The problem with being gay.......

Fozzydog3

all you wiminz out there im looking at you

long story short: i came out properly about two months ago now , you wouldnt suspect me of being gay im one of the lads like , and my group would be the sort of knacker drinkin boyraz if ya get me .

so theres me thinking aww **** there gonna hate me and thats me out of the group ,

then through aquaintances we met and started hanging around with a group of a bout 15 ppl with most of them being gay/bisexual


now whos gonna cause more problems for the gay guy ???



the latter group ! yep because im so ''cool'' and ''trendy'' and ''out there'' , its turned into being my selling point and they all treat me like there gbf and asking me for relationship advice and completely missing out on the real fozzydog its like there interested in gayfozzydog , like for instance if i was sitting on the same couch as one of them theyd have there legs up on mine and there all hugs and kisses and wed be chatting away all night . but now its doing my head in coz all my straight friends are like '' yeah hes just putting it on in front of them '' but if i was straight or if they didnt know chances are theyd be like get the **** away from me yeh wierdo ,

so in a nutshell , ladies ok i dont want to **** you but try and acknowledge theres more to gay ppl than being gay , basically

QueenOfLeon

Maybe this would be better being said to your friends?

Fozzydog3

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

all you wiminz out there im looking at you

long story short: i came out properly about two months ago now , you wouldnt suspect me of being gay im one of the lads like , and my group would be the sort of knacker drinkin boyraz if ya get me .

so theres me thinking aww **** there gonna hate me and thats me out of the group ,

then through aquaintances we met and started hanging around with a group of a bout 15 ppl with most of them being gay/bisexual


now whos gonna cause more problems for the gay guy ???



the latter group ! yep because im so ''cool'' and ''trendy'' and ''out there'' , its turned into being my selling point and they all treat me like there gbf and asking me for relationship advice and completely missing out on the real fozzydog its like there interested in gayfozzydog , like for instance if i was sitting on the same couch as one of them theyd have there legs up on mine and there all hugs and kisses and wed be chatting away all night . but now its doing my head in coz all my straight friends are like '' yeah hes just putting it on in front of them '' but if i was straight or if they didnt know chances are theyd be like get the **** away from me yeh wierdo ,

so in a nutshell , ladies ok i dont want to **** you but try and acknowledge theres more to gay ppl than being gay , basically

oh also id like to moan about gay elitism i.e "hes not gay , hes overweight "or "hes not gay hes poor "

Piste

Some girls are total fag hags and like the idea of having a gay best friend- probably from watching too much Sex and the City/Desperate housewives. If they start asking you about clothes or relationships just shrug and say "i dunno, I'm a dude". They'll soon stop treating you like one of the girls.

**Timbuk2**

I'm so confused - what exactly is the problem? Is it that you are being treated as one of the girls? Have I read that completely wrong?

Maybe if you talk to your friends and tell them that it bothers you.

Edit: Exactly what Piste said

Fozzydog3

QueenOfLeon wrote: »

Maybe this would be better being said to your friends?

they had enough of my moaning about being gay

Fozzydog3

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

I'm so confused - what exactly is the problem? Is it that you are being treated as one of the girls? Have I read that completely wrong?

Maybe if you talk to your friends and tell them that it bothers you.

Edit: Exactly what Piste said

yeah im one of the girls basically


more the problem is , if i was straight they wouldnt look at me , aaand if i was pretending it would be very handy , which is causing some tension between me and the straight friends

QueenOfLeon

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

they had enough of my moaning about being gay

What are you moaning about? If you're gay, you're gay, theres nothing wrong with it.

Fozzydog3

QueenOfLeon wrote: »

What are you moaning about? If you're gay, you're gay, theres nothing wrong with it.

im moaning about people treating people differently based on sexuality , like as i said on another post here they wouldnt like me as much if i was straight , and also there the whole credibility issue like if i was straight it would be a lot more easier to pretend i was gay

challengemaster

Welcome to life. People have differing opinions.


BUILD A BRIDGE, GET OVER IT.

Chuchoter

I hate being the gay best friend too. Straight girls and "bisexual" girls are ridiculous. OH NOW YOU LIKE ME? NOW YOU CAN PRETEND TO BE ALL COOL AND PROGRESSIVE BY BEING MY FRIEND? OH OK THEN.

argh I hate everyone.

