My wife won't go down on Me

LegacyUser

I've been married for 8 years, My wife hardly ever goes down on me, all she'll do is play with me even though I always do her a favour by making her moist with my tongue. Its not as if I'm unkempt or smelly, I shave down there and I shower daily after work.

Its not that she hasn't done it, She has the odd time in the past, but usually when there's drink involved. I'd just love Her to do it more often, make it part of our everyday lovemaking. How can I approach this or even bring this up without conflict?

AnonMous

Some people don't like giving oral sex and if that is the case with your wife, i'd suggest not pushing the issue too much. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it. I'm sure she gets you off in other ways so just go with that.

If you do decide to bring it up with her, prepare for conflict. Anyone will argue over something they don't want to do, you included.

seamus

Just ask her the question. Ease into it - prepare her for the fact that you're going to ask a serious question and then just say it - "I really love it when you give me a blowjob, but you don't seem to enjoy doing it. Is there any particular reason?". Don't fight her on it - she no doubt has her reasons. At least when you've said it, the air is clear - she knows that you particularly like it, and you will know where she stands. She might even make an effort to overcome her reasons for not doing it.

Hers might be a mental block - she might consider it to be a dirty or shameful act, which is why she only does it after drinking. In this case, there's not really anything you can do except to reassure her that you don't think any less of her for doing it. After that, it's up to her as to whether or not she wants to work past it.

LegacyUser

OP, you're not on your own there. My wife has I think gone down on me once ever and that was probably the first time we were together. She told me way back then that she hates it. The next time she went to do it, I told her there was no need if it was something that she didn't enjoy at all, I wouldn't have enjoyed it knowing she was hating every minute. I would've enjoyed it loads with exes, but hey, you can't have it all. I'm sure your wife makes up for it in other ways. If it something she doesn't like doing, why try and force the issue. And in fairness, if you're happy to go down on her, that's a completely different issue, so in my opinion, there shouldn't be a "I've done you, you should do me" attitude.

Jaxxy

mywifeneverdoes wrote: »

OP, you're not on your own there. My wife has I think gone down on me once ever and that was probably the first time we were together. She told me way back then that she hates it. The next time she went to do it, I told her there was no need if it was something that she didn't enjoy at all, I wouldn't have enjoyed it knowing she was hating every minute. I would've enjoyed it loads with exes, but hey, you can't have it all. I'm sure your wife makes up for it in other ways. If it something she doesn't like doing, why try and force the issue. And in fairness, if you're happy to go down on her, that's a completely different issue, so in my opinion, there shouldn't be a "I've done you, you should do me" attitude.

Completely agree with this. Just because you go down on her doesn't mean you should automatically expect reciprocation. By all means broach the subject with her, and as seamus above suggested, ease into it.

"I really love it when you give me a blowjob, but you don't seem to enjoy doing it. Is there any particular reason?"

This is a good way to approach it and it is non-confrontational. She has an opportunity then to explain why she might not enjoy doing it without feeling like she is being attacked or backed into a corner.

Have a chat about it and find out what her reasons for avoiding it might be. I think if she has a serious issue with going down on you it is a bit unrealistic on your part to expect that it can be incorporated into your "everyday lovemaking" overnight.

Cheap Thrills!

I dunno. I think it's just pure selfishness on some peoples parts (refusing to go down on a partner)

What's 'not liking it' got to do with anything? It's a bit of work but if the man is clean and doesn't grab your hair or push your head etc then it's hardly purgatory!

I think some people make too much of a big deal out of it. Not many women 'like it' to start with but that's kinda childish IMO.

I think it's the height of hypocrisy of her to receive and accept oral when she doesn't bother herself to do the same for you. I mean I'm sure most men don't exactly enjoy the lockjaw of going down on a woman but most get on with it and get through it.

I could understand you becoming resentful OP. I think you should stop going down on her till she sorts her attitude out.

