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I got a boner during a slow dance

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  • 29-09-2010 1:41pm
    #1
    Pope Benedict
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭


    I had occasion to attend a wedding just last weekend. It was a very classy affair and the evening was going down a treat. I don't usually indulge in the late night disco but on this occasion I had downed a cartload of wine. There came a slow dance, the rose by Bette Midler. I was dancing with a first cousin of the bride at the time and to my surprise she didn't leave the floor when the slow number came on. She was a petite brunette, striking to the naked eye. The problem arose about half way through when I experienced a perpendicular rush downstairs. The closeness of the embrace meant she felt it protruding straight away. She politely asked to finish the dance and I was left standing there mortified. I didn't apologise later, just stayed stumm. Should I have or is it best to pretend nothing happened in these instances? Anyone had a similar experience?
    Tagged:


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Comments

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    #2
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,568 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    Get a room - preferably a padded one and apply the manual solution! :P


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    #3
    SadieSue
    Registered Users Posts: 1,054 ✭✭✭SadieSue


    She wanted nun of it!

    At least she will remember you.. as being the pervert.


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    #4
    Funglegunk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,566 ✭✭✭Funglegunk


    At least it wasn't a young boy eh Benny?


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    #5
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    At least you know it was in good working order and was 'up for the cup'!
    Were you getting the horn for your dance partner or Bette Midler???


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    #6
    Snakeblood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,466 ✭✭✭Snakeblood


    You should have loudly explained that it's her fault for dressing like a whore.


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    #7
    fonecrusher1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,700 ✭✭✭fonecrusher1


    Congrats.

    maybe she got a horn as well?:eek:


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    #8
    Loopy
    Registered Users Posts: 12,220 ✭✭✭✭Loopy


    In before the cock lock


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    #9
    moonshinerocks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 247 ✭✭moonshinerocks


    You poor thing! If I had been that girl I would have been off that dancefloor sharpish too! Good thing she wasn't related to you - THAT would have been embarrassing! Hopefully you'll never have to see her again and you can look back and laugh.


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    #10
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,568 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    Aaa... well. He rose to the occasion.


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    #11
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    You should have said it was still limp/flacid, she'd have been impressed and would prob have wanted to see it standing to attention!

    Ok you'd have had to explain it to her in the car park or in the hotel room but she'd gone that far she may aswell have let you give her a shot of the shillelagh!!!


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    #12
    petes
    Registered Users Posts: 8,382 ✭✭✭petes


    Are you sure it wan't your first cousin?


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    #13
    GavRedKing
    Registered Users Posts: 53,262 ✭✭✭✭GavRedKing


    You should have asked her was she impressed, by evidence of her leaving im going guess not.


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    #14
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    didn't she fancy putting her hand up your own dress, your eminence?


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    #15
    ooPabsoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 542 ✭✭✭ooPabsoo


    "Mr. Pope Benedict, you have a massive erection. Really? Yes, I do. Um...I'm sorry, it's the...it's the pleats. Mm. It's actually an optical illusion. It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to the pants store. Well I'm gonna go walk it off. Don't act like you're not impressed!.."


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    #16
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    I personally wouldn't press my giant throbbing member against a girl during a slow dance. It's called manners.

    You should wait until she's drunk.


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    #17
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    starbelgrade wrote: »
    I personally wouldn't press my giant throbbing member against a girl during a slow dance. It's called manners.

    You should wait until she's drunk.

    Surely nobody would be out slow dancing unless they were drunk in the first place?????


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    #18
    gbee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,388 ✭✭✭gbee


    Pope Benedict wrote: »
    She politely asked to finish the dance and I was left standing there mortified.

    Don't go all guilty on yourself, I used to suffer from this all the time, it was so extreme that even being introduced to a woman would bring it on.

    I'm at that age now that those times seem like Heaven and I really miss them. So Viagra can help but it's not the same.

    I used to be so embarrassed that I now believe I' developed a Psychological condition which has emphasised the physiological conditions in later life due to my attempts to suppress erections and being extremely embarrassed by them.


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    #19
    Daroxtar
    Registered Users Posts: 4,323 ✭✭✭Daroxtar




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    #20
    senordingdong
    Registered Users Posts: 10,673 ✭✭✭✭senordingdong


    OP, did you ask her to dance or did she ask you?


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    #21
    phill106
    Registered Users Posts: 6,810 ✭✭✭phill106


    Are you sure she didnt slip her room key in your back pocket?


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    #22
    Duggy747
    Registered Users Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    Ouch!

    You should've tried 2 options to get yourself out of such an embarrasing situation:
    1. Drop the hand
    2. "Wanna go out back and pull me off?"


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    #23
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users Posts: 29,294 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    you sure you weren't the groom?


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    #24
    Scuid Mhór
    Registered Users Posts: 2,326 ✭✭✭Scuid Mhór


    poor girl's probably traumatised for life.


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    #25
    LittleLebowski
    Registered Users Posts: 180 ✭✭LittleLebowski


    If she didnt get that you wanted to do the verticle dance (of love) then she wasnt worth the blood you so kindly redirected for her.


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    #26
    Sykk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,327 ✭✭✭Sykk


    I thought you said "I was dancing with a first cousin".. Until I read on.. Story would have been so much more exciting


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    #27
    Sea Sharp
    Registered Users Posts: 2,593 ✭✭✭Sea Sharp


    Happens to the best of us OP. Maybe you shouldn't be pressing your crotch up against people in slow dances. Keep a *insert cock size* distance in future.


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    #28
    senordingdong
    Registered Users Posts: 10,673 ✭✭✭✭senordingdong


    I'd have taken it as a compliment.


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    #29
    phill106
    Registered Users Posts: 6,810 ✭✭✭phill106


    Sea Sharp wrote: »
    Maybe you shouldn't be pressing your crotch up against people in slow dances.

    But...But...thats how father o'malley taught us how to dance


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    #30
    Jumpy
    Registered Users Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    Sea Sharp wrote: »
    Keep a *insert cock size* distance in future.

    BUT THEN I WOULD HAVE TO SHOUT LIKE THIS FOR HER TO HEAR ME


    Cause I have a massive cock like.
















    Haha just kidding. Its tiny.


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    #31
    AdMMM
    Registered Users Posts: 9,472 ✭✭✭AdMMM


    You didn't drink enough! Another cart load of wine and the poor thing wouldn't have woken up for at least a few hours!


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