Just don't talk to them

whadabouchasir

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

long story short: i came out properly about two months ago now , you wouldnt suspect me of being gay im one of the lads like ,

If i've learned anything from my talking to random people in pubs its that you can't always tell if someone is Gay or not.I've met gay lads that were less camp than me,and that's saying something now;)
On the point of women treating you differntly because you are gay,i think that a part of it could be that they see you as vulnerable and want to help you and look after you.another part of it could be that they want the opinions of a man who doesn't just want to get into their pants.I'd also agree with what the last poster said about appearing all progressive by being seen to be very friendly with Gays.

kev9100

First of all, fair play for coming out. It can't have been easy.

Second of all, talk to your friends. If they really are your friends, they'll cop on and stop.

ldxo15wus6fpgm

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

the latter group ! yep because im so ''cool'' and ''trendy'' and ''out there'' , its turned into being my selling point and they all treat me like there gbf and asking me for relationship advice and completely missing out on the real fozzydog its like there interested in gayfozzydog , like for instance if i was sitting on the same couch as one of them theyd have there legs up on mine and there all hugs and kisses and wed be chatting away all night . but now its doing my head in coz all my straight friends are like '' yeah hes just putting it on in front of them '' but if i was straight or if they didnt know chances are theyd be like get the **** away from me yeh wierdo ,

so in a nutshell , ladies ok i dont want to **** you but try and acknowledge theres more to gay ppl than being gay , basically

Honestly thought you were on about your male friends there for a minute.
Just try your best to act like a stereotypical straight guy for a while? (you know, beer, sports, sex, cars etc.) and if they're asking about relationships or whatever there's no harm in being a little gruff with them... what I mean is don't humour them and act overly sensitive or anything :pac:

Fozzydog3

kev9100 wrote: »

First of all, fair play for coming out. It can't have been easy.

Second of all, talk to your friends. If they really are your friends, they'll cop on and stop.

it was actually grand lol but thanks

ToasterSparks

This is probably a stupid suggestion, but... why not just try it on with one of the girls? :P

They'll think you're being a sneaky smart-ass bi dude and back off if they think you want to get it on with them!

Fozzydog3

ToasterSparks wrote: »

This is probably a stupid suggestion, but... why not just try it on with one of the girls? :P

They'll think you're being a sneaky smart-ass bi dude and back off if they think you want to get it on with them!

well that'd make me the creepy dude who says hes gay to get closer to women


weve all seen it happen before

D4RK ONION

I can't say that I've EVER seen that happen before.

ldxo15wus6fpgm

I know I have

kev9100

D4RK ONION wrote: »

I can't say that I've EVER seen that happen before.

You'd be surprised at how common they are.

Yup. The one I know isolated all his friends that way though. It's by far the worst option open to the OP.

sock puppet

kev9100 wrote: »

You'd be surprised at how common they are.

It seems really weird though. Do they actually say they're gay or just give off the impression?

sock puppet

sock puppet wrote: »

It seems really weird though. Do they actually say they're gay or just give off the impression?

Either or. Tbh, at least with the one I know of, he'd just do anything to get the girls, and acting gay seems to be what has worked best (and worst) for him.

ToasterSparks

FozzyDog3 wrote:

well that'd make me the creepy dude who says hes gay to get closer to women


weve all seen it happen before

That's the craziest thing I've ever heard! Why would anyone do that?

OP, you won't solve this by being nice. You're gonna have to grow a pair and stand up for yourself. If you keep letting it happen, people will assume it's acceptable.

herisson

I dont get fag hags!! I have a few gay friends and i dont treat them any different im not suddenley best friends with soemone if they come out as gay!
Why treat someone any different because of there sexuality? Its ridiculous

the way i see it If your gay, your gay it doesnt change how i treat or feel about someone.......

Extrasupervery

This reminds me of that chick in Kick Ass. She had no interest in that guy, as a friend or otherwise, til she thought he was gay. It makes no sense.

Extrasupervery

Oh and I haz lots of gay best friends. We've been friends for ages and ages then they all seemed to come out at once and suddenly I was a fag hag.

Didn't like...choose to be friends with them cause of it or anything.

sock puppet

Deleted User wrote: »

Either or. Tbh, at least with the one I know of, he'd just do anything to get the girls, and acting gay seems to be what has worked best (and worst) for him.

It just seems really strange that it'd work that's all. Conclusive proof that women are mental I suppose

MavisDavis

I know a girl who would be considered a "fag hag". Her gay friends call her that and everything..


..But she gets with them all the time. I don't get it. They're gay - why are you doing that?!?

randylonghorn

D4RK ONION wrote: »

I can't say that I've EVER seen that happen before.

I have, quite often ... usually in pishtake mode rather than serious / creepy mode though.

sock puppet wrote: »

It just seems really strange that it'd work that's all. Conclusive proof that women are mental I suppose

Some women see it as a challenge to "convert" the gay guy.