I DON'T have any time for this attitude when applied to a normal part of the sexual repetoire:
'If you don't want to/like to do something then you shouldn't have to'
It's not a big ask.

It's not like you're asking for anything painful/deviant/unusual OP. I personally think if you've married someone they can't expect you to go through the rest of your life begging for a basic like a blow job. It's a sh!t state of affairs!

Oryx

Cheap Thrills, my problem with your post is your reference to oral sex as part of 'a normal sexual repertoire'. Clearly it is not for this woman.

To one person, anal sex could be normal, to someone else, an anathema. So you cannot insist that your own 'normal' needs be met if your partner finds it involves something they cannot do.

dory

I can't believe the attitute that it's something you have to do, not many like it but get on with it etc. Why do something you don't like? Sex is meant to be fun.

I could never enjoy being with someone knowing that they were hating what we were doing in bed, wouldn't be able to relax at all.

OP, did you know on the day you married her that she didn't like doing it?

Cheap Thrills!

Oryx wrote: »

Cheap Thrills, my problem with your post is your reference to oral sex as part of 'a normal sexual repertoire'. Clearly it is not for this woman.

To one person, anal sex could be normal, to someone else, an anathema. So you cannot insist that your own 'normal' needs be met if your partner finds it involves something they cannot do.

Can't or won't?

It can be just a matter of her making the effort.

A lot of people find giving head difficult at first because it takes a while to learn to breathe properly. But like anything with a little practice most difficulties can be overcome.

I think in a marriage which is for life, it's a long, long life with no sexual openness to change and grow. Giving oral sex is at the milder end of the scale of bedroom activites.

Is it really good enough to say to your partner, ah I can't be bothered to grow and develop, I just do x or y and if you don't like it lump it. Not a very good attitude to have really.

prinz

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Is it really good enough to say to your partner, ah I can't be bothered to grow and develop, I just do x or y and if you don't like it lump it. Not a very good attitude to have really.

Growing and developing have nothing to do with doing an act you don't want to do. My OH has hobbies she enjoys and would like me to participate in, I tried them but they're not my thing, am I not bothering to grow and develop if I don't participate regularly?

The OP's wife tried it. It's obviously something she doesn't like doing. Compromise could be key but it's a bit much to expect your partner to do something they don't find enjoyable on a daily (or close to) basis.

Cheap Thrills!

Most people do plenty of things they don't enjoy to bring pleasure to their partners. Life is not all about what you want to do and what you enjoy doing.

If that was the case no-one would get up in the mornings and go to work or do any of the other boring tasks we do.

More than likely OP doesn't exactly enjoy going down on her but he still does 'to make her moist' -sound of him.

It's pretty childish to expect to go through life only doing what you want and enjoy.

prinz

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Most people do plenty of things they don't enjoy to bring pleasure to their partners. Life is not all about what you want to do and what you enjoy doing..

...and the OP's wife occassionaly does this for him. What's the issue? Oh, I know what the issue is, he wants it basically every time.

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

It's pretty childish to expect to go through life only doing what you want and enjoy.

No more childish than expecting someone to do what you enjoy every time.

StormWarrior

OP, just because you wash doesn't mean you smell clean down there. If you don't dry it thoroughly afterwards it could seem soggy. Youy could even have a mild fungal infection or something that is making it smell despite washing. Or maybe you just have a naturally strong body odour down there that can't be gotten rid of by washing. Especially as you say she's done it when drunk - when you're drunk you don't notice other people's smells as much.

Also what the previous poster said about grabbing her head and pushing it down, if you've done that or maybe gone too far down her throat or something, maybe that has put her off. Or maybe she doesn't like the taste if you came in her mouth.

Does she actually like it when you give her oral? Maybe she doesn't but just puts up with it or pretends she likes it. Stop giving her oral and see if she asks about it.

Cheap Thrills!

prinz wrote: »

...and the OP's wife occassionaly does this for him. What's the issue? Oh, I know what the issue is, he wants it basically every time.

