When you KNOW it's time to go home.

AskMyChocolate

Okay, let's start with the obvious ones.

1) "I think Abrekababara gets a lot of undeserved bad press."

2) When you start staring at women's bums (or tits if you're a tit man), rather than sneaking a "nonchalant" look.

Middle ground. The phrases.

1) "Oh go on so, twist my arm."

2) "Shur a bird never flew on one wing"

3) "Don't you know I never take a short"

Indicators.

1) When you hold a door open for someone who's still fifty yards away because you think they're going through.

2) When, in a packed pub, washing your hands after taking a piss becomes a desirable luxury rather than an annoying necessity.

So AHers, when do you know it's time to go home? Obviously, I'm looking for indicators, as, if you have failed to notice them, you're on to steps two and three.:pac:

But, all contributions on all levels, gratefully accepted.

Chocolate

cml387

Glimmer of light in the eastern sky.

Caoimhín

sO WHAT if you are my sister... hic.. oo

cosmicfart

Defo a TITS man be I!!

KeithM89_old

When you start to question the 'If you cant lift her, dont shift her' rule.

Aidric

When you start texting your ex girlfriend to see what she's up to.

Where To

When heading down the gentlemans club to spend £1400 seems like a great idea

Degag

When more of the aforementioned piss goes on the floor than in the urinal.

True story, met a guy i knew in the jacks in a nightclub one night. He was pissed. First guy i've ever seen pissing on top of his shoes and worst of all he didn't even notice. Put his hand out to shake my hand after he was done..... no thanks!

stupidusername

when you're thinking to yourself ah it's grand! I have loads of money sure! (when you're stone broke) i'll get the next round!

brummytom

When you decide to start singing in the middle of a pub.


When you decide to ring your entire 'phonebook' "for a chat"



Both happened to me the other night

cml387

Children start to cry amd nuns cross themselves.

(say,what kind of place am I drinking in?)

Degag

brummytom wrote: »

When you decide to start singing in the middle of a pub.


When you decide to ring your entire 'phonebook' "for a chat"



Both happened to me the other night

Tried that a few weeks ago. Bad sign when i couldn't remember the words to "The Fields of Athenry"

Was pretty happy the next day though!

brummytom

Degag wrote: »

Tried that a few weeks ago. Bad sign when i couldn't remember the words to "The Fields of Athenry"

Was pretty happy the next day though!

I wish more people would forget the words to that song.

I don't really remember Tuesday night.... all I remember is me stopping and some woman going 'Now you know the truth of it, she's no longer my obsession' and me giving her very exaggerated thumbs up

no_bother

When you begin you think you are a great dancer!

When I get bored and everyone is getting drunk

EverEvolving

When you have to close one eye to read a text

Or when you realise the bar DO infact take laser and give cash back, oh such a bad bad idea. Ok - maybe that might not be the time to go home but it gets you on the way much more quickly.

brummytom

Oh, just remembered one.


When you go to a pub that's doing a 'free bar for musicians' and get told late on in the night "We're going to have to start charging you now, sorry".

Kevin Duffy

I find the dividing line between drunk and sober to be that in an even half full pub it takes ages to get anywhere, whereas in a jam-packed one I can stroll around like there's no one else there.

Sinfonia

EverEvolving wrote: »

When you have to close one eye to read a text

While slightly tipping side to side like a metronome

Dave0301

When you are easily convinced that an unplanned trip to Krakow is a good idea...

alexa5x5

When I’m talking utter bollox to in the ladies to a stranger, but think I’ve never had a more interesting discussion before.

When all reason and foresight goes out the window and I’m spending money like there’s no tomorrow.

When I think "god I can really dance" when in reality I look like I’m having a fit.

Final straw is when I can’t stop giggling, then I know its home time.

AskMyChocolate

Caoimhín wrote: »

sO WHAT if you are my sister... hic.. oo

Inability to control caps lock. Like it centurion, like it.

RachaelVO

When I can't see... I have to squint to put anything (drink included) into focus!

AskMyChocolate

brummytom wrote: »

When you decide to start singing in the middle of a pub.


When you decide to ring your entire 'phonebook' "for a chat"



Both happened to me the other night

No, that's when it's time for them to man up and join you.

Degag

alexa5x5 wrote: »

Final straw is when I can’t stop giggling, then I know its home time.

Or hiccups:mad:

AskMyChocolate

stupidusername wrote: »

when you're thinking to yourself ah it's grand! I have loads of money sure! (when you're stone broke) i'll get the next round!

Only qualifies if you've actually ordered it before realising the terrible truth! :pac:

Kevin Duffy

alexa5x5 wrote: »

When I’m talking utter bollox to in the ladies to a stranger, but think I’ve never had a more interesting discussion before.

When all reason and foresight goes out the window and I’m spending money like there’s no tomorrow.

When I think "god I can really dance" when in reality I look like I’m having a fit.

Final straw is when I can’t stop giggling, then I know its home time.

I know you meant those as bad signs, but, er...what are doing Sat night?

