Too Nice, Too Easy?

Cheeky_gal

Just wanted to hear ladies (and mens) opinions on this.

I've been dating a guy for the past month and everything seems to be going great, however, in the past week he's decided to play "the game" as in wait a day or two to text me. Whenever I receive a text I always reply straight away unless I happen to be busy. I don't give it a second thought. What's the point in playing games like?

Anyways we were out together the other night and he said he would text me later that evening and I haven't heard from him since (this was the day before yesterday). I'm not going to text as he said he would text, so I'm just going to be patient and wait. I asked one of my male mates what he thought and he said most guys play the game and his advice to me was "don't be so nice".

Now here's the thing, i'm one of those girls who hangs around mostly with lads as I hate the bitchiness that comes with a lot of girls (not all girls but you know what I mean). And I'm very nice to everyone I meet, if anything too nice. Most people would regard me as been mad sound!

Btw I know this guy does like me because he's texted me after nights out to say things like "you looked gorgeous tonite " etc. and he often leans in for a kiss when I'm driving

Here's my question, his advice is be less nice, I dunno what to do? Like why should I change who I am and act a b*tch just to make him more interested? Do girls actually do this?

Ladies + men's opinions all welcome please

metrovelvet

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Just wanted to hear ladies (and mens) opinions on this.

I've been dating a guy for the past month and everything seems to be going great, however, in the past week he's decided to play "the game" as in wait a day or two to text me. Whenever I receive a text I always reply straight away unless I happen to be busy. I don't give it a second thought. What's the point in playing games like?

Anyways we were out together the other night and he said he would text me later that evening and I haven't heard from him since (this was the day before yesterday). I'm not going to text as he said he would text, so I'm just going to be patient and wait. I asked one of my male mates what he thought and he said most guys play the game and his advice to me was "don't be so nice".

Now here's the thing, i'm one of those girls who hangs around mostly with lads as I hate the bitchiness that comes with a lot of girls (not all girls but you know what I mean). And I'm very nice to everyone I meet, if anything too nice. Most people would regard me as been mad sound!

Here's my question, his advice his be less nice, I dunno what to do? Like why should I change who I am and act a b*tch just to make him more interested? Do girls actually do this?

Ladies + men's opinions all welcome please

I think what your friend is saying is dont be so obliging. There is a part of us in our teeny tiny brains that wants to remain a hunter, and I think this goes for women too. So what your friend is saying is always keep a little part of you that is unavailable. And keep 10 -20 percent of you that just does not give a ****.

That is not the same as acting like a bitch.

Truley

Your boyfriend might be like me. I'm not a great texter at all and generally only do it to make arrangements. I hate having chats or mindless banter by text. That said, if someone texts me and I want to text back I will do it immediately. I'm not bothered about leaving people hanging or playing hard to get.

Next time you're out with him arrange either when to meet up again or when you will next talk by phone. That way you will be clear on when/if you're going to hear from him and he wont be under pressure to keep touching base with you for the sake of it.

Though if you want to talk to him, by all means send him a message. So long as you're not plauging him with 'hiya watcha doin xxx' every half hour I'm sure he'll appreciate the gesture.

Wompa1

Guys opinion here.

If it's only recently it may be more than just playing games. Games usually come at the start of a relationship or not at all if you date me :-P

I don't get the point of them. If I get a girls number I'd text her a couple of hours later after I get home.

If you want to counter his game and be less obliging if he texts back. Either don't text him for a while or do and if he suggest meeting up be awkward about it and say your busy.

If he senses you losing interest than either he'll pull up his socks and do something about it or feck off.

krudler

I dont get game playing at all, if you wait 2 days to text me back you're clearly not arsed, so why should I be? If you're doing it on purpose you're acting like a 13 year old, in which case I'm not interested in dating someone like that either. Theres being interested to the point of being clingy, which is a turnoff as well, but nothing wrong at all with making intentions clear from the beginning. Gameplaying just makes things unecessarily hard.

Nervous Wreck

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Just wanted to hear ladies (and mens) opinions on this.

