If you owned your own pub

godscop

1. What would you call it?

2. What "special features" would you make sure it had?

1. No chavs inn


2. A free dukebox with "classic" albums on.

FatherLen

i have often wondered about this. i dunno what i would call it but the special feature would be an award system. ie. if you drink five pints you get a free t-shirt or mug etc. with the pubs logo on it.

prinz

An earldispenser in the jacks.

rollout

godscop wrote: »

2. A free dukebox with "classic" albums on.

Is that somewhere to keep a member of the british aristocracy?

Minstrel27

rollout wrote: »

Is that somewhere to keep a member of the british aristocracy?

lol

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Leather couches and those barstool things, serving alcohol-based drinks (wines, beers and spirits) and maybe some piped chart music in the background and a bigscreen TV for the footie?

FatherLen

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Leather couches and those barstool things, serving alcohol-based drinks (wines, beers and spirits) and maybe some piped chart music in the background and a bigscreen TV for the footie?

i see what ya did there

punchdrunk

"The mop & Bucket"

we wouldn't stock WKD or redbull,in an effort to keep Gob****es at bay
(okay we might have some redbull hidden away but idiots ordering quadruple vodka and redbull's would be told otherwise

we would however have an amazing selection of Beers,whiskeys/Bourbons/rums etc

we wouldn't try and give you some Huzzar & aldi cola when you were expecting a "smirnoff & Coke"

and we'd play everything from the Beastie Boys to Creedence....

enda1

A descent selection of beers including guest beers and promotions such as loyalty cards, buy 3 get fourth free etc.

A menu of the drinks.

Do cocktails not just shorts and mixers.

Little/no music, no tele.

Cask beer, craft beers, good wine selection by the glass/bottle/carafe.

Tapas.

ElleEm

On the call of last orders, people could buy chips/ kebabs/ whatever from the bar and get straight onto a special bus to bring them home

irishash

1. F.U.B.A.R

2. A round/oval central bar area, no couches (hate those in pubs), and in a back room area, a pool table, pinball machine and classic arcade games.

kincsem

godscop wrote: »

1. What would you call it?
2. What "special features" would you make sure it had?

1. Dunnes / Maloneys / Byrnes
None of the "Scalded Badger", "Red Horse", Wounded Monkey" fakery.

2. The jacks would be a very long walk from the bar, and not with a door to the bar area. Preferably with a number of self-closing doors between the two.
A short counter with a deep work area behind it. I don't like a long counter with one or two barmen serving one end only.
A mix of alcove seating, small tables, and bar stools. Some open floor so people can move from area to area.

ronaneire

.... I wouldn't be sitting here posting on boards

MajorMax

I'd steal the name from Terry Pratchett's Discworld
"The Broken Drum.....You can't beat it!"

My special feature would be a toasted special Sangwich with Hang, Chaise, Tomata and ogion

NO STUDENTS

jimthemental

1. Bar would have to be in my family name or else something original and funny.
FUBAR is excellent.

2. Pub would be in a rural style no matter where I'd put it. Would have the projector screen and that for matches plus at least two dartboards and pool tables. Jukebox and a good beer selection and also quality spirits, no alcopops. A regular likable and relatively well paid barstaff can be worth more than a Michelin star to a pub/restaurant in Ireland so that would be essential. Oh and an open hearth turf fire:)

epgc3fyqirnbsx

It would be called The Furry Cup

It would have a big pot of stew and good crusty bread that hungry patrons could tuck into for soakage. And it would have fantastic Guiness with the barrells directly beneath the taps
And it would have those cool Dyson hand driers in the jacks

gurramok

If I owned a pub, I would do my utmost not to be a member of the LVA in Dublin and will do my best to compete with that cartel by not trying to gouge my customers on price.

Adam

dont bother, it takes over your life!

veryangryman

I would call my pub "The Assass Inn"

With two pictures of hairy arses as the logo outside the bar, i would then include the following...

1. I would nominate bouncers to ensure that the ratio of guys to dolls never falls below 1 girl to 1 guy (exceptions for Football)
2. I would bar anyone with a rugby jersey or D4 accent. Anyone with both gets a polite but firm slap on the face from the bouncer for first offence. Beyond that i let the bouncer decide what to do.
3. Dartboard a must
4. Pool table a must
5. Jukebox a must. All music types catered for (you got to keep the skirt inside somehow)
6. Barman allowed to bar anyone for any reason at any time
7. Pints priced at basically the same rate as anywhere else, but do some sort of "double the difference back" if they find a cheaper pub. Nobody would do this over 10c and yet it will attract good publicity
8. Claim to be the oldest bar in Ireland to get free publicity
9. Call every other barman bastards in the press
10. Make the toilets bollokcs proof (how im not sure yet but well get there)

ottostreet

All these 'nice' pubs exist. But they don't do all that well financially.