Well, he said she's done it the odd time in the past. Yes, I see he wants her to do it more often and make it part of their everyday sex life.

So not exactly 'every time' -but that's moot anyway.

I'd have to question whether his wife is attracted to him? It's pretty hard to resist pleasing someone you love and find gorgeous. Maybe she doesn't go down because she doesn't realise he wants it so badly or maybe she's not confident without the few drinks.

I'd be pretty puzzled at a supposed love match where one partner doesn't want to go down on their partner.......if you're sexually attracted to someone why wouldn't you want to....anyway, my 2c.

prinz wrote: »

No more childish than expecting someone to do what you enjoy every time.

See above.

StormWarrior

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

I'd have to question whether his wife is attracted to him? It's pretty hard to resist pleasing someone you love and find gorgeous. Maybe she doesn't go down because she doesn't realise he wants it so badly or maybe she's not confident without the few drinks.

I'd be pretty puzzled at a supposed love match where one partner doesn't want to go down on their partner.......if you're sexually attracted to someone why wouldn't you want to....anyway, my 2c.

This is a good point. Does she initiate sex ever? Maybe she doesn't fancy you any more?

lilminx

Thrills

I'm humoured by your approach to this to be honest. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties and as people have said on here, I wouldn't be able to 'get into it' knowing that my partner isn't comfortable doing something. It's about mutual respect and enjoyment and SHOULD be about what you want to do and enjoy doing.

Sure sometimes ye might spice things up a bit and try something new but I would always discuss with my partner if it got to a stage where I felt uncomfortable and this should always be accepted. The thoughts of a fella telling me - ah sure life isn't about doing what ye like and enjoying it, would be a red flag to me to be perfectly honest.

OP, I would echo what others here have said, in that you should have a discussion with your wife about it - and not at the stage where you're about to get intimate. Take the conversation completely out of the bedroom if you know what I mean and just begin the dialogue. It could be that your wife is nervous, unsure of how to do it, afraid she won't do it how you like it? It could be that she just doesn't like the taste. It could be any of a number of things. But talk to her, openly without judgement or expectation of it ending with her on her knees.

And to re-iterate, do not bring in 'well i go down on you' because a) you should be doing it because you enjoy it and b) so what?

Hope this helps

seamus

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

I'd have to question whether his wife is attracted to him? It's pretty hard to resist pleasing someone you love and find gorgeous. Maybe she doesn't go down because she doesn't realise he wants it so badly or maybe she's not confident without the few drinks.

I'd be pretty puzzled at a supposed love match where one partner doesn't want to go down on their partner.......if you're sexually attracted to someone why wouldn't you want to....anyway, my 2c.

That's from your point of view. You could be right - it could be a matter of feedback or confidence; his wife isn't aware of how much he enjoys or it or thinks that she's no good at it.

On the other hand, it could be an actual mental block about it, where she thinks it's "icky".

I don't get your comment about having difficulty resisting pleasing someone you love. If my wife got pleasure out of me peeing on her face, I'm fairly sure that I would have to decline because it's just not a sexual exploit for me, I would be totally turned off by the experience, regardless of how much she enjoyed herself.

Cheap Thrills!

seamus wrote: »

On the other hand, it could be an actual mental block about it, where she thinks it's "icky".

That's like something a 4 year old would think though! She's a fully grown woman!!!

seamus wrote: »

I don't get your comment about having difficulty resisting pleasing someone you love. If my wife got pleasure out of me peeing on her face, I'm fairly sure that I would have to decline because it's just not a sexual exploit for me, I would be totally turned off by the experience, regardless of how much she enjoyed herself.

Sure, in principle the point you make is perfectly valid. Everybody is going to draw the line somewhere. However, I think it's a bit different in practice than theory....peeing on someone's face is a million miles away from fellatio.

