Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Living with your ex

  • 04-04-2011 11:55am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I recently meet a man (on a dating site). Nice man but he is living with his ex girlfriend in the house they bought together. The reason - they can't see in the current climate. I found this strange to be honest and didn't want to see him again.

    Would you go out with someone who still lives with their ex?


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    No. I wouldnt go out with someone who has a house from a previous relationship let alone still living with ex.

    Its harsh, but theres plenty of fish out there, why settle with someone who has baggage. Also, whats the chances of them selling the house so you can buy a new one? Most likely the house could be in the middle of no where, or quite small...only 2 bedrooms. If things were to go well, you'd might want a larger house say 3 or 4 bedrooms for a family. With him having a house already, chances are he wont be able to sell it and upgrade? The house has memories of their relationship and it might never feel like "your" home, even if the ex moved out. It would be nicer to buy your own house with a guy and have an input to where it is, what its like etc. Cheaper mortgage etc (chances are that he is paying more for the mortgage then what its worth). Also if they cant even afford to move out, that does not leave extra cash for you to go on holidays with him, save up for a wedding etc if he too broke to even move out.

    Its just more hassle for what its worth. Internet dating is hard enough to see if there is a spark there with a guy who have never had a house, been married, or had kids....add in any of those factors and its just far more complicated if your not prepared or looking for that.

    In saying that of course if the guy was drop dead gorgeous, absolutely a must keeper, i would change my mind of course and go out with him regardless of the house (i am not that small minded)....but the above would be a preference and a reason why not to see someone again should i only be half interested in the person anyway. 95% of the time I would walk away from such baggage.

    Ive had friends in similar situations and they moved out and rented other places or moved back home. None of them continued living with their ex.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    No. I wouldnt go out with someone who has a house from a previous relationship let alone still living with ex.

    Its harsh, but theres plenty of fish out there, why settle with someone who has baggage. Also, whats the chances of them selling the house so you can buy a new one? Most likely the house could be in the middle of no where, or quite small...only 2 bedrooms. If things were to go well, you'd might want a larger house say 3 or 4 bedrooms for a family. With him having a house already, chances are he wont be able to sell it and upgrade? The house as memories of their relationship and it might never feel like "your" home, even if the ex moved out. It would be nicer to buy your own house with a guy and have an input to where it is, what its like etc.


    Its just more hassle for what its worth. Internet dating is hard enough to see if there is a spark there with a guy who have never had a house, been married, or had kids....add in any of those factors and its just far more complicated if your not prepared or looking for that.

    In saying that of course if the guy was drop dead gorgeous, absolutely a must keeper, i would change my mind of course and go out with him regardless of the house (i am not that small minded)....but the above would be a preference and a reason why not to see someone again should i only be half interested in the person anyway.

    Ive had friends in similar situations and they moved out and rented other places or moved back home. None of them continued living with their ex.

    Thats a lot of thought for a first date...

    If they were still living with an ex, that would be awkward alright, but owning a house their ex lived in? who cares? would you sleep with someone in the same bed their ex slept in? a house is a house, if there were pictures of the ex all over the place or something thats one thing, but (and especially in this day and age) to expect someone to sell their house just because their ex was involved in it at one time is just bizarre tbh. Does the same apply to renting? should people move every time they break up with someone?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    krudler wrote: »
    Thats a lot of thought for a first date...

    If they were still living with an ex, that would be awkward alright, but owning a house their ex lived in? who cares? would you sleep with someone in the same bed their ex slept in? a house is a house, if there were pictures of the ex all over the place or something thats one thing, but (and especially in this day and age) to expect someone to sell their house just because their ex was involved in it at one time is just bizarre tbh. Does the same apply to renting? should people move every time they break up with someone?

    Ive alot of dates to go through...so yeah these types of things are deal breakers for me. Ive gone on plenty of dates where guys are not in this situation so why go with the hassle of a situation like this?

    Yeah if a guy lived in a place which he spent alot of time living with an ex girlfriend, I would not sleep in the same bed as which they shared with the ex!! Especially if you can tell the bed sheets are really old, and are coloured pink or purple etc...at least get new sheets/pillows/duvet.

    Say a guy shared an appartment with a girl for 5 years, and then i met him and went around his place...i would get a horrible karma from the place. It did happen before, I prefer a fresh new start. Its my personal opinion and if im not living in a place which has that history and bad karma, i certainly dont want to be in that situation with a future boyfriend.

