Would you be straight if you could?

gmale

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Obviously if I settle down with ANYONE it will be with someone I love (I am not in the habit of settling down with people I dont love lol) but I HOPE that person (the one that I fall in love and hence settle down with) is a man...that make sense? Am I not allowed to want that for myself?

Of course you are!

But I cant help but think that if you hope that the person you will fall in love with is a man then you will never give yourself the opportunity to open your heart up to a woman and so you will never love a woman. But you are right, love and hope to love who you want to love!

OldNotWIse

gmale wrote: »

Of course you are!

But I cant help but think that if you hope that the person you will fall in love with is a man then you will never give yourself the opportunity to open your heart up to a woman and so you will never love a woman. But you are right, love and hope to love who you want to love!

You may be right there, if I am totally honest, but the thing is, nothing ever worked out with women for me. I dont know if it's just the weird logistics of two females living together or the fact that every single lesbian out there seems to have some kind of retardation when it comes to fidelity/commitment/security/happiness etc - it never works! Plus there's the usual falling in "love" with women who turn out to be straight and that's just not fun. I guess I am just saying, if I am attracted to men, then why bother setting myself up for (what I can see anyway) a life of heartache? It just seems so much easier with men! OK you got me, brutal honesty

kisaragi

I would never change my sexuality... I love life as a gay person! I feel like growing up gay gave me a certain perspective on life that I might have not gotten as a heterosexual, for example being more open to other walks of life etc...

Plus the gay scene and community are just way too much fun to give up!

LGiamani

kisaragi wrote: »

I would never change my sexuality... I love life as a gay person! I feel like growing up gay gave me a certain perspective on life that I might have not gotten as a heterosexual, for example being more open to other walks of life etc...

Plus the gay scene and community are just way too much fun to give up!

Very good point. I think growing up gay give you advantages to been a minority and in my case has helped me find better life long relationships that if feel if I was straight would fade to grey as life moved on. Plus there is the benefit of watching hot muscular men in tight shorts playing sports and getting down and dirty on the field.

akaspike

kisaragi wrote: »

I would never change my sexuality... I love life as a gay person! I feel like growing up gay gave me a certain perspective on life that I might have not gotten as a heterosexual, for example being more open to other walks of life etc...

Plus the gay scene and community are just way too much fun to give up!

I'd agree with this too, but never moved into the scene so cant comment on your last line

dreamer_ire

Funny question and one I can honestly say I've never thought about before. But having thought about it I have to say that I could care less if I was gay/straight or bi. I am me. That fact that I'm gay is just one part of me. I've never thought would I be French if I could, or would I be a man if I could or even would I like coffee if I could! I'm simply me.

So would I change, no.... but in saying that I don't believe I would be a different person if I was straight.

Miss Ogyne

I answered No based on my point of view (i.e. would you not be Transsexual if you could), I like who I am, I love my partner to bits and as hard as it's been to transition I've become a much better person than I think I would have been capable of in my born gender, not a pot shot at males, just that where I was from was a rough area and males usually went into the drugs route just to be part of the gang and if I wasn't born as who I am now I have no doubt I could have ended up as a topic on one of the many skanger threads.

LegacyUser

I don't take verbal abuse from strangers very well or indeed nasty comments from so called friends but I wouldn't wish to be straight because I don't believe that the negative reactions I have received are my fault. Wishing that I was straight would diminish me and other gay people. The worst things that have happened in human history have happened because people look the other way. So no. What's your perspective Cooltown?

LegacyUser

Given when I grew up, I would absolutely have chosen to be straight.
I was raised to be myself, and do what I thought was right, and to do what I wanted to do. I was always encouraged to ignore whatever was popular, and instead pay attention to the things that interested me.
This often made me a social outcast, even a pariah.
Add to that, that I was gay, but lived in a very gay-hostile time (even in a moderately non-gay-hostile place for the time.) and that put me in a position where I refused to pretend to be like everyone else in the name of "fitting in" and I had no social outlets where I could be myself, so I never learned a lot of the social skills that most people take for granted.
These are not skills I am ever likely to develop.
I also grew up in a time & place where gays didn't have kids, unless they didn't come out of the closet until they were well into their adulthood.. and since I never "pretended" to be straight, and always would have been averse to it.. I don't have any children, even though they are the one thing I always wanted most.
Now, I'm 42, have never had a serious relationship with anyone (friendships yes, but nothing intimate.) and still have no idea how to go about meeting people, making friends, nor approaching people for dates etc..
If I'd been straight, I would have done things like going to school dances without 'fear' of everyone noticing that I was only looking at the guys and had way less than zero interest in the girls.
I would have had my choice of several smart girls that I went to school with (one of whom became one of my best friends.. and probably would have been 'the one' if I'd been straight.) and would likely have kids in their mid teens by now.

Instead.. I'm considered "WAYYYYYYYYYY to freakin' old" to even say hello to out on the gay scene, I'm single.. and always have been for all intents and purposes, and the likelihood that I'll ever end up raising any kids is pretty much non-existent, even though I'm now successful enough that I could afford them.

Unfortunately, some of us just seem destined for a lifetime of pain and loneliness.

I had to logout to post this, as there isn't anyone that I consider close enough to actually know how painful it is to be me.

baby and crumble

Hey, Anonymous Coward- I just wanted to say something.

i feel for you. i wish i could help, you seem like a lovely guy. i kinda want to give you a dirty great big hug.

MultiUmm

Anonymous Coward wrote: »

Given when I grew up, I would absolutely have chosen to be straight.
I was raised to be myself, and do what I thought was right, and to do what I wanted to do. I was always encouraged to ignore whatever was popular, and instead pay attention to the things that interested me.
This often made me a social outcast, even a pariah.
Add to that, that I was gay, but lived in a very gay-hostile time (even in a moderately non-gay-hostile place for the time.) and that put me in a position where I refused to pretend to be like everyone else in the name of "fitting in" and I had no social outlets where I could be myself, so I never learned a lot of the social skills that most people take for granted.
These are not skills I am ever likely to develop.
I also grew up in a time & place where gays didn't have kids, unless they didn't come out of the closet until they were well into their adulthood.. and since I never "pretended" to be straight, and always would have been averse to it.. I don't have any children, even though they are the one thing I always wanted most.
Now, I'm 42, have never had a serious relationship with anyone (friendships yes, but nothing intimate.) and still have no idea how to go about meeting people, making friends, nor approaching people for dates etc..
If I'd been straight, I would have done things like going to school dances without 'fear' of everyone noticing that I was only looking at the guys and had way less than zero interest in the girls.
I would have had my choice of several smart girls that I went to school with (one of whom became one of my best friends.. and probably would have been 'the one' if I'd been straight.) and would likely have kids in their mid teens by now.

Instead.. I'm considered "WAYYYYYYYYYY to freakin' old" to even say hello to out on the gay scene, I'm single.. and always have been for all intents and purposes, and the likelihood that I'll ever end up raising any kids is pretty much non-existent, even though I'm now successful enough that I could afford them.

Unfortunately, some of us just seem destined for a lifetime of pain and loneliness.

I had to logout to post this, as there isn't anyone that I consider close enough to actually know how painful it is to be me.

Your post really moved me a lot, I feel so sad after reading it ..

You made me really appreciate growing up in a more accepting world than you did though. Sure, there's still a long way to go, but it's no where near half as stifling as it used to be for lgbt young people who couldn't say a thing for fear of discrimination and their families completely rejecting them.

I know it doesn't mean much but my heart does go out to you, it really does.