The age gap; how big can it be?

We have a thread for this in TLL, but I thought it'd be interesting to get more male opinions.
How important is the age difference between partners? How big a gap is 'too big'?
I know there's the half-your-age-plus-seven rule. But honestly I think that's silly. In fact when I consider it, it marks people 10 years or less apart as 'unsuitable' =/
As far as I'm concerned, as long as both parties know what they're getting into and are legal, age shouldn't be a factor in their relationship. True, there's the problem of having grown up in different eras, but to me that isn't any more of a problem than people from different cultures trying to forge a relationship. It's all surmountable if you put the effort in.

PK2008

As long as its legal its up to the 2 people to judge

steve9859

It isnt the age gap which matters, more the point in your life. You can be 35 and go out with a 22 year old, and that will probably work fine is she is working, and has a professional kind of outlook and a good mix of friends of different ages from home, school and work. But going out with a 22 year old student, with only other 22 year old student friends, probably wouldnt work.

I think a big age gap is perfectly socially acceptable in a cosmopolitan city like London or New York. No-one would bat an eyelid at a 40 year old marrying a 25 year old. But Dublin is very backward in many ways, and I think you would get a lot of slagging here from small minded people

cantdecide

As long as you're in the same place, it shouldn't matter. In other words, it's totally subjective.

My sister who is 30 was half seeing someone in his late forties for a bit. I told her that can't see how they can both be in the same place. She eventually drew the same conclusion.

Men are lucky in that it is not uncommon for a man to see a much younger woman. I think there are raised eyebrows when it goes the other way...

Ebbs

steve9859 wrote: »

It isnt the age gap which matters, more the point in your life. You can be 35 and go out with a 22 year old, and that will probably work fine is she is working, and has a professional kind of outlook and a good mix of friends of different ages from home, school and work. But going out with a 22 year old student, with only other 22 year old student friends, probably wouldnt work.

I think a big age gap is perfectly socially acceptable in a cosmopolitan city like London or New York. No-one would bat an eyelid at a 40 year old marrying a 25 year old. But Dublin is very backward in many ways, and I think you would get a lot of slagging here from small minded people

Once legal its personal preference imo, or atleat to a degree. I do think a 18 yo with a 40+ year old is a tad bit odd but not my place to judge really.

Personally I rather people around (1 or 2 years either side) my age due to generally being at the same stage of life and having to make the same decisions et el.

steve9859

cantdecide wrote: »

As long as you're in the same place, it shouldn't matter. In other words, it's totally subjective.

My sister who is 30 was half seeing someone in his late forties for a bit. I told her that can't see how they can both be in the same place. She eventually drew the same conclusion.

Men are lucky in that it is not uncommon for a man to see a much younger woman. I think there are raised eyebrows when it goes the other way...

late 40s is a bit old as they are in a different place, you are right. But there is a very good chance that a man of 37 or 38 is at a very similar stage in life as a woman of 27 or 28 in that they might well be wanting to start a family.

I think an age gap like that probably has a pretty good chance of working

PCPhoto

the older a person gets the less the age difference matters.

the half your age plus 7 "rule" is generally adopted by people in their mid 20's and early 30's .... and its a rule which can and is ...on occasion ....broken.

like others have said.... its not about the ages...its about the "point in life" ...or being in the "same place" .... if two consenting adults share common interests and outlooks in life ... why not go for it... what do you have to loose?

parker kent

Surely there are no people that actually take the 'half your age plus 7' rule seriously?

liah

It's entirely dependent on the maturity of the individuals involved.

Count Duckula

The half your age plus seven thing is indeed flawed, but it's a good piece of guidance. People take it too literally - age is just a number, of course. But people growing up in different eras will have different opinions, tastes, problems. You can be so similar to a person but if she grew up in the eighties and you in the nineties then your taste in music, fashion, films and TV will be totally different owing to the differences in what you were exposed to as children.

The age thing is not a hard and fast rule, and there are of course relationships that "break" it and work, but largely it's a good guide to not ending up in a relationship with someone in a totally different stage of life to you. That's not to say that everyone with an age gap will be in a different stage of life (or, indeed, that people of the same age will be in the same stage of life, either), but it does give a good general overview. If you ignore it and try and date people much older / younger than you then you'll have to sift through a lot of unsuitable people just to end up with someone remotely compatible - whereas if you'd stuck with people of a similar age to you then you'd have a much better chance of finding someone you match.

mood

steve9859 wrote: »

late 40s is a bit old as they are in a different place, you are right. But there is a very good chance that a man of 37 or 38 is at a very similar stage in life as a woman of 27 or 28 in that they might well be wanting to start a family.

I think an age gap like that probably has a pretty good chance of working

I don't agree. I'm female and didn't have anything in common with men in their 40s when I was that age and I'm mature for my age!

I went out with a guy five years younger once and on reflection would never do it again. He wasn't mature enough. I would go five years older but in general older than that and there is very little in common etc.