Oral sex is sort of number 2 after intercourse, probably being the second most common act within human sexuality. If it's eliminated (this is marriage so remember this is FOR LIFE) then what's left? Plain old intercourse, it's a long life to go through on that basis if it's simply just a matter of getting over the initial teenage girl 'icky' attitude!

Oryx

This is drifting into a discussion on what is or isnt 'icky' sexually.

The op needs to know how to discuss oral sex with his wife in a non confrontational way. Stick to that.

StormWarrior

OP, also, do you eat strongly flavoured foods like garlic/onions/celery? They can make your crotch and bodily fluids smell and taste appalling. Because your face isn't near your crotch, you might not realise how strong it smells. It might be very overpowering for your wife once she gets her face down there.


Also, do you nag or pressure your wife for oral? Because if so, it's probably putting her off even more, partially because it's not a turn on to have someone begging for sexual favours, and partially because it will seem to her like you care more about your own pleasure than your wife's feelings.

Squiggler

Storm Warrior makes two excellent points. And either, or both, would explain why your wife is more willing to give you head after a few drinks when her inhibitions (and/or sense of smell) are decreased.

Also, it is possible that your wife finds the experience actually turns her off, making it difficult, if not impossible, for her to become aroused afterwards, rendering any further sexual activity either unengaging or uncomfortable for her. Maybe suggest trying 69 so that you can simultaneously pleasure each other. It might make her feel less self conscious about doing it.

Fittle

You sound like a teenager who's sulking OP. And not a man who's married 8yrs.

Why has this become an issue for you all of a sudden?

If your wife doesn't want to go down on you, leave it at that. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties.

LegacyUser

To all the men here who think the OP's wife is stupid or selfish...

I'm a married woman, and I won't go down on my partner.

He will for me - I've never asked him to, nor do I expect it of him. He says he enjoys doing it. We have discussed it, and we have tried it before, and to be honest, it makes me sick.

It's nothing to do with him - it's entirely my problem. The taste, the texture, the feeling, the odour - just makes me gag before I even start. And no man wants somebody throwing up on them....do they??

Personally - yup, I've a mental block, I do find it pretty "icky". My OH has told me he'd like to try it more, but every time we try it's a complete disaster. Reading posts like "get over it" or "that's selfish" is a pretty good indication of exactly how immature people can be about this. It's not actually a god-given right. It's entirely up to the individuals involved, and if they're happy with what's in their relationship, then it's not up to anyone else to comment on it.

As for the OP, you're going to have to just talk to her about it, and tell her. Ask her does she have a problem with it, is it something about you that's putting her off? You can't be divinely inspired and neither can she....you do actually need to discuss it if you feel it's a problem.

seamus

Fittle wrote: »

If your wife doesn't want to go down on you, leave it at that. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties.

While you're right to a point, sexual intimacy is much better enhanced when both parties can expand their repetoire of experiences together and enjoy it in a very open and frank manner.
That doesn't mean one person doing things they don't enjoy, but it does mean that both parties should now exactly where they stand and what each person does and doesn't enjoy.

Irish people are still very guilty when it comes to enjoying themselves in the bedroom and sometimes people need to be coaxed out of their shell and encouraged to re-examine their taboos around sex. While it's unlikely that the OP's wife will dive on him after having the conversation, any mutual openness in the discussion about sex is likely to inspire her to consider what she does and doesn't enjoy, and why.

Overheal

StormWarrior wrote: »

OP, also, do you eat strongly flavoured foods like garlic/onions/celery? They can make your crotch and bodily fluids smell and taste appalling. Because your face isn't near your crotch, you might not realise how strong it smells. It might be very overpowering for your wife once she gets her face down there.

This is an important point. Your diet will affect how your ejaculate tastes. And her diet will affect how she tastes as well. Something to think about: how much fruit is in your diet?

stupidusername

I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet, but is it possible the only time she does it after drinking is because she's shy about it? Maybe she feels a little embarrassed about being seen doing it and so if she does it when drunk she would feel more adventurous? Obviously it depends on the way she is with other sexual things but this is the first reason I thought of anyway.

