Would you be straight if you could?

cooltown

Would you be straight if you could?

baby and crumble

I voted no, because if I was I would never have fallen in love with my partner, cos she's got lady bits. And she's too awesome not to fall in love with. (I know, I know, pass the bucket...:P)

gmale

If I could what?

If I could be "normal"? get married? have kids? I can do all those things so why would I need to be straight?

Chuchoter

Yes. Though sure you meet a lot of great people and true love and whatnot, theres not that many advantages to being gay. Your family are disappointed with you, your straight friends don't like you, your school doesn't like you and in the long run I'll be discriminated against at work. Being straight would be so much easier.

Annasopra

God

I feel really old now - I remember when we did this thread the first time

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=71611

gmale

crayolastereo wrote: »

Yes. Though sure you meet a lot of great people and true love and whatnot, theres not that many advantages to being gay. Your family are disappointed with you, your straight friends don't like you, your school doesn't like you and in the long run I'll be discriminated against at work. Being straight would be so much easier.

I dont agree with any of that, family are happy for me, i have more straight friends than gay friends so they must like me, school was crap for everybody (straight or gay) and I have never experienced discrimination at work and although I am not out to management, im sure they have put two and two together. Maybe I am just lucky but I dont think its just down to luck, I think the 21st century has a lot to do with it.

Annasopra

gmale wrote: »

If I could what?

If I could be "normal"? get married? have kids? I can do all those things so why would I need to be straight?

You can't get married, You can have kids but it is not an easy process at all

gmale

Johnnymcg wrote: »

You can't get married, You can have kids but it is not an easy process at all

You say tomato I say tomato...that doesnt work when its written down does it?

I can be CP'ilised and I can have kids. Cant adopt as a couple....yet! but one day soon.

Annasopra

gmale wrote: »

I dont agree with any of that, family are happy for me, i have more straight friends than gay friends so they must like me, school was crap for everybody (straight or gay) and I have never experienced discrimination at work and although I am not out to management, im sure they have put two and two together. Maybe I am just lucky but I dont think its just down to luck, I think the 21st century has a lot to do with it.

A bit of both - everyday on this forum and others I read of stories where kids are thrown out of their home or afraid to come out because of their parents homophobic comments. I think it's disingenuous to infer that homophobia and discrimination don't happen cause we are in the 21st century

gmale

Johnnymcg wrote: »

A bit of both - everyday on this forum and others I read of stories where kids are thrown out of their home or afraid to come out because of their parents homophobic comments. I think it's disingenuous to infer that homophobia and discrimination don't happen cause we are in the 21st century

But so rarely do you ever here the happy stories of which there are so much more. I find this forum to be very disheartening, so many people going through tough times. If I was a kid and this was my outlet for help I would be scared of coming out cos its all so negative. Its true what people are saying and I respect them and sympathise with them for having to deal with such awful situations. But there is so much happiness out there, so much more than all that bad stories that you read on forums like this.

Annasopra

gmale wrote: »

But so rarely do you ever here the happy stories of which there are so much more. I find this forum to be very disheartening, so many people going through tough times. If I was a kid and this was my outlet for help I would be scared of coming out cos its all so negative. Its true what people are saying and I respect them and sympathise with them for having to deal with such awful situations. But there is so much happiness out there, so much more than all that bad stories that you read on forums like this.

I agree that there are happy stories and you know what - there are lots on this forum. I find the support and advice given by people on this forum who have gone through everything to be heartening, to give people hope and make them realