Christmas office party survival guide

A Nice Cup Of Tea

I have my party on Friday and need some tips! :pac: Any funny stories from yours over the years?

Oranage2

Get as drunk as possible and make yourself known to the CEO - works a treat

Also try roide some of the secretaries - Thats what they're there for after all

hondasam

What happens at the xmas party stays at the xmas party

kerryman12

me too;

I need to have a drink to get through it, but I dont drink!

hondasam

Oranage2 wrote: »

Get as drunk as possible and make yourself known to the CEO - works a treat

Also try roide some of the secretaries - Thats what they're there for after all

including the males ?

Le King

Don't try and shag your mangers manager... Especially when she's not drunk and you are. Tends to end very badly and awkward.

Antomus Prime

Best thing to do is take advantage of the free drinks, get absolutely s**t-faced, and if you're gonna try it on then do it with all the girls there, so none of them feel left out and you cant be accused of favourtism....... esp if your a manager/supervisor

But make sure when really drunk you don't decide to tell YOUR boss what you really think of him/her...... this usually doesn't end well!!!!!!!!!

FlutterinBantam

Take any chubby bints from accounts aside after they have loaded up on vod. and red bull and ease a well oiled bell up the council.

They always take it.;)

hondasam

A Nice Cup Of Tea wrote: »

I have my party on Friday and need some tips! :pac: Any funny stories from yours over the years?

no partners allowed.

funny stories never seem as funny the next day

TouchingVirus

hondasam wrote: »

including the males ?

Male secretaries? Don't make me laugh :pac:

Snakeblood

A Nice Cup Of Tea wrote: »

I have my party on Friday and need some tips! :pac: Any funny stories from yours over the years?

Don't go.

If you do go, don't tell your boss that she'd be more attractive if she wasn't so fat.

KeithM89_old

Go Streaking - everyone loves it....:)

hondasam

KeithM89 wrote: »

Go Streaking - everyone loves it....:)

you mean you would love it

hondasam

TouchingVirus wrote: »

Male secretaries? Don't make me laugh :pac:

Are you saying the male is not capable of been a secretary

It's not rocket science !

Lux23

If you think it will be so bad, why do you go? I always enjoyed the parties in my last job but I never went on one if I knew I would be bored or afraid I would end up talking to some twat all night.

kerryman12

you have to go to those things,

ours is ok - at least the meal is usually very good

TouchingVirus

hondasam wrote: »

Are you saying the male is not capable of been a secretary

It's not rocket science !

I know, that's why the girls do it. Leave the men to the Rocket Science

AnnyHallsal

Don't ring the boss to come smoke some hash with you when he's at home in bed with the wife.

kerryman12

Don't ring the boss to come smoke some hash with you when he's at home in bed with the wife.

thats good advice

Notorious97

hondasam wrote: »

What happens at the xmas party stays at the xmas party

except for an STD, that sh*t will follow you home :pac:

lamai

hondasam wrote: »

Are you saying the male is not capable of been a secretary

It's not rocket science !

No I think what he is trying to say is that it's a women job like ironing, cooking, cleaning doing dishes etc etc.

Stench Blossoms

Lick the HR girl's face.

Micky Dolenz

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

Lick the HR girl's face.

Only her face?

hondasam

TouchingVirus wrote: »

I know, that's why the girls do it. Leave the men to the Rocket Science

Men are like Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it

hondasam

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Only her face?

Trust you to lower the tone

biko

A co-worker got hammered and found the managers computer unlocked.
He then proceeded to mail everyone at the office "Get XXX a drink or you're fired!".
Didn't go down well too with the boss but he's still working here

Princess Peach

I believe my first mistake last year was showing up to the party drunk.....

animaal

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Don't ring the boss to come smoke some hash with you when he's at home in bed with the wife.

Yes; if he's with your wife, you should have the manners to leave them in peace. Better for your career prospects.

Victor Meldrew

A Nice Cup Of Tea wrote: »

I have my party on Friday and need some tips! :pac: Any funny stories from yours over the years?

I stole the MD's taxi about 11 years ago. he was standing on the hotel steps, I said, good night, and popped into the cab.

That's about all I've ever managed.

easyeason3

Don't go. That's how you survive.
Go & every little bitchy thing will be brought up in a jokey way. But if you're anything like me after a gallon of drink around some people you don't get on with then this could be dangerous.

starbelgrade

I was at a Christmas party years ago for an office I worked with when I left college.

