Moved in with Closest Friend

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Bit of an intro. Myself and my best friend moved into an apartment last week.
We're both 19.
I work, she's starting college.
I'm paying my rent, her mum's paying hers.

One room has an en suite, the other has a main bathroom. Anyways all along we said we would flip a coin to see who gets the en suite. The day came when we moved in and she had 4 of her mates and her boyfriend help her move, while I had one mate. We were all sitting around and I asked her when she was ready to flip and she laughed and said "no way am I flipping the en suite is mine". Now I wasn't the only person who was shocked by such a selfish reaction, yet no one stood up for me, not one person opened their mouth to tell her how wrong she was.

Anyways they all eventually left and me and her sat down to discuss it and what happened - she phoned her mum, and her mum asked to speak to me, we spoke, and she told me I was to stop been selfish and give her the bedroom as "her daughter has grown up with an en suite so it'd be weird for her not to have one". WTF???

Needless to say she has the en suite. We didn't flip. She just got it. I know it's only an en suite at the end of the day and it's pretty trivial in comparison to most stories posted on here but I spent all night balling my eyes out over this selfishness. I feel like I'm been bullied by my best friend and I've only just moved in. She also said to me last night - "are your parents planning on calling in to see the apartment at some stage?" and I said "yea of course" and she turned around and said to me that they're not allowed, she said "this is my apartment to and tbh i can't stand your mom".

The girl is a b*tch! I'm really upset over this... Any advice?

Her mom needs to discipline her. Thats the problem herem she's had everything handed to her over the years, has never had to earn or work for anything, she's completely selfish and self centred. Not one of my friends like her.

dudara

Yes, you have been bullied.

I think the only thing to do is to move out. Genuinely. She doesn't sound like she is going to be any nicer as time goes on.

You say that this girl is your best friend. But surely, this behaviour hasn't come out of the blue. Has she ever treated you in this manner before?

Let her have the en suite, while you're at it let her have the whole apartment too. My advice to you is to move out. There are plenty of places to rent available these days. You would be better off away from this so called "friend".

Give your notice, tell her your real reasons and then move on with your life. A person like her will only drag you down in life. Get away from her.

metrovelvet

You were most certainly bullied but you did miss an opportunity there. You could have negotiated that she pay more of the rent.

You should move out though. Gosh. You really dont know someone until you live with them do you?

seamus

OP_so_upset wrote: »

Her mom needs to discipline her.

No, she's 19. Her mum's job is done.

You need to stand up for yourself. Invite your mother over and tell this girl that your mother is coming over. Don't ask, tell her "my mum is going to be here tomorrow". She then has the option of not being there when your mum is.

I would also suggest that you move out, but you can also assert yourself; Normal practice when renting is that the person who gets the room with the en-suite, pays more than the person who doesn't. So suggest to her that she pays more rent than you do, otherwise you will have to find somewhere else to stay because you can rent somewhere better for the amount of money you're paying now.

This girl will continue to use you as a doormat unless you move out or assert yourself. I would advise the former, but it's your choice.

[-0-]

I would move out - no question. I would also cut ties with her and never be friends with her again. That was a bully tactic, and shame on her mother for doing it as well.

This really makes them horrible people in my view.

Think about it... She grew up with an en suite so it would be weird not to have one? She needs to wake the feck up! There's a big bad world out there and she is in for some shock. I bet she won't take out the rubbish or anything either because it was taken out for her and it would be weird for her to do that.

Leave, man. Don't be bullied by her.

Squiggler

My first flatemate, also my best friend, was similar. After 3 months of practically living in my bedroom, while her boyfriend and his bandmates ate my food and took over like they lived there (she gave him a key and they were there while my friend and I were at work, they also stored all their crap in our living room and I found one of them in my bedroom one day. I locked my door after that), I moved out. I had tried on a number of occasions to discuss the situation with her but there was no progress made.

I found the new place, and chose my new flatmates, first. Then I told her that I would be moving out on 'x' date (giving her 3 weeks notice - 2 weeks was all the lease required of the two of us). I suggested that she consider charging rockstar boyfriend and his mates storage fees, or rent.

If I'd stayed we wouldn't have been able to remain friends, which we did for many more years.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Thanks very much for your replies! To answer a few questions, I only call her a friend because I don't have many girl friends so I cling on to the one's I have. It's actually very sad because if truth be told I'm living a lie by putting on a smiley face around her when really I want to kill her.

