Keep or change my name?

Bride2012

What are thew pros and cons of changing or keeping my surname after marriage?

What is everyone else doing?

Nead21

I think i'll change my name, but keep my maiden name in work.

paky

Bride2012 wrote: »

What are thew pros and cons of changing or keeping my surname after marriage?

What is everyone else doing?

do as your told

Couchkitten

I'll be keeping. I don't know if there is any major pros or cons - just do what you would like to do.


I'm keeping mine because I feel it's a bit old-fashioned to be changing it and I also love my name. Other's like to change it because they will be part of a new family once their married and they look forward to changing their name as part of that

aviendha

Changed mine as part of new family set up... although it's more verbage now than before and it feels strange signing new name...

don't have any strong feelings either way, just changed everything in one go, passport, drivers licence, credit cards, work email everything... find it's a bit confusing if some people maintain both names...
some people like to keep maiden name which is nice, some people like to change (moreso for children's sake)
personally, it was just nice to be mr. and mrs. X - up to the individual to be honest
best of luck

kandr10

For me it comes down to possible confusion when kids arrive. I'd like the whole family to have the same name. That could mean double barreling though. A friend of mine did that and the hubby also took the double barrel. I'd also agree that keeping two names could be confusing.

iguana

paky wrote: »

do as your told

This isn't after hours, comments like this will result in infractions.

DM addict

I would really like to keep my own name, as would my fiance.

However when it comes to having children, we might choose a family name for ourselves and change our surnames together. I'd certainly want to keep my own name, even if only as a middle name.

Geallta

I'll be taking his name.
For the same reasons as already mentioned:-
I look forward to being called Mr & Mrs X
Think it'd be confusing for future kids if mum has 1 name & dad has a different 1. They will have his name, so I'd just like to be part of that too.
I like his name.
Not overly attached to mine. I've plenty of siblings to keep my family name alive.

But, as said, each to their own. This just feels right for me.

watna

I'm changing my name - just for simplicity for when we have a family. If I'm going to be Mrs X in one place I might as well just change it everywhere to avoid confusion. I just keep thinking of all the different user names and passwords I have for various websites - I think having two different surnames in different places would be even more confusing!

My OH doesn't care though - he says I can do what I want. He wouldn't ever change his name so he says he would never expect me to.

ElleEm

I'm gonna keep mine.
I don't think I should be expected to change my name when I get married, it doesn't make it any more real. I can't wait to be a wife but feel like changing my name would be changing the very essence of who I am, and what I was known as my whole life.
We'll give my surname as a middle name to any future kiddies, if we're lucky enough to have them

janbaby

I'm gonna change mine.

Toto Wolfcastle

Geallta wrote: »

Think it'd be confusing for future kids if mum has 1 name & dad has a different 1.

It wouldn't be. They'd have grown up like that and there are a lot of kids out there whose parents have different names.

But you have other good reasons to change your name.

yungwan

OP, do whatever YOU want to do.

There are no wrongs or rights.

If you want to change your name do, and if you would prefer to leave it for a while and then change, thats fine too.

ALot of people change their names personally but keep their own name professionally. I dont think it makes any difference either way.

I am undecided on what Ill do, but only because I havent really thought about it yet! Ill see what happens naturally. I expect I will change it, but not because of the child debate. I have a son from a previous relationship who will be keeping my name, and any kids we are lucky to have as a couple will have my h2bs surname. My son is fine with this and its all fine.

Dont read into it, do what suits you.

Kooli

yungwan wrote: »

OP, do whatever YOU want to do.

There are no wrongs or rights.

If you want to change your name do, and if you would prefer to leave it for a while and then change, thats fine too.

ALot of people change their names personally but keep their own name professionally. I dont think it makes any difference either way.

I am undecided on what Ill do, but only because I havent really thought about it yet! Ill see what happens naturally. I expect I will change it, but not because of the child debate. I have a son from a previous relationship who will be keeping my name, and any kids we are lucky to have as a couple will have my h2bs surname. My son is fine with this and its all fine.

Dont read into it, do what suits you.