    New start, new beginning. Theres plenty of guys out there not in that position. So dont worry...its never a "they must do this" situation, as in must move or sell house. Just move onto the next guy to be honest, who is not in such a situation.

    Also back to the bed sheets thing...i wont even have the same bed sheets when I go back to my parents house as my brother!!! It was not nice seeing his body hair in my bed!!! Now we have completely different sets of bed sheets. When we changed rooms, i kept my matress...even thou we have the exact same type of bed. I took my matress and put it in his room (my new room) and vice versa. So its not even a "boyfriend" thing, its a long term living arrangment thing even with family members (im also a bit creeped out having sex in hotel rooms etc, but at least the sheets are boiled at high temperatures). Anyway yeah in your own bed, you spend 8 hours a night in it and sweat....the sweat goes through the duvet covers onto duvet/pillows and it would be horrible sleeping in someone elses bed who shared it with their ex and they havent even borthered to change the duvet/pillow. Whatever about sharing it with that person...you accept you share their bodily sweat, but nobody elses. I wouldnt even sleep in my parents bed, say if they went away on holiday. However my brother is happy to have sex in my parents bed with his girlfriend which I just find gross. I also had to stay over in my ex's sisters house/mothers house and i was freaked out that we "had" to sleep in his sisters/mothers bed and he was up for everything...needless to say it totally put me off.

    I have plastic protectors on my matress and pillows, which reduce the bacteria and sweat which goes onto them. I regulary get new pillows and I put an extra piece of thick material over the pillow case which i change every other night to prevent bacteria going into the pillow!! Because I can break out in spots etc, im very fussy when it comes to bed sheets/pillows/pillow case covers and the potential bacteria which could be there. Not to mention you lose an egg cupful of skin a day and 100 hairs. I have woodlen floors and dyed my hair from blonde to dark 6 months ago and still sweeping up my blonde hair 6 months later from the floor...if that was carpet now it would freak me out. Im not overly OCD, but when it comes to beds and carpets I am. My own bodily functions and shedding is bad, but being that close to someone elses bodily functions, especially an ex I just would be grossed out by.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Count Duckula


    Wow, my girlfriend lived in her current house with her ex-boyfriend for five years prior to their breakup. I guess that means our relationship is a sham.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    Wow, my girlfriend lived in her current house with her ex-boyfriend for five years prior to their breakup. I guess that means our relationship is a sham.

    Look its my opinion and my rules for my relationships. I can relate to the OP and her mind set. Whatever other people do is up to themselves. I dont care about other peoples relationships.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭diddlybit


    I suppose it would depend if he was worth it or not. If he was a great guy, I'd give it shot, but if I was feeling a little bit meh about him, wouldn't bother at all going on a first date. It's an unfortunate situation but, probably one that there's going to be more of as teh housing market isn't going to recover anytime soon.

    The bed thing is a little bit creepy and never crossed my mind at all. But a good incentive to be better than she is. :eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    I would hate that situation. I would be very reluctant to get involved with someone with such an awkward set up like that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭diddlybit


    Now that I think about it, I kind of also feel sorry for the guy. Imagine having to go through a break-up and then stare at that person everyday over your cornflakes. And then knowing that you can't leave. Horrid.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Ive alot of dates to go through...so yeah these types of things are deal breakers for me. Ive gone on plenty of dates where guys are not in this situation so why go with the hassle of a situation like this?

    Yeah if a guy lived in a place which he spent alot of time living with an ex girlfriend, I would not sleep in the same bed as which they shared with the ex!! Especially if you can tell the bed sheets are really old, and are coloured pink or purple etc...at least get new sheets/pillows.

    Say a guy shared an appartment with a girl for 5 years, and then i met him and went around his place...i would get a horrible karma from the place. It did happen before, I prefer a fresh new start. Its my personal opinion and if im not living in a place which has that history and bad karma, i certainly dont want to be in that situation with a future boyfriend.

    New start, new beginning. Theres plenty of guys out there not in that position. So dont worry...its never a "they must do this" situation, as in must move or sell house. Just move onto the next guy to be honest, who is not in such a situation.

    oh...


    What about going places? say a new boyfriend went to a particular pub or the zoo or something with his ex? that mean you cant go there with him either? or does this just apply to consumer goods and paid for buildings?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,262 ✭✭✭✭Joey the lips


    I can see this as being a problem into the future. When a relationship breakes up these days whats a person to do. Assuming it follows the adverage and women have the kids what does the man do? The state wont house him and rather than live in a shared room with strangers he may as well agree to stay where he is.