Bottle_of_Smoke

To be honest I find the half your age +7 has always seemed broadly speaking appropriate for me.

25/2 +7 = 19.5 - seems about right, I'd definitely give age some thoguht if a girl was 19/20, same with a 21/22 year old. 23+ wouldn't give it a second thought

Though it is still a guideline, if I met an amazing 18 year old I wouldn't rule her out over age.

The other way I really don't think I'd consider a girl over 28/29 for anything other than a ONS/casual relationship

Otis Driftwood

mood wrote: »

I don't agree. I'm female and didn't have anything in common with men in their 40s when I was that age and I'm mature for my age!

I went out with a guy five years younger once and on reflection would never do it again. He wasn't mature enough. I would go five years older but in general older than that and there is very little in common etc.

Yep.

I was seeing a 22 year old girl last year (Im 31) and while we got on to a certain degree our outlook and stage of life were very much out of whack so I just ended it.She turned out to be quite mad too.Id be home in bed and get these random texts at all hours telling me I was using her and the next day she would ring and be all apologetic,ehhh no thanks.

A friend of mine (same age) has been dating a now 23 year old for about a year and a half and he goes through the exact same thing with her.For example,himself,myself and another girl we know had organised to meet up for dinner and drinks (we live in different parts of the country so this happens at most 4 times a year) and she literally started crying because he was going out with us for a night.IME Ive found younger ie under 25 year olds to be incredibly insecure.There are of course exceptions but from those Ive encountered thus far they are in the minority.

cantdecide

I'm 29 and my magic number is 23. Any less and my guard is up.

Dravokivich

hmmm... being the eldest of 5 with a 9 year range... I always tend to think going with someone around the age range of some of my younger siblings would be weird...

so I'd be looking more so at most.... 4 years younger then me...

steve9859

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Yep.

I was seeing a 22 year old girl last year (Im 31) and while we got on to a certain degree our outlook and stage of life were very much out of whack so I just ended it.She turned out to be quite mad too.Id be home in bed and get these random texts at all hours telling me I was using her and the next day she would ring and be all apologetic,ehhh no thanks.

A friend of mine (same age) has been dating a now 23 year old for about a year and a half and he goes through the exact same thing with her.For example,himself,myself and another girl we know had organised to meet up for dinner and drinks (we live in different parts of the country so this happens at most 4 times a year) and she literally started crying because he was going out with us for a night.IME Ive found younger ie under 25 year olds to be incredibly insecure.There are of course exceptions but from those Ive encountered thus far they are in the minority.

That happens with Irish 30 year olds as well, I promise! I think its an Ireland thing. Girls here seem so much more insecure and behave younger than London and New York girls (the two other cities I have lived for a prolonged period).

I know early 20 somethings in New York and London who are happily married to late 30 somethings, no-one bats an eyelid, and they are very happy. It is completely socially acceptable.

Over here, the 20 something girl would probably be as you describe (immature and insecure, probably because she is still living her sheltered life with her parents).

And in the traditional completely un-cosmopolitan Ireland, society does not accept an age gap. The guy would just get disapproving comments from friends and family, and the girl would get "what are you doing?" comments. We just dont get it over here that as long as you get on, it doesnt bleedin' matter!! I know 22 year old girls who are more mature than neurotioc 30 something girls!

bergkamp10

Age gap? You're only as old as (the women) you're feeling

Otis Driftwood

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Yep.

I was seeing a 22 year old girl last year (Im 31) and while we got on to a certain degree our outlook and stage of life were very much out of whack so I just ended it.She turned out to be quite mad too.Id be home in bed and get these random texts at all hours telling me I was using her and the next day she would ring and be all apologetic,ehhh no thanks.

A friend of mine (same age) has been dating a now 23 year old for about a year and a half and he goes through the exact same thing with her.For example,himself,myself and another girl we know had organised to meet up for dinner and drinks (we live in different parts of the country so this happens at most 4 times a year) and she literally started crying because he was going out with us for a night.IME Ive found younger ie under 25 year olds to be incredibly insecure.There are of course exceptions but from those Ive encountered thus far they are in the minority.

Things like this make me glad that I hardly ever hang out with girls in my own age group. That's just embarassing.
Honestly, Irish girls (this is a generalisation of course) just don't seem to know how to be in a relationship. People need SPACE. Things don't have to intense all the time. I seem to be the only one in my circle of female friends that doesn't care if a guy calls - I actually feel fine just being on my own!

brian93

I'm 18, my partner is 53. Doesn't make any difference to us, so it shouldn't to anyone else. ....if you want to get cheesy about it, age is just a number

bergkamp10

If you're happy, and your partner is happy, good for you, both!

