky.

fghijkl

@ fghijkl You bring up a Fas course, you say if a guy was on a Fas course you would have no problem dating him, but what if he was a fas course and no one including him got Jobs when the course ended, would you still date him? Because I,ve being on Fas courses and the most anyone got was a work placement for two weeks from it without a job offer when the placeement ended, why? because yes the economy is that bad at the present, if it wasn,t most people from the course would be getting Job offers and not just some work placement where you don,t get paid.

I think you may have picked me up wrong, i'd have no problem dating him because he was doing something productive with his time, whether he was doing a course to help his career prospects or not is irrelevant tbh, i'd just date him because i'd admire the fact he wasn't sitting around moping all day and having a defeatist attitude, that he was instead getting out there and doing something positive and beneficial with his time. It's not about doing something to get a job, it's more about not just using your unemployment as an excuse to sit around and complain and do nothing.

I'm not debating the state of the economy, i've seen first hand how hard it is to get a job, in my line of work, there aren't even any jobs to apply for any more. But that's not something anyone can change, you just have to be positive and get on with things, moaning about the economy isn't going to get anyone anywhere and it's a really off putting quality in a man tbh.

I wonder OP if it's how you're presenting yourself to these women that's the problem? I mean if you really are making good use of your newly found free time and have a positive attitude, then i think most women wouldn't have a problem dating someone who was unemployed. Maybe you're showing them the negatives about you rather than the positive, maybe highlight the things you have (new hobbies you've taken up/courses you're doing) rather than what you don't have (a job)

you mention dating sites a lot ...maybe it could also be where you're meeting these women?
Honestly i think a lot of those sites are no better than trying to find someone in a nightclub, it's all based on looks and vapid personality traits, you mention plenty of fish, i've tried that in the past and it's one of the worst to be honest. There's a thread in the ladies lounge rating dating sites maybe that might be worth a look...

Maybe if you try to meet women through friends or hobbies or something, it might be better as they can get to know you and you them, and can be judged on your personality more?

Tommy87

Tommy87 wrote: »

Just after reading all the replies, I will reply to some as best as I can.

@ true or false, money isn,t an issue for me, just because someone is unemployed don,t mean they can,t afford to go out on dates to the cinema,for a quiet drink or for a meal.

Oh I wasn't suggesting you have money issues. I was saying that most women I know who wouldn't go out with an unemployed guy are the type of women who like to be taken care of, and that it is they who have the issues with money, and that you can find women who don't care that you're unemployed.

Also, with regards to people using employment status as a character reference, while it is sometimes applicable, these days, unemployment is not synonymous with laziness and lack of ambition. I'm unemployed at the moment myself, and as far as I'm concerned it doesn't have a bearing on my character.

LegacyUser

@ Ash23, how I know Im being rejected because Im unemployed is simple, whenever on dating sites when getting to know someone first few messages when I can asked the what do you for a living?do you have your own place type questions, I always answered honest straight to the point, currently Unemployed, live out on my own with rent allowance, after hearing that I never got another reply from profiles again.

HugoDrax

Hi OP,

Have you ever considered not telling the girls you are unemployed and never bringing the subject up on a night out?

When you chat up a girl it's not a good idea to talk about negative subjects like the economy or politics or religion or war or burning orphanages or drowning kittens either etc etc.

Perhaps you should talk about music, movies, books or tell jokes and have a laugh instead? I suspect you have a negative attitude and instead of being fun and chatty and easy going which would actually make you attractive to women, instead you unload about all your troubles onto a girl who doesn't know you 10 secs and only went out to have forget all her own unemployment blues.

Whether a girl wants you for a one night stand or for a relationship she will be more interested in the type of man you are - confident, fun, good natured - the kind of person who is more likely to pick himself up eventually and get a job rather than a guy who is down in the dumps and thinks the world has come to an end.

LegacyUser

@ Hugo, whether chatting online to a girl, or chatting to a girl on a night out, I have never brought up subjects like the Economy/being unemployed or politics, if I get asked the what do you work at/are you in college question, I always answer honestly instead of pretending to be something IM not, and quickly change the subject.

Boskowski

beano345 wrote: »

so much for the humble country we once were.wonder what people did in the 80's or even before that stayed single??some of these unemployed are higly skilled professionals and are probably facing long term unemployment untill things pick up which could be a long time.being unemployed is soul destroying and if you cant get a date on top of that you've pretty much hit rock bottom.if i was the op id be using it to filter the likes of some of the attitudes people displayed here

Sorry I don't see that. A single highly skilled professional possibly long term unemployed waiting for a job to come to them?!?

Now while it would be a gross generalisation to say I wouldn't date someone like that it would def'ny not be attractive.

beano345

Boskowski wrote: »

Sorry I don't see that. A single highly skilled professional possibly long term unemployed waiting for a job to come to them?!?

