Stanza 1 of my poem so far..opinions? :)

ElizabethB

Thanks guys! I do have other poems on this if yous would like to take a look? Instead of just looking at one stanza.

ElizabethB

Lord of Tale

Call upon an artificial god
For synthetic hope
Lie to yourself once again,
to help you cope.

A prayer of petition
Or a song of praise
Glory to your god
These are the days.

Times of want, more than need
A selfish strike within us
Feeds our daily greed
When will he learn?
When will come the truth
One mighty person,
shall pull this from the root.

This moment will come
All lies will end
Your god shall open his eyes
and broken souls will mend.

This is a poem I wrote a while back, have a look if you wish?

pinksoir

Just a word of advice; poetry doesn't need to rhyme. Concentrate on avoiding cliché. Rhyme and cliché are lazy writing, even if clichés are unintentional. Like dawvee says, read great, good and bad poetry and learn to tell the difference.

Here's an example of excellent poetry. Read it out loud slowly. Understand that every word is important. Every word is vital:

Considering The Snail

Tom Gunn

The snail pushes through a green
night, for the grass is heavy
with water and meets over
the bright path he makes, where rain
has darkened the earth's dark. He
moves in a wood of desire,

pale antlers barely stirring
as he hunts. I cannot tell
what power is at work, drenched there
with purpose, knowing nothing.
What is a snail's fury? All
I think is that if later

I parted the blades above
the tunnel and saw the thin
trail of broken white across
litter, I would never have
imagined the slow passion
to that deliberate progress.

ElizabethB

Thank you Pinksoir, I have read this poem out loud, and you're right it is an excellent poem!