EverEvolving

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

I find the dividing line between drunk and sober to be that in an even half full pub it takes ages to get anywhere, whereas in a jam-packed one I can stroll around like there's no one else there.

It's like you're swimming against the tide, but you're winning (and not in the Charlie Sheen sense)

timewilltell

When you kiss your best friend of the opposite sex and think 'Well, we weren't that great of friends anyways.'

When you see someone you went to Primary School with and give them an update of your life so far.

When you shout, THIS IS MY SONG! For every song.

kfallon

When you bend down to try pot the black to win a game of pool and you fall asleep!

When taco chips seem irresistible!

When someone replies to a text you sent but you can't remember what you asked in the first place!

AskMyChocolate

EverEvolving wrote: »

When you have to close one eye to read a text

Or when you realise the bar DO infact take laser and give cash back, oh such a bad bad idea. Ok - maybe that might not be the time to go home but it gets you on the way much more quickly.

LOL.

I used to work in London when I was much younger, and my train back to Kent used to go from Charing Cross. On a Friday night, you would literally see people leaning up against pillars and holding their faces against the pillars in an effort to see the timetable and stop it from flicking over.

Had forgotten about that. Thanks for the memory.

Choco

BengaLover

When you start crying over a pet that died when you were a kid.

GLaDOS

When you start discussing religion

Fizman

When you've been sipping on a pint for over 10-15 mins that has been well over half empty for that period of time. A mate then hands you a fresh pint that you subconsciously take off of him while chatting away. You dispose of old pint glass and begin to drink out of the new pint, tilting it the very same distance you had been doing while drinking out of an almost empty pint glass, thus destroying yourself resulting in every female within 10 yards to begin slowly inching away. Derp.

ArtyM

When you start a sentence with " I never told you this before but......."
When you think that you do actually have the power to move objects/influence people with your mind and spend time intensely focusing on random objects/people.
When friend's partners move into the 'one to consider tonight' category.
When you think that the bouncer/security staff really need to hear the story you have to tell.
When you think that curry chip with cheese and coleslaw is just what your body needs (only ever seen that concoction in Athlone)

Kevin Duffy

ArtyM wrote: »

curry chip with cheese and coleslaw is just what your body needs (only ever seen that concoction in Athlone)

Rather than a reason to go home, that sounds like a reason not to go out in Athlone, just in case I'm yawning and some accidentaly falls into my mouth. I actually feel a bit quesy now

RachaelVO

This is a pure funny thread!!! Loving it (well done OP). I will try to recount some of these stories when I am drunk, and I will get them all arse about face, which is probably a way of telling me to go home...

Great thread though, thoroughly enjoying it

AskMyChocolate

When your ability to communicate with people who don't have great English is much better than when you're sober.*


*I must think about this properly (when I'm sober).

W.Shakes-Beer

When the prospect of spending your taxi money on another pint seems like a good idea. Sure the 10 mile walk will do me good.

When your face starts to go numb.

kfallon

When you take a sup from a pint, notice someone give you a dirty look before saying to you, "Oi that's my pint you prick!"

mcw92

When your so drunk you have to be brought home in a trolley...at 3 in the afternoon.....on a weekday!


...and then didnt realise that you were brought home in a trolley earlier that day until someone tagged you in a post on facebook! :L

lmaopml

When walking like a crab seems the most comfortable way to get around.

When the tiles in the bathroom look clean enough to press your face cheeks against - mmm cool tiles nice.

This only happened to me 'once' - never again.

W.Shakes-Beer

Oh, heres one I thought of.

I was out last night and the place had a 2 for 1 offer on bottles for €3. I completely forgot about the offer. The barman handed me one bottle and when he was passing the other bottle over the bar (me thinking this was HIS bottle??) I thought he wanted to give a "cheers" gesture so I clashed my bottle off the bottle he was passing over and smiled at him.

He didn't smile, He looked at me then pointed to the offer on a big sign.

I then took the second bottle and lol'd.


It was time to go home.

Mint Sauce

At around midnight tonight when the pubs shut up till Saturday.

(Well everyone else is winging about it, if you cant beat em, join em)

pipelaser

When in deep discussion with a group of two or three lads,
one guy, who has been making quite good points up to that stage (ans it just getting a little too drunk) comes out with an outrageous statement and isnt berated for it, based on the strength of his input up to that point.

Laisurg

Aidric wrote: »

When you start texting your ex girlfriend to see what she's up to.

This hits the nail on the head!!

Also when you think it's a good idea to climb out a 2nd floor window of a pub and rob a window pot and hold onto it for the rest of the night then bring it home.

Gator

"Will we go just for one"

ShamoBuc

when you need to think will it go down before something else comes up!

AskMyChocolate

RachaelVO wrote: »

This is a pure funny thread!!! Loving it (well done OP). I will try to recount some of these stories when I am drunk, and I will get them all arse about face, which is probably a way of telling me to go home...

Great thread though, thoroughly enjoying it

When you think this means you're in.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

When you're walking around looking for a chinese that you heard will sell you a bottle of wine after hours

kfallon

When you actually tip the toilet attendant :rolleyes: