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people buying you drinks on a night out
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12-09-2010 11:35am#1
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I would never ever accept a drink from a guy and then be so completely rude to him. Tbh, being bought anything actually makes me pretty uncomfortable. I'll stay around and chat with anyone and I don't need money to be spent on me in return. If a guy or anyone buys me a drink, I'd generally offer to buy one in return.
It annoys me to see girls take advantage of guys like that. It's just mean. Being nice costs nothing, and you get back what you give out.
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Ya that's a pretty crap thing to do
No excuse/justification for it, it's not any way to treat another person.
If you accept someone buying you a drink like that, and you later find you aren't interested, you aught to buy them a drink in return as thanks at least; it's just the civil thing to do.
What that girl did was just needlessly mean, and not far off robbing someone (imo).0 -
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Nobody has done either of those things here.
Do you write for the Sun/Star? because thats some sensational style writing you've got going there.
She accepted a drink and immediately told the guy get lost.
Lets see then...what factors changed to make her actually tell the guy to get lost at this point in time.
Was it an approach? No he had already shown that.
Was it his looks? Nope they were present all the time too.
Was it that she now has a drink and previously did not? BINGO!
Was it that she was a gold digging tramp that felt she was entitled to benefit from the earning of some guy that thought she looked nice? I think we all know the answer to that
Wrong on bolded bit. She had the drink in his company. Which is very different than accepting it and immediately telling the guy to get lost.
Check the OP for accuracy.
As for the factors, reasons etc, as per my immediately previous post to this, I have outlined a possible reason for this behaviour in this girl, however this would seem to take a huge amount of effort on your part, namely to consider that this girl is just possibly not an utter gold-digging (!) bitch who set out to deliberately entrap the poor innocent guy into buying her drinks, only to get a "pass on you" for all his money and effort.0 -
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This is something I feel strongly about, if a girl can't afford her own drink then she shouldn't be out!! My sister does it and it wrecks my head, don't pr!ck tease a guy (and accepting a drink and running off is close to that in my eyes), its not nice and MANNERS COST NOTHING.........
There was absloutely no need what so ever for her to be rude, she took the drink and unless he was mauling her (which from the above he wasn't) she had no right to be soooo rude!!!I didn't know that it was in the modern etiquette to under no circumstances accept a drink from people you're chatting to, or even worse, that drink accepted = having to get off with the donor.
Weird world.
I accept drinks from people I know but whether its male or female unless I know them and can buy them back a drink I am very slow to let them buy me a drink!!I'd never treat a man like that if he'd just bought me something! Jeez, he's a person too! :eek:
I usually decline drinks unless it's insisted upon Mrs. Doyle style. Even still, I never do so in such a rude manner, even if I'm not interested I'll still continue in conversation and be civil and polite.
I don't get why some people feel so entitled to treat others like dirt.
Exactly, he is a human being too!!!! I took a drink from a guy one night cause he did insist Mrs Doyle style (mainly as a thank you for taking photos of him and his friends) and he thought I was out with my boyfriend and knew I wouln't be going home wiht him!!!Is it possible that in actuality she wasn't really flirting with the guy, but making a polite chit-chat, hence her being unresponsive to his "move", and her looking at you for help? Also, accepting a drink out of politeness, but the guy taking it as the green light once more, where she got fed up and ended by being rude to him?
And even if she was flirting, I think that the pub is the place for chats, all kinds of social interaction, and yes, even :eek: flirting? That doesn't entitle a guy to feel like he's gonna score cos he bought someone a drink. I suggest that this guy sounds as rude to her as she was to him.
If she wanted to get away from him accepting the drink is DEFO not the way to go!!!! If I am out and a guy is chatting to me and I want to get away I just say "sorry I have to run my boyfriend is waiting for me", or I say "my friends are leaving"!!!!!!!! Easy peasy, no need to stay chatting or accept his drink out of politeness, also I doubt the drink was accepted out of politeness as she was a rude as fcuk after that!!!It annoys me to see girls take advantage of guys like that. It's just mean. Being nice costs nothing, and you get back what you give out.
Exactly, very well said Novella
How about being a person entitles HER not to be lunged at or groped either before or after accepting a drink from someone? Yes, she should have excused herself instead of accepting a drink, and she was rude at the end of interaction, but that is no reason for a guy to behave like a lecherous jerk, is it? That man needed no help in stripping away his own dignity, I'm afraid.