OP when she does it (when she's drunk) does she seem to like it? Do you have to ask her to do it or does she initiate it?

darad

OP it doesnt sound like you like it too much either since you very kindly "do her a favour"

tinkerbell

If she's only doing it after drinking, then I guess it's something to do with courage or something.

You need to COMMUNICATE with your wife and ask her why she won't go down on you. It could be that she's shy / embarrassed / you smell funny / you taste funny / she just doesn't like it.

Talk to her and see. If it's not that she doesn't like it, then you can fix the problem. Otherwise you can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Perhaps instead of doing that she can use her hands instead of her mouth or something.

Princess Peach

I went down on my ex pretty much every time we were together, and for a long time at that, and he never once went down on me. Oh he would talk about it during the dirty texts but never fulfilled his promise. I just needed somewhere to get that out of my system

Dudess

I'm not having a go at anyone, but if I had a problem with giving head, I'd address it rather than just refusing to do it because I don't like it - it is nice (for both parties) to be able to pleasure your partner to such an extent.

thecapedcanine

What??? wrote: »

To all the men here who think the OP's wife is stupid or selfish...

I'm a married woman, and I won't go down on my partner.

He will for me - I've never asked him to, nor do I expect it of him. He says he enjoys doing it. We have discussed it, and we have tried it before, and to be honest, it makes me sick.

It's nothing to do with him - it's entirely my problem. The taste, the texture, the feeling, the odour - just makes me gag before I even start. And no man wants somebody throwing up on them....do they??

Personally - yup, I've a mental block, I do find it pretty "icky". My OH has told me he'd like to try it more, but every time we try it's a complete disaster. Reading posts like "get over it" or "that's selfish" is a pretty good indication of exactly how immature people can be about this. It's not actually a god-given right. It's entirely up to the individuals involved, and if they're happy with what's in their relationship, then it's not up to anyone else to comment on it.

As for the OP, you're going to have to just talk to her about it, and tell her. Ask her does she have a problem with it, is it something about you that's putting her off? You can't be divinely inspired and neither can she....you do actually need to discuss it if you feel it's a problem.

Im a married woman and I agree wholeheartely with this poster.
Ive tried going down on my husband loads of times, and I just dont like it. We worked it out, he told me genuinely that if I really dont like it then why on earth would he enjoy it. There are so many other ways to pleasure your partner other than this. We have a very healthy love life and always enjoy each other very very much, without me doing something I dont like. Theres so much pressure in the threads here that it should be something thats done between two people - and it was this kind of pressure that made me keep trying todo this for my husband, even though he never actually asked for it. Everyone is different, and what one person loves to do, another person would never do in a million years.

i dunno i think there is way round taste and texture etc ice cream applied in certain areas can work wonders !;)

LegacyUser

Is this a particularly Irish thing???

I just don't get it. I've heard so many men and women in this country saying they don't like oral sex and refuse to engage in it. WTF????

How can anyone not be into it? either giving or receiving.

I come from North America and there it's considered 3rd base and standard practice in sexual relationships. It's usually something you do before you have intercourse for the first time. How anyone can describe it as 'icky' just baffles me (and I'm female). The only thing I can figure out is that this is something to do with Catholic repression. I'd suggest anyone who had an aversion to oral sex (men and women, cause there are plenty of men who don't like going south in Ireland too) to actually seek out therapy because I think it is an unhealthy attitude to have.

Having said that, OP your wife is under no obligation to give you a BJ. If she wanted to use a strap-on on you and you were against it, would she force you? No. Same thing goes for this. I can't understand why you married each other though if you're that sexually incompatable. You knew what you are signing up for and so it's a little late to be complaining now.

