Atheist Godparent..

bnt

I was asked to be "godfather" to the daughter of friends of mine, but not in that "Catholic" sense. My friends are Christians, but in that generic Methodist way - bible stories for the kids, and so on. They're on the other side of the Atlantic, but I'm still closer than the rest of their families, who are in South Africa. They know I'm an atheist, and for a while I wondered whether they were doing that to try to attract me to Christ-inanity, but it seems that were just trying to be nice and hadn't thought about it too carefully.

Pushtrak

Being asked to be godfather. An offer you can refuse.

The Big Red Button

Sardonicat wrote: »

You clearly couldn't give a fig about your child's spiritual development if you ask an atheist.

Now, this, I wouldn't agree with.

If religious parents choose to ask a non-religious person to be godparent, chances are that the parents are prepared to take full responsibility for their child's spiritual development, and they are asking the non-religious person to be godparent for other reasons - perhaps they consider them to be a good, moral person and a good role model for their child. I know that the traditional role for godparent is to be responsible for the child in a religious sense, but really, in this day and age how many religious godparents even do that? At the end of the day, it's up to the parents how they want to raise their child. If they're prepared to take on the child's religious/spiritual education and development themselves and not to depend on the godparents for this, it's their own decision.

Personally, I suppose I'd describe myself as agnostic. But if I was ever asked to be a godparent, I'd consider it to be a great honour. I would make sure that the parents knew that I'm not religious and that I'd just be going through the motions on the alter. If they were OK with that, I would be happy to be godparent.

Denerick

I'm an agnostic but if I was ever asked I would make it very clear what my thoughts are, and should not be expected to 'spiritually guide' the child in any way shape or form. I understand for most people its all about honouring a family member, but as long as they understood what I'm about it wouldn't be a big deal.

Cú Giobach

Friends of mine who are quite agnostic had a child at school due to make his first communion, but he had never been baptised. They know how important it is for kids of that age to feel a part of their peer group. So as I was a close friend of their kids as well as with the parents, they asked myself and another friend of ours who is also atheistic, to be godparents for his baptism, so he could make his communion.
From when he was first able to talk and ask me such questions I never said anything other than I don't believe in a god.
We muttered our way through the ceremony and had no problem doing this, even though it did feel a bit uncomfortable.
The most important thing for all of us, was the little boy having a great time and feeling special.
He will when he is old enough make up his own mind about religion.
I think he is very lucky because from day one he has learned that some people believe in god and some dont.

coffee_cake

Cú Giobach wrote: »

He will when he is old enough make up his own mind about religion.
I think he is very lucky because from day one he has learned that some people believe in god and some dont.

And that it's ok to tell people something you're not, particularly if you want to dress up and get communion money

Cú Giobach

bluewolf wrote: »

And that it's ok to tell people something you're not, particularly if you want to dress up and get communion money

What do you mean here?

deandean

I am referred to as a "Godless Godfather" and it works out fine.

IMHO you can provide support in many ways for your godchild regardless of your religious beliefs - if of course child's parents are OK with your position re: religion.

It is (for most) an honour to be asked to be a Godfather. Good luck with your decision.

DeVore

I promised to look after the spiritual wellbeing of my niece should anything happen to her parents (and even if something doesnt). My idea will be to give her what I got, which is a rounded explanation of all the worlds major religions and information about agnosticism and atheism, tell her what I believe and let her come to her own conclusions.

DeV.

mewso

Personally I would ask them to check with the priest. I wouldn't want to offend those who asked me but I don't think I would be willing to disrespect a religion no matter how I feel about it. If I go to a wedding/funeral I don't speak any of the words. Does the presence of a child mean it's then o.k. to drop all principles? Not a great start to setting an example.

coffee_cake

Cú Giobach wrote: »

What do you mean here?

I mean agnostic parents going to the church and asking their atheist friend to "mutter through" a ceremony where nobody is catholic and promising to raise him catholic, all for a party and so he can "feel special" and "fit in"

lucianot

I said no, twice. A friend got offended and a year later he confessed to me he actually didn't believe in all that krapp and that I was right.
Consider this, would a catholic ask a friend of another religion to be a godfather? Most likely not.

magicbastarder

i didn't say yes for religious reasons. i said yes because it was a nice gesture to be asked.

