The age gap; how big can it be?

population

Well I am 33 and the missus is 39. Been together for 8 years. Most of my mates have girlfriends in their early to mid 20's and they seem to have to put up with a lot more hassle than I do. One keeps getting dragged out to nightclubs every 2nd night of the week and at 35 he is starting to lament some of his decisions. Told me all he craves is a quiet pint once in a while but she won't hear of it so he has to play the game to keep things in check. Personally I would not be able to hack it.

K-9

There's a 20 year gap between my sister and Brother In Law. It works for them, probably the happiest couple I know.

She'd have been about 24 and he'd have been 44 or so when they started going out. He'd be very young at heart and she'd be older than her age so worked for them.

I suppose as they get older it will become more of an issue, health wise and all that, but if it's meant to be.

Princess Peach

Totally depends on the people! I'm 23 and seeing a guy who is 31, but I think out maturity and interest levels are of the same, like we both still play video games and do all that fun stuff. I think the most important thing in an age gap is that you both want the same thing from the relationship. I'm not looking to settle down at any stage yet, just want some fun really. Some people in their 30s will be looking for something more serious.

But I did watch a tv show about people who have massive age gaps in their relationships and it did feel a bit wrong to me! The 17 year old girl who married the 63 year old man, and when they showed the 30 year old man showering with his 72 year old girlfriend. I know they are all in love, but it did seem wrong to me :pac:

Zaph

steve9859 wrote: »

I think a big age gap is perfectly socially acceptable in a cosmopolitan city like London or New York. No-one would bat an eyelid at a 40 year old marrying a 25 year old. But Dublin is very backward in many ways, and I think you would get a lot of slagging here from small minded people

steve9859 wrote: »

And in the traditional completely un-cosmopolitan Ireland, society does not accept an age gap. The guy would just get disapproving comments from friends and family, and the girl would get "what are you doing?" comments. We just dont get it over here that as long as you get on, it doesnt bleedin' matter!!

Really? I'd be interested to know what you're basing your assumptions on. I'm 43 and my fiancée is 25, and speaking from personal experience I can tell you that bar the odd jokey lucky b*st*rd comment neither of us have been on the end of any of this slagging you mention. My friends and family are far from disapproving of the relationship and would agree that meeting my fiancée is the best thing that ever happened to me. Similarly on her side the way her friends and family have welcomed me into the fold completely dispels any suggestion that they don't approve. Like most normal people they just want the people in their lives to be happy, and they can see that we are so that's good enough for them.

The impression I get from your posts is that you have lived away from Ireland at some stage and seem to now regard it as a quiet little backwater. That may have been the case once, but Dublin now is far more cosmopolitan than you give it credit for and people have a lot more to be worrying about than whether the age gap between two people is too big.

Kaneda_

Im 24 , Gf is 19, not that big a difference really.

At first i thought the age gap was to big,but as time went on i just forgot thinking about it.I think people worry more about 'what people think' when it comes to large age gaps , family especially.

hardy_buck

half your age +7, so if your 20 thats 10+7, 17.. 60=37 etc. its the safest bet around. you have to be 16 or older though

mood

hardy_buck wrote: »

half your age +7, so if your 20 thats 10+7, 17.. 60=37 etc. its the safest bet around. you have to be 16 or older though

Female in early 30s here. There is no way i would consider going out with a man in his late 50s or in his early 20s. I want to meet someone my close to my own age as i definately get on better with guy in my own age group and feel I couldn't have a long term relationship with someone a lot older or younger.

mood

hardy_buck wrote: »

half your age +7, so if your 20 thats 10+7, 17.. 60=37 etc. its the safest bet around. you have to be 16 or older though

Legal age of consent is 17 not 16 as far as I know.

Otis Driftwood

Half your age plus 7 means a 22/23 old for me.Been there,done that and it did not work.Thats not to say I wouldnt consider it again but Id be very scepticle about it.

mood

That would be early 20s for me = a child in my eyes.

It would mean a man in his late 50s should consider me ideal!
Newsflash but most young women are not looking for a man old
enough to be her father and I am sure most young men don't want
someone old enough to be their mother either.

Obviously I think the who half your age plus seven is total bull.

magneticimpulse

Just found out a guy lied to me about his age...there is now a 10 year age gap ;( I thought it was bad enough that he was 4 years older then me...but 10...I dont think I can accept it at all. He didnt think it was so bad because he "feels 30"...but problem is i "feel 20"....It's a shame as he doesnt look that old, and he seems alright (but numbering in other factors which were not great to begin with....this just is the final reason not to go out with him).

I wasted my 20's dating guys over 30 (who would have been still older then what i am currently now...as in they were 32 when I was 22 and im not even 32 yet). If I could turn back time, I would never have gone out with someone with such an age gap. I really did throw my 20's away. I should have been dating other 22 year olds etc. Now that im finally in my 30's (well just entered my 30's), I dont want to waste them dating 35+ year olds. Im just not on the same page in life etc. Especially when my parents are only 50...its way too close to my parents age. I know age is just a number...but Im not even at the same stage in life relationship wise as alot of 25 year olds.

If this guy lied about his age to get a 30 year old...maybe i should pretend to be 24??? I dont think its a good thing to lie about age being honest. Im just fed up meeting guys so much older....what happened to dating someone who was born in 1980?? Surely im not the only person who was born in 1980...where are all these men gone to?

I just would feel more relaxed dating a guy 4 years younger then me....I even think 2 years older is too old for me. I want to be able to spend a few years getting to know someone, travel the world, before even considering marriage and children. If I went out with a 40 year old, I would feel pressure, because we would have to take time to date, etc before having a family and by that stage they would be about 45 starting a family (i wouldnt be interested in having children before im 35). That to me is just too old...they would be 63 by the time the kid was having its 18th birthday....and young adults still need parents at that stage. I suppose since I had such young parents, I really enjoy having them around now that im 30 and that (touch wood) they can have time to enjoy their grandchildren. If I dated someone who is 10 years older then me...it would just throw my life off its course. I would feel robbed of my 30's...just like I feel robbed of some of my 20's.

lazygal

I'm 29, my fiance is 36 and will be 37 when we marry. I wanted to settle down and have a family, and stopped dating guys around my age because they didn't want what I want. It works for us, and it was a bigger issue than it should have been for me when we first got together. He's always said he wishes he'd settled down a bit sooner, but life doesn't always happen the way you plan.

Lots of my friends would love to get married and have a family, but are with partners their age for 10+ years and the guys seem to be getting claustrophobic and don't want the committment of marriage. I'm rather be with someone who wants what I want from life, regardless of age.