Friend hate a date tonight. I put 2 full bulbs of Garlic in his dinner!

rorymcgrory

Hi all,

Just wanted to share this with you as its 10.30 and I still cant stop laughing.

A friend of mine had a date tonight with a girl he met a couple of weeks ago. First date and he seemed real into her.

He phoned earlier on on his way home from work and with my missus being away with kids I said I'd cook him dinner. I was planning on making Lasange anyway.As i was chopping garlic I decided to whack a load of it in. Couldnt stop myself and put a whole two bulbs in!!!!

Was pretty horrilbe stuff and he did say was there much garlic in it as he had a date.To which I replied " its just a hint of it in the jar of sauce. What a goon. My house is still stinking of it , cant imagine what my breath is like, plus im sipping on a few cans of stout here.

Can't wait to hear if he got his nuts...

AlmightyCushion

Is he going out on a date with dracula or something.

Basq

You can't stop laughing over that?!

I stabbed a date once... now THAT was funny!

JerryHandbag

Hate-A-Date. I like the sound of that.

admiralofthefleet

you've watched dumb and dumber one too many times

orourkeda

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Hi all,

Just wanted to share this with you as its 10.30 and I still cant stop laughing.

A friend of mine had a date tonight with a girl he met a couple of weeks ago. First date and he seemed real into her.

He phoned earlier on on his way home from work and with my missus being away with kids I said I'd cook him dinner. I was planning on making Lasange anyway.As i was chopping garlic I decided to whack a load of it in. Couldnt stop myself and put a whole two bulbs in!!!!

Was pretty horrilbe stuff and he did say was there much garlic in it as he had a date.To which I replied " its just a hint of it in the jar of sauce. What a goon. My house is still stinking of it , cant imagine what my breath is like, plus im sipping on a few cans of stout here.

Can't wait to hear if he got his nuts...

Jealous are we?

SadieSue

What if she has a garlic fetish? Hah, then the jokes on you sir!

starbelgrade

I love people who do wacky stuff like that. It makes life so much fun.

Celly Smunt

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

you've watched dumb and dumber one too many times

you can never watch dumb and dumber too many times

alwaysadub

You need to get out more.

poisonated

I'm a bit confused as to what you are trying to say. You hate your friend and...?

Aldebaran

Oh Rory, you little scamp, what will you get up to next?

AlmightyCushion

basquille wrote: »

You can't stop laughing over that?!

I stabbed a date once... now THAT was funny!

We all have skeletons in our closet. Though the skeletons in yours are cleary very real.

copacetic

Jeez, I could go a lasagne right now.

retenzo12

you lunatic...is this what you get up to when your moths away?

Basq

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

We all have skeletons in our closet. Though the skeletons in yours are cleary very real.

They're not in my closet... floorboards ftw!

rorymcgrory

Jealous am I???? Hahha. Maybe a wee bit

Hopefully they go someone nice and loud so he'll be roaring in her ear. "Jeez Tom, were you eating Garlic?" "No just a dolmio sauce in a lasagne. Maybe a wee bit"

.....What a lying bastard.....

Sauve

Haha that's mean
Still, you'll get your karma when he spends the next two weeks whinging about the fact that this girl aint returning any of his calls

Celly Smunt

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Jealous am I???? Hahha. Maybe a wee bit

Hopefully they go someone nice and loud so he'll be roaring in her ear. "Jeez Tom, were you eating Garlic?" "No just a dolmio sauce in a lasagne. Maybe a wee bit"

.....What a lying bastard.....

oh you little rascal!

starbelgrade

Hey - OP... here's another "crazy" joke you could try out;

Get one of your wife's tampons & rub it with a chilli pepper. The results will be f*cking hilarious.

Seriously.

Celly Smunt

starbelgrade wrote: »

Hey - OP... here's another "crazy" joke you could try out;

Get one of your wife's tampons & rub it with a chilli pepper. The results will be f*cking hilarious.

Seriously.

bleach is better

rorymcgrory

retenzo12 wrote: »

you lunatic...is this what you get up to when your moths away?

Ha ha, just came into my head. Same guy would do the same to me no probs...Still waiting on a text which should read along the lines..."You c*nt)

Diabhal Beag

If he uses breath-mints or the spray he'll be fine. So much effort on OP's part.

rorymcgrory

pmcmahon wrote: »

bleach is better

Nice ideas guys. Maybe i'll sodomize her bum with a meathook on her return

Celly Smunt

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Nice ideas guys. Maybe i'll sodomize her bum with a meathook on her return

teach her to stay in the kitchen in future

ibarelycare

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Nice ideas guys. Maybe i'll sodomize her bum with a meathook on her return

Too far...

IamtheWalrus

This thread is the only thing that made me laugh all day.

Celly Smunt

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

This thread is the only thing that made me laugh all day.

you must have had one bad day

maameeo

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Nice ideas guys. Maybe i'll sodomize her bum with a meathook on her return

euwwwwwww

some counseling maybe?

rorymcgrory

maameeo wrote: »

euwwwwwww

some counseling maybe?