I've been dating a guy for the past month and everything seems to be going great, however, in the past week he's decided to play "the game" as in wait a day or two to text me. Whenever I receive a text I always reply straight away unless I happen to be busy. I don't give it a second thought. What's the point in playing games like?

Anyways we were out together the other night and he said he would text me later that evening and I haven't heard from him since (this was the day before yesterday). I'm not going to text as he said he would text, so I'm just going to be patient and wait. I asked one of my male mates what he thought and he said most guys play the game and his advice to me was "don't be so nice".

Now here's the thing, i'm one of those girls who hangs around mostly with lads as I hate the bitchiness that comes with a lot of girls (not all girls but you know what I mean). And I'm very nice to everyone I meet, if anything too nice. Most people would regard me as been mad sound!

Btw I know this guy does like me because he's texted me after nights out to say things like "you looked gorgeous tonite " etc. and he often leans in for a kiss when I'm driving

Here's my question, his advice is be less nice, I dunno what to do? Like why should I change who I am and act a b*tch just to make him more interested? Do girls actually do this?

Ladies + men's opinions all welcome please

Tbh, Op, it depends how serious y'all are. If I was in any way serious about someone (i.e. seeing them regularly and exclusively) and I didn't hear for them for 2 days at a time, I'd be asking serious questions. If I'm seeing someone in a less than casual way, I'd be at least sending a text every day just to say hi or whatever. It's just nice. That said, I don't know how serious you are/aren't with him.

The main point is though, don't respond to game playing by playing games. Don't change who you are for someone else. You should never have to do that and if you do, the person just isn't worth it. Screw that shít. You seem really nice so keep it that way!

dublingal80

i hate game playing. if i met someone lovely and they started playing games, it would turn me off them completely.

Have you said it to the guy you are seeing... or why not give him a call tonight and see how things are instead of always relying on texts

28064212

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

...

Btw I know this guy does like me because he's texted me after nights out to say things like "you looked gorgeous tonite " etc. and he often leans in for a kiss when I'm driving
...

WTF?

coffee_cake

28064212 wrote: »

WTF?

I'll assume it means on the cheek ;s

seenitall

Don't play games. Life's too short.

When someone starts messing with your head, that means they don't like you as much as you thought they did. Plus they are an unpleasant person to boot.

Who needs that? Really.

Wibbs

I reckon if you start playing games and it works all you're likely to end up with is a game player.

Cheeky_gal

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

he said he would text me later that evening and I haven't heard from him since (this was the day before yesterday).

Smells of t0sser to me, unless ye are 19 or 20, life is too short for that play the game crap.

Giselle

You shouldn't feel you have to change how you behave to get him to behave how you'd prefer. If he likes you for yourself and how you are, he'll quit the games.

I hate games, its just head wrecking.

tough__cookie

I hate that not texting back crap!! If you like somebody I just don't understand why you would wait a couple of days before you text them back. Unless you really like him, I wouldn't bother my arse with him anymore if he can't even find a minute in his day to return your text. It'll be his loss if somebody else comes along and snatches you up. You deserve better!

confusticated

RoverJames wrote: »

Smells of t0sser to me, unless ye are 19 or 20, life is too short for that play the game crap.

Even at 19 or 20, that's annoying! If twas me I'd just ring or text whenever I felt like talking to him...but if it ends up with you just running around after him, it's not worth it imo.

Novella

If you're exclusively seeing each other or whatever, and it's getting serious etc., not texting for days just sounds weird to me. I hate all that "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" stuff, huge turn-off. If I'm interested in someone, I just want to talk to them, not texting or calling is actually hard for me! Tbh, if I was you and things didn't improve, I'd walk.

Mrs Garth Brooks

What do i do when a guy who i like or used to like plays head wrecking games? Oh he's far from 13. He's 50! .. It was only an ego boost.

parker kent

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

What do i do when a guy who i like or used to like plays head wrecking games? Oh he's far from 13. He's 50! .. It was only an ego boost.

Forget him because game playing should be kept for the X-box or PS3.

