On a lighter note. I am wondering...

DS333

During sex, do straight women really squawk like chickens when a fox has got into the coop or is that only in porn films?:eek: If they DO, do straight men suffer from either tinnitus or partial deafness as a result?

L.Jenkins

Porn has lied to you buddy! I never once heard a woman sqawk during sex, then again, I've seen and done some strange things!

squishykins

Hehehehehe that would be hilarious if we did actually do that though! Best form of contraception evar :P

SugarHigh

Do asian women cry during sex in real life?
I never really understood that.

L.Jenkins

From what I hear, asian women are more likely to be found shouting, 'wrong hole' during sex.

DS333

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

Porn has lied to you buddy! I never once heard a woman sqawk during sex, then again, I've seen and done some strange things!

Well, I'm glad to hear it. For a moment I thought they might be in pain, never having had any physical contact with a woman whatsoever. Then the nasty side of me began to believe that the squawks might be emitted to reassure the man that his technique was on the right track.:o

As for your antics... Well... :eek: Shiver me timbers.:)

SugarHigh

I think a lot of it is down to "monkey see, monkey do" where they are just copying why they see in porn and since porn is getting more and more over the top so is the level of screeching required.

But then women do seem to screech a lot for absoloutly no reason, like when they see a friend are they really that excited they can't hold back their screams or are they just playing up to each other.

squishykins

SugarHigh wrote: »

I think a lot of it is down to "monkey see, monkey do" where they are just copying why they see in porn and since porn is getting more and more over the top so is the level of screeching required.

But then women do seem to screech a lot for absoloutly no reason, like when they see a friend are they really that excited they can't hold back their screams or are they just playing up to each other.

Some girls are just over the top that way My best friend would be what you'd call a "screecher", but her whole demeanor is like that so it really shouldn't surprise anyone who beds her :P
I reckon it's more for attention. I love attention, I'm not afraid to admit :P Quite the narcissist, me XD

SugarHigh

amyputz wrote: »

Some girls are just over the top that way My best friend would be what you'd call a "screecher", but her whole demeanor is like that so it really shouldn't surprise anyone who beds her :P
I reckon it's more for attention. I love attention, I'm not afraid to admit :P Quite the narcissist, me XD

Yea I agree that's kind of what I was getting at, it's not an uncontrollable outburst of pleasure. I got with a girl at a house party and she was just ridiculous, it was pretty obvious that she was doing it for everyone elses benefit. Kind of embarrassing tbh.

But I understand some people do like to be the centre of attention and there isn't really anything wrong with that but it's not really a personality type I tend to gel well with it.

DS333

SugarHigh wrote: »

I think a lot of it is down to "monkey see, monkey do" where they are just copying why they see in porn and since porn is getting more and more over the top so is the level of screeching required.

But then women do seem to screech a lot for absoloutly no reason, like when they see a friend are they really that excited they can't hold back their screams or are they just playing up to each other.

But what gets me is, if it's not for real, do straight men watching porn actually like to hear them shrieking all the time? If I were straight I'd have to press the mute button to shut them up.:cool: Very peculiar...:eek:

DS333

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

Porn has lied to you buddy! I never once heard a woman sqawk during sex, then again, I've seen and done some strange things!

Hey!

Since you're such an expert, perhaps you can answer me another question that has often bugged me.

Why do certain men prefer women with udders rather than breasts?:eek:

Speaking personally, if I met a man with watermelons dangling between his knees, I'd be legging it for the hills, shrieking in terror and sounding like one of those porno babes.:(

SugarHigh

DS333 wrote: »

But what gets me is, if it's not for real, do straight men watching porn actually like to hear them shrieking all the time? If I were straight I'd have to press the mute button to shut them up.:cool: Very peculiar...:eek:

A groan is more of a turn on than a scream. I really don't get the japanese women crying during sex thing, maybe it's to make the man think he's so big it's painful.:D

SugarHigh

DS333 wrote: »

Hey!

Since you're such an expert, perhaps you can answer me another question that has often bugged me.

