Partner delaying Starting family due to reccession

Snazzy_Chazzy

Whats your thoughts ladies. My other half is reluctant to start a family.
He says

"cant afford it just now"
"I might be out of a job come the summer"

This has been his excuse since the reccession kicked in 2 years ago.
I know a lot of guys are scared of having children

Ok so we have debts and visa bills and mortgage repayments like everyone else. We dont have a CENT to spare and live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)
He also says that if we have a kid we wont be able to rent out our spare room which we do at present brings in 350 per month extra.
I dont work
In fairness things are tight his job is not THAT secure it could be fine it might not. we just dont know. So what do we do put making a family on hold until the reccesion is over? Im 29 now and dont want to wait for ever!

syklops

Well if you stopped buying contraception, that would save some money. When the child arrives you will get childrens allowance. Plus people tend to shower you with presents when you have a baby.

EDIT: By the way I am a guy. I hope you don't mind me pitching in. As a guy the prospect of being a Dad is very scary, especially if your job is not secure. That said, there are very few things 2 people can not over come if they love each other.

From a financial point of view, start having a look at what your spending your money on. Track it, even down to the last penny. You will then see areas you can cut back on, and you should be able to find enough money to squeeze a baby in.

Hail 2 Da Thief

Sounds like he's being responsible to me!

Fox McCloud

To be honest it sound like he has a point.. you would be down €350 if ye had a baby and ye're already living pay check to pay check.

You say you dont work, I assume that you have experienced the horrible reccesion firsthand if thats the case. easier than is sounds but maybe doubling your efforts to find work to get back in the plus numbers might be a route to take in order to put yourselves in a position to start a family. Also talk to him and make sure it is only oney that holds him back from starting a family.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from the Ladies Lounge, you'll get more parenting advice here, OP.

All the best.

Snazzy_Chazzy

yeah its the money thats holding him back.
Well i keep telling him that everything isnt money.
He is a great guy but his main aim is to pay down debts etc at the moment. Hmm I forgot about child allowance lol. Ill put that in his mind he he

syklops

You mention Visa bills. Any finance expert will tell you get rid of the Visa bill first. Suck it up for a month or two and get them cleared because the interest adds up, and your soon paying way more than you ought to.

How many Visa cards do you have? If you only have one salary coming in, cut it down to one card, and only use it in an emergency, not for paying for the groceries, it instantly makes things more expensive.

Why would you have to stop renting out the other room? I know it is common for babies to be put in a separate room, but for the first few months you could easily have the cot in your room. Or is it because you are afraid the baby will keep the person up?

johnboysligo

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

We dont have a CENT to spare and live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)

sounds like you guys are not ready for a child full stop. bit crude I know, but how exactly do you think you could afford a child if your living from pay cheque to pay cheque?
Id say hes not afraid of having children Id say hes afraid he can't provide for you and the child.

leeroybrown

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

Ok so we have debts and visa bills and mortgage repayments like everyone else. We dont have a CENT to spare and live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)

I know plenty of people who've had kids recently and not a single one of them will tell you that they had anywhere close to the same disposable income after paying for just the essentials. It's bloody expensive. I certainly wouldn't be willing to bring a child into that kind of uncertainty until I'd stabilised my finances a lot.

syklops wrote: »

Why would you have to stop renting out the other room? I know it is common for babies to be put in a separate room, but for the first few months you could easily have the cot in your room. Or is it because you are afraid the baby will keep the person up?

Good look to anyone who thinks that they'll find a house mate willing to pay any reasonable rent towards staying in a house with a young baby.

youcancallmeal

Sounds like the worst time possible to have a baby tbh. You've got to look at this realistically. By the sounds of it having a baby now would just bring you massive financial strain. Do you really want to be worrying about whether you can afford nappies from one week to the next?

Moonbeam

Just wondering why don't you work?
It would make sense to me that if you both worked you could pay of debts faster and then be in a better situation for a baby.