Usually when they're at least half-cut, in fairness.

A Neurotic

MavisDavis wrote: »

..But she gets with them all the time. I don't get it. They're gay - why are you doing that?!?

Why not? They're hardly doing it against their will. People aren't 100% straight or 100% gay...

Davidius

A Neurotic wrote: »

Why not? They're hardly doing it against their will. People aren't 100% straight or 100% gay...

That sounds like conjecture. We're going to need a mathematical proof of that.

Fozzydog3

Deleted User wrote: »

Yup. The one I know isolated all his friends that way though. It's by far the worst option open to the OP.

my worst option to solve this issue would be to be straight and pretend i was gay , or did i read that wrong ?

Fozzydog3

sock puppet wrote: »

It seems really weird though. Do they actually say they're gay or just give off the impression?

ive seen it mostly in the emo/scene kid realm , where they say there "bi" (not bi hatin') but dress and act very effeminate but when it comes down to it there straight , i even had one old friend say he watches bi porn

jill_valentine

I think the novelty of having a dude friend that you can hang with comfortably, without any possibility of will-they/won't-they tension at any point, can be an intoxicating novelty to some girls. Besides which, I think they can be just sort of - no pun intended - curious, if they don't know many gay gays, so you're a bit exotic and interesting to them as somebody from a little outside their frame of reference. Hopefully, both are novelties that will wear off after a bit.

It's also worth saying that, again, the girls might just be trying to be genuinely trying to make sure you know they're still comfortable about who you are, and have just overcompensated a bit with slightly unfortunate results.

OP, all I can suggest in the meantime is that you go out of your way to make sure and hang out with the lads primarily for a bit, weather out the storm. I think it should sort itself out once everybody figures out where sealevel is again.

Fozzydog3

jill_valentine wrote: »

I think the novelty of having a dude friend that you can hang with comfortably, without any possibility of will-they/won't-they tension at any point, can be an intoxicating novelty to some girls. Besides which, I think they can be just sort of - no pun intended - curious, if they don't know many gay gays, so you're a bit exotic and interesting to them as somebody from a little outside their frame of reference. Hopefully, both are novelties that will wear off after a bit.

It's also worth saying that, again, the girls might just be trying to be genuinely trying to make sure you know they're still comfortable about who you are, and have just overcompensated a bit with slightly unfortunate results.

OP, all I can suggest in the meantime is that you go out of your way to make sure and hang out with the lads primarily for a bit, weather out the storm. I think it should sort itself out once everybody figures out where sealevel is again.

brilliant ! thanks thats so helpful and absolutely spot on

Dudess

Oh I know a good few girls who specifically targeted gay guys to be friends with over the years - definitely seen as having a novelty/"cool"/fashionable value it seemed, but the girls grew out of that, and to be fair, there was no malice.

That said, one of my very best friends is a gay guy and I used to get the odd "fag hag" jibe - however I was actually friends with him long before he came out.
Although he always attracted females as friends moreso than males - again, well before he came out. He's like you OP - a "man's man gay", not into the queening it up. :pac:

I can understand though how it would irk when a person wants to be friends with you because of your sexual orientation rather than the person you are - although it's probably a combination of both, to be fair.

jill_valentine

Fair play too, btw Fozzy, and all the best.

I can't lie, like. I have a few gay friends - I have a lot of dude friends generally, I'm a computer student - and there is a different dynamic that I enjoy. Weirdly, I think that's probably what leads to the scenario mentioned above, where girls end up scoring their gay mates - because everybody's a bit more relaxed and at ease around each other and a bit less guarded and nervy and stupid, like you would be with somebody you consciously fancy or whatever.

I think the "fag hag" thing can kind of work in reverse too, I know of a couple of gay girls with very close straight male friends. I'm trying to get the term "lesbro" to catch on, but sadly the world just doesn't seem ready.

Fozzydog3

jill_valentine wrote: »

Fair play too, btw Fozzy, and all the best.

I can't lie, like. I have a few gay friends - I have a lot of dude friends generally, I'm a computer student - and there is a different dynamic that I enjoy. Weirdly, I think that's probably what leads to the scenario mentioned above, where girls end up scoring their gay mates - because everybody's a bit more relaxed and at ease around each other and a bit less guarded and nervy and stupid, like you would be with somebody you consciously fancy or whatever.

I think the "fag hag" thing can kind of work in reverse too, I know of a couple of gay girls with very close straight male friends. I'm trying to get the term "lesbro" to catch on, but sadly the world just doesn't seem ready.

ha lesbro , would they hang around with men in a butch way because they relate more to men like a camp person would hang around with women ?