I actually believe that this is too important an issue not to really think about and have a strong opinion on, one way or the other. But I'm probably just saying that because I have a strong opinion...!

I didn't change my name, nor did I even consider it. I don't even think it's fair that I am even asked to consider it, to be honest, when the man in a marriage would never be asked to do the same.

My name is my identity and I'm not particularly keen on the idea of changing my identity just because I am now 'a wife'. And I just couldn't separate the modern tradition from it's patriarchal origins, and associations with 'ownership'.

When I was younger I thought I would change my name when I eventually married, so that we would be 'the smiths' (or whatever), but then as I got older I decided that wasn't a good enough reason to change my name. I mean, it's my name!! So when the time came it wasn't even a consideration. And I certainly will feel no less of a family if I don't have the same surname as my kiddies when the time comes. And if people still call us 'the smiths', I will realise that this name does include me!! Just like for women who do change their name, I'm sure they still feel part of 'The murphys' (i.e. their family of origin) even though they are now smith.

For those who say it will be complicated for the kids, a lot of my friends have mothers who kept their maiden name and they say it made not a single bit of difference in any way! (all those friends are now also going to keep their own maiden names). I'm also probably influenced by my own mother, who said that she changed her name because she didn't really think about it, and everyone else was doing it, but now really regrets it.

Dostoevsky

Bride2012 wrote: »

What are thew pros and cons of changing or keeping my surname after marriage?

What is everyone else doing?

Get him to take yours, just as Francis Skeffington became Francis Sheehy Skeffington when he married the famous Cumann na mBan republican feminist, Hanna Sheehy, in 1903.

ABajaninCork

I wanted to keep my maiden name for professional purposes, but be known by my married name informally.

That kind of blew up, as when applying for a PPS no., I couldn't apply for it in my maiden name as the Social knew I had married (I had to give them birth & marriage certs amongst other docs in order to apply). So now I'm known by my married name.

Can I still ask to be known by my maiden name, even though the PPS is under another name? Will it affect my tax, National Insurance and so on??

Sorry to hijack, but any help gratefully received...:)

psycho-hope

when ever i get married I will have a double barrell name, im the last of my family so would like to keep the name going:D

tan11ie

It's down to personal preference really. I personally wouldn't change my name for anyone! it's my personal identity.I could never get used to a different surname...and mine is Irish (love it)

Lady Chatterton

psycho-hope wrote: »

when ever i get married I will have a double barrell name, im the last of my family so would like to keep the name going:D

I kept my own name as I really loved it but I do have friends who have double barrelled surnames. TBH, some work and others sound hideous. Depends on the names really!

Lady Chatterton

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I wanted to keep my maiden name for professional purposes, but be known by my married name informally.

That kind of blew up, as when applying for a PPS no., I couldn't apply for it in my maiden name as the Social knew I had married (I had to give them birth & marriage certs amongst other docs in order to apply). So now I'm known by my married name.

Can I still ask to be known by my maiden name, even though the PPS is under another name? Will it affect my tax, National Insurance and so on??

Sorry to hijack, but any help gratefully received...:)

Go double barrelled for legal stuff only!

Kensworld

What would happen if a child with a double barrelled surname grows up and marries a girl who also has a double barrelled surname?

Lady Chatterton

Kensworld wrote: »

What would happen if a child with a double barrelled surname grows up and marries a girl who also has a double barrelled surname?

I wouldn't worry about that happening, you're more likely to have a problem if your OH is a football fanatic and wants to name his son after all the players on his favourite soccer team

iguana

ABajaninCork wrote: »

That kind of blew up, as when applying for a PPS no., I couldn't apply for it in my maiden name as the Social knew I had married (I had to give them birth & marriage certs amongst other docs in order to apply).