Now while it would be a gross generalisation to say I wouldn't date someone like that it would def'ny not be attractive.

scaffolders,steel fixers,chefs,welders,crane drivers,college graduates,etc take your pick....hundreds of them and they cant get a job and i dont think their waiting around for one to come to them they're simply are'nt jobs there.better yet go down to the dole q and walk along and ask them their professions im sure you'll be surprised:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

OP i think you need to chill out....the main factor is whether you don't live with your parents...DO NOT discuss your unemployment when chatting to girls because its boring, negative & no fun. just chill the feck out and have fun, job or no job...i know plent of people that have recently been made redundant that are having fun with girls & guys...

if a girl really finds you sexually attractive it doesnt matter unless you are crap in bed......

thecookingapple

Dating is expensive in truth, i know it doesnt have to be but in reality it is, i am not saying your life stops once you become unemployed and your rights as a human being somehow stop, they dont, but there has to be a realisation as well that your life has changed and changed dramatically, the things we could afford before are not affordable anymore and you can live in a world of make believe but it will get you nowhere, if you did date someone it would be very difficult to maintain that to where you become to being in a relationship because the relationship will be born unbalanced and will stay unbalanced if the other person is working, i presume the vast number of dating is to meet someone to be in a relationship, as anyone with experience will tell you the first year of a new relationship is abliss with.

Dining experiences

weekend aways

holidays
etc etc etc

in other words it costs money whether you like it or not and if you dont have it and they do then two things will either happen:

one pays for nearly everything

or

the other one becomes bitter and resentful because they can not do the things they want even though they have the means to do them and they view this as holding them back.

There has already been a few threads about the person working and the other not and how they are resentful that their life has been altered to the point of unemployment just because their partner has become so. its harsh and it may not be cool but it is a problem whether we like it or not.

There are jobs out there also, they may not be what you trained for and they may not be the hours you want and they will not pay very well, but thats a personal choice for a individual to make, personaly i would would rather clean toilets and be independent than to remain long term unemployed.

ash23

Do you actually say

currently Unemployed, live out on my own with rent allowance

because in my opinion that's too much info and comes across as a bit, i don't know, negative I guess.

If someone asks me where I live I say I have my own place. They don't need to know if I rent or if I own, if I get rent allowance or not, if my parents are minted and bought me a house etc. That stuff is none of their business and to be talking finances within the first few emails is all a bit much, a bit soon.

No harm saying "I'm a builder" or whatever it was you were doing before coming unemployed. If they ask where you live, say I've got my own place. Be vague.
I know you're saying you want to be honest, but from a girls point of view, there are a lot of strange people on dating sites, some with emotional problems who want you to become their agony aunt. I don't use those sites anymore but the number of needy, obsessive, moaning, whingy emails I got was unreal. I'm not saying that you are being that, but after a few of those encounters, as soon as someone starts whinging or getting "poor me" in their emails I'd just stop replying because I didn't want to be their shoulder to cry on, I wanted to have fun and date.

If you're replies here are anything to go on, you need to change your style because you have a doggedness about the unemployment thing. You're ignoring the replies people are giving and are 100% adamant that your lack of job is the issue. The last 3 guys I've dated have been between jobs. anyone with an ounce of cop on knows that for guys and girls in their 20s,30s unemployment is massive. Especially for those who went into a trade.

I'd imagine that rather than being "honest" about your unemployment, you're actually challenging with it. You've decided it's the make or break issue and you throw it out there in all it's glory to see how the women react. Just so you can be right about your assumption that unemployment is the reason you aren't successful in dating. But in doing that you may be coming across as negative rather than matter of fact.

HugoDrax

Tommy87 wrote: »

@ Hugo, whether chatting online to a girl, or chatting to a girl on a night out, I have never brought up subjects like the Economy/being unemployed or politics, if I get asked the what do you work at/are you in college question, I always answer honestly instead of pretending to be something IM not, and quickly change the subject.

What do you mean by the 'what do you work at/are you in college question'? Do you have a check list or something?
Maybe girls find that question boring? How many guys do you think ask them exactly the same question? Maybe that's your problem then? No originality.
It sounds like you think you are obligated to tell a girl the absolute truth from the get go?
If you get a cold call from a sales rep on your mobile do you immediately tell them your blood group or under what flower pot you hide your house key?
Chatting up a girl is not a post mortem - she doesn't need to Y-section you and take out your innards.

Fentdog84

I spent 18 months unemployed, until recently. It can suck the confidence out of you if you let it. But it is nothing to be ashamed of, especially nowadays. If you are chatting to a girl or in any social situation, best thing is not to appear down and out about it. appear upbeat, say you are looking for a job and you want to do x, y & z. It makes you look like you know what you want and arent self conscious or moping.

As for the money situation,just say you cant do the regular dinners out/nights out/weekends away, at least until you get back on your feet. Any person who cant understand that isnt the kind of person you'd want to be with anyway. But dont ask/take money or expect them to pay for you. Offer to cook her a meal at home and a DVD etc. There is plenty stuff a couple can do without breaking the bank.