Why? Because people are ****ing eejits and will go to the tightly packed cattle marts that serve ****e pints, play music too loud, and don't give a damn about the customers, just how much money is brought in.


And that's exactly what would happen to your pubs when you realise that's where the money is.

chris_ie

Why not call it the "The Gym", "Home", "Dunno" something like that :P

"Where you going? Ah just down to The Gym/Home"

"Where you going tonight? Dunno"

Dyr

I'd serve coddle or stew. Possibly free with the third pint.

veryangryman

chris_ie wrote: »

Why not call it the "The Gym", "Home", "Dunno" something like that :P

"Where you going? Ah just down to The Gym/Home"

"Where you going tonight? Dunno"

Club in England called "Bed". Beat ya to it

I don't know what I'd call it, but I'd have fairly quiet music, no tv, a few of those game machines like "who wants to be a millionaire" or whatever, maybe a pool table. Would also serve food.

keano_afc

I'd call mine "Tracksuit? You're not getting Inn"

It would have a great selection of beers and ales, and at least 2 taps pumping out London Pride at a nice cold temperature. There'd be a big tv, but only in one room, along with the pool table. Good rustic Irish food on offer, no flat rolls (or paninis, I believe they're called) or 17 different types of coffee. Guinness lines would be cleaned twice a day to ensure good quality.

Loads more but that'll do for starters.

veryangryman

Bambi wrote: »

I'd serve coddle or stew. Possibly free with the third pint.

Ah yeah you gotta do the free finger food thing. Id offer to anyone thats there longer than an hour. Sossies and Chips (heavily salted of course to keep the thirst going) is a real winner from my experience and costs feck all to make and serve

kfallon

I'd call it "Kieren Fallon's Jockstrap" and we'd have racing on one designated tv all day!

No students allowed and no poker/quiz machines!

Pool table and dart board is a must!
Prob a weekly table quiz too, not too serious, just something for people to have a bit of craic at!

Dyr

veryangryman wrote: »

Ah yeah you gotta do the free finger food thing. Id offer to anyone thats there longer than an hour. Sossies and Chips (heavily salted of course to keep the thirst going) is a real winner from my experience and costs feck all to make and serve

not sure how coddle and stew will work as finger food though...

abouttobebanned

ottostreet wrote: »

All these 'nice' pubs exist. But they don't do all that well financially.

Why? Because people are ****ing eejits and will go to the tightly packed cattle marts that serve ****e pints, play music too loud, and don't give a damn about the customers, just how much money is brought in.


And that's exactly what would happen to your pubs when you realise that's where the money is.

This is all you need to read.

Everyone has an opinion about how a pub should be run. Just about every opinion I've read here so far will be a pub that would be out of business in 6 months.

I'd have a free Jukebox in the corner. Really? So, it's sunday evening and people are enjoying a nice relaxing pint. Oops...here comes Metallica. Or Boston, followed by Starship. uh oh...people are leaving.

No Chavs inn. Terrible name. Oh and you'll need security to enforce that rule by the way. Time to make out your budget.

Actually...I'm clearly taking this thread too seriously.

Sanjuro

1. The Swan and Pedo

2. A washing machine in the middle of the pub, and only organic scrumpy on tap.


[/superhans]

Biggins

godscop wrote: »

1. What would you call it?

2. What "special features" would you make sure it had?

1. No chavs inn

2. A free dukebox with "classic" albums on.

The answer to that question would depend on the size.
Assuming that space and a number of sections was not a problem, I would at least try the following:

1. Have a small communal area in which all could enjoy each others open company.

2. Have a section of the property that was designed into small 2/3 person snugs

3. Have an area (maybe not the more communal area) where the volume is turned down more so via volumed speakers.

4. Have one complete room turned into a high-tec gaming room (with standard pub tables and chairs too).
Example: have an X-box and/or Playstation rigged up that if you deposited a Euro in a box (maybe part proceeds could go to charity?), you get 15/20 minutes of play time. The actual set-up for solo/multi players to play on would be via large wall screens what could be visibly seen by others accompanying you as you played against each other. The rest cheering each other on.
In the same room could be the standard dart board/pool table/jukebox.
(Security for the room could also be done via internal corner cameras with a monitor at the main bar outside and/or in the managers office)

5. Bar food is a must. However there would have to be a choice of hot and cold, not just overpriced small tubs of hot roasted nuts and cold sandwiches!