Snazzy_Chazzy

syklops wrote: »

You mention Visa bills. Any finance expert will tell you get rid of the Visa bill first. Suck it up for a month or two and get them cleared because the interest adds up, and your soon paying way more than you ought to.

How many Visa cards do you have? If you only have one salary coming in, cut it down to one card, and only use it in an emergency, not for paying for the groceries, it instantly makes things more expensive.

Why would you have to stop renting out the other room? I know it is common for babies to be put in a separate room, but for the first few months you could easily have the cot in your room. Or is it because you are afraid the baby will keep the person up?

One Visa but its at Euro 5500 are paying as much back as possible each month
And the tennant thing no one would rent a room in a house with a couple with a kid

I was let go back in October and have sent loads of CVs off but have heard nothing back from anyone

tbh

it sounds like he has a point to be honest, but I see where you're coming from.
Why not ask him to specific about where he wants to be before he starts trying to start a family?

for example, you could agree that once the visa bills are paid, and you have x in your savings account, and it's june (and he still has a job) - then you can start trying. It'll both give you something definite to work towards.

Snazzy_Chazzy

Ok ill say that to him when the visa is over its baby time lol
Thanks :cool:
put the foot down time

Ddad

At the risk of turning this into a money advise thread 5500 on a credit card is an insane ammount of high interest debt to maintain. At the very least could you convert this into a credit union loan (a fraction of the interest) to help you to stabilise your finances and kill the credit card. Use a prepay one for the functionality. If you don't have savings and are living hand to mouth and have the prospect of no income in the house in the future; I'd be more concerned about getting my finances straight.

We have a good household income but three beautiful little people eat into that quick enough.

MagicMarker

Put it this way, if you can't afford a new tv then you can't afford a baby.

Time to smarten up methinks.

Snazzy_Chazzy

Ddad wrote: »

At the risk of turning this into a money advise thread 5500 on a credit card is an insane ammount of high interest debt to maintain. At the very least could you convert this into a credit union loan (a fraction of the interest) to help you to stabilise your finances and kill the credit card. Use a prepay one for the functionality. If you don't have savings and are living hand to mouth and have the prospect of no income in the house in the future; I'd be more concerned about getting my finances straight.

We have a good household income but three beautiful little people eat into that quick enough.

I wish we could but the ICB have me on file ... a few times ive missed a lot of things here and there. The credit union would run me i suspect :eek:

28064212

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

We dont have a CENT to spare

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

live pay cheque to pay cheque (even thats a struggle)

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

we wont be able to rent out our spare room which we do at present brings in 350 per month extra.

Can you seriously not see the problem here? You can't afford a child. Your partner is being 100% responsible and you should be fully behind him

Acoshla

I don't have kids but from what I've seen with friends (and read on boards!) is that if people are "ok" for money whilst living a reasonable childless life (nights out, cinema, dinner, electronic toys, etc) then if they decide to have kids or become pregnant unexpectedly then they can rein all that in and make financial room for a baby, even those couples where only one partner is working or have other minor financial things generally do this, give up most or all unnecessary spending to provide for baby.

However OP if ye already living paycheck to paycheck, have debts and one not very secure income then I do think your OH is being sensible, things will be very difficult for ye if ye are that strained financially already. Maybe focus on paying off your debts now and maybe next year rethink having kids when you have more debt cleared and stuff.

Dades

OP, my first thought was that old adage - if you waited until you could afford children - you'd never have them.

However, it's probably worth waiting until you have some wiggle-room in your finances. Otherwise you could find yourself in more debt than you are now. If you could get some kind of job to at least save up a bit of cash while working on a baby that would be something.

All that said, who is anyone here with kids to say you can't have yours yet? I'd be far more likely to say NO WAY if you had one or two (or six) already and were on the breadline - those are the reckless ones.

How Strange

Yeah, normally I'd subscribe to the theory that there is never an ideal time to have a baby but..