I think your best recourse might be to attend sex therapy together...to see if you can work on this as a couple, to get your sexual needs in line with each other. If not, I can only see this becoming a bigger issue for you two, eventually leading to a place where there's no sex in the relationship and you are thinking of heading elsewhere for relief.

Seriously, seek out a sex therapist. I think it's the healthier way to go here.

StormWarrior

Well OP, have you asked her why she doesn't like it yet?

Oryx

StormWarrior wrote: »

Well OP, have you asked her why she doesn't like it yet?

This isnt your personal soap opera, dont badger the op for more info.

Princess Peach

baffled?!? wrote: »

Seriously, seek out a sex therapist. I think it's the healthier way to go here.

Thats not how Irish people deal with problems!

iguana

Dudess wrote: »

I'm not having a go at anyone, but if I had a problem with giving head, I'd address it rather than just refusing to do it because I don't like it - it is nice (for both parties) to be able to pleasure your partner to such an extent.

True but at the same time there are things you can work and work at but never enjoy. I don't like cooked onions, garlic, bell peppers or cucumbers. I've worked introducing them slowly into my diet in order to expand the range of what I'll eat. I'm now happy enough to eat crispy cooked onions and food in garlicy sauces/marinades, peppers are still an issue but are being worked on. But I will never, ever, ever be able to eat cucumbers. They contain a chemical which only about 20% of people can taste but if you can taste it, it's utterly disgusting and nothing will ever make them palatable to me.

Sexual tastes can be like that. His wife may be able to work on her dislike of giving oral sex. It may be embarrassment, a dislike of the taste, she could be doing it in such a way that she activates her gag reflex, and it could be that with some changes and a little work she will overcome her problems. It may be a psychological hang up that means she will have a very hard time being comfortable with oral sex, she may need therapy to come to terms with it. Or it may be something that for whatever reason she just really never wants to do.

Neadine

Surely the physical side of being in a loving relationship should be enjoyable, pleasurable and fun, and not put pressure on either party?
I was in a relationship a number of years ago with a man who, looking back, was particularly selfish in bed. I can remember more than one occasion when being in bed him physically pushing my head south, really not appreciated at all, to the point where this actually totally put me off wanting to be physical with him. It was something that I did try to talk to him about but he was not willing to discuss it at all, it was almost like he felt entitled - I don't think so. Sex should be enjoyable for all concerned, and in that relationship I it felt like the sex was all about him and my enjoyment wasn't a concern!!
When it comes to oral sex I do think it's very much a personal thing.
My current partner has never put pressure on me to go down on him, but I know that it's something that he enjoys and because of that I enjoy giving him that pleasure. He probably doesn't 'return the favour' quiet as often, but that's fine with me, I have never asked him for oral sex, but if it's something that he initiates I have always enjoyed and made sure that he knows that I have enjoyed.
I think if one partner is putting pressure on the other for oral sex, or anything else, it really takes the fun out of things, and adds so much stress. I know that in the past I stopped initiating things because I knew where it would lead.
I know this has been a bit all over the place, but OP, enjoy the physical relationship that you have with your wife. Giving oral sex isn't her thing, but I'm sure there are lots of other aspects of your sex life that you both enjoy. There are lots of different things that people try and decide that they aren't for them and don't dwell on it. Focus on the positives.

implausible

Some of the posters here are implying that there is something wrong psychologically with the OP's wife and that therapy might help. Therapy? Because she doesn't like giving head?:eek: Would you suggest that for someone who didn't like giving foot rubs? It may be regarded by many as normal, run of the mill sexual behaviour, but to many women it isn't - it's icky. I don't think that the OP's relationship will be helped by him thinking his wife has some sort of syndrome :rolleyes:.

Lots of women don't like doing it, and very often it's only when they're in a committed relationship that they can admit it and not feel under pressure to give oral sex or pretend to like it.