6. The door policy would be CLEARLY displayed at the entrance. No ifs or buts. That way if a doorman has a chip on his/her shoulder about a certain person (for some personal gripe) wanting in but is refused, they can refer to the said door policy. If the person meets the stated requirements, they are fully entitled to enter otherwise they can appeal direct to the manager of the day - who MUST attend to explain why the door rules are being ignored by him or his agent at the door!

The display of the door policy would also stand the security in better stead for if any of the conditions are not met clearly by an incoming visitor, there can be no hard question as to allow right of access.

Thats just a few mad quick thoughts.

abouttobebanned

some further, interesting thoughts here

prinz

I was at the perfect pub once, in Belgium it was. I think the owners left Belgium though so it's probably no longer there. If I owned my own pub I'd recreate it. Great spot, suited me to the ground.

D'Agger

I'd open a 21's bar called Blackjack - red and black colour theme to keep with the name.

Darts board & pool table as mentioned several times already is a must...I'd also try have different music on different nights - acoustic Mondays, Chilled Out Thursdays etc.

The drinks promotion I'd put on would be something along the lines of Beer of the week & Cocktail of the week(Cocktail area seperate from the bar). The important thing about the cocktail is that it's actually made by somebody who knows what they're doing and not overpriced.

Orando Broom

Pubs, If it hasn't a family name in all likelihood it will be a kip. If it has a pool table it will attract knackers. These are two irrefutable facts.

Places with clever names have no heritage or history. A good pub must have heritage and tradition. It must be rooted to the community within which it exists. You transplant a theme into a location all you have is a veneer that people will tire of.

A great pub is great because it is a refuge from your daily grind. It is a place you can go in comfort, regardless of your circumstances, and relax and unwind.

Pool tables are knacker magnets and cause rows because some uneducated twerp thinks he can **** balls better than an other uneducated twat.

for the record my pub would be a place where I'd encourage the arts. I'd encourage aspiring artists to hang their wears, musicians to come in and play, writers to find their muse in the pub, poets to try their luck with a few verses. I'd try to encourage it to be a focal point of creativity within the community. They would co-exist with the builder the doctor and the office worker however. No one select group would be given favour over the other.

In the past the pub was dental surgery, doctor's practice, barber and grocer and a myriad of other trades. That is what is lost from pubs, the above and beyond drinking element of the Irish pub.

prinz

Orando Broom wrote: »

A great pub is great because it is a refuge from your daily grind. It is a place you can go in comfort, regardless of your circumstances, and relax and unwind.

for the record my pub would be a place where I'd encourage the arts. I'd encourage aspiring artists to hang their wears, musicians to come in and play, writers to find their muse in the pub, poets to try their luck with a few verses..

My idea of escaping the grind, relaxing and unwinding is not listening to some Michael D Higgin's type..

Orando Broom

prinz wrote: »

My idea of escaping the grind, relaxing and unwinding is not listening to some Michael D Higgin's type..

I'm sorry to hear things are going rough for you in the poem factory.

ottostreet

Orando Broom wrote: »

for the record my pub would be a place where I'd encourage the arts. I'd encourage aspiring artists to hang their wears, musicians to come in and play, writers to find their muse in the pub, poets to try their luck with a few verses. I'd try to encourage it to be a focal point of creativity within the community. They would co-exist with the builder the doctor and the office worker however. No one select group would be given favour over the other.

LOL!

Orando Broom

ottostreet wrote: »

LOL!

Fair enough. I take it you dislike the following Pubs

O'Donoghues Merrion Row
Grogan's/castle Lounge South William St.
Sin é - Cork
The Oval - Cork


off the top of my head they'd be four pubs I'd model my pub on taking an element of each of their personalities. O'Donoghues a creative hub for musicians and poets for a generation in Dublin, Gave a local to Luke Kelly (a poet and musician) The Dubliners and Seamus Ennis to name but a few.

Grogan's a working art Gallery, FYI.

Sin é and The Oval both pubs open to musicians and artists of all stripes.

ottostreet

Orando Broom wrote: »

Fair enough. I take it you dislike the following Pubs

O'Donoghues Merrion Row
Grogan's/castle Lounge South William St.
Sin é - Cork
The Oval - Cork


off the top of my head they'd be four pubs I'd model my pub on taking an element of each of their personalities. O'Donoghues a creative hub for musicians and poets for a generation in Dublin, Gave a local to Luke Kelly (a poet and musician) The Dubliners and Seamus Ennis to name but a few.

Grogan's a working art Gallery, FYI.

Sin é and The Oval both pubs open to musicians and artists of all stripes.

I don't know them. In fairness though, my work within the pub industry is not what you'd describe as 'the arts'.