Honestly OP, I think you're living in la la land if you think you and your OH are in any position to have a baby right now and I'd have to agree with him. His job security aside, the huge credit card bill and living pay cheque to pay cheque doesn't sound good.

Are you paying a substantial sum against your credit card every month and if the balance is €5500 now is the balance being reduced or are you still using it each month in effect negating the monthly payment?

Do you save any money at all? Can you save money each month?

Are you applying for jobs in supermarkets or shops or pretty much anywhere that's hiring or just in the sector you were previously employed in?

I'd say you should give yourselves a year to get your finances in order, get the credit card under control (and get rid of it), get a job and become a little more responsible with your money and then consider having a baby.

28064212

Dades wrote: »

All that said, who is anyone here with kids to say you can't have yours yet?

No-one's saying she can't have kids. Everyone is agreeing with her partner saying it would be reckless to do so

Dades wrote: »

I'd be far more likely to say NO WAY if you had one or two (or six) already and were on the breadline - those are the reckless ones.

What difference does it make if she already had kids? If you can't afford a kid, you can't afford a kid. If anything, a family who hadn't a cent to spare and was living pay-cheque to pay-cheque and already had a kid would be in a better position to have a child than a family who didn't have one, since you would already have many things left-over from the first

leeroybrown

OP - the answer to this is that you and your partner need to seriously sit down, seriously discuss this and plan having a child. The current approach of delaying till you're better off doesn't seem to be working for you. Your latest suggestion of putting your foot down isn't great either - I know nothing about your partner but ultimatums certainly don't work well with me. Assuming that his reasons are purely financial, the two of you need to sit down and figure out what you can both do do get your finances to a position where you're both happy to do it. There's almost always a way for people to cut expenses a bit and bring in more cash if people are willing to make sacrifices for something.

username123

28064212 wrote: »

Can you seriously not see the problem here? You can't afford a child. Your partner is being 100% responsible and you should be fully behind him

+1 - I couldnt agree more. You have more important worries than getting pregnant right now - you need to get out of debt.

Its ridiculous to say that you have credit cards, debt and mortgage repayments just like everyone else and are living pay cheque to pay cheque. Reality check here - many many people have no debt and save every month. Youre only 29 - you need to get your life in order financially before thinking of bringing a child into the world.

Dades

28064212 wrote: »

What difference does it make if she already had kids? If you can't afford a kid, you can't afford a kid. If anything, a family who hadn't a cent to spare and was living pay-cheque to pay-cheque and already had a kid would be in a better position to have a child than a family who didn't have one, since you would already have many things left-over from the first

I'm thinking hypothetically what if the OP has no light at the end of the financial tunnel? Thousands of people in Ireland are stuck in poverty and will never dig their way out. Should none of them have children? My point is they have a right to a family - within reason.

It's an emotive issue though, and I can see the sense in the OP giving it some time to steady the ship.

metrovelvet

He will be delaying for a long time. This recession aint going anywhere. Looking at ten years.

Sleepy

Are you sure you've thought this one through OP or is it a mix of hormones, being stuck at home due to unemployment and the thought that babies are cute?

Your flippant attitude towards your debts (particularly the bit about the ICB) and treating your partners genuine reasons as things you need to 'put the foot down' over seem completely at odds with you being in a place where you're ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.

If you're seeing his current reluctance to bring a child into this world without being able to pay for it as being a sign that he never wants to have a child with you by all means sit down with him and discuss the things he needs to have in place to be prepared to have a baby. In an ideal world this would be when your debts are gone, you've got a few months salary worth of savings and some job security but at the very least I think you should be looking to get rid of the debt and have your finances at a level where you have some disposable income every month.

Can you really not see any of this yourself? Are you letting your desire for children block out all reason and common sense?

gbee

Snazzy_Chazzy wrote: »

Im 29 now and dont want to wait for ever!

Right you are the crisis age. You've 4 more years where you enjoy a high potential of a healthy normal baby. After 35 and certainly after 40 the possibility of Downs increases.