    That way he can be a live in babysitter for his kids.

    The way i see it is if he is sleeping with his ex then its nothing they did not do before.

    You just need to decide if you can trust him enough and as all relationships form on a trust basis i think this would be as good a test as any.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Count Duckula


    What if they can't afford to move out though? If you're living in quite a small house, splitting the mortgage two ways, neither partner may be able to afford to move into a new place (even a tiny bedsit) because it'll be more expensive overall. And the partner that's left may be unable to pay the mortgage themselves, either.

    It's all very well just up and selling the house, but where do you live in the meantime? And half the proceeds of a house that in modern Ireland probably is worth half that which you borrowed as the mortgage is not going to get you far when you start to look at new places to live.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    Exactly...the new relationship would never work out!! If they are that broke, why bother?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Count Duckula


    Why bother because he / she might not have much money?! That's... my God, I think I need to sit down.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭diddlybit


    Exactly...the new relationship would never work out!! If they are that broke, why bother?

    Not bother breaking up because they are broke? Or dating a man that is really broke? Little confused, sorry. :confused:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    diddlybit wrote: »
    Not bother breaking up because they are broke? Or dating a man that is really broke? Little confused, sorry. :confused:

    Not bother dating a man that is really broke. Times are hard enough as it is, taking on someone else debt is not my idea of a perfect start to a new relationship.

    In the 2006 Irish census there was 685,628 single adult males in Ireland ;) why get bogged down with this guy. Under and early 30's there are around 20 - 30k single Irish males per year age group. Around age 40 years old there are still 10k single Irish men per age group in Ireland. Why would anyone get bogged down when there are so many other guys to find out there who are not tied up with a mortgage?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭diddlybit


    But he may not be broke forever. And then the situation would be rectified.

    That's a lot of single men. :O


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    diddlybit wrote: »
    But he may not be broke forever. And then the situation would be rectified.

    That's a lot of single men. :O

    In the current situation he is!! Lets be honest about it, he aint going to sell that house anytime fast. Thinking he going to be out of that situation is just not dealing with reality.

    Exactly, there are plenty of Irish guys...sure the 30,000 guys aged 27 (insert age group you want) are single (some prob seeing people by now), but im sure there are at least a few good ones out of 685,000 with no bagage.


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Bruno Ashy Bread


    You're ruling out men in awkward living arrangements and because they might be broke

    okay then


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    In the 2006 Irish census there was 685,628 single adult males in Ireland ;) why get bogged down with this guy. Under and early 30's there are around 20 - 30k single Irish males per year age group. Around age 40 years old there are still 10k single Irish men per age group in Ireland. Why would anyone get bogged down when there are so many other guys to find out there who are not tied up with a mortgage?

    That's great news. Now, how many single FEMALES are there available in the same age groups? Do the single females outnumber single males or vice versa?

    The way this man is living is a sign of the times and there are more men than ever out there with less disposable income. Some of them can't help it, eg, they've lost their jobs or they're in negative equity.

    OK, I wouldn't be comfortable about a guy living with his ex but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker at the start if I liked him. I would hang in there long enough to find out if the woman is REALLY his ex and to see if the relationship has a future.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Ive alot of dates to go through...so yeah these types of things are deal breakers for me. Ive gone on plenty of dates where guys are not in this situation so why go with the hassle of a situation like this?

    Ever wonder why?


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    In the current situation he is!! Lets be honest about it, he aint going to sell that house anytime fast. Thinking he going to be out of that situation is just not dealing with reality.

    Exactly, there are plenty of Irish guys...sure the 30,000 guys aged 27 (insert age group you want) are single (some prob seeing people by now), but im sure there are at least a few good ones out of 685,000 with no bagage.

    what if you've no baggage and are broke? whats "broke" anyway, as in living on beans, or doesnt have a certain amount in their bank?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    Its roughly equal. Nature is actually quite good in producing 50:50 of the sexes. These other single girls who im up against can have these guys with mortgage and is broke...im off to find the ones who still have some cash in their pocket. Im not after someones money, i have my own. But because I was clever enough not to get myself into debt, i aint taking on anybody elses debt. Id still like to go on holidays each year.

    So girls, sure get bogged down with this guy, gives me time to find someone with no bagage before yis do ;)

    Fair play to you, but I'm in my late 30s and single men are thin on the ground. I've had to compromise with the last few guys I've dated and the older I get, the fewer single guys there are who want to date somebody like me (they have a choice of younger prettier women as well as me) so the MORE I will have to compromise.

    If a man is stuck in a financial rut but has initiative why give him a hard time over his circumstances? I didn't get myself into debt either, but the way things stand now I can be on my own forever or take a risk with somebody I like but isn't quite perfect - that might refer to his bank balance, his living situation, his height or a myriad of other things. And nobody is 100% perfect.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Broke is when you have a mortgage, or a substantial loan say of 10k etc.

    Not broke could be when you have 50 quid in the bank account...but its positive either way and you can get by month per month.

    Who wants to date someone who owes the bank 250k for the rest of their lives?

    Just.....what? how is having a loan being broke? a loan you cant pay is one thing, but someone who has a mortgage and still has a job that they can pay it off is being broke?

    I have a car loan, credit card bill and get by month to month just fine, am I broke? why didnt someone tell me?!


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    krudler wrote: »
    Ever wonder why?

    Krudler, that's unnecessary and getting too personal.

    Rein it in please.

    Maple


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    I dont believe this at all....if you go out with the attitude, I have to compromise you wont get very far in the dating world!! Look at Elizabeth Taylor, she was still a fox in her more mature age. So never put yourself down.

    Even if there are young prettier women, you can still get a great catch!!! If you have the right attitude you will. Once your over the age of 18...there will always be "younger" women. If your 30 you have 21 year olds to "compete" with. Doest mean at 30 you should compromise.

    You have to aim high in the dating world ;) Never lower your standards because you think your a certain age!!! If the men are going for younger women...you go for younger men ;)

    That same Elizabeth Taylor with 8 failed marriages? 2 of which were to THE SAME GUY?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Maple wrote: »
    Krudler, that's unnecessary and getting too personal.

    Rein it in please.

    Maple

    fair enough, 'pologies.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,346 ✭✭✭borderlinemeath


    Not bother dating a man that is really broke. Times are hard enough as it is, taking on someone else debt is not my idea of a perfect start to a new relationship.

    In the 2006 Irish census there was 685,628 single adult males in Ireland ;) why get bogged down with this guy. Under and early 30's there are around 20 - 30k single Irish males per year age group. Around age 40 years old there are still 10k single Irish men per age group in Ireland. Why would anyone get bogged down when there are so many other guys to find out there who are not tied up with a mortgage?

    I don't mean to sound mean - but you have a very businesslike outlook to relationships and dating in general.
    You may have met the perfect man and dismissed him because he didn't meet
    a) Your financial requirements and
    b) Your frankly wierd "bed" theory of germs and memories. You have completely ruled out any chance of spontanious encounters that make the honeymoon period of a relationship a practical sexfest.

    I met my current partner of 11 years whenI stopped looking for the stereotype that I thought was Mr Right. And I had actually met him before and dismissed him because he didn't hang out in my social circle and wasn't much of a drinker (ie I thought he was a bit dry, pardon the pun:D)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    In the current situation he is!! Lets be honest about it, he aint going to sell that house anytime fast. Thinking he going to be out of that situation is just not dealing with reality.

    Exactly, there are plenty of Irish guys...sure the 30,000 guys aged 27 (insert age group you want) are single (some prob seeing people by now), but im sure there are at least a few good ones out of 685,000 with no bagage.

    I'm pretty sure that everyone who has been alive for 27 years plus has baggage in some variety. Imo, you are ruling out guys for the most petty of reasons. Frankly, what you've said about not wanting to be with someone who lived in a house he might once have shared with an ex is, to me, beyond ridiculous.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 638 ✭✭✭ellieh1


    I dont believe this at all....if you go out with the attitude, I have to compromise you wont get very far in the dating world!!

    From what I know relationships are based on compromise, nobody is perfect, or has the perfect background or the perfect situation in their lives. If you were to ask everyone in the world if they would change something about themselves or their current situation, I think you may be hard pushed to find someone who wouldnt change something.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    So girls, sure get bogged down with this guy, gives me time to find someone with no bagage before yis do ;)

    I'm 31. To be quite honest if I meet a man of my age or older and he has no baggage I can only assume he's had no life before he met me. That's a bigger turn-off than anything afaic.

    In a dream world it would be lovely to be able to go about dating people with a clean slate right from the get-go, but it's rarely, if ever, that simple. God knows I've lived my own life and had a ball and like it or not I have my own baggage to deal with. I'd consider myself a very hyprocritical and facetious person if I was to cut people off without getting to know them and find out the why's and wherefore's of their situation. I'd rather deal with everyone I meet on an individual basis and not put these imaginary rules and boundaries and boxes to be ticked on their heads.

