The problem with being gay.......

Davidius

A Neurotic wrote: »

Why not? They're hardly doing it against their will. People aren't 100% straight or 100% gay...

That sounds like conjecture. We're going to need a mathematical proof of that.

Fozzydog3

Deleted User wrote: »

Yup. The one I know isolated all his friends that way though. It's by far the worst option open to the OP.

my worst option to solve this issue would be to be straight and pretend i was gay , or did i read that wrong ?

Fozzydog3

sock puppet wrote: »

It seems really weird though. Do they actually say they're gay or just give off the impression?

ive seen it mostly in the emo/scene kid realm , where they say there "bi" (not bi hatin') but dress and act very effeminate but when it comes down to it there straight , i even had one old friend say he watches bi porn

jill_valentine

I think the novelty of having a dude friend that you can hang with comfortably, without any possibility of will-they/won't-they tension at any point, can be an intoxicating novelty to some girls. Besides which, I think they can be just sort of - no pun intended - curious, if they don't know many gay gays, so you're a bit exotic and interesting to them as somebody from a little outside their frame of reference. Hopefully, both are novelties that will wear off after a bit.

It's also worth saying that, again, the girls might just be trying to be genuinely trying to make sure you know they're still comfortable about who you are, and have just overcompensated a bit with slightly unfortunate results.

OP, all I can suggest in the meantime is that you go out of your way to make sure and hang out with the lads primarily for a bit, weather out the storm. I think it should sort itself out once everybody figures out where sealevel is again.

Fozzydog3

jill_valentine wrote: »

I think the novelty of having a dude friend that you can hang with comfortably, without any possibility of will-they/won't-they tension at any point, can be an intoxicating novelty to some girls. Besides which, I think they can be just sort of - no pun intended - curious, if they don't know many gay gays, so you're a bit exotic and interesting to them as somebody from a little outside their frame of reference. Hopefully, both are novelties that will wear off after a bit.

It's also worth saying that, again, the girls might just be trying to be genuinely trying to make sure you know they're still comfortable about who you are, and have just overcompensated a bit with slightly unfortunate results.

OP, all I can suggest in the meantime is that you go out of your way to make sure and hang out with the lads primarily for a bit, weather out the storm. I think it should sort itself out once everybody figures out where sealevel is again.

brilliant ! thanks thats so helpful and absolutely spot on

Dudess

Oh I know a good few girls who specifically targeted gay guys to be friends with over the years - definitely seen as having a novelty/"cool"/fashionable value it seemed, but the girls grew out of that, and to be fair, there was no malice.

That said, one of my very best friends is a gay guy and I used to get the odd "fag hag" jibe - however I was actually friends with him long before he came out.
Although he always attracted females as friends moreso than males - again, well before he came out. He's like you OP - a "man's man gay", not into the queening it up. :pac:

I can understand though how it would irk when a person wants to be friends with you because of your sexual orientation rather than the person you are - although it's probably a combination of both, to be fair.

jill_valentine

Fair play too, btw Fozzy, and all the best.

I can't lie, like. I have a few gay friends - I have a lot of dude friends generally, I'm a computer student - and there is a different dynamic that I enjoy. Weirdly, I think that's probably what leads to the scenario mentioned above, where girls end up scoring their gay mates - because everybody's a bit more relaxed and at ease around each other and a bit less guarded and nervy and stupid, like you would be with somebody you consciously fancy or whatever.

I think the "fag hag" thing can kind of work in reverse too, I know of a couple of gay girls with very close straight male friends. I'm trying to get the term "lesbro" to catch on, but sadly the world just doesn't seem ready.

Fozzydog3

jill_valentine wrote: »

Fair play too, btw Fozzy, and all the best.

I can't lie, like. I have a few gay friends - I have a lot of dude friends generally, I'm a computer student - and there is a different dynamic that I enjoy. Weirdly, I think that's probably what leads to the scenario mentioned above, where girls end up scoring their gay mates - because everybody's a bit more relaxed and at ease around each other and a bit less guarded and nervy and stupid, like you would be with somebody you consciously fancy or whatever.

I think the "fag hag" thing can kind of work in reverse too, I know of a couple of gay girls with very close straight male friends. I'm trying to get the term "lesbro" to catch on, but sadly the world just doesn't seem ready.

ha lesbro , would they hang around with men in a butch way because they relate more to men like a camp person would hang around with women ?