So make you choice, IMO it's made for you. BABY NOW, start tonight! Baby comes first ~ anyway they cost you nothing in the first two years.

corsica

This is no time to have a baby if you're already in dire straits financially. Plus if you have one, you cannot go back to work. So your financial burden just gets bigger - you lose 350 rent and gain 280 child benefit, so you're down 70. And babies cost, conservatively, a few thousand. Think about it yourself - do you want to be worrying about money and the cost of nappies with (possibly) your husband out of work, possibly losing your house if ye cant make repayments. Surely you should wait a year or two? You'll only be 31 ... time yet for loads of kids! Don't let your broodiness overshadow all reason!

RedXIV

For what its worth, just my 2c here.

I had my first last July, I had no job when I found out she was coming, I was a graduate, I had a student loan hanging over me and my partner had been told she was becoming redundant. And we turned it around. I got a good job, Still not really out of debt but have learned to prioritize alot better. Daughter doesn't go without anything even if we do, we've always found the money somewhere.

Just throwing it in against the guys who say have a few months salary saved up, I have pretty much no savings, but I'm surviving here.

angelfire9

gbee wrote: »

Right you are the crisis age. You've 4 more years where you enjoy a high potential of a healthy normal baby. After 35 and certainly after 40 the possibility of Downs increases.

So make you choice, IMO it's made for you. BABY NOW, start tonight! Baby comes first ~ anyway they cost you nothing in the first two years.

I have to say I disagree
The company I worked for closed down when I was 6 weeks pregnant it was unexpected and I wasn't there long enough for redundancy so all I have coming in is my JSB
Babs was born just before Christmas and with the budget both my hubby & I are down on income and the additional €140 Child benefit per month will not cover the cost of childcare when I go back to work

Babies ARE EXPENSIVE
I was lucky that I didn't have to fork out for the essentials as we have an older child but for a first baby you need to look at the cost of car seats, cribs/moses baskets, buggies, cots, steriliser, monitor, baby food, nappies, clothes etc etc etc
Sure you will get LOTS of presents (mainly of cute clothes in pink or blue) but make no mistake kids cost money
Now I wouldn't change having Aisling for all the tea in China but the additional expense is causing stress already and she is only 2 weeks old

At 29 you have time to wait a year to get your debts under control and start saving a few quid for a baby nest egg that you will need when the child comes
Also keep in mind your job opportunities will be restricted for the first 3 months at least if not long term

My opinion for what its worth!

28064212

gbee wrote: »

Right you are the crisis age. You've 4 more years where you enjoy a high potential of a healthy normal baby. After 35 and certainly after 40 the possibility of Downs increases.

So make you choice, IMO it's made for you. BABY NOW, start tonight!

What about the effects of stress that having a baby at a financially disastrous time brings? Stress brings its own complications. A baby born to a 29 year old in stressful times could have more chances of problems than one born to a 31 year old in good times. Not to mention, after the birth, the effects on a child that living on the breadline brings

gbee wrote: »

anyway they cost you nothing in the first two years.

^ Completely untrue

deisemum

I think the OP's partner is being sensible and tbh I think the comment about putting the foot down is very telling and coming across as if you're used to getting your own way even if it's not always the wisest thing.

OP you're still young and there's plenty of time before the body clock starts ringing compared to if you were in your mid to late 30's. Time is on your side.

I know what it's like wanting to have a baby and the impact circumstances can have on that. My husband and I put off starting our family when we were hit by the recession in the UK in the 90's. We waited a couple of years and we're so glad we did and got ourselves on a more secure financial footing. Having a baby can put a strain on a relationship anyway, getting used to it and all that but I'm glad we didn't have the added pressure of financial worry to contend with.

I think the 2 of you need to have a frank and honest discussion about both of your expectations and reach a compromise. I do think it would be wise to set yourselves a time limit and throw everything ye've got or could do to clear the visa debt. Set goals and review the situation in 6 or 12 months.

I wouldn't rely too much on child benefit as it looks like it's going to keep being reduced over the coming budgets. Babies are more expensive than just clothes and food.