Cheeky_gal

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

It was only an ego boost.

I have a feeling this might be the exact reason

It's been two days and still no text (he said he would text).

My heads wrecked..

Cheeky_gal

28064212 wrote: »

WTF?

Sorry I meant at the traffic lights (when they're red) lmao

panda100

Wibbs wrote: »

I reckon if you start playing games and it works all you're likely to end up with is a game player.

QFT. If you tolerate this behaviour now, it will set the standard for the rest of the relationship.

In my own experience when there is any sort of game playing a relationship it's not going to be a very,happy relationship. When two people really like each other they want to text and call each other,not any of this wait two days crap.

Cheeky_gal

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I have a feeling this might be the exact reason

It's been two days and still no text (he said he would text).

My heads wrecked..

He's a w**ker, not worth the head wreck, delete his number and all texts and let time do the rest.

Vanbis

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I have a feeling this might be the exact reason

It's been two days and still no text (he said he would text).

My heads wrecked..

So say he does text you today or tomorrow, what happens when another two or three days pass and your back waiting to hear from him yet again? If he likes you as you say he does then he should be making more of an effort with you. You don't want to end up getting hurt later down the road, he sounds like is playing games with you or he is up to something else.

28064212

Or maybe he's in a coma in hospital. Maybe he's busy, maybe he just doesn't have time to meet up, maybe his phone is broken, maybe his parents died. Maybe he's in a bad mood and knows if he's in touch with you he'll take it out on you. Or maybe it's one of million different external factors that could be causing it.

If you're texting, you're giving carte blanche for delays and lack of replies. If you want to talk to him, call him

LegacyUser

OP, why don't you text him? Or even better, call him?

Tragedy

People have a horrible tendency to overanalyse things.

It doesn't really matter why he doesn't text you(whether it's he doesnt like texting, busy all the time, playing games) - all that matters is it bothers you that he doesnt text back often/fast enough.

So politely and nicely inform him it's an issue for you without demanding or asking for anything. If he doesn't change, and you still aren't happy, wave goodbye.

Maple

Text him to say hey, that way you've taken back control of the situation rather than sitting agonising about whether or not he's going to contact you.

If he doesn't respond then delete his number and forget him.

Either way, yank the plaster off and text him. It's not desperate or needy or chasing him or anything negative like that.

metrovelvet

Remember the days of no texting, no facebook, no answering machines. The phone rang or it didn't and there was none of this neurosis of over communication. I don't mean that disparagingly of OP, but seriously, WTF has become of us?

The worst part of it all is that they enable separation, providing the illusion of contact while amplifying absence.

Potatofarl

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I have a feeling this might be the exact reason

It's been two days and still no text (he said he would text).

My heads wrecked..

Head wrecking is right...but if it bothers you that much just text him already.

Tragedy wrote: »

People have a horrible tendency to overanalyse things..

Analysis Paralysis! Why do we do it to ourselves??? We only make it worse. I'm definitely guilty of this.

metrovelvet wrote: »

Remember the days of no texting, no facebook, no answering machines. The phone rang or it didn't and there was none of this neurosis of over communication. I don't mean that disparagingly of OP, but seriously, WTF has become of us?
.

Very true point, WTF has become of us?! TBH if I was just getting to know someone/had only met them of couple of times I'd be more likely to text to chat rather than phone to chat... but if I knew them better I'd def ring.

Let us know what happens!!

toobeyshaw

panda100 wrote: »

QFT. If you tolerate this behaviour now, it will set the standard for the rest of the relationship.

In my own experience when there is any sort of game playing a relationship it's not going to be a very,happy relationship. When two people really like each other they want to text and call each other,not any of this wait two days crap.

I completely agree with this. I know that any guys that I ended up going out with, there was never any gameplaying at the start, it was just a natural thing to text each other without analysing it.

Kanoe

does he ever offer an explanation as to why he's been delayed in getting back to you?
If I miss a text I usually start with an apology for taking so long (was asleep or was out of credit and no access to webtext/genuine reason) if you're not getting at least this much I'd let him go.