Why? There is no obligation to change your name because you are married. If anyone at the social told you so they were misinformed.

orlyice

I will be going double barrel officially for the legal stuff.

but will go by either name really. Work will be my maiden name but will be double barrel for everything else

psycho-hope

MrsD007 wrote: »

I kept my own name as I really loved it but I do have friends who have double barrelled surnames. TBH, some work and others sound hideous. Depends on the names really!

yeah thats true, the current mr psycho has said if we ever go down the marriage and babies route i can give the boys my name and they can have his as their middle name, if we think double barrell dosent sound right, but i think it sounds ok

ana_conda

I think I will keep my name ...I would just find it weird to become someone else??

Cathmandooo

I'll change mine, although from researching hotels for the wedding and giving my fiancés name I've realised how many people struggle to get his surname right :eek: I'm walking myself into a lifetime of correcting people spelling my surname wrong, noooo!

Toto Wolfcastle

Cathmandooo wrote: »

I'll change mine, although from researching hotels for the wedding and giving my fiancés name I've realised how many people struggle to get his surname right :eek: I'm walking myself into a lifetime of correcting people spelling my surname wrong, noooo!

I've spent my life spelling my surname and I'll continue to do so when I get married because people are stupid and can't spell a simple 4 letter name where 3 of the letters are the same. :rolleyes:

I don't really have any attachment to my surname. It's just a name. It doesn't define me. So I'll be changing mine because I want to.

if im being honest, and unapologetically old fashioned on this one, i loved the thought of taking my husbands name, it was a personal choice not influenced by anyone, he wouldnt have cared less if i didnt, but i liked the fact that we share the same name for our family unit, plus, its a much nicer name than my maiden name! it rings better with my first name, a bit shallow, i know!

My passport has my maiden name and i am not bothering to pay to change it until it expires in 3 years, i just have to be careful to include my maiden name when booking flights, other than that ive had no complications with the change.

going off topic a bit i know a girl who didnt change her name purely for FACEBOOK purposes! and my cousin did not take her OH's surname "ball" because she didnt want them and their kids to be known as "the Balls"

Bride2012

That's funny about the facebook. They do let you put in your maiden name on it as an alternative name so you can be searched for as either.

Alliandre

I'll be changing my name simply because I love the thoughts of us both having the same surname. I know it doesn't make us any less family if we don't have the same name, it's just what I'd like to do.

Shellygoose

I have given this topic a lot of thought and im still none the wiser!!

I have a daughter from a previous relationship. She has a double barrelled surname, which i really regret now cos that relationship didnt last any time at all, but she usually just goes by my surname.

Im thinking that if i take my H2B's surname and we have children (which is the plan) then my daughter will be the only one in the family unit to have "her" surname. So in a way i would like to keep my own name. But what surname would our child have?!? I know my H2B doesnt care either way but its something that i go back and forth with!

Also my H2B's surname is Doyle....and thanks to Fr Ted I dont think i could go through my life being referred to as Mrs Doyle - Go on Go on Go on Go on!! haha

Overature

i really dont see the point in double barrel surnames, i would hate to have one

iguana

Shellygoose wrote: »

Also my H2B's surname is Doyle....and thanks to Fr Ted I dont think i could go through my life being referred to as Mrs Doyle - Go on Go on Go on Go on!! haha

My husband's surname would make me Mrs Doyle's predecessor. I'm sure not too many people born from 1980 onwards would remember it, but still. <shudders>

No matter what I will never, ever go by Mrs. If Ms didn't exist I'd buy a boat and insist on being called Captain.:cool:

Alliandre

iguana wrote: »

If Ms didn't exist I'd buy a boat and insist on being called Captain.:cool:

I laughed so hard at that! I know the feeling though, I don't like Mrs either.

biscuiteater

i didn't like my own surname or the husbands, but loved his in irish so took the irish version. but everyone will presume your name is the same as your husbands when your filing forms so you constantly have to say that's not my name

tinkerbell

When I get married I am definitely changing my name. I'm not traditional in some "wedding" aspects but definitely am traditional in wanting his name. I want to be known as Mrs. "his surname" We've been together a long time and quite often when we stay at hotels, the staff might call me Mrs. "his surname" if we've booked under his name, or else they've sometimes called him Mr. "my name" (which I think is hilarious!!) if we've booked under mine.

