Lonely

LegacyUser

I recently turned 30 and got engaged so life is good and this should have been the best news in the world and it was but almost immediately we started talking about wedding plans and it hit me that I don't have anyone that I could ask to be my bridesmaid...my finacee has a rake of friends he can ask to be his groomsmen and I'm stuck to find even one girl to ask. I moved away from home a year ago and it looks like everyone I went to college with etc has gone abroad, gone off the radar etc....I'm a friendly person, a bit shy maybe but not that bad and people always tell me that I'm an open and warm person but since moving to Dublin I have found it so difficult to meet other women. I've thought about taking up hobbies etc but I'm useless at all sports...and there's nothing really out there that jumps out at me. I volunteer with two societies which is great but most of the people are all at least 10 years older than me and married with kids etc...lovely people but just on a different wavelength really.

I regularly see groups of women together having a great time and I really miss it. I haven't had it since my college days. I miss female company.

I don't know what I'm asking here really...I guess to know that there's more women out there like me might help....I've seen threads similar to this before where people have said to go to Boards Beers but the thought of turning up at one of those not knowing anyone and there being loads of people is a bit daunting for me. Or they say post in the private ladies lounge but I've had a look in there and it's so quiet and meet ups rarely seem to work out.

Sometimes I think if I didn't have my fiancee I'd have no one By the way I'm not looking for a bridesmaid lol....it just hit me that I don't have many female friends and wondered if anyone else here is in the same boat or if they've been there and changed things. Thanks for any comments or help.

Ickle Magoo

Hello there!

I moved here 7 or 8 years ago and knew no-one bar my husband and a handful of his friends that still lived in ireland - only him locally. I found an internet site that had regional forums and I posted asking for mates to go out with - lo and behold some people responded and we're still mates today. That took the sting out of not knowing anyone at the start and gradually over time I've built up lots of other friendships.

There's often mods that post asking if anyone is nervous of going to the beers that they can meet up before hand - so keep an eye out for them. Get posting in some of the chat threads and even posting regularly in most forums will mean you "see the same faces" - or whatever the cyberspace equivalent is and get on nodding terms. Finding groups to join that share a common interest of yours is a good way to meet people - you must have some hobbies or interests that have participatory or fan clubs.

I've found as I've gotten older and going clubbing every weekend is no longer on the cards that friendships can take a bit more work and effort both to make and to keep. Throw caution to the wind and you never know what rewards you might get?!

annieire

Hi, congrats on you engagement

You should take a look at this post. There are a few links on it that are definitely worth a look.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055584406

Best of luck.

Malari

I spent a few months living in a city where I knew no-one and it was hard! I have only about 2-3 very close friends and find it challenging to get out there and make the first move.

At least you have your boyfriend, and congratulations on the engagement. You mention that he seems to have a wealth of buddies to choose from for his groomsmen...would you know any of his friends well? Do any of them have girlfriends? I know that's how I met one of my good friends...she was married to one of my boyfriend's team-mates and new to the city, didn't know anyone. We got to know each other watching a few sporting events and started meeting up for coffee outside of that.

Another one of our friends is going out with someone who has just moved to Ireland and doesn't know anyone either, so I'm going to try to include her in a few girlie drinks/dinners. I've been on the other side of it and it's amazing how lonely you can get

RacoonQueen

Have you any cousins or anything you could ask to be your bridesmaid? I've very few female friends but if I was getting married I'd have my sister and my honorary sister(a girl I grew up with) wouldn't even have anyone else to ask. :pac:

woolymammoth

lonely in dublin wrote: »

I've seen threads similar to this before where people have said to go to Boards Beers but the thought of turning up at one of those not knowing anyone and there being loads of people is a bit daunting for me. Or they say post in the private ladies lounge but I've had a look in there and it's so quiet and meet ups rarely seem to work out.

not that it's any consolation, but i predict i'll be in a similar situation in a few years. I'll be moving to Oz with my missus. I don't really have a hard time making friends, but i don't really enjoy socialising with anyone but my very good friends, and come April, they'll be 10,000 miles away . Anyway, never mind me. I picked out this part of your post. Why don't you bring the husband along to the beers? tell him you need some friends outside of his friends. or bring his friends girlfriends to a boards beers. All i can say is i'd do it for my missus. Once i knew she was happy out i could leave her at it. If you didn't enjoy it then just head off. That my 2c.. whether it's any good or not is another matter though! :P

in a funny kind of way, you remind me of my sister. she was anxious like that about going to secondery school :pac: she made loads of friends then

Acoshla

Hi OP,

You said you had a look in the private forum and you don't think any of the meetups there have worked out, well I just wanted to tell you that some of them have!

I moved to a new place a year and a half ago to live with my boyfriend, my best friend actually lives here too and even though she knows no one else and I thought we could meet people together she has never bothered trying. I on the other hand went to one boards ladies drinks, just threw myself into it, sure everyone's in the same boat no point being shy, and met some lovely girls.