    We all have our baggage - some big, some small. Knowing when it's baggage that's too big for you as a person to deal with or baggage that will simply get in the way of you giving a new relationship the fair chance it deserves is where the adult decisions need to be made.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    ellieh1 wrote: »
    From what I know relationships are based on compromise, nobody is perfect, or has the perfect background or the perfect situation in their lives. If you were to ask everyone in the world if they would change something about themselves or their current situation, I think you may be hard pushed to find someone who wouldnt change something.


    Of course.

    However if you would never date a smoker, with 10 kids and living with his ex wife in the past, why would you change that just because you became a bit more mature?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭diddlybit


    I met my current partner of 11 years whenI stopped looking for the stereotype that I thought was Mr Right. And I had actually met him before and dismissed him because he didn't hang out in my social circle and wasn't much of a drinker (ie I thought he was a bit dry, pardon the pun:D)

    So true. I don't think that anyone should be dismissed outright for whatever reason because you can never be sure who is going to make you really happy, especially going for a particlar "type" of individual. Sometimes a "type" can just be a really bad pattern.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    Novella wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure that everyone who has been alive for 27 years plus has baggage in some variety. Imo, you are ruling out guys for the most petty of reasons. Frankly, what you've said about not wanting to be with someone who lived in a house he might once have shared with an ex is, to me, beyond ridiculous.

    While I would not completely rule out someone who lived in a house he might once have shared with an ex, I would not be too happy about it.

    If you have been living with someone, and especially if the couple got a mortgage together-well, that means it was a very serious relationship.

    I have yet to meet anybody who has been in such a serious long-term relationship who has not needed years to completely work through the stuff after break up, and that involves a complete break from the person and the house they once lived intogether.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    I definitely wouldnt like to date someone who still lived with his ex - that would just creep me out.

    But the whole bed sharing, space sharing, germs, different sheets and mattresses thing is just weird imo and I wouldnt waste a moment of my time ever considering any of it!! Im not sure how the poster can reconcile handling money or using public transport if thats how they think.


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Bruno Ashy Bread


    Its why i date 20 year old guys...less bagage ;)

    :confused::eek:

    I guess you belong with them


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    However if you would never date a smoker, with 10 kids and living with his ex wife in the past, why would you change that just because you became a bit more mature?

    That's a bit of an extreme from the examples being given before.

    Saying that you'd never date a man who owed 250k to the bank (i.e. the average 30-something man who has bought property in his adult life) is to my mind dismissing a huge chunk of potential partners out there. It's - for want of a better word - a 'normal' situation for any man or woman to be in. You appear to be dismissing that norm for the sake of these glass-ceiling high standards that you've set for yourself.

    I wish you the best of luck in your search but I'll stick to giving everyone I meet the same chance that I'd hope they give me tbh :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,346 ✭✭✭borderlinemeath


    Its why i date 20 year old guys...less bagage ;)

    Do they introduce you as Mrs Robinson to their friends?:D
    (I'm sorry by the way this thread is going that you are a bit older than 20!)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Its why i date 20 year old guys...less bagage ;)

    I was a 20 year old guy once, this statement is nonsense.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    g'em wrote: »
    I'm 31. To be quite honest if I meet a man of my age or older and he has no baggage I can only assume he's had no life before he met me. That's a bigger turn-off than anything afaic.

    In a dream world it would be lovely to be able to go about dating people with a clean slate right from the get-go, but it's rarely, if ever, that simple. God knows I've lived my own life and had a ball and like it or not I have my own baggage to deal with. I'd consider myself a very hyprocritical and facetious person if I was to cut people off without getting to know them and find out the why's and wherefore's of their situation. I'd rather deal with everyone I meet on an individual basis and not put these imaginary rules and boundaries and boxes to be ticked on their heads.

    We all have our baggage - some big, some small. Knowing when it's baggage that's too big for you as a person to deal with or baggage that will simply get in the way of you giving a new relationship the fair chance it deserves is where the adult decisions need to be made.

    Baggage can also mean wisdom and it also means someone can have a lot to offer too out of what they carry with them.

    There is a lot to be said for experience, as long as its not burdenned with an easy surrender to bitterness, there can be so many rewards to it too.