Cú Giobach

bluewolf wrote: »

I mean agnostic parents going to the church and asking their atheist friend to "mutter through" a ceremony where nobody is catholic and promising to raise him catholic, all for a party and so he can "feel special" and "fit in"

He wanted to make his communion for his reasons (the fact all his class were, and 2 older sisters did, probably counted as well ).
"Fitting in" is arguably one of the most important things in the mind of a 7-8 year old and cannot, just be dismissed.
Looking back (that was quite a few years ago) I wouldn't change a thing. Neither would he nor his parents.

P.S. I Showed Him my Declaration of Defection a couple of years ago and he said he wanted to fill one out as well, The next time I meet him, I will mention it.
I'm not a good godparent in the real sense of the word, Bit none of us gives a flying f**k about that.
I was honoured to be asked and he was delighted to have me.

Dougla2

bluewolf wrote: »

And that it's ok to tell people something you're not, particularly if you want to dress up and get communion money

pff I didn't lie to get confirmation money i told everyone that i was atheist and I don't subscribe to such things I don't sell out my beliefs and i think its dumb to

strobe

Dougla2 wrote: »

pff I didn't lie to get confirmation money i told everyone that i was atheist and I don't subscribe to such things I don't sell out my beliefs and i think its dumb to

Screw that. I wanted my big wad of cash and turkey dinner down in The Red Cow. I wasn't saying anything to jeopardise that baby.

zyndacyclone

Been an atheist since I was old enough to tell the priest 'no'. Am also a godparent.

Atheism is no reason to say 'no'. It's about the kids, what's best for them.

lucianot

I didn't see it as an honour, it was a burden so I say no, and I was being honest.
Also the best for a newborn is not being signed up into a giant organized religion without its concent.

MagicMarker

zyndacyclone wrote: »

It's about the kids, what's best for them.

How, exactly?

FionnMatthew

aurelius79 wrote: »

Being a godparent basically means that if anything happens to the child's parents the godparent accepts responsibility for the child. It has more to do with making sure an orphan remains with the family or friends as opposed to a state institution. It also means that you take part in the child's upbringing, teaching them how to be good people, regardless of their religion. You're basically just a co-parent, and parents need all the help they can get.

I would consider a refusal to be a godparent as a slap in the face to be honest. Go in to the church, do the silly little song and dance, and rest assured that your godson/daughter will not end up in care in the the event of both parents dying. As an atheist, it really shouldn't bother you to go into a church and promise to help raise a child.

You should consider it an honor that someone has asked you to help raise their child. Don't spit in their face because of your non-religious views. I am my youngest sister's godfather but am not Catholic, or indeed Christian for that matter. My mother is not a practicing Catholic but had my sister baptized because it's just the thing to do in this country.

Hello? As a human being, it should cause you to take pause if asked to promise to raise a child! And it's pretty impertinent to ask someone to take on that responsibility, even extralegally, and make it such an issue that you'll take it as a slap in the face if it's refused. I don't like children, but even if I did, promising to take them as your own is momentous. It's a massive responsibility to ask someone to take on, especially if, as with me, I have no intention of taking on the life sentence of bringing up yet another bloody human being, least of all one of my own. Why would I make a fake or genuine promise to anyone to do it for the poor fools they decided to bring into the world?

I was asked to be the godfather of my uncle's firstborn, and I refused. It caused me some consternation, and I resented him for having asked me, for having asked me to do something when he knew I regard the institution through which that tradition is continued only with the most extreme of contempt, and when within familial etiquette, to refuse such a thing is such a slight that agreeing to do it is supposed to be an overriding duty.

I refused because I want to have no part in his reproductive participation in a religious institution, and also because I wish to have no part in raising his child. On the first count, perhaps this is more of a principled objection to being part of something you fundamentally disagree with, and also to making promises you not only have no intention to keep, but are already disqualified from making, but on the second count, this is one of the most practical objections you could ask for, and I'm surprised it doesn't even occur to you to mention it in your post.

