Pressure to get married

Dudess

It's so rude - thankfully the two people I get it from are individuals whom I don't see often.

The inverse is "Oh I'd hate to have kids, you must feel so tied down, you must really miss your freedom" stuff.

Both just projecting. Some people really do get freaked by others' life choices/circumstances - no doubt either a case of hating deviations from the norm (especially applicable to older generations), not being happy in themselves, or a combination of both.

Buceph

Just tell her you're engaged, but don't want the ceremony in "The Joy" so you just have to wait 10 years to life for the perfect occasion.

Abi

UpCork wrote: »

This is something that is driving me daft. Funnily enough the pressure isn't coming from family or friends, but one friend in particular of my Mother. Everytime without fail that she speaks to me or Mum it's "any wedding on the horizon" and when I or my Mother answer no, I am single and do not see marriage as an event in my life in the near future, she then looks at me (and Mother) with such a look of pity.

Okay, 30 isn't far off, but I am happy being single. I am finishing up postgrad and I want to enjoy my life without being tied down with a relationship. At present it isn't something I want or need, yet this lady seems to think it abnormal.

She herself left school, met a man married him had kids, stayed at home reared the kids and is now looking after her grandkids. Her children went to Uni or into a job straight afterschool, met someone and married them except her middle son (the black sheep) who at nearly 40 is living with someone and his partner is only expecting the first baby now. I have told her time and time again that people are different and times change, but no not in her eyes. THe last time she was speaking to me she said "there better be wedding bells by your 30th".

Anyone else feel teh same pressure. I am actually avoiding speaking to this woman if I can (my heart sinks when the house phone rings and she's at the other end of it) as this is all she talks about.

Anyone got similar experiences?

I don't know how you haven't told her to shove it up her arse. What a pre-historic old twat she is. I understand that you don't really want to be rude to this woman, but she's shoving her opinions down your neck without worrying how it effects you.

The next time she brings up the subject, just tell her you'd rather take your time about these things, rather than rush into a marraige and make a costly mistake. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she didn't bring it up again. She only speaks to you in this manner because you allow her to do so, nip it in the bud pronto.

R P McMurphy

I always get the old 'when are you going to give us a day out'. Must have been asked that a thousand times by aunts. Funny thing is if I do get married will not be inviting them anyway so will not be any day out for them

okiss

It must be horrible to get the comments from this old bag. In her day you were nothing unless you had a boyfriend or husband. If you were not married by 30 your life was over. Thankfully we don't have to put up with this rubbish any longer.
A few years ago a friend of mine was at a family wedding when one of her relations made a comment - we never see you with anyone.
My friend made no comment back as she did not know what to say.
Later the smug lady who made this comment had a daughter who arrived home in her early 20's pregnant and the child's father is never mentioned.
The next time this lady make a comment say it is great that we don't have to get married to have a life now and mention the black sheep in her family then.
You will find an old bag like this will be able to make a comment but won't like it when you mention something back about her family ( who as we know are prefect).

the_syco

Tell her you got engaged. When she says "Really?", say "No, just kidding. Any craic with yourself?". After a few times, she may get tired of this game.

LittleBook

I would totally do this:

dashboard_hula wrote: »

Burst into loud, wailing tears and accuse her of massive insensitivity "I'm trying, I'm TRYING, what's wrong with me?!? Here, you must know, tell me what's wrong with me!"

and this:

cdaly_ wrote: »

Pick up phone: "Hello?.... Hello? .... I can't hear you, can you hear me?..."

:pac:

And I'm repeating myself here but I think it's a very apt story for this situation ... can't remember which comedienne but she tells a good one about how she got sick of relations coming up to her at weddings and saying "oooh, maybe you'll be next" ... so she started going up to them at funerals and saying "oooh, maybe you'll be next".



Joking aside, I think you should have a little think about why this is affecting you so badly. You can't control what other people think and say but you can ask yourself why what they think and say has such an impact on you.

rbag

Gosh, you sound like a really nice person.

I get that all the time, but I've no manners and reply (especially with the older aunts etc) with "no plans. How are things with you though? How's your sex life?". My reasoning being that's what they're quizzing me about.

Guranteed they will never mention it again:D

LegacyUser

LittleBook wrote: »

Joking aside, I think you should have a little think about why this is affecting you so badly. You can't control what other people think and say but you can ask yourself why what they think and say has such an impact on you.

This is a very good point. I get comments like what the OP is getting a fair bit too but I am extremely sensitive anyway about not having a boyfriend (not even a sniff of one at the mo) so it would really annoy me and upset me. I would love to meet someone but it's just not happening at the moment but i'd like to think it will eventually, so the last thing I need are patronising comments from people on the state of my love life!

OP i would avoid this woman whenever she comes to visit - make it your business to get out of the house or be in another room. If you do happen to bump into her just smile/laugh and say something like "in my own good time" if she asks you again about getting married. Then if she continues to do it say "nope nothings changed since the last time you asked me!"