I have stated my opinion. I have highlighted some of your colourful insults... now, that's what I call normal interaction! NOT. :rolleyes:
And where exactly did the OP say he was lunging and groping her?!?!?!?! She said he was leaning in trying to kiss her to make her aware that he was interested which is good as you will see a thread in the main forum that people are totally unaware that they are being chatted up!!!!!!!!!!!!
Men are not evil, BOTH MEN AND WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF BEING AS EVIL AS EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some guys are arseholes, some women are b!tches but not all of them and stuck up girls and pr!cks of guys give the rest of us a bad name....
And if you consider a guy flirting a "lecherous jerk" then you clearly have never been flirted with properly...0 -
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And if you consider a guy flirting a "lecherous jerk" then you clearly have never been flirted with properly...
Hon, I'm 36 years old, I have been flirted with both properly and improperly and lots more besides, that's how I know the difference between flirting and a "going in for the kill" (ok, I may be somewhat exceptional, it seems, but I have never gone for the whole idea of having a tongue down a stranger's throat 10 minutes after meeting them, regardless of drinks bought and consumed...).
Do YOU know what flirting is? Cos in my personal experience-dictionary, it is about unspoken little signs of attraction, and it is deffo NOT sucking face with someone or humiliatingly attempting to do so with an uninterested party... or am I just an out-of-the-loop oldtimer?
Beginning to doubt myself now. Someone tell me. 0 -
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Hon, I'm 36 years old, I have been flirted with both properly and improperly and lots more besides, that's how I know the difference between flirting and a "going in for the kill" (ok, I may be somewhat exceptional, it seems, but I have never gone for the whole idea of having a tongue down a stranger's throat 10 minutes after meeting them, regardless of drinks bought and consumed...).
Do YOU know what flirting is? Cos in my personal experience-dictionary, it is about unspoken little signs of attraction, and it is deffo NOT sucking face with someone or humiliatingly attempting to do so with an uninterested party... or am I just an out-of-the-loop oldtimer?
Beginning to doubt myself now. Someone tell me.
Serious cross communication here, from what I read there was no going in for the kill!!!! Also as you can see by the "How often do you get chatted up" Thread a lot of people DO NOT GET the sublte hints and slightly stronger ones are good, now lobbing the gob is clearly not one of those!!!!
Oh I am well aware what flirting is and I do not suck anyones face while flirting, I also do not twirl my hair or any of those stupid things guys say we do. I talk to a guy, might touch a bit, pick up on similiarities, laugh and smile!!!! If I am not interested in a guy who is flirting with me I am honest and polite and let him know that.........0 -
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TBH, I actually don't get this. I would never accept a drink from someone if I didn't intend on getting them one in return, which implies I'm at least going to hang around long enough to drink my drink and order a second.
If the guy in question was getting a little touchy-feely and the girl in question didn't like it, that was the point at which she should have walked away - not a period of time later after she had been bought a drink. IMHO - call me backwards if you will - if someone buys you a drink it's not so you'll F off with it leaving them looking like a gobsh!te, it's to prolong the interaction and it assumes that you will at least have the courtesy to drink said drink in their presence, and offer to return the favour.
While I wouldn't term women of the OP's friend's calibre thieves for taking the drinks they're offered and then toddling off with or without an accompanying insult, I do think it's the height of bad manners and if you're not interested enough in a person to want to spend more time with them, then you shouldn't be taking a drink from them. To say it's done out of politeness is negated when a comment like "pass on you" is tacked on at the end.
I know it can be difficult to get rid of people you don't want to talk to on a night out - some random weirdo came up to me last night and licked my face, for whatever reason - but allowing them to buy you a drink isn't exactly sending the "I am NOT interested" signal as clearly as some posters here seem to think.
Some fair points made here. However, I have from the start maintained that the girl was indeed rude and that she shouldn't have accepted that drink (but only due to the very obvious socio-sexual expectation
built around having a drink bought for self, and not because I think it is automatically inherently immoral of her to do so, just to be clear on that).