Well, it wasn't really a party - just an expensive meal at a really nice French restaurant.

Anyway, one of the guys who worked there - Pete - had been with the office for around 15 years. A sound man, but you could tell he was heartily sick of the place & even more so, one of the firm's partners.

About halfway through dessert & several bottles of wine later, one of the bosses phones rang, so Pete took off his shoe & answered it as if it were a phone, in the voice of the boss.

The whole restaurant was looking at him as he shouted, "Hello? Hello?" into his shoe. Then he turned to the boss & said, "hang on - it's for you".

And with that, he f*cked the shoe at the bosses head & stormed off out of the restaurant with one shoe on.

He handed in his notice when we got back in the new year.

phasers

Get really drunk beforehand and turn up in a tracksuit, anything fancier and your managers will think they pay you too much.

Also bring weed, all your co workers will appreciate the loving gesture.

jd007

Get fcuked and have everyone fill you in on all the stupid things you did the next day. Thats what i did anyways :pac:

flahavaj

Don't decide to raffle your socks during a Christmas work meal in a fancy restaurant. Or throw them at the nice lady who wins and fall off your seat laughing uncontrollably as they land gracefully in her soup.

Believe you me that won't go down well.:pac:

orourkeda

If you do not:

a) vomit violently at least twice

b) try to chat up/shag at least five girls

c) get so drunk you cant remember anything after 10pm

d) try to probe your own arse with a copy of cara magazine on the dancefloor

your christmas party has been a failure

Dizraeligears

easyeason3 wrote: »

Don't go. That's how you survive.
Go & every little bitchy thing will be brought up in a jokey way. But if you're anything like me after a gallon of drink around some people you don't get on with then this could be dangerous.

My office party is about as much fun as going to a f--kin dentist,for this very reason....

Star Bingo

throw yourself out the window, you'll thank me for it

better chance of surviving that than surviving them

A Nice Cup Of Tea

starbelgrade wrote: »

I was at a Christmas party years ago for an office I worked with when I left college.

Well, it wasn't really a party - just an expensive meal at a really nice French restaurant.

Anyway, one of the guys who worked there - Pete - had been with the office for around 15 years. A sound man, but you could tell he was heartily sick of the place & even more so, one of the firm's partners.

About halfway through dessert & several bottles of wine later, one of the bosses phones rang, so Pete took off his shoe & answered it as if it were a phone, in the voice of the boss.

The whole restaurant was looking at him as he shouted, "Hello? Hello?" into his shoe. Then he turned to the boss & said, "hang on - it's for you".

And with that, he f*cked the shoe at the bosses head & stormed off out of the restaurant with one shoe on.

He handed in his notice when we got back in the new year.

:pac:

starlit

Thank god for that, I don't have to face that this year! Drink, be happy and be merry! Don't do anything silly and be yourself! Chat away to people and mingle!:)

Gator

Tell your boss there an asshole...they will appreciate your honesty

Celly Smunt

tell your boss that the key thing in his company that he is missing is you in a senior role and give him your business card,if you haven't got one GET ONE,you WILL get a promotion

A Nice Cup Of Tea

pmcmahon wrote: »

tell your boss that the key thing in his company that he is missing is you in a senior role and give him your business card,if you haven't got one GET ONE,you WILL get a promotion

*takes notes*

kerryman12

Mine is tomorrow night in town, should be a bit of craic.

I just know that the main topic of conversation will be the boss's latest Lady friend.

KeithM89_old

Im heading to one in 2 hours. This thread has given me great advice






/downs hip-flask

PeterIanStaker

Wait til the stuck- up -but - hot - one from HR is wasted, then bend her over the photocopier and bang her senseless.

kerryman12

i cant imagine actually having the party in the office. I assumed everyone went out?

AnnyHallsal

kerryman12 wrote: »

i cant imagine actually having the party in the office. I assumed everyone went out?

Haven't you seen The Office Christmas specials?

Yeah, usually some poxy hotel or similar.

kerryman12

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Haven't you seen The Office Christmas specials?

Yeah, usually some poxy hotel or similar.

no actually

AnnyHallsal

kerryman12 wrote: »

no actually

Sacrilege! Give them a watch. All you need to know about the highs and lows of the office Christmas party.

kerryman12

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Sacrilege! Give them a watch. All you need to know about the highs and lows of the office Christmas party.

should do really, never really got his humor until the podcast series - they cracked me up