And yes - she has done a lot of horrible things in the past like going off with boyfriends etc.

I've been looking forward to moving out for so long now and I've been saving for a while, it's like chalk and cheese, she's been brought up spoilt rotten while I've been made earn everything I have from an early age. (Started working at 14).

My boyfriend was over last night and he caught me crying and his opionion was "people like her will never change"

John Mason

OP, i think i read your previous thread on this and everyone told not to move in with her.

You will need to stand up for yourself. As was previously said, as she has the en-suite, she has to pay move of the rent.

Did you sign the Lease in the end or is it in her mothers name? if it is in her mother's name you are screwed but if you name is on the Lease, tell your flat mate that you have as much right as her to have visitors in the house and show her the lease.

if it is in the mothers name - move out now

Big Bag of Chips

To be honest, regardless of whose name is on the lease, you should move out. You say you have no friends.. that's because you have no confidence. This girl treats you like that and you say you "cling on to her"..

Move out, move away from her. Have minimal contact, meet some other people and you will be amazed when you look back at yourself in 6 months time that you put up with so much for so long.

You're only 19, you have years ahead of you.. do you want those years filled by being walked on and spoken down to? You can do better, you've been looking after yourself and paying your own way since you were 14.. you don't need her - or her mother!


EDIT: I also meant to add, that any issue you have in a house share (which will be many!) will not be able to be resolved between just you and her. You and her will discuss something - she will then discuss it with her mam, her mam will tell her the way it should be done, she will tell you, and you will do it!

The girl clearly isn't ready to live away from home (she had to ring her mam to sort you out already!), don't be the "gilly"!

PopUp

OP_so_upsey wrote: »

Thanks very much for your replies! To answer a few questions, I only call her a friend because I don't have many girl friends so I cling on to the one's I have. It's actually very sad because if truth be told I'm living a lie by putting on a smiley face around her when really I want to kill her.

And yes - she has done a lot of horrible things in the past like going off with boyfriends etc.

Listen, she is never going to start suddenly treating you decently. Because you are demonstrating to her over and over that you yourself don't think you deserve to be treated decently.

How can you bear to call someone your best friend when inside you think they're a complete bitch? You must have more respect for yourself - I bet your boyfriend can't believe what you put up with from her.

Walk out the door. Things will never get better with her, she won't suddenly stop being a bitch.

Colonel_McCoy

Move out, its only going to get worse. She sounds like a complete b*tch, no point living with somebody who treats you like crap.

LegacyUser

Decide for yourself about whether to move out. But I will say I felt very similar to you a while ago. I was living with a friend that I really wanted to keep as a friend because I find it hard to make friends. She used bullying tactics as well but I stayed on for a number of months. I wish I had moved out when I first saw signs of that in her...now I realise there is no point trying to hold on to someone, the longer I stayed the worse things got, it was too much like hard work. I no longer consider her a friend and am completely fine with that. By the end of it I don't know why I ever considered her to be a good friend when I look back on everything. The good thing is it really made me appreciate the good supportive friends in my life! They don't use my vulnerability to their advantage they appreciate me for who I am and support me and that gives me true confidence. Best of luck

blahblah06

What area is the house in

fasty

OP_so_upsey wrote: »

My boyfriend was over last night and he caught me crying and his opionion was "people like her will never change"

Your boyfriend is right. When you share a house, you'll have to put up with a lot of selfish behaviour, it's just worse when it's a "friend" and harder to just complain if you're not happy for fear of causing a rift.

You seem to be a fair person, which is good, but you should always suit yourself first and foremost!

dolphin city

ah the age old "hey we're best friends and are moving in together"

take advice from someone who has been there

It doesn't work out - never has and never will.

It all sounds great but in actual fact its the worst move you can make. When things don't work out (which they won't), you will have lost BOTH a room-mate AND a friend.

You're only young so you have a lot to learn -

here's some advice - NEVER MOVE IN WITH A FRIEND - its a recipe for disaster.

I would suggest you move out. You can do it now and save the friendship or do it later and lose a friendship.

sorry to be blunt but its the truth

Zeouterlimits

dolphin city wrote: »

here's some advice - NEVER MOVE IN WITH A FRIEND - its a recipe for disaster.