ABajaninCork

iguana wrote: »

Why? There is no obligation to change your name because you are married. If anyone at the social told you so they were misinformed.

Whilst I understand there is no obligation to change my name (I'm still known by my maiden name at home as I never changed anything- i.e. driving licence, bank accounts, etc), this was indeed what I was told, and more or less bullied into it!

What I guess I'm asking now is this: Is it too late to change to double barrel or is a deed poll required?

mari2222

Keep your father's surname if you like it.
Change if you prefer your spouse's father's surname.

The worst option is the double-barrel: it just seems to be trying too hard!!!!. Better for both parties to select a brand new surname and change to that! Imagine two kids in future - offspring of the new double-barrels - getting married to each other and opting for double-barrelling....e.g. Black-White-Brown-Smith............a recipe for being ridiculed!

Lady Chatterton

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Whilst I understand there is no obligation to change my name (I'm still known by my maiden name at home as I never changed anything- i.e. driving licence, bank accounts, etc), this was indeed what I was told, and more or less bullied into it!

What I guess I'm asking now is this: Is it too late to change to double barrel or is a deed poll required?

There is nothing to stop you using a double barrelled name if you wish.

If you intend doing this, alll you will need to do is write to your bank, revenue, social welfare etc. to advise them that going forward you would like all of your correspondence addressed to (ie. Mrs. A Howard-Hughes) You will also need to enclose a photocopy of your marriage certificate as proof of your identity.

iguana

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Whilst I understand there is no obligation to change my name (I'm still known by my maiden name at home as I never changed anything- i.e. driving licence, bank accounts, etc), this was indeed what I was told, and more or less bullied into it!

What I guess I'm asking now is this: Is it too late to change to double barrel or is a deed poll required?

In Ireland our name is earned through use and deeds, so after two years proven usage of whatever words you like as your name, you can have that name on all official documentation. The only legal change marriage makes to your right to call yourself what you wish is that after marriage either party can change their surname to their spouse's, a double barrel of both surnames or a portmanteau of both surnames immediately by presenting their marriage certificate, instead of having to show 2 years of proven usage.

ABajaninCork

iguana wrote: »

In Ireland our name is earned through use and deeds, so after two years proven usage of whatever words you like as your name, you can have that name on all official documentation. The only legal change marriage makes to your right to call yourself what you wish is that after marriage either party can change their surname to their spouse's, a double barrel of both surnames or a portmanteau of both surnames immediately by presenting their marriage certificate, instead of having to show 2 years of proven usage.

Apologies again for hijacking OP!:D

I just wanted to check - I've been married for 2 years. Like I say, I'm known by my married name here, but maiden name at home. Tax, Welfare, bank accounts all in married name. I can just write to the bank, taxman et al and say 'I now want to be known as Mrs XY' and that would be that...:)

DeVore

Dont want to be a big bad chauvinist but I would definitely be a bit hurt if any future Mrs wouldnt take my surname. I wouldnt insist on it, I might not even comment on it, but on some level.... it would hurt.

Just sayin....

DeV.

iguana

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Apologies again for hijacking OP!:D

I just wanted to check - I've been married for 2 years. Like I say, I'm known by my married name here, but maiden name at home. Tax, Welfare, bank accounts all in married name. I can just write to the bank, taxman et al and say 'I now want to be known as Mrs XY' and that would be that...:)

Yup, but send a copy of your wedding certificate too, so it can be done immediately. Or if you live near the branch you opened you account in, you can just pop in with the certificate and ask them to change it that way. If you have any problems with someone insisting otherwise just ask to speak to their superior. Some people either don't know the law with regards to this or do know it but still try to insist otherwise for their own reasons. Like whatever person insisted you change you name previously.

Also another option on the passport is to have both names listed. So for example be down as FirstName MarriedName, with previously known as FirstName OwnSurname. You need your marriage certificate and a long birth certificate in order to do this.

chughes

I get the sense from married women that I have spoken to about this subject who use a double barrel that they were somehow losing their identity as an individual and this was their way of stamping their mark on the relationship.

