Polyamory

Konata

I was just watching a documentary on TV there (It's called I love you. And you. And you. and it was on Really - channel 248 on Sky) about polyamory. I found it so interesting but at the end of the programme, I still wasn't convinced about such a lifestyle. For all the participants denials of jealousy or insecurity in their relationships, you could see that there clearly was some at times. I just don't know about this loving several people at the same time thing.

I know personally I'd never be able to be anything but monogamous. What about the rest of you? What do you think of the concept of polyamory? Would you ever consider it yourselves?

Darlughda

Personally, I reckon I am monogamous.
But, I do think for a lot of people being monogomous is a societal norm that they just cannot fit into to.

Having said that, even if somebody has sexual activities with other people, it is possible to remain committed to one partner, as long as the 'poly' side is honestly discussed and agreed with amongst each other.

The key here is knowing yourself, and what you are, and your needs, and direct honesty with your partner. Having said that, I would find it very hard to be in a relationship with someone who was 'poly'.

Contessa Raven

I don't really get Polyamory. Maybe it's because I'm a monogamous person naturally but it just seems really weird to me. I have nothing against that sort of lifestyle if all parties agree and are happy with it but it's definitely not something I could consider for myself.

I'm naturally jealous as in, I couldn't watch my partner kiss or be intimate in a loving/sexual way with another woman. That would kill me. I would find it hard to have to share his time with other lovers or wives. When I am in a relationship, it's all about me and my partner. He's my No.1 and I am his. I won't compete with anyone else within my own relationship. So it's definitely not something that would suit me.

Giselle

Contessa Raven wrote: »

I couldn't watch my partner kiss or be intimate in a loving/sexual way with another woman. That would kill me. I would find it hard to have to share his time with other lovers or wives. When I am in a relationship, it's all about me and my partner. He's my No.1 and I am his. I won't compete with anyone else within my own relationship. So it's definitely not something that would suit me.

Exactly that.
I don't want to play second fiddle with someone who's my number 1.

Chuchoter

Nope. Not happening. Not now, not ever.

rainbow kirby

It wouldn't be for me, but I don't have a problem with other people being in polyamorous relationships as long as all participants are consenting to it.

Novella

Wouldn't be for me either. I'm not really sure if I think that it's impossible to love more than one person at one time, but for me, knowing that someone who supposedly loved me also loved someone else and was being intimate with her etc., it'd make everything feel less special for me. It's just too casual or something for me.

Nevyn

I've been in poly relationship before and at the time I was happy as long as my needs were being forfilled and the other people involved were also. We can't always be there all the time for the poeple we love and care about, and the idea that there is someone who also loves and cares about them being there for them when I could not was a comfort.

Leelaa22

It is something I would consider trying. But I do have a jealous side so I dont know if it would work out. I admire people who can do that without feeling jealous though.

Piste

Not my cup of tea.

metrovelvet

Its hard enough dealing with one person, let alone a pluralistic love affair. Too many chefs in the kitchen...

LittleBook

I always LMAO when people claim they can't stop cheating and ask for advice on what to do ... someone suggests they discuss it with their partner, maybe the partner would be interested in an open relationship ... they come back with "oh no, I don't want my partner to be with anyone else, that would be wrong!" :rolleyes:

Joey doesn't share food ... Littlebook doesn't share her man.

Leelaa22

Cheating on someone and entering an open relationship are different though. Id never condone cheating. Its wrong.
ButI get what you mean by Joey doesnt share food, thats why I think it would beinteresting to try a relationship like, just too see if LeeLaa could share?

Elle Collins

Not a hope of it. I've no respect for these sort of 'relationships' and wouldn't involve myself in one in a million years. Polygamous relationships are just excuses for men to ride rings 'round themselves in a manner that's dressed up as somehow legitimate and it's amazing and saddening to see how some women go against their own deeper instincts in order to have 1/2 - 1/4 - 1/6 or whatever fraction of a man's attention and time.

If we want proof that polygamy exists to pander to men we need only ask ourselves how commonly we hear of a woman sharing her life with her several obedient contented male lovers...:rolleyes:

Leelaa22

haha have you never heard of it before?

Elle Collins

Leelaa22 wrote: »

haha have you never heard of it before?

Are you trying to say it's anywhere near as common as its opposite?

Leelaa22

I have one female friend who has many devoted male loves (apparently she is awesome in the sack and a stunner)
But I have no male friends who have devoted females. I have male friends who sleep with alot of females but thats not the same. So excluding hear say from friedns of friends yes in my world woman are winning on that count. I understand that type of relationship isnt for you. But when its open and consenting and no one is getting hurt I dont think you should be little it by saying its purely for men, women have sexual appitites too.
But i completely respect it is not your cup of tea

Jenneke87

I was recently at a spiritual fair and a medium there said that polyamory would actually be good for me and he saw me being intimate with multiple partners so maybe I should give a go....:D

In a way I can actually see myself with 2 men(more takes too much time) because sometimes I feel like I don´t get all of my needs met by one partner(which has something to do with stuff I like to do in bed) So for instance, if I had a partner that I had a great emotional connection but for whatever reason couldn´t fulfill my sexual needs, it be ideal to have another man on the side who could....:pac:

Elle Collins

Leelaa22 wrote: »

I have one female friend who has many devoted male loves (apparently she is awesome in the sack and a stunner)

By 'devoted', do you mean that her male lovers are devoted in the manner that women are expected to be in polygamous relationships? - That is to say, are they all sleeping with her and nobody else while fully aware of each other and more than happy with the arrangement? If that's what you're saying then I find what you're saying very difficult to believe.

28064212

Elle Collins wrote: »

Not a hope of it. I've no respect for these sort of 'relationships' and wouldn't involve myself in one in a million years. Polygamous relationships are just excuses for men to ride rings 'round themselves in a manner that's dressed up as somehow legitimate and it's amazing and saddening to see how some women go against their own deeper instincts in order to have 1/2 - 1/4 - 1/6 or whatever fraction of a man's attention and time.

If we want proof that polygamy exists to pander to men we need only ask ourselves how commonly we hear of a woman sharing her life with her several obedient contented male lovers...:rolleyes:

Eh... how commonly do we hear of a man sharing his life with his several obedient contented female lovers? :rolleyes: It's not a particularly common lifestyle led by either gender. But if you're looking for examples of female-led multiple-partner relationships, look up cuckolding, which is certainly a more common 'fetish lifestyle' than the reverse

Your post is a textbook example of "I can't imagine wanting it, therefore anyone who says they do is lying".

Elle Collins

28064212 wrote: »

Eh... how commonly do we hear of a man sharing his life with his several obedient contented female lovers? :rolleyes: It's not a particularly common lifestyle led by either gender.

Not in Ireland it isn't, but if we lived in Utah USA you'd be living alongside it every day of the week. And a woman with a small herd of obedient contented male lovers is unheard of there, by the way.

28064212 wrote: »

Your post is a textbook example of "I can't imagine wanting it, therefore anyone who says they do is lying".

What are you talking about? I'm not saying I doubt anyone "wanting it". I'm saying that I very much doubt anyone has seen an example of a woman living here with several exclusive male lovers. Are you trying to tell me otherwise?

28064212

Elle Collins wrote: »

Not in Ireland it isn't, but if we lived in Utah USA you'd be living alongside it every day of the week.

Really? How many polygynous marriages are there in the 2.8 million people living in Utah (keeping in mind that it's both expressly banned by the mainstream Mormon churches, and illegal)?

Elle Collins wrote: »

And a woman with a small herd of obedient contented male lovers is unheard of there, by the way.

In Utah? No, it's not. It might be less common, but it's certainly not unheard of. Google "cuckolds Utah" and see if you get any results.

Elle Collins wrote: »

What are you talking about? I'm not saying I doubt anyone "wanting it". I'm saying that I very much doubt anyone has seen an example of a woman living here with several exclusive male lovers. Are you trying to tell me otherwise?

I haven't personally seen that, no. I also haven't seen an example of a man living here with several exclusive female lovers. Have you?

What you said:

Elle Collins wrote: »

I've no respect for these sort of 'relationships'

Elle Collins wrote: »

Polygamous relationships are just excuses for men to ride rings 'round themselves

Elle Collins wrote: »

dressed up as somehow legitimate

Elle Collins wrote: »

saddening to see how some women go against their own deeper instincts

Elle Collins wrote: »

If we want proof that polygamy exists to pander to men

That's you saying it's acceptable for consenting adults is it?

Elle Collins

28064212 wrote: »

Really? How many polygynous marriages are there in the 2.8 million people living in Utah (keeping in mind that it's both expressly banned by the mainstream Mormon churches, and illegal)?

Do some research on that subject if it interests you. I can guarantee you that you will come across a plethora of husbands with numerous wives and feck-all wives with numerous husbands.

28064212 wrote: »

In Utah? No, it's not. It might be less common, but it's certainly not unheard of. Google "cuckolds Utah" and see if you get any results.

You're very interested in this cuckolding business, and seem to think that it is an example of women having it all their own way in the sex department. I have to ask, who do you think the women in these situations are screwing?

In any case, cuckolding has nothing to do with the discussion at hand, which is about polygamy. If you think polygamy commonly occurs in the reverse I'd like to see you link a few examples of it here please.

28064212 wrote: »

I haven't personally seen that, no. I also haven't seen an example of a man living here with several exclusive female lovers. Have you?

No, I haven't seen it with my own eyes. Never been to Utah myself.

28064212 wrote: »

What you said:

That's you saying it's acceptable for consenting adults is it?

Again, what are you talking about? I never said I thought it was acceptable for consenting adults. With the messages it sends out about the worth of women, I don't think polygamy is acceptable full stop.

28064212

Elle Collins wrote: »

Do some research on that subject if it interests you. I can guarantee you that you will come across a plethora of husbands with numerous wives and feck-all wives with numerous husbands.

A "plethora"? So your answer is you have no idea?

There are a handful of societies where polyandry occurs regularly, Tibet being the most prevalent example

Elle Collins wrote: »

You're very interested in this cuckolding business, and seem to think that it is an example of women having it all their own way in the sex department. I have to ask, who do you think the women in these situations are screwing?