Biggins

Sitec wrote: »

I always thought "AfterHours" would be a good name for a pub.

Maybe the pub should have mini debating groups! :pac:
Could get lively! :eek:

Local-womanizer

I would call it after meself i would say.

Old style pub with open wood burning fires.

A good selection of Whiskeys and other Spirits.

Good Guiness,very important.

No Tvs and only music on a low volume.

Then maybe one night a month a Traditional Irish Music night.

The staff would have to be well trained but more importantly well mannered.

Too many pubs nowadays are too loud and disco-y. I like to go to a pub with a good atmosphere where you can have a conversation without shouting.

As for the well-mannered staff,if you look after your customers,they will look after you.

There is a lot to be said for keeping it low key and simple.

ScumLord

I wouldn't open just a pub to be honest. It's far to narrow a business model, to me it's like opening a restaurant that only sold bowls of soup. It would have to have something else that it earned it's money off and also sold drink.

I'd open something that had a hostel on top, a quiet bar and a place for communal activity's that also sold drink IE: space for people to do things like practice for bands or run lan gaming seasons.

Alcohol is just one product that people can't really use al day every day so if you want to be doing business on a daily basis you can't depend on selling alcohol.

Dyr

Orando Broom wrote: »

. O'Donoghues a creative hub for musicians and poets for a generation in Dublin, Gave a local to Luke Kelly (a poet and musician) The Dubliners and Seamus Ennis to name but a few.

O'donohue's is a creative hub for govt officials, civil service knobs and visiting bureaucrats.

pablomakaveli

I'd call my pub The Donkeys Bollocks. I don't know why though.

I'd have a pinball machine in the corner next to a pacman machine.

I'd have a jukebox that electrocutes anyone that tries to select a song by the Script.

I'd have a cannon by the entrance so any troublemakers can be shot out of it instead of just being thrown out.

I'd have a topless barmaid tuesday to attract male customers and then fleece them by charging double for drinks. This will work because no straight man can refuse boobs.

the_syco

punchdrunk wrote: »

"The mop & Bucket"we wouldn't try and give you some Huzzar & aldi cola when you were expecting a "smirnoff & Coke"

I'd actually do a cheap version with the cheapest coke I could find, call it "Cola n Huzzar" and sell it for €2 a go. I'd have a few seats looking at a wall which I'd paint white for the footie matches, and point a projector towards for the matches. I'd put a 2 inch thick glass between the barman and the customer, and have the "bar area" 3 meters wide. I'd have three of these areas, all connected to the basement that has the drink. This would ensure a safe getaway, and also so that more drink can be given up with ease. I'd provide pints in plastic glasses, and only sell plastic bottles, no glass bottles. I'd employ ex-soviet bloc military as doormen.

I'd call it ChavLand.

tolosenc

The Clunge & Chunder

And I'd have reasonably priced drinks.

Orando Broom

Bambi wrote: »

O'donohue's is a creative hub for govt officials, civil service knobs and visiting bureaucrats.

That's Doheny & Nesbitts, FFS and more importantly McGrattens. see Mr. B. Ahern. Jesus. Know your ale house.

G_R

I dno what I'd call it, ill have to think about it.

The actual bar would be divided in four, sports area, games area (pool table, arcade games, etc), young bar, and old bar.

The young bar and games area would have music from a Jukebox, not too loud tho, you need to be able to hear each other speak.

The old bar would have no music or TV.

Live music on Fridays and Saturdays, in the Young Bar.

I would try set the pub up near a college/uni and as such students would be welcome, and would receive a discount of 10%.

There would be a special pint each night. It would cost €3. For example Miller on Monday, Carlsberg on Tuesday etc.

I would not charge for dash's of bloody blackcurrent.

Door policy would be quite strict, and all members of staff can bar someone. You piss off anyone of them you get asked to leave immediately. A second offence and your barred.

Staff would have to be nice, im sick of having drink thrown at me.

I would look in to a late bar licence. If it isn't too expensive I would get one, allowing me to stay open till 2.30am Friday and Saturday nights, thereby removing the need to go and pay into a real expensive nightclub and pay €7 for a bloody vodka.

Thats just some musings, im sure i'll think of more.

saintsaltynuts

Id call it The Saint and it would just be a bar for old lads.Id have four taps Guinness,Beamish,Smithwicks and maybe Budweiser for the old lads in summer.3 Euro for a pint of Beamish all day everyday and 3.60 for a Guinness.3 maybe 4 T.V.'S for the football and racing and your first pint free on a Monday night.Stew as well serves til 6 at 4 Euro a hearty portion.Lovely!Its a dream but one day who knows!

aDeener

The Lock Inn


it has probably been done though