CDfm

deemark wrote: »

Some of the posters here are implying that there is something wrong psychologically with the OP's wife and that therapy might help. Therapy? Because she doesn't like giving head?:eek: .

+ 1 My thoughts exactly.

Sex should be enjoyable and if a lady does not like giving oral sex and doesn't enjoy it -then she should not do it.

OP she does it occasionally when she wants to and thats your lot on life.

Enjoy it as an unexpected treat.

iguana

deemark wrote: »

Some of the posters here are implying that there is something wrong psychologically with the OP's wife and that therapy might help. Therapy? Because she doesn't like giving head?:eek: Would you suggest that for someone who didn't like giving foot rubs?

It depends on why she doesn't like it. A lot of people have particular sexual hang ups due to childhood abuse or sexual assault, I know a number of people who just could not do certain things, even masturbate privately, because it triggered such strong, shameful emotions. If that was the case for the OP's wife then yes, she could benefit from therapy.

As for the comparison to foot-rubs, I also know someone who spent time in a state psychiatric facility due to an over-powering fear/disgust of feet. So it absolutely does depend on the reasons for the dislike and the level of impact the dislike has on her life.

Distorted

I don't think theres any question of a person having a "normal sexual repetoire" unless they do it for a living. Theres no real "normal" - every dynamic between every couple is different. Plenty of gay men's sexual repetoire doesn't extend all that far - thats their choice and not a matter of criticism. Whats important in a loving relationship is the level of care, understanding and sympathy that one person has for another. Mind you, depends how stunningly handsome and in great shape the OP is I guess.

Dudess

iguana wrote: »

True but at the same time there are things you can work and work at but never enjoy. I don't like cooked onions, garlic, bell peppers or cucumbers. I've worked introducing them slowly into my diet in order to expand the range of what I'll eat. I'm now happy enough to eat crispy cooked onions and food in garlicy sauces/marinades, peppers are still an issue but are being worked on. But I will never, ever, ever be able to eat cucumbers. They contain a chemical which only about 20% of people can taste but if you can taste it, it's utterly disgusting and nothing will ever make them palatable to me.

Sexual tastes can be like that. His wife may be able to work on her dislike of giving oral sex. It may be embarrassment, a dislike of the taste, she could be doing it in such a way that she activates her gag reflex, and it could be that with some changes and a little work she will overcome her problems. It may be a psychological hang up that means she will have a very hard time being comfortable with oral sex, she may need therapy to come to terms with it. Or it may be something that for whatever reason she just really never wants to do.

Oh absolutely - when I say I'd address it, that would include going for counselling if needs be.

finbarrk

A lot of Irish women are old fashioned in their attitutes towards oral sex. They don't mind receiving but they don't like giving as they make up some sort of a story regarding how they don't like it.
Unfortunatley for the OP, you knew it when you were getting married. And they are not inclined to change.

up for anything

finbarrk wrote: »

A lot of Irish women are old fashioned in their attitutes towards oral sex. They don't mind receiving but they don't like giving as they make up some sort of a story regarding how they don't like it.
Unfortunatley for the OP, you knew it when you were getting married. And they are not inclined to change.

I think you got that wrong. Why would they make up stories about about not liking it? Surely the point would be making up stories to cover up their dislike. Something like how they dislocated/broke their jaw as children and now can't open their mouths except to speak and eat. I'm finding more and more when I read posts where the poster refers to 'they' that they usually have an axe to grind.

I hate giving head. It's gross, smelly, tastes like ****e (not literally usually), makes my jaws ache and is generally repulsive to me. I wouldn't apologise for feeling this way, nor would I go for therapy and certainly wouldn't spend my time doing jaw loosening exercises in order to show my love. I don't like it full stop. Self-sacrifice for this cause is the old fashioned notion here.

even though I always do her a favour by making her moist with my tongue

It seems to me that if you always have to lubricate her using spit, OP that your other sexual techniques might be somewhat lacking and that you need to communicate with her more about what she likes and what you like.