Why do certain men prefer women with udders rather than breasts?:eek:

Speaking personally, if I met a man with watermelons dangling between his knees, I'd be legging it for the hills, shrieking in terror and sounding like one of those porno babes.:(

I think big breasts can look well when there under control in a bra and a dress but when they are let lose it's not so nice:D

L.Jenkins

DS333 wrote: »

Why do certain men prefer women with udders rather than breasts?:eek:

Udders! Jaysus what sort of porn do you be watching! You're not from roscommon by any chance?

DS333

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

Udders! Jaysus what sort of porn do you be watching! You're not from roscommon by any chance?

I don't watch porn, don't understand the allure. No, I'm not from Roscommon. Why there, by the way?:p

This is a tongue-in-cheek thread, or so I intended. :P:P

To me, women are top heavy - all on top and nothing down below. :oThere are udders out there!!:D

L.Jenkins

DS333 wrote: »

I don't watch porn, don't understand the allure. No, I'm not from Roscommon. Why there, by the way?:p

This is a tongue-in-cheek thread, or so I intended. :P:P

Rossies love their livestock alittle too much at times :eek:

To me, women are top heavy - all on top and nothing down below. :oThere are udders out there!!:D

Just how I like them :P Wait, should I be saying that.

DS333

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

Rossies love their livestock alittle too much at times :eek:



Just how I like them :P Wait, should I be saying that.

I'm not sure what you're saying any more. I'm totally confused!!:pac::eek:

There were more questions I wanted to ask but now I'm afraid.:o

L.Jenkins

Ask away. I'll behave this time and give direct answers.

DS333

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

Ask away. I'll behave this time and give direct answers.

Judging from what my straight male friends say, I have come to the conclusion that they have never had... how shall I phrase this...?... oral stimulation of their richards. It sounds more like a handjob to me, God love them. Shouldn't the hand just keep it in position and the lips, teeth, tongue and tonsils, not to mention the uvula, do the work? Am I wrong or am I wrong? Being a good sort of bod, I haven' the heart to tell them.

L.Jenkins

Can't say I could answer that one since I never had that experience.

Nevyn

Are ye seriously trying to understand women from watching porn?

Chuchoter

In porn, all the women kiss from like half way across the room with the tip of their tongue, what the hell is with that one.

Asian women sound like squeaky hamsters in the videos :P I really don't understand how people can watch a lot of porn, its just ridiculous.

DS333

Thaedydal wrote: »

Are ye seriously trying to understand women from watching porn?

No. Not in the least.:eek::eek::eek: What I was saying was that I don't understand how straight men find all that squawking alluring. I don't watch porn, and certainly not straight porn. The straight male psyche seems to have hidden depths...
I'm not trying to understand women and certainly wouldn't use porn as my guideline.

OMG. I think this thread has got out of control!:o

L.Jenkins

It is ridiculous and unrealistic but keeps tabs on reoccuring dry spell in my life until I can get things in order for myself. I take nothing else from porn myself.

If you're trying to understand women through porn, you're barking up the wrong tree.

DS333

crayolastereo wrote: »

In porn, all the women kiss from like half way across the room with the tip of their tongue, what the hell is with that one.

Asian women sound like squeaky hamsters in the videos :P I really don't understand how people can watch a lot of porn, its just ridiculous.

That sounds as if it's bordering on comedy!!:D

Yes, I agree. How come porn doesn't get boring for them, the same thing over and over again... The mind boggles.

DS333

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

It is ridiculous and unrealistic but keeps tabs on reoccuring dry spell in my life until I can get things in order for myself. I take nothing else from porn myself.

If you're trying to understand women through porn, you're barking up the wrong tree.

:eek::eek::eek::eek: I'm not trying to do anything of the sort. All I asked was whether all that squawking was necessary. I meant it as a joke, not a serious discussion, but it has got out of hand.

In future, when I wish to dip my toe into the absurd, I shall toddle on over to C&H. They understand, or at least the young'uns who are friends of the family and communicate with me through PM's do.

Sigh...:rolleyes:

Chuchoter

DS333 wrote: »

That sounds as if it's bordering on comedy!!:D

Yes, I agree. How come porn doesn't get boring for them, the same thing over and over again... The mind boggles.

