All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

Rubecula

I have shamelessly ripped this off a friend of mine. (He doesn't mind)

The following are all replies that women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details"..........

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was imaculat and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise...

7. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney; maybe it really is the MagicKingdom

9. So much about that night is a blur, the only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.


Number 10 gets me every time.

Spread

Rubecula wrote: »

...........................................
...............................................................................

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.


Number 10 gets me every time.

Every time? Daily? You mean you read the above daily? Hmmmmmmm!

On a more serious note ........

Why do Heinz Bean cans hold only 239 beans?

If there was on more they'd be

too farty

BOOM BOOM!

Cicero

Spread wrote: »

Why do Heinz Bean cans hold only 239 beans?

If there was on more they'd be

too farty

BOOM BOOM!

PUT .....THE .......JOKE ......DOWN!!!!!!!



:P

Spread

Bought new electronic necklaces for hounds ...... they are not impressed. Must undergo a week of 3 X 15 minute sessions to understand that they will get a tickle (rating 1 to 5) if they try to breach the perimeter fence. This will give yours truly more leisure time and less stress.

Cicero! Are you sure you're taking your meds?:D

Goodnight and Good Moaning

OldGoat

Must get one of those, hotglue schwarzkopf crystals all over it and give it to Mrs.Goat as a gift. Settings one to five eh?

Rubecula

OldGoat wrote: »

Must get one of those, hotglue schwarzkopf crystals all over it and give it to Mrs.Goat as a gift. Settings one to five eh?

I think that would be the quickest way for you to learn to eat soup through a straw. :pac:

Spread

OldGoat wrote: »

Must get one of those, hotglue schwarzkopf crystals all over it and give it to Mrs.Goat as a gift. Settings one to five eh?

Oh, the generosity and romance emanating from the handsome, hirsute hirsine's hands. Gulp Let's hear it for Old Goat!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnuYhFRYbAw

BBDBB

gets good after about a minute

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn0h3aRa1NI&feature=fvwrel

Spread

Yes, it works. Sammy doing Mamba No5 when she gets too near the wire. They've got a field of 100 m X 60m. No need for bark collar as we're 100 m outside of village. Very hard to train as she is was rescued from last years tornado in Tuscaloosa and suffers from PTSD ......... no kidding. One of the others is an Alpha female as well so occasionally I've had to get up at night to go between them. Today I separate their sleeping quarters. These were not my choice ........ we inherited them. Woe is me! Underneath is a close resemblance

Cicero

Spread wrote: »

Cicero! Are you sure you're taking your meds?:D

Goodnight and Good Moaning

Naw...I got one of those bark collars instead....does the job equally well and you don't have to abstain from alcohol either...:p

Spread

Exciting news for golden v and BBDBB from Loftus rd:

QPR sign ex-Nancy boy!

Queens Park Rangers are closing in on a £4m deal for Lazio's French striker Djibril Cisse after securing Nancy's Mali midfielder Samba Diakite on loan. BBC Football

Spread

Just in from my 1 mile walk ........ accompanied by Sammy. Tail erect and pulling at the leash until we neared the boundary fence with the yellow wire. Tim Howard wouldn't be a patch on her .......... she soon switched walking sides. Oh I forgot .......... just the tics ......... no foul mouthed tirade of profanities but knowing her it may not be far behind.
OG, you can get remote controlled collars as well. just keep your hands snugly in your pocket and if she begins to veer towards Weirs window ...... one press would have her looking up (and admiring) the architecture. You can get lots of different chips. For example, one makes the wearer burtst into "Oh What A Beautiful Morning" complete with gesticulations. Another "Va Pensiero", yet another "Goodness Gracious Me". The list goes on. And all quiet legal - as opposed to those tazers that you can buy for $25 online. There's one that retails for $299 that will make a person feel fulfilled by doing the ironing.
I'll get my coat!
Goodnight and Good Moaning

OldGoat

Kicking back.
http://live.liffeysoundfm.ie/

Spread

Goodnight and Good Moaning

getz

Rubecula wrote: »

I have shamelessly ripped this off a friend of mine. (He doesn't mind)

The following are all replies that women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details"..........

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was imaculat and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise...

7. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney; maybe it really is the MagicKingdom

9. So much about that night is a blur, the only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.


Number 10 gets me every time.

help they are closing in on me,thats the problem of being a sex god,just why cannot ladies just want me for my mind ?

travelledpengy

So.. do you come here often?

getz

travelledpengy wrote: »

So.. do you come here often?

only when i get out of the bed

Ramette

Happy Imbolc everyone:)

Spread

getz wrote: »

only when i get out of the bed

Any snow up around the Wirral yet getz?

Ramette wrote: »

Happy Imbolc everyone:)

Had to google this, you old Pagan. Things were very dangerous for hot blooded men in those days ....... the ultimate circumcision. Ouch!

Brigid and Saint Brigid
This section does not cite any references or sources. Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (February 2011)
Stories and symbology that survive in the persona of Saint Brigid may be related. St. Brigid was associated with perpetual, sacred flames, such as the one maintained by 19 nuns at her sanctuary in Kildare, Ireland. The sacred flame at Kildare was said by Giraldus Cambrensis and other chroniclers to have been surrounded by a hedge, which no man could cross. Men who attempted to cross the hedge were said to have been cursed to go insane, die, and/or to have had their penis wither.
The tradition of female priestesses tending sacred, naturally-occurring "eternal flames" is a feature of ancient Indo-European pre-Christian spirituality. Other examples include the Roman goddess Vesta, and other hearth-goddesses, such as Hestia.
Brighid was also connected to holy wells, at Kildare and many other sites in the Celtic lands. Well dressing, the tying of clooties to the trees next to healing wells, and other methods of petitioning or honoring Brighid still take place in some of the Celtic lands and the diaspora.
URL="http://www.boards.ie/w/index.php?title=Brigid&action=edit&section=5"][COLOR=#0066cc]edit[/COLOR][/URL Festivals

Saint Brigid's feast day is on the 1st February celebrated as St Brigid's Day in the Roman Catholic Church, the Eastern Orthodox Church, and by some Anglicans. The Gaelic festival coincides with Imbolc, which has sometimes been identified as the remnant of a prehistoric pagan festival associated with Brigid.I][URL="http://www.boards.ie/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed"][COLOR=#0066cc]citation needed[/COLOR][/URL][/I

getz

live further north than the wirral eight miles north of blackpool and eight miles south of lancaster,but on the coast,we never get much snow,but if i look behind me i can see plenty on the mountains and forest of bowland, [and irish seagulls keep craping on my home]

Spread

Oops, I remember. Up near Fleetwood. Actually the first KFC that I tasted was in Preston circa 1974. I pigged out on it for about a year. Yes KFC and Boddingtons :cool:

getz

Spread wrote: »

Oops, I remember. Up near Fleetwood. Actually the first KFC that I tasted was in Preston circa 1974. I pigged out on it for about a year. Yes KFC and Boddingtons :cool:

yep i was brought up on boddingtons but once they moved the brewery its never tasted the same,and you would not recognize preston now with its new football ground and big shopping centre,

Spread

While working there I stayed in The Black Bull (somethinggate). Lock ins were the rule. Great craic. 'Twas my first time hearing the word pillock. The owner (Stan) said, "C'mon, we'll have a few scoops with the pillocks down the road". I thought they were Mr and Mrs Pillock. In actual fact it was the neighbouring pub
Just had a quick decko to check the year ........ yes it was 1974. As the jukebox proves:

http://www.severing.nu/music/1974UK.html

getz

Spread wrote: »

While working there I stayed in The Black Bull (somethinggate). Lock ins were the rule. Great craic. 'Twas my first time hearing the word pillock. The owner (Stan) said, "C'mon, we'll have a few scoops with the pillocks down the road". I thought they were Mr and Mrs Pillock. In actual fact it was the neighbouring pub
Just had a quick decko to check the year ........ yes it was 1974. As the jukebox proves:

http://www.severing.nu/music/1974UK.html

i am not a native of this part of the world i spent my drinking years [except when i was in the merchant navy] in altrincham [south manchester] but the word pillock i know well,as i am often called that when i am driving,and it is also on the world badge for fishermen,a rod and line with a pillock at one end and a fish at the other,

Ramette

Good lord Spread I knew Brigid was much revered by celtic folk as a Goddess and so feared by the catholic church they made her a saint but i didnt realise she could wither men's appendages!!

I did take Brigid as my confirmation name hmmm i wonder if i managed to also take on some of her powers.. must test it out;)

Spread

Hi Ramette! You may know Raftery's poem about the passing of Winter and the emergence of Spring. A true poet was a hungry poet. Vivaldi lags behind


Lá ‘le Bhríde


“Anois teacht an Earraigh
Beidh an lá ag dul chun síneadh
Is tar éis na Féile Bhríde
Ardeoidh mé mo sheoil
Ó Chuir mé i mo chean é
Is ní stopfaidh mé coíche
Go seasa mé síos
I lár chontdae Mhaigh Eó”

Snowdrops- harbinger of Spring

golden virginia

Happy St Brigid's Day _ mná na hEireann -

St Brigid had a standoff with the king. She negotiated claim to her patch of land - her land would be as big as her cloak. This appeased the King.

Grand! said King - you go ahead sweety .

Then Brigid got her cloak... oh,,,, no ,,,,it was a feather boa.....no it was......a munster jersey

She flung it high -,,,,, it stretched mid air ---- landing ///all across the Curragh of Kildare.

La le Feile Bhride

....Chucken come back! There'is not enough birds round ere.

Cicero

Up the Lillywhites I say....Happy Brigids Day all:)

Spread

Thank you, thank you and thank you. I on behalf of us folk from The Kingdom feel humbled yet proud to be accepted, among such a bunch of luminaries, as equals. Not taking the wind out of Brigideen's sail cloak .......... only for Brendan The Navigator waving goodbye to his beloved Kerry as he dipped over the horizon en route to America .......... we could all be now singing along to this in Hoch Deutsch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvZEPDB-hmA

It improves as it goes on

Ramette

I think you need your ears tested Spread:P

I discovered that there is an accapello (sure i am not spelling that right) version of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' on the new Muppets soundtrack... Cant wait to hear it!