It would be great if you did get a job to help speed up clearing the debt and I wish you all the best in that as it's not easy but if you managed to wait until you qualified for maternity leave then that would help too. I don't know how long the qualifying period is so it might be worth looking into.

Once you have your baby you'll have it for a long time so a year or two wait is not huge in the long run and you'll still be young enough.

Butterflylove

RedXIV wrote: »

For what its worth, just my 2c here.

I had my first last July, I had no job when I found out she was coming, I was a graduate, I had a student loan hanging over me and my partner had been told she was becoming redundant. And we turned it around. I got a good job, Still not really out of debt but have learned to prioritize alot better. Daughter doesn't go without anything even if we do, we've always found the money somewhere.

Just throwing it in against the guys who say have a few months salary saved up, I have pretty much no savings, but I'm surviving here.

I agree you dont need savings to start a family, cuts here and there can be made,
but while in Reds situation it may have worked OP you have alot bigger financial responiblities - mortgage, huge credit card debt (tbh i have no idea how anyone can have that high a bill and not be freaking out over it!)

You have stated you barely get by as it stands? Honestly think of it this way- what will you do if your partner gets let go how will you pay your mortgage and those credit card bills?

The child benefit wouldnt even touch the price of nappies and formula for a month for a newborn.

If you want this child so badly then cut out all luxuries concentrate on reducing your bills and ensuring you are able to pay your bills and can save at least a couple of quid the same time roughly about 200-400euro because thats about how much a baby will cost a mth without childcare etc thrown in.

seamus

Look, we're all here on the back of billions of people who never had two pennies to scrape together, never mind credit card facilities and paying jobs.

If a child comes along and you're mired in debt, you'll figure it out, everyone does. Not having €10k cash in your bank account is not a good reason to avoid having children, nor is the "I could be jobless this time next year" excuse. We could all be jobless this time next year, you can't live your life on that basis.

But at the same time, when you have the opportunity to plan it and you're not in a strong position, it doesn't make sense to make a stressful situation worse.

First off, forget about mortgage repayments. They will always be there, they'll never be a valid excuse to avoid having children. You say you're living hand-to-mouth, which means that you need to clear your debts; plan. Sit down with your other half, look at the sum total of your debts and make a budget which involves clearing these significantly. A €5k credit card debt needs to be the first to go.

Think short-term pain to clear these debt as quickly as possible. Do you go out once a week? That's easily €100 between the two of you right there, every single week of the year. If you didn't go out for the next year, your credit card would be cleared. That's possibly not reasonable, but if you restricted yourself to twice a month, perhaps staying in and getting a DVD every other week, then you could have cleared half of your credit card by next January, without making any other significant changes to your outgoings.

I would also advise you to cut up the credit card. If you need to buy something and you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. You'll have to make do.

Budgeting on a monthly basis (or whenever the paycheque comes in) will also help you keep much better control on your spending. I would advise setting up all your repayments and direct debits so they come out at the start of the month (or a few days after the paycheque comes in). This means that your money comes in, and all your major bills are immediately taken out. In other words, all of the essentials are looked after for that month and whatever you have left is to be budgeted for spending on day-to-day items. This means that you know exactly how much you have to live on for the rest of the month and it's much easier to say, "No, can't go out tonight, I have no money". If the mortgage repayment is sitting in your account until the end of the month, it's far too easy to sneak a few extra quid out of the account.

Once you have set out a clear plan for how you're going to improve/stabilise your finances, then you can plan for a child. For example - if your plan says that your credit card should be cleared by December 2012, you can realistically look at trying for a baby early next year.

Chuchoter

Personally, I'd wait until you get the debt under control before launching into babies. 5500 on a credit card is vicious. You're only 29, so I would get your own job (assuming you aren't working) and save and pay debts out of that for a year, then talk about kids because right now its nowhere near financially viable. I know they say theres never a perfect time to have kids but theres also a time where it is irresponsible because you can't pay for them. Babies are really expensive.

January

corsica wrote: »

This is no time to have a baby if you're already in dire straits financially. Plus if you have one, you cannot go back to work. So your financial burden just gets bigger - you lose 350 rent and gain 280 child benefit, so you're down 70. And babies cost, conservatively, a few thousand. Think about it yourself - do you want to be worrying about money and the cost of nappies with (possibly) your husband out of work, possibly losing your house if ye cant make repayments. Surely you should wait a year or two? You'll only be 31 ... time yet for loads of kids! Don't let your broodiness overshadow all reason!

She can go back to work, if she gets a well paid job that could cover childcare fee's and mortgage etc... That's if she wants to though.

And it's €140 child benefit for one child, not €280 that's for two children.

stovelid

It sometimes occurs to me that what I consider to be a acceptable standard of living was far higher than that of my parents and they brought up three kids all born between 1970 and 1980.

I'm all for prudence but if it meant never having a kid because I was waiting for an optimum income level: fuck it, I'd have one anyway and get by somehow, just like my parents - and nearly every single family I grew up with - did.

username123

stovelid wrote: »

It sometimes occurs to me that what I consider to be a acceptable standard of living was far higher than that of my parents and they brought up three kids all born between 1870 and 1980.

I'm all for prudence but if it meant never having a kid because I was waiting for an optimum income level: fuck it, I'd have one anyway and get by somehow, just like my parents - and nearly every single family I grew up with - did.

I dont disagree with the optimum standard of living/income argument here but dont forget your parents didnt have access to the easy credit of todays parents-to-be and as such wouldnt have had credit card debt, loans, etc...

People these days have more and bigger 'stuff' but they owe more than any previous generation.

hsi

Crap. Money should never be an issue. In years to some he will say, oh why didn't we start earlier.

Go for it.

Pandoras Twist

He is being completely reasonable imo. Your biological clock will last a bit longer. I think it's irresponsible to bring kids into an environment where you are already stretched and the future is so uncertain.

Manage to get yourselves out of debt before putting on the added (and unboundless) stresses of having a child

bmarley

hsi wrote: »

Crap. Money should never be an issue. In years to some he will say, oh why didn't we start earlier.

Go for it.

Of course money should be an issue...it's expensive to rear a child this would be on top of all the debts you already have. Child benefit is only 140 euro per month and will not pay for all the child's needs, especially as they get a bit older. I think your bf is being responsible...after all he's the one that is bringing home the pay cheque. OP maybe your should consider finding some kind of job or training that would improve your chances of finding a job. Then you could get on top of those debts.

alex73

bmarley wrote: »

Of course money should be an issue...it's expensive to rear a child this would be on top of all the debts you already have. Child benefit is only 140 euro per month and will not pay for all the child's needs, especially as they get a bit older. I think your bf is being responsible...after all he's the one that is bringing home the pay cheque. OP maybe your should consider finding some kind of job or training that would improve your chances of finding a job. Then you could get on top of those debts.

My Wife got pregnant just after we got married, not planned. We had no money and no house. but we managed fine and moved on. When we wanted a 2nd planned child (5 years later) she miscarried.

What I am saying if you want kids.. Money should not be an issue. Anyway they only get more expensive.

Men always look at the pragmatic side, while you as a women are not getting any younger.

Now if you are 18 well you have plenty of time. But if you are reaching 30 its time to make a choice. Kids or no Kids.

MagicMarker

hsi wrote: »

Crap. Money should never be an issue.

Unfortunately, in the real world, it is.

leeroybrown

hsi wrote: »

Crap. Money should never be an issue. In years to some he will say, oh why didn't we start earlier.

Hindsight is a wonderful tool. I don't think that many of the posters were advocating delaying in the long-term, just saying that the OP and her partner need to plan when exactly to have the child and start working on improving their finances to that end. If having a child risks putting your mortgage repayments in doubt you really seriously need to start working to avoid this.

lynski

just to say there are so few 'essentials' when it comes to babies:
breastfeed = free,
co-sleep until you can afford a cot or acquire a cot = free,
sling for baby until you can afford/acquire a pram = v. cheap,
Vests, babygros, clothes = presents or relatives handmedowns or freecycle or car boot sales
Nappies = Lidl or Aldi or buy secondhand washables
Food when weaned = whatever you are eating

If you really want to start a family the discussion you should have should be about when AND how many, because unless you want an only child you should plan from the start for the others.
We had no money when we had our first, my cousin dropped all her used baby stuff to me as she was finished. We have a second and are expecting a third, I am out of work, but we manage.
There are no holidays, very rare nights out, very few new clothes and the car is 7, sorry 8 yrs old and will be prob be 10 or more by the time we get to change it.
I accept every stitch of clothing offered to me from others, and I make sure I pass them on when we are done, I accept toys/books/furniture and again pass them on when done. Family pitched in as presents for the big things like car seats and a cotbed, but I have a secondhand P&T, moses basket will be on its 5th child (new mattress everytime), baby car seat on its 3rd use.
We have a wonderful set of friends through the children's activities, have gotten to know our neighbors and it has brought me out into the community, all pretty much free activities.
It can be done, you just need to know what your expectations are and how important it is to you.

stovelid

I assume if people lose their jobs and take a long time to find another, they put their kids up for adoption right?

Butterflylove

stovelid wrote: »

I assume if people lose their jobs and take a long time to find another, they put their kids up for adoption right?

Thats a big difference compared to the OP's situation, would these families be irresponsible and have over 5k on a credit card when they have to consider providing for their family before losing the jobs,

The op's partner is right not wanting to start a family in an already stuggling situation, there are situations where you have to grin and bear it when an unexpected arrival is here but when its planned they should at least give themselves some leway.

The advice here from many is at least try and reduce these huge debts before jumping in, after all all anyone here can give is advice on the op's situation, at the end of the day its up to the Op and her partner what they decide on they should really discuss in detail when they want to start what position etc they hope to be in.

All the best Op,

Jinxi

OP I really feel for you. The need to have children has been an issue for my partner and I for 2 years(i am 29). We luckily have no credit card debt, but neither do we have a house(we have about 3/4 of the deposit saved), or are we married(not a big issue morally for us, but we would like it for legal reasons), I work part time and he doesn't have the best job in the world.
We sat down and looked at out finances and saw what disposable income we had. And there is some as we have quite a bit going into our savings acc. Working PT gives me the same maternity rights and it means I only have to go back to work pt afterwards. Also, I felt that my body was aging, and I don't think that 35 year olds have as easy a time with pregnancy, never mind the other demands that comes with being a parent.
Anyway long story made short, I am 6 weeks pregnant and delighted.
But saying that, there really was a pro/cons list. If we had €5500 in credit card debt, it may have swayed it the other way!
Also, it has to be said, it was a joint decision. I would never have been happy where I am right now if I felt I had forced my partners hand. Yours has legitimate concerns. You need to talk and compromise-good practice for parenthood!

tommy21

lynski wrote: »

co-sleep until you can afford a cot or acquire a cot = free,

Dangerous advice - that has been linked to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Also I agree with the other posters, get your finances in order first. Nobody is saying never have a child, but take a year to get a job (even in local shop/MacDonalds if needs be) and kill that credit card first.

Squiggler

tommy21 wrote: »

Dangerous advice - that has been linked to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

That's just not true, actually, having the child sleeping in the same room as the parents is believed to reduce the risk of SIDS as any change in the child's breathing, or any distress, is noticed by the parents. SIDS is linked with many things in many different studies, including chemicals (mattress/laundry detergent etc) and immunisations.

Regarding the OP's problem. If she and her partner are already living above their means they should definitely try to get their finances under control before starting a family. Although a baby doesn't have to cost a lot of money there could be unexpected costs and bringing home a baby can put enough strain on a couple without it adding to existing financial strain.