What I cannot accept at all, though, is how this girl's character is being completely assasinated by a certain individual's mysogyny on here
("spoilt pretentious self-absorbed bimbo", "gold-digging tramp" :rolleyes:) - you don't think that these expressions of judgment and disgust might be just a tad OTT, given that the guy in question, as far as I can glean from the story, wasn't exactly the shining beacon of moral rectitude either, and that it is well conceivable that he, for his part, went a bit too far in the direction of unacceptable behaviour, for all that we know; remember, we don't know what happened, as the OP wasn't present and therefore hasn't witnessed what happened while the two people were actually having that dam' drink? In other words, it is rude to say "pass on you", but so is trying to go "for a kill" on someone just because they are sitting there, chatting to you (with or without flirtation) and having a drink you bought them. At least I wouldn't stand for it, thank you very much. And that certainly doesn't make me a bimbo or a tramp.0 -
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OH boy, here we go again...well he had made it clear he was interested in her, leaning in to try and kiss her,arm around her wait and all that jazz and she was turning round to me mouthing help me. she was flirting back til he leaned in for the kill and she pulled away and then he offered to buy her a drink and she accepted. That's why i think it was strange
So to quote you, Blush, now: "they take the flirting a step further and you don't at least back away", "I find it very hard to fault a guy who is being given signals that are positive until a girl gets what she wants materially, and then she turns cold."
Did she do any of what you are citing? No. She flirted with the guy. Not such a big crime, is it? When he took the flirting a step further, she pulled away - just as per your etiquette instruction, and BEFORE she got what she allegedly was after all along, again as per your rulebook... No one was being exactly fooled here, were they? As for her, AGAIN, not exactly examplary behaviour, but IMO still very far from the epithetes that she has been presented with on this thread.
Again, we don't know what happened while they were drinking, but you, along with a great many on here, seem determined to paint this girl as the sole villain of the situation. Fine.
I just for the life of me cannot understand this entitlement connected with buying someone a drink and quid-pro-quo attitude that is so prevalent on here/in this day and age (?). For me, it will kill off any whiff of a romance quicker than anything, as it smacks of people trying to buy others' attention (or worse). Nothing sadder than that.
Don't know. Perhaps it's a cultural difference too...0 -
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I never, ever accept drinks from anyone I'm not interested in having that drink with and intend on reciprocating - be it friend or random guy at bar.
I think someone would have to be an idiot not to understand what accepting a drink from a guy explicitly implies - surely no-one thinks the guy just wants to shell out for a drink to show his general appreciation of her aesthetics? No, it's to trigger a conversation because he's interested in her. If she isn't interested then she should refuse the drink - no wonder guys think girls are a nightmare to approach and disingenuously using them as a free bar. 0 -
Ickle Magoo wrote: »I think someone would have to be an idiot not to understand what accepting a drink from a guy explicitly implies - surely no-one thinks the guy just wants to shell out for a drink to show his general appreciation of her aesthetics? No, it's to trigger a conversation because he's interested in her. If she isn't interested then she should refuse the drink - no wonder guys think girls are a nightmare to approach and disingenuously using them as a free bar.
Thank you, Ms. Magoo. You just perfectly illustrated everything that I think is wrong with this situation, i.e. the swap: drink bought (implies money spent) for attention/conversation. In other words buying it from a girl. Yuck!
The bit that I bolded in your post used to exist, actually. I am told it used to be practised by some strange, long since extinct creatures called "gentlemen". You can actually still see some examples of this strange behaviour in films and on TV, if you know when to look.
BTW, although no one asked me, I am going to say that I very very rarely let anyone (male or female) buy a drink for me, and when they do, I make sure it is reciprocated sooner or later. I don't forget. It does sometimes happen, through circumstance, that I stay "owing" people a drink, and some people out there "owe" me one or two, as well. Except I don't look at it that way. :eek:
While I am at it, I will also admit that no way would I ever offer someone a drink with any ulterior motives in mind. That would be disgracing me and disrespecting them. The guy I fancy, if I buy him a drink, rest assured I won't feel entitled to "go in for the kill", he is very free to go his own way, I am not even going to monopolise his attention. That is because I don't think he owes me it, even with the drink I bought in his hand. :eek::eek::eek:0 -
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Ickle Magoo wrote: »I think assuming a guy buys a drink for any other reason than trying to buy time/conversation is naive in the extreme - at what? Five bucks a pop, you think single blokes out in pubs and clubs are buying drink for women because they are/should be gentlemen and she looks a bit thirsty? Seriously? :pac:
No, Ms. Magoo, I don't have any such illusions. At least, I used to have them, but this thread has certainly done a thorough job in dispelling them... 0 -
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