They're having consensual sex with men who are not their husbands, with their husband's full consent. What point are you trying to make?

Elle Collins wrote: »

In any case, cuckolding has nothing to do with the discussion at hand, which is about polygamy.

I think you'll find the thread title is "polyamory", not polygamy, and cuckoldry is much closer to polyamory than polygamy is.

Elle Collins wrote: »

No, I haven't seen it with my own eyes. Never been to Utah myself.

You said "I very much doubt anyone has seen an example of a woman living here with several exclusive male lovers". What does Utah have to do with it?

Elle Collins wrote: »

Again, what are you talking about? I never said I thought it was acceptable for consenting adults. With the messages it sends out about the worth of women, I don't think polygamy is acceptable full stop.

Polygamy as a concept is gender-neutral. It can't send out any messages about the worth of women that it doesn't also send out about the worth of men

Faith

I don't think it would be something I could ever do. While I love the idea of having a threesome, I was completely against the idea with my ex, because I couldn't bear the idea of seeing him with someone else. I got annoyed enough when he couldn't see me because his friends were doing something; I can't imagine how I'd feel if he couldn't see me because he was spending the night with his other girlfriend :eek:.

Links234

Elle Collins wrote: »

If we want proof that polygamy exists to pander to men we need only ask ourselves how commonly we hear of a woman sharing her life with her several obedient contented male lovers...:rolleyes:

I know a lesbian woman online who has a polyamorous relationship with two other women.

I wouldn't be interested in a relationship like that, but I think you're making way too broad a statement by thinking it panders to men. maybe it's not even right to think that it panders to any one particular person in a relationship, like does a regular relationship involving two people pander to one of them in particular? I think if 3 people are all interested in each other and love each other and it works, then why not?

metrovelvet

Faith wrote: »

I don't think it would be something I could ever do. While I love the idea of having a threesome, I was completely against the idea with my ex, because I couldn't bear the idea of seeing him with someone else. I got annoyed enough when he couldn't see me because his friends were doing something; I can't imagine how I'd feel if he couldn't see me because he was spending the night with his other girlfriend :eek:.

I used to think this too but then again if you feel a lassitude in your relationship maybe inspiring a certain amount of consensual jealousy can remind you of what is important to you. I dunno, works in my theoretical imagination anyway.

Konata

LittleBook wrote: »

I always LMAO when people claim they can't stop cheating and ask for advice on what to do ... someone suggests they discuss it with their partner, maybe the partner would be interested in an open relationship ... they come back with "oh no, I don't want my partner to be with anyone else, that would be wrong!" :rolleyes:

Ah yes, the contradictory attitudes >_< In fact, one of the families involved in the programme involved a man with a wife and 2 girlfriends. There was a rule though: The women were not allowed to have other partners of the opposite sex. 2 of the women were involved with each other aswell but basically, the man was allowed to have 3 girlfriends whilst the women were allowed no other boyfriends. I thought that was a bit stupid.

Leelaa22

Elle Collins wrote: »

By 'devoted', do you mean that her male lovers are devoted in the manner that women are expected to be in polygamous relationships? - That is to say, are they all sleeping with her and nobody else while fully aware of each other and more than happy with the arrangement? If that's what you're saying then I find what you're saying very difficult to believe.

As far as she is aware they are just sleeping with just her. She wouldnt be angry or jealous if they weren't, so they'd have no reason to lie to her. And yes the men know they are not the only one. I once went out with two guys at the same time. I was the only girl they were dating and they knew I was dating the other guy, (there was no sex). One guy didnt mind and one guy did but was just hoping Id pick him. In the end I didnt see either of them. I got too busy with college. I know its not quite the same.

But I think it is possible to have a sexual exclusive relstionships with more than one partner. Just finding partners who are completely on board might be hard.

Nevyn

Elle Collins wrote: »

Polygamous relationships are just excuses for men to ride rings 'round themselves in a manner that's dressed up as somehow legitimate and it's amazing and saddening to see how some women go against their own deeper instincts in order to have 1/2 - 1/4 - 1/6 or whatever fraction of a man's attention and time.

You are wrong there, it is not an excuse for one partner to have sex with randomers.

Elle Collins wrote: »

If we want proof that polygamy exists to pander to men we need only ask ourselves how commonly we hear of a woman sharing her life with her several obedient contented male lovers...:rolleyes:

Out of all the Poly relationships I know there are more with women with multiple partners then with men with them.

Leelaa22

Hotaru wrote: »

Ah yes, the contradictory attitudes >_< In fact, one of the families involved in the programme involved a man with a wife and 2 girlfriends. There was a rule though: The women were not allowed to have other partners of the opposite sex. 2 of the women were involved with each other aswell but basically, the man was allowed to have 3 girlfriends whilst the women were allowed no other boyfriends. I thought that was a bit stupid.

I had a female friend years ago and that was her rule with her bf, she was allowed to sleep with other guys but he wasnt allowed to sleep with anyone else (male or felmale).
And he didn't. He stayed loyal to her.