But it doesn't even make sense! In the few videos I've managed to watch, I was so bored that I end up either laughing my ass off or being like: That candle is going to set the house on fire, Imagine if her da saw this on the internet, I wonder what her original life plan, the sexy cleaner is after leaving the gas on on the cooker, they are all going to explode so on and so forth :P I don't understand how the straight men its aimed at manage to sit through it.

DS333

crayolastereo wrote: »

But it doesn't even make sense! In the few videos I've managed to watch, I was so bored that I end up either laughing my ass off or being like: That candle is going to set the house on fire, Imagine if her da saw this on the internet, I wonder what her original life plan, the sexy cleaner is after leaving the gas on on the cooker, they are all going to explode so on and so forth :P I don't understand how the straight men its aimed at manage to sit through it.

If it had exploded it would have been the best comedy ever!:D
For us, the viewers, I mean.

L.Jenkins

I think the Bravo channel doesn't a comedy sketch called badly dubbed porn just for giggles.

DS333

Has anyone seen Matthew Barney's short film, "Hoist". It's not porn, as such. In fact, it's so weird that I'm not sure what classification it would fall under.

Nevyn

DS333 wrote: »

That sounds as if it's bordering on comedy!!:D

Yes, I agree. How come porn doesn't get boring for them, the same thing over and over again... The mind boggles.

The 20 min blow job bit is always boring.

DS333 wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek::eek: I'm not trying to do anything of the sort. All I asked was whether all that squawking was necessary. I meant it as a joke, not a serious discussion, but it has got out of hand.

You got to remember a lot of the conventions of porn are there to cue when something has happened, the squeal is to cue those watching that penetration has really happened. The same thing with the eye roll at orgasm and the 'money shot' to show that the guy has actually ejaculated.

Yes some of the theatricals of porn is finding it's way into real life bed rooms due to people thinking that this is how sex is done and these are the behaviours expected and the positions used when most of them stem from camera angles and invented vocal and visual cues.

Kanoe

can I stop cringing now

DS333

zxy wrote: »

can I stop cringing now

You're not the only one cringing. I decided to retire as gracefuly as possible from the affray.:eek::o:eek::(

Kanoe

"a woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon"

Annasopra

*wanders in totally confused*

Am I in the right forum?

L.Jenkins

This thread oddly enough has become a ball of tangled twine, no offence to the OP. I think the general idea is pornographic theathrics that is a cause for some dismay.

Kanoe

I thought this was why there was an off topic thread

Nevyn

TBH I have hear simular grunts/groans in man on man porn when the reciver gets fully penetrated so it's not just hetro porn.

Kanoe

thanks Thaed, choked on my smoke

Nevyn

L.Jenkins

Johnnymcg wrote: »

why are we discussing straight sex?

I think that it seems to be rief with cliques that just make it boring and in some cases, unbearable for some that still identify as hetro. If you have seen one straight porn film, you've seen them all.

Guy sees girl, guy seduces girl (or visa versa), 20 min bj followed by the same 2/3 positions and the usual splat to end it all.

Annasopra

moved to after hours

4zn76tysfajdxp

Johnnymcg wrote: »

moved to after hours

Pointless, I doubt many people in this forum would know what a woman having sex would sound like.

CliffHuxtabel

Johnnymcg wrote: »

moved to after hours

Where was this before? Film production?

CliffHuxtabel

zxy wrote: »

"a woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon"

yeah but they still have to talk more

brendansmith

Whats all this asian women crying business you guys are talking about?

Sounds sexy. Where can I see same?

brendansmith

Aaden Colossal Oceanography wrote: »

Pointless, I doubt many people in this forum would know what a woman having sex would sound like.

Screams for help, pleads for mercy and the odd threat mostly. Now you know.

Fizman

Aaden Colossal Oceanography wrote: »

Pointless, I doubt many people in this forum would know what a woman having sex would sound like.

Says the guy with blokes in his avatar / sig. :pac:

CrazyRabbit

In my experience, women just seem to scream "Help! Help!, somebody help me!" over and over again before finally settling down into a quiet whimper about 5 mins later.

Annasopra

CliffHuxtabel wrote: »

Where was this before? Film production?

Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender

Kanoe

CliffHuxtabel wrote: »

yeah but they still have to talk more

you're not doing it right