Metallitroll

strictly 3yrs either side of my own, max. have to choose my words wisely cos if i were to say the smaller the gap the better, you'd probably get the wrong idea

nicowa

Count Duckula wrote: »

The half your age plus seven thing is indeed flawed, but it's a good piece of guidance. People take it too literally - age is just a number, of course. But people growing up in different eras will have different opinions, tastes, problems. You can be so similar to a person but if she grew up in the eighties and you in the nineties then your taste in music, fashion, films and TV will be totally different owing to the differences in what you were exposed to as children.

The age thing is not a hard and fast rule, and there are of course relationships that "break" it and work, but largely it's a good guide to not ending up in a relationship with someone in a totally different stage of life to you. That's not to say that everyone with an age gap will be in a different stage of life (or, indeed, that people of the same age will be in the same stage of life, either), but it does give a good general overview. If you ignore it and try and date people much older / younger than you then you'll have to sift through a lot of unsuitable people just to end up with someone remotely compatible - whereas if you'd stuck with people of a similar age to you then you'd have a much better chance of finding someone you match.

All through college the guys I knew or met out at night - who aren't gay or involved - are the kind who don't want to be involved in a relationship. Or is that just me?

I met a guy who was kind, sweet, sarcastic, funny and slightly evil (in terms of his sense of humour) who just completly gets me. We share a lot of interests in terms of film and books (espicially books as that was how we met). We met last year, I'm 25 and he's 41. We're getting married in April next year.

I would say age is just a number too. But it's also a frame of mind. He's a young personality, I'm a mature enough person. I think we kind of meet in the middle in terms of mental age. At the same time we're in completle different periods of life - he's divorced with 3 kids, I'm finishing up a Masters. There are differences we have to work through, culture/religion as well as the income gap (of which I have none and it makes me uncomfortable having him pay for everything when we go out). But if you understand each other then it's easier.

bergkamp10 wrote: »

Age gap? You're only as old as (the women) you're feeling

I tell himself that everyday!

Pherekydes

I've had GFs aged 17 and 51, so the range is fairly wide for me.

Vicxas

im 24 and going out with a 20 year old. I thought it might be a bit weird but its actually not.

I think the older the 2 get the less it matters

I have never really understood the importance of the issue of age. There are a lot of things I look for in a girl and age is right down the bottom end of the list and I have seen little reason to elevate it higher.

When I meet someone I judge the package. The person, the looks, the level they interest me, the level they affect me, whether their hopes, dreams and desires for the future are in line with mine and much more. If a girl ticks all the boxes then that’s a girl for me, regardless of whether she is 17, 37 or 57.

The girls I am going out with at present are 30 and 24 while I myself am 32. Nothing about them every brings home the age difference between me and them, or between each of them.

However where age will become an issue is in the line I wrote above of “whether their hopes, dreams and desires for the future are in line with mine”. Clearly if your hopes for the future include child rearing and watching that child grow up together, then a 20 year old going with a 50 year old may not be the best choice.

So as other users said it is subjective. Age only becomes important when it somehow increases the risks of precluding some aspect of what it is you are actually looking for in a relationship in the first place. Whether to take that risk regardless is of course up to the people involved, but an awareness of those risks is healthy.

Emme

Deleted User wrote: »

The girls I am going out with at present are 30 and 24 while I myself am 32. Nothing about them every brings home the age difference between me and them, or between each of them.

Age difference is people's own business once they have a similar level of maturity but do the 30 and 24 year olds know about each other? Is it fair to date two girls at the same time without them knowing about each other? I don't think so. You've brought up a totally different issue here.

tallaghtmick

to quote quagmire

"high school girls are great the older i get they stay the same age giggity giggity"

Emme

Emme wrote: »

You've brought up a totally different issue here.

No I havent. I am writing about the issue in the OP, about people going out with people of different ages. I am mentioning, as nothing more than a personal anecdote that the girls I am with (yes we live together, its all above board) are of different ages but age is the last thing on the list of things that distinguish them apart.

Essentially what I am saying is that everyone knows themselves what they want from a relationship and partner(s). That list of criteria is different from person to person. Whether age is important or not is therefore down to how much it is likely to affect that list of criteria. There is therefore no generalised rule possible on the subject... which is why it is so oft argued about. When there are no right answers, people are all too happy to claim there is.

To anyone considering a relationship with someone of a vastly different age my advice would simply be: Ask yourself what you want from a relationship first. Ask yourself how likely the risk is that the age gap will negatively affect those hopes and desires second. Then finally ask yourself if those risks are ones you are willing to take. When those three answers are available to you, you will know what you want to do. It is up to the other person to ask them too.

Penn

I (24 at the time) had been getting kind of close to a 37 year old girl a few months back. I pulled away before anything happened though. It's not the age that worried me, moreso my own maturity and where I was in my life. Age isn't a big deal though. If you're both adults, you both know whether or not to go for it.

Colonel_McCoy

Divide her age by 2 and 7..........

Jax Teller

tallaghtmick wrote: »

to quote quagmire

"high school girls are great the older i get they stay the same age giggity giggity"

That's a robbed quote out of dazed & confused

~ That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older and they stay the same age.~ David Wooderson