When I refused, my uncle took me aside, and said, it's all a load of bollocks anyway, would you not just do it? And I said that if it is a load of bollocks, he shouldn't christen his child. He wasn't pleased, but he got over it, and he respected the decision in the end. And I got not to compromise my principles, to speak truth to someone I otherwise respect, and avoided playing silent pillar to an organization that I would rip rudely from the world if I could.

I think strobe is right, too. The more atheists refuse to enable this ceremonial nonsense, the quicker the church will be disempowered in its structuring of our familial relationships.

Everyone's talking about how it's about doing what's best for the child, but if I had a choice now about whether I wanted that filthy organization to be able to claim me for the years until I defected as a member, I would say no. And I resent that that decision was made for me. I resent that my parents didn't have the presence of mind to throw off the religion they only superficially adhered to to satisfy their parents. So much of the support these institutions enjoy is because of this sort of cowardice.

Mrmoe wrote: »

I am a godparent for my nephew. I do not really see a distinction between going to a christening, a wedding or a funeral. My sister knew my beliefs or lack of belief. In our family it is more of a way of honoring your family rather than as any spiritual guide.

It was only a five minute ceremony, we spent more time taking photographs. It is usually a good opportunity for all family members to come together and celebrate the arrival of a new baby.

I have attended funerals at times, but I categorically refuse to attend weddings.

FionnMatthew

This is, after all, ultimately the way religious people manipulate you, and how you can even be manipulated into religious social structures by people who are themselves so manipulated.

They embarrass you, take offense at your abstention from it, harness personal friendship or family bonds, and your sense of obligation to these things to passive aggressively get you to submit to religious behaviour, and deploy that weapon that is planted latently in the mind of every cultural catholic... guilt, in order to get their way. You've got to offend some people sometimes.

Non serviam.

Dades

Not baptising your child is a valid way of stemming the church's source, but refusing to be godfather will not have the same effect - someone will just take your place.

I would do it as long as the parents were aware that the spiritual side of things was out of the equation. And given there's no legal standing to godparents, you're basically a present-giver for 21 years.

swampgas

Have been asked by a good friend in the past and declined - there was no problem once my reasons were explained. I really can't understand how anyone can just play along - and not just for baptisms, but for weddings as well. I simply couldn't volunteer to go through a religious ceremony like that "mumbling the words", without feeling like the greatest hypocrite on earth.

FionnMatthew

Dades wrote: »

Not baptising your child is a valid way of stemming the church's source, but refusing to be godfather will not have the same effect - someone will just take your place.

I would do it as long as the parents were aware that the spiritual side of things was out of the equation. And given there's no legal standing to godparents, you're basically a present-giver for 21 years.

Except it won't be me. I won't have done my bit for maintaining Catholic institutions and traditions.

If you don't murder this man for the party, someone else will. So you might as well. It won't make any difference.

As to the legal standing, it's not just legal implications that bother me. You also make a promise. I am not in the habit of doing that lightly, and neither will I make a false promise.

Going along with this just so as not to rock the boat seems to me akin to a lesser degree to pretending you believe just so as not to rock the boat. Both require you to lie. Something about engaging in these charades is poison to my self worth.

Not to mention the fact that you become complicit in the nonconsensual investiture of an infant in a bronze age cult which, even if they receive the mildest of religious upbringings, is something to avoid being a party to.

magicbastarder

may be worth a read:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/aug/13/children-godparents-atheists

sensibleken

Yes I'm a god parent and didnt think twice about saying yes. the father is also an athiest and the whole thing was a a sham anyway. as a god parent i didnt have to do anything in the ceremony and even if i did I would have no problem with it

ShooterSF

I definitely could not do this and it's likely I will be asked. Fionn lists the reasons I would not take it on. I don't like kids and think there are people who would be better suited for that reason alone, never mind my atheism. I would be annoyed if someone decided that I should agree to go along with it even with my objections.

TwoShedsJackson

I'm my nephews godfather and to be honest I wish I hadn't done it now, if I'd thought about it properly at the time I probably would have said no, but I went along with it to keep family relations on an even keel etc.

Having said that, no-one in the family's religious so never have and never will have to do anything actually in connection with this, it just irks me on a point of principle now really.