I would suggest you move out. You can do it now and save the friendship or do it later and lose a friendship.

sorry to be blunt but its the truth

I disagree, I've seen friends move in together and had the best 4 years of their life.

thalia_13

Well it seems this girl is no friend of the OP! She has really shown her true colours hours after they moved in. She tested how the op would react by claiming the ensuite while friends were present. She obviously knows the op would not have caused a scene. She then was able to start asserting who can and cant visit, as unfortunately she now views the op as a pushover!

I'm sorry op that you are in this situation. I was supposed to move in with 2 friends in one of their dads houses when i was 19. I had an accident and ended up unable to move in. Thank god now because those two friends of mine fought constantly and are no longer talking, all over similar issues to yours. I know its the easiest solution if you move out.

Would this girl and her mum have bullied a stranger they found on a house sharing website the way they bullied you? I dont think so. Be strong. Move out, either to a houseshare or use the roommate team up option on daft. You do not have to live with her bad attitude. Think of the housework and bills, its possible she'll bully you in regards to them also!

neuro-praxis

OP it seems you've brought this on yourself. You chose your flatmate, knowing what she was like. You are now behaving like a doormat.

Stop crying and get some perspective. You are an adult, and so is she. You obviously don't view yourself as a grown woman, but you are. Time to take control of your life. Tell your friend where she can stick her en-suite and move out immediately.

Gannicus

OP_so_upset wrote: »

The girl is a b*tch! I'm really upset over this... Any advice?

Her mom needs to discipline her. Thats the problem herem she's had everything handed to her over the years, has never had to earn or work for anything, she's completely selfish and self centred. Not one of my friends like her.

Hi O/P
What has happened to you is horrible. I had a situation like that before. He was an only child and was used to having the house on his own and was totally spoiled.
I'd be in work in the morning and I'd ask him nicely if he'd mind turning the radio or tv down. He'd turn it down but 5 or 10 minutes later it'd go back up. We got on great before we lived together and since that ended I'm not too fond of him as I can notice this attitude more so and this arrogant attitude that i never noticed before i lived with him.

As the saying goes:
"If you wanna know me come live with me"

She hasn't got an independant thought in her head she putting her mam on the phone with you to fight her battles. Thats never gonna change. It may get to the stage where her mam will actually show up at the apartment and have a row with you and you don't deserve that. She is clearly a spoiled self conceited little b**tch.

Is your name on the lease or hers. If its in her I reckon you just move out. Let her mam pay all the rent. If your name is on the lease talk to the landlord about ousting her and get a stranger to move in. I find you can vet them better and find someone that you would actually get on better with them in the long run.

Plus you can have the en-suite too.

LegacyUser

Well I've just arrived home and am sitting in bed, i'm pretty down. I collected all my belongings with my brother and now we're home. She was in the living room with her boyf blaring music so she didn't hear me come in so i got everything out, until when i had my last thing with me she walked out of the living room and asked what was going on..

I told her i was moving out and that it wasn't working out and she asked why so i told her it was because she's become so bitchy that it upsets me been in her company and that i deserved to be treated better. She apologised and asked me to stay and said "i know i've been really aggressive with you lately but i don't mean it, i guess it's all the stress of moving in, we built it up to be something big and now it's just turned into a disaster, i'm sorry" basically.

I'm not really unsure of what to do. She wants to meet up for lunch tomorrow to have a chat. I really loved the apartment, it was lovely and just perfect! Just pity about the company! And now i dunno what to do because is she been sincere or?

My mum called in today while she was out to take a look at the apartment and she phoned me to ask was i in the apartment and i said yeh and she asked "who with??" and i said "my mom", and she went BILISTIC. She said "just wait til i get there just wait etc". She then came over and took my head off telling me that she doesn't like my mom andthat my mom isn't welcome in the apartment. We argued over this for about 2 hours and i was in tears (as it was my mom she was saying nasty stuff about!) and so we then decided to call over to her mom to sort it and her mom agreed with her and said that my mom was not allowed step foot in the apartment under any circumstances and that it's her call as she signed the lease! Unreal stuff..

It's been a horrible day =[

Jesus Christ, neither of you sound mature enough to be living away from home. If this girl was horrible to you and spoiled, why on earth did you move in with her? And why would you just move all your stuff out without saying anything to her while she was in the apartment? And why are mammies getting involved in the living situation of two adult women? She sounds like a b1tch but you need to grow a backbone. People will always try to walk over you. You can't just run away or expect other people to sort it all out.

Gannicus

OP_so_upset wrote: »

we then decided to call over to her mom to sort it and her mom agreed with her and said that my mom was not allowed step foot in the apartment under any circumstances and that it's her call as she signed the lease! Unreal stuff..

It's been a horrible day =[

O/P just leave. meet her for lunch and tell her to stay away from you. If her mam's just going to fight all her battles as I said in my last post and she has been doing you don't need that in your life. It's her mam not yours and she can't tell you what to do. leave her in the place on her own and don't hand her a penny. collect all your stuff left in the apartment and move out. I'm sorry to hear that it worked out badly but you're only 19 you've plenty of years ahead of you to enjoy yourself.

MrsA

What the hell is wrong with both of you. I can tell you for a fact I would not stand around arguing for 2 hours with someone who was saying nasty things about my own mother, she would get one chance to say something and I would be gone.

As for then going to her mother to have her stick the knife in a little further, do you love being hurt or something, is your self esteem that low that you want to hear nasty things over and over again.

You are so young, get away from her don't have any more to do with her and concentrate instead on the people who matter in your life, and the ones who can come to matter in the future.

She sounds like poison!

HavingCrack

OP, this is a no brainer, under no circumstances move back into that flat-end of.

beks101

Just as a side note, anyone who had a bad word to say about my mother would be my worst enemy and not someone I could ever consider a 'friend'.

But not only does she have a bad word to say about her...she has openly attacked you about your mother, verbally slated her and dragged her own mother into it!

Without knowing any more details, I'm going to jump the gun and say she is the definition of a thundering b1tch from hell - precocious as sin, selfish, immature as they come, narcissistic and so reliant on Mammy to fight her battles that living with her is never going to bode well, for anyone.

Your boyfriend is right - people like this do not change. Don't meet her for lunch. Delete her number, de-friend her from facebook, don't respond to any contact she attempts with you and move on with your life. I wouldn't wish a 'friend' like her on my worst enemy!

MistyCheese

OP_so_upset wrote: »

"this is my apartment to and tbh i can't stand your mom".

OP_so_upset wrote: »

She then came over and took my head off telling me that she doesn't like my mom andthat my mom isn't welcome in the apartment.

She's not your friend. Friends don't say things like "I don't like your mom." "She's not welcome here."

OP_so_upset wrote: »

her mom agreed with her and said that my mom was not allowed step foot in the apartment under any circumstances

So you two have had two disagreements, over the en-suite and your mother visiting, and she has twice gone to her mother and had her mother bully you into submission.

It doesn't matter if the apartment is something from "Fantasy Homes Monthly", nothing is worth all the stress you will have if you continue to live there. This girl will have her mommy on the phone to you everytime the two of you run out of milk. (She's never had to buy milk before, I signed the lease so what I say goes, you have to buy the milk and do all the cleaning. And her boyfriend is moving in, don't be so selfish.)

Who do these people think they are banning your mother from visiting? I don't know how you could even contemplate living with her after this. Then again, if you let her get her own way she will continue to push and push. It's just so terrible that it's gone so far, so fast.

Get out girl. Run!

ted1

are you a guy or girl? For some reason if your a guy i could under stand her having the ensuite other wise she's a bitch

Moomoo1

MistyCheese wrote: »

It doesn't matter if the apartment is something from "Fantasy Homes Monthly", nothing is worth all the stress you will have if you continue to live there. This girl will have her mommy on the phone to you everytime the two of you run out of milk. (She's never had to buy milk before, I signed the lease so what I say goes, you have to buy the milk and do all the cleaning. And her boyfriend is moving in, don't be so selfish.)

sounds more like 'Housemates from Hell' to me.

seriously OP, I'd tell her that you won't move back in until she apologises to your mother... and when she does that you can tell her 'sorry I still don't feel like moving in'.

jkiss

You don't need that sh1t in your life, nobody does. Better off out of it and cutting contact. Even if that means staying at home forever. There is nothing wrong with being at home for a little while longer. Save a little more and move when the time is right. Or look for an apartment share or houseshare independently of them. There are plenty of them out there. You can have your independence and choose where and with who you want to live.

As for that pair, I hope the mother enjoys paying the full rent on the apartment for her daughter.

What have you paid with regard to deposit,rent in advance, etc?

dan_d

She's 19 and she's going around saying stuff like 'just wait til i get home??'.Seriously OP that girl needs a reality check.Stay well away from her, and in future try and stand up for yourself more.