Dudess

up for anything wrote: »

I think you got that wrong. Why would they make up stories about about not liking it? Surely the point would be making up stories to cover up their dislike. Something like how they dislocated/broke their jaw as children and now can't open their mouths except to speak and eat.

I agree. However...

I hate giving head... I wouldn't apologise for feeling this way, nor would I go for therapy and certainly wouldn't spend my time doing jaw loosening exercises in order to show my love. I don't like it full stop. Self-sacrifice for this cause is the old fashioned notion here.

I know it might seem callous and as if "You need therapy!" is being said to those who dislike performing fellatio. However that's not what I (or others) mean at all. Receiving oral is one of the greatest pleasures there is - perhaps not for everyone, but for those whom it is, it really can be just the best ever. Most of the time, men adore receiving oral - and if I loved a man enough, I would like to be able to do this for him. It would pleasure me to know he is eliciting half as much pleasure as I elicit (literally half: lads - 4,000 nerve endings, lasses - 8,000 nerve endings :pac:) and I wouldn't like him to miss out on something he would love to experience.

I'm not trying to be manipulative or lay a guilt trip on those who dislike giving oral to a man, just offering another perspective (I also get irritated by the attitude of "Any woman who doesn't like doing it is a prude and a weirdo"/"She should do it in return for him going down on her"/"Dump her ass if you're not getting any head", usually displayed by men... so they'd like it would they? And the fact that they're men is immaterial - being a heterosexual woman doesn't automatically = enjoying fellatio/it coming naturally to her).

And doing something about it, e.g. counselling, should not be the result of coercion, but a choice.

metrovelvet

I've heard a lot of women around the table say ew gross. And these are grown up women over 35. And I've only heard the ew gross around the IRish table amongst wimmin. It was kind of shocking. I said to them joking "you know what. I'd cheat on all of you."

My gut feeling is they are saying ew gross because of personal performance insecurities, whether it be they don't know what they are doing or they have hangups about being subordinate or seeming whorish.

kiwi123

Whoa whoa whoa!
I don't enjoy the physical act of going down on someone but i enjoy the reaction it gets from my partner so I'll do it. (many don't)
believe it or not most women do find in uncomfortable - the thought of wrapping your mouth around a cawk while having someone hold your head and shove something into your mouth is for most people unappealing to say the least. i will not stand for people saying i dont enjoy it because i'm irish, i dont enjoy it because i dont like having a penis in my mouth, this isnt a nationality slagging match.

OP- maybe you should think about the last time ye had oral sex - were you particularly rough? the experience itself could have out her off.

Also if i was your wife, your 'tit for tat' attitude would definitely put me off and make me uncomfortable around you.

iguana

ManofIRL wrote: »

I always do her a favour by making her moist with my tongue.

Tbh, that's hardly my idea of receiving oral sex either. Perhaps if you actually performed cunnilingus she'd feel more inclined to put a bit more effort in.

tinkerbell

iguana wrote: »

But I will never, ever, ever be able to eat cucumbers. They contain a chemical which only about 20% of people can taste but if you can taste it, it's utterly disgusting and nothing will ever make them palatable to me.

I always wondered why people either like cucumbers or else just despise them and can't eat them in anything. I didn't know this! That's mad that only 20% of people can taste the chemical.

Distorted

I think if any guy I was going out with suggested to me that I go to therapy or counselling for disliking oral sex, I would dump him and find someone who appreciated me, likes, dislikes, quirks and all. Quite frankly I have better things to do with my time than go to counselling for non-issues and be molded into someone else's ideal of what I should be, and I have so much going for me, such as good looks, intelligence, sporting talent, good figure, I'd tell said author of such suggestion to take a running jump. And to find a life along with it. Or maybe find a boyfriend. If the guy cares for you, he wouldn't make an issue of this. And quite frankly, if the guy was hot enough, you'd actualy want to do it anyway.