    But...there is a huge difference between baggage/wisdom and bags taht havent even been packed yet, as in cleaning up your messes and taking accountability for that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    I would not date any guy who has car loans, mortgage, credit card bills. For me thats just bad financial planning and wreckless spending.

    Still has a job? So you have a crystal ball? Nobody know's how secure their job is. Even more reason why credit is toxic.

    Are you actually an adult? I dont know anyone who doesnt have a credit card bill of some sort, mine is a few hundred euro, easily manageable, cos y'know I need to buy things from time to time, so I have a credit card.

    I mean just....:confused:


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    I would not date any guy who has car loans, mortgage, credit card bills.

    Youre talking about perfectly normal things for anyone mid-20s upwards to have.

    How do you expect any guy to own his own home if he doesnt have a mortgage - or do you only go out with very rich or very old guys (who have paid off their mortgage?).

    Id be more worried about dating a 50 year old with no mortgage because he was still renting!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    ^ Are you going to play Nintendo together?

    20 isnt even old enough to drink in the US.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    But...there is a huge difference between baggage/wisdom and bags taht havent even been packed yet, as in cleaning up your messes and taking accountability for that.

    Oh absolutely - hence I said earlier it's about getting to know someone and figuring that out without just dismissing them off the bat, something that I learnt about harshly not so long ago.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    I dont believe this at all....if you go out with the attitude, I have to compromise you wont get very far in the dating world!! Look at Elizabeth Taylor, she was still a fox in her more mature age. So never put yourself down.

    Elizabeth Taylor was a movie star. Most of us aren't movie stars and we live in the real world.

    In the real world people have mortgages, they lose their jobs, they split up with their partners and they have children.

    I'd rather not date a smoker, that's one of my deal-breakers, but in the last few months most of the single men I've met have been smokers and I'm thinking about reviewing this rule. I guess as we grow up our priorities change and we have to review our "list" of qualities that we look for in a partner.

    The OP has only met the man in question, if she likes him she should try to find out what the real situation is between him and his ex-girlfriend, as I said before, if somebody says they're living with their ex under the same roof it means that they mightn't necessarily be single. THAT would be my main concern.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    Yes I am an adult and I make money, I have never had anything on credit on my life...i know how to make real cash ;)
    Mods, my apologies for this - but magneticimpulse that winky smiley at the end of every single post you make could not come across as any more patronising.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Well good for you.

    Yes I am an adult and I make money, I have never had anything on credit on my life...i know how to make real cash ;)

    Good christ :rolleyes:

    Less of the condescending attitude and you'll hold an argument a lot better.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,346 ✭✭✭borderlinemeath


    Youre talking about perfectly normal things for anyone mid-20s upwards to have.

    How do you expect any guy to own his own home if he doesnt have a mortgage - or do you only go out with very rich or very old guys (who have paid off their mortgage?).

    Id be more worried about dating a 50 year old with no mortgage because he was still renting!


    In fairness it's only the Irish and the British that hold the notion that we have to own our own home. Most Europeans rent their whole lives.

    But I certainly agree that any normal person who has a life and knows how to enjoy living it should have the odd loan, credit card and maybe a car loan as well.

    Not being mean magneticimpulse but you are 30, your pool is going to get smaller and the 20 year olds might not hang around the older you get.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Well good for you.

    Yes I am an adult and I make money, I have never had anything on credit on my life...i know how to make real cash ;)

    One day in the future we should be able to clone. And then you can create someone JUST LIKE YOU to be with.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Im just answering your questions which you put forward ;)

    You said "all people have credit"...just because you do, doesnt mean everybody has credit or ever has in their life.

    err, except I didnt, I said I dont know anyone who doesnt. Misquoting people isnt exactly helping you here either.

    I rarely buy anything aside from flights or booking hotels or the odd dvds from online stores, credit cards are needed for these, are you paying more for these things in bricks and mortar stores? more fool you then. ;)

    *edit* forgot to add condescending winky face


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭diddlybit


    So if you're dating these twenty year old guys, I'm guessing that it's for fun/sex/companionship and not with a serious relationship in mind, as many of them aren't interested in a serious relationship. (Being young and all that.) And they may not have "baggage" or debt, but do they have any money at all? (I was broke at 20, still am :o)

    So when you are looking for a serious realtionship and settle down, will you not have to change your parameters as to who is suitable or not? because older guys will probably come with soem form of "baggage". (You could always try snare a twenty year old of course.)


  • Advertisement
Advertisement