But after that I got chatting to a few more boardsies after seeing them on the Find a Friend thread and other similar ones, and I have to say I have met some lovely lovely girls who I hope to become good friends with, actually just last night I was over at one of their houses eating all her Ferrero Rocher

So maybe write in that thread, there are so many boardies in Dublin you're bound to meet people, even those of us in the shticks have managed it so Dubs definitely have no excuse!!

Jup1ter

Hi, I find myself in a similar situation. I do have both male and female friends but I find that to be able to meet with them I have to book their time in advance especially since some of them have families now.
I love to go dancing but then again....that's also something that I have to plan for at least a month before I get everyone to agree on the date, time and place.
I wouldn't mind to have more friends to go out with...especially in Dublin, someone who shares some of my interest (like go dancing hehe)!

confuseddotcom

O.P. the fact that you're in DUBLIN of all places - there has to be clubs n societies n stuff around?!? There has to be!

At the minute I live in thabakabeyond "Tha Shtix" too, but did spend the last one-third of my life lol in the city, till I had to come back here, and don't know what to do with myself now! It's all fields n cows n trees, on permanent day-trip to the Country-side over-load here!! May I just add that when I came on here first and found the Regional/County Threads, - thought it was absolutely brilliant idea as there is quite a few on here I discovered who are looking for friends / people to meet up with in groups etc., but then the shrill realization dawned that actually most or quite a lot of these who are looking for friends, - are lucky to have partners lol! And whilst there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a partner, I don't know if it's appreciated/understood what it's like to have absolutely NO one lol!! Not EVEN a partner!

I guess what I'm trying to say is; - if ya can, maybe engage your Other Half more ..... For example you said he has lots of friends, so maybe arrange to meet up with their girlfriends if ya can ...... I notice with local people in the local pubs of my age who have partners and are settled, the folk they would now call their close friends who they spend their spare/free time with, are most often a few couples out together - partners connections and their friends who they have built up great bonds and formed good friendships with, they could be slightly different in age in years up or down, but I see it's mainly to do with life-styles and the stages they are at right now, and who they have or see in their every-day lives now, is who they are going to grow close to.

I guess it's inevitable and bound to happen anyway, that's life, it's difficult to maintain contact, and people drift ..... So I would say you should get to know your O.H.'s friends O.H.'s and go from there!

Big Congrats on the Engagement b.t.w! :cool:

On a side-note, sorry to Thread-crash but some-one mentionned another Website that had Regional Forums on it, - if you could let me know the name of that I'd appreciate it cheers. :pac:

Snoopy1

confuseddotcom wrote: »

On a side-note, sorry to Thread-crash but some-one mentionned another Website that had Regional Forums on it, - if you could let me know the name of that I'd appreciate it cheers. :pac:

Yes id like to know the name of the forums as well please

fifomania

OP, congrats!
I know just how you feel. I've actually posted recently about being lonely in Dublin. It's very hard. Maybe not a consolation but at least you have your OH
I had close friends at school but after that we all split up, I was the only one that stayed at home, we lost touch etc and since then i haven't been able to make friends. I have acquaintances, a lot of them much younger than me as I'm back at college, but I know deep down that will end too when I finish up. It's quite disheartening. Very hard to meet people despite joining groups and trying to be social etc. I often think if I had a Hen party or a wedding or something daft like going on Winning Streak I wouldn't be able to fill many chairs!
Don't know what advice I can give you, just to let you know you're not alone.

Snoopy1

Yea a lot of us are in the same situation.
I always think if i was to get married, id have no-body sitting on my side!!!!

Ickle Magoo

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Yes id like to know the name of the forums as well please

Well, the site I was on was a parenting site called rollercoaster.ie - I used the general ads...I have no idea if they still have the same set up. There are regional forums here too - again, become a regular poster on most forums on most sites and you'll see they nearly always have regular meet ups, even if they aren't publicly advertised.

All the best. :cool:

Clare Bear

fifomania wrote: »

OP, congrats!
I know just how you feel. I've actually posted recently about being lonely in Dublin. It's very hard. Maybe not a consolation but at least you have your OH
I had close friends at school but after that we all split up, I was the only one that stayed at home, we lost touch etc and since then i haven't been able to make friends. I have acquaintances, a lot of them much younger than me as I'm back at college, but I know deep down that will end too when I finish up. It's quite disheartening. Very hard to meet people despite joining groups and trying to be social etc. I often think if I had a Hen party or a wedding or something daft like going on Winning Streak I wouldn't be able to fill many chairs!
Don't know what advice I can give you, just to let you know you're not alone.

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Yea a lot of us are in the same situation.
I always think if i was to get married, id have no-body sitting on my side!!!!

Aww girls that's so sad that ye think like that

A friend of mine came out of a long term relationship last year and joined some groups on meetup.com. She seems to be having great craic with them judging by her Facebook photos and she's out all the time with people she met on there. Think there's all different types of groups and locations so it might be worth a look?