I would be against the double barrel solution for the wife's name and also the children's names. As previous posters have mentioned, when does adding to the surname stop ? By all means if the wife wants to keep her maiden surname she should but the kids should have only one surname.

In answer to OP's question, either change it or keep it, just don't double barrel it.

chughes

chughes wrote: »

I would be against the double barrel solution for the wife's name and also the children's names. As previous posters have mentioned, when does adding to the surname stop ? By all means if the wife wants to keep her maiden surname she should but the kids should have only one surname.

In answer to OP's question, either change it or keep it, just don't double barrel it.

For the marriage of two double-barrels.
They could choose one of their own, and one of their partners. Make a new double-barrel. No?

DeVore wrote: »

Dont want to be a big bad chauvinist but I would definitely be a bit hurt if any future Mrs wouldnt take my surname. I wouldnt insist on it, I might not even comment on it, but on some level.... it would hurt.

Just sayin....

DeV.

Why?

krankykitty

chughes wrote: »

I would be against the double barrel solution for the wife's name and also the children's names. As previous posters have mentioned, when does adding to the surname stop ? By all means if the wife wants to keep her maiden surname she should but the kids should have only one

I get why you might think it's a bad idea for the kids to have double barrel - but just interested what the problem would be with the wife having a double barrel? I think it's a nice compromise between keeping your own name and taking your new family name, while not inflicting the double barrel name on anyone else!

chughes

krankykitty wrote: »

I get why you might think it's a bad idea for the kids to have double barrel - but just interested what the problem would be with the wife having a double barrel? I think it's a nice compromise between keeping your own name and taking your new family name, while not inflicting the double barrel name on anyone else!

To be honest, I think having a double barrelled name is a bit pretentious. It used to be that aristocracy or gentry would do this to keep alive dynastic family names. This wasn't a practice among the rest of us great unwashed. As I said in an earlier post, it's only started to increase in use in the last 15/20 years and was pretty much a rare thing before that. It would be interesting, kk, if you were to ask older married females in your own extended family why thay didn't double barrel their names when they got married.

I just want to emphasise that this is just my opinion and I have no desire to annoy or upset anyone.

Lady Chatterton

chughes wrote: »

To be honest, I think having a double barrelled name is a bit pretentious. It used to be that aristocracy or gentry would do this to keep alive dynastic family names. This wasn't a practice among the rest of us great unwashed. As I said in an earlier post, it's only started to increase in use in the last 15/20 years and was pretty much a rare thing before that. It would be interesting, kk, if you were to ask older married females in your own extended family why thay didn't double barrel their names when they got married.

I just want to emphasise that this is just my opinion and I have no desire to annoy or upset anyone.

Personally, I think the use of double barrelled named increased after the marriage ban was lifted.(i.e when women were allowed to remain on at work after they got married). I decided to keep my own name when I got married, I liked my maiden name it as it was unusual. My husband had absolutely no issue with it at all. However, it didn't got down too well with my in-laws who felt very insulted. I feel some people go double barrelled just to avoid upsetting their husband and their in-laws. My sister got married a couple of years ago and she went double barrelled for that very reason. I also feel it depends on the names, some names work very well together while others sound really awful.

krankykitty

chughes wrote: »

It would be interesting, kk, if you were to ask older married females in your own extended family why thay didn't double barrel their names when they got married.

I just want to emphasise that this is just my opinion and I have no desire to annoy or upset anyone.

I think it's a very different situation these days than the situation for the older females in my family.. for example, as I am getting married in my 30s, I've been working professionally under my own name for many years. Whereas, my mother and many of the older ladies in the family got married at 18/19 before they had established a career in their name, and indeed had 10-15 years less than I have had to become attached to their name

A double barrelled name is certainly not ideal but it's the only way I can think of to get the best of both worlds, as I would like the same name as my husband and any kids, yet I would still like people to be able to find/recognise me if searching me out for work!

I know what you mean about it sounding pretentious but to be honest that doesn't really bother me. It's not like I have any ideas about being part of the landed gentry, lol !