That was joke. I think thats actually illegal

MagicMarker

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Hi all,

Just wanted to share this with you as its 10.30 and I still cant stop laughing.

A friend of mine had a date tonight with a girl he met a couple of weeks ago. First date and he seemed real into her.

He phoned earlier on on his way home from work and with my missus being away with kids I said I'd cook him dinner. I was planning on making Lasange anyway.As i was chopping garlic I decided to whack a load of it in. Couldnt stop myself and put a whole two bulbs in!!!!

Was pretty horrilbe stuff and he did say was there much garlic in it as he had a date.To which I replied " its just a hint of it in the jar of sauce. What a goon. My house is still stinking of it , cant imagine what my breath is like, plus im sipping on a few cans of stout here.

Can't wait to hear if he got his nuts...

You evil genius you!

brummytom

He could just say it's a French dish

Then he looks cultured

rorymcgrory

brummytom wrote: »

He could just say it's a French dish

Then he looks cultured

Haha class Tom

rorymcgrory

Seriously though folks...what sort of inconsiderate person eats 2 bulbs of garlic before a date?

littlefriend

What are you eating Dolmio for - its revolting

ibarelycare

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Seriously though folks...what sort of inconsiderate person eats 2 bulbs of garlic before a date?

Someone whose friend is a c*nt

maameeo

rorymcgrory wrote: »

That was joke. I think thats actually illegal

unless shes a cow :pac:

starbelgrade

littlefriend wrote: »

What are you eating Dolmio for - its revolting

I was thinking the same thing. I wouldn't even put tomatoes in Dolmio - let alone that revolting muck.

rorymcgrory

starbelgrade wrote: »

I was thinking the same thing. I wouldn't even put tomatoes in Dolmio - let alone that revolting muck.

Yes it really is horrible stuff. Can't stand it.

starbelgrade

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Yes it really is horrible stuff. Can't stand it.

Then why did you cook a lasagne with it? You should learn to make a proper ragu sauce... it's really easy. Takes about 10 mins to prepare, The only downside is that it needs to be cooked for about 2 hours.

IamtheWalrus

pmcmahon wrote: »

you must have had one bad day

Indeed.

rorymcgrory

Yeah I should. My good lady makes a wicked one. Shes away for the week so I have to make do. Back to topic. I sent him a text asking him how date is going. He never mentioned the garlic but said that he cant stop farting....

squod

Hope your friend uses your bog tomorrow.

FarmerGreen

Should have added some some raw uncooked garlic to it.
You can't smell it yourself, but you really honk of it.

Susannahmia

rorymcgrory wrote: »

Hi all,

Just wanted to share this with you as its 10.30 and I still cant stop laughing.

A friend of mine had a date tonight with a girl he met a couple of weeks ago. First date and he seemed real into her.

He phoned earlier on on his way home from work and with my missus being away with kids I said I'd cook him dinner. I was planning on making Lasange anyway.As i was chopping garlic I decided to whack a load of it in. Couldnt stop myself and put a whole two bulbs in!!!!

Was pretty horrilbe stuff and he did say was there much garlic in it as he had a date.To which I replied " its just a hint of it in the jar of sauce. What a goon. My house is still stinking of it , cant imagine what my breath is like, plus im sipping on a few cans of stout here.

Can't wait to hear if he got his nuts...

Thats just mean.... Pure jealousy on your part.

foxinsox

Hi all,

So I went on a date tonight....
and OMFG he must have eaten so much garlic.....
the smell was........oh fantastic...

It was like, my dream come true...

The smell of garlic just turns me on soooo much!

We've just got back to his, I haven't told him yet that I used to be a stripper, pole dancer, lapdancer oh and Sports Illustrated cover Girl yet...

I hope he won't mind about my career choice...

He's just washing his teeth!

Fun times ahead

ibarelycare

foxinsox wrote: »

Hi all,

So I went on a date tonight....
and OMFG he must have eaten so much garlic.....
the smell was........oh fantastic...

It was like, my dream come true...

The smell of garlic just turns me on soooo much!

We've just got back to his, I haven't told him yet that I used to be a stripper, pole dancer, lapdancer oh and Sports Illustrated cover Girl yet...

I hope he won't mind about my career choice...

He's just washing his teeth!

Fun times ahead

Parody fail (as always)

Oranage2

Pfft..............Garlic!

To really 'punk' him you should have used gone off or raw mince, that would have been seriously funny for about a week.

Son Of A Vidic

Are you sure he's your friend? Well if you've ruined his night and he calls around and serves you up a plate of your own teeth. It might just be deserved.

rorymcgrory

rorymcgrory wrote: »

My good lady......Shes away for the week so I have to make do.

Now this, this explains everything.

Enjoy your fap. W*nker.

Prof.Badass

Hi all,

so here i was minding my own business, just being a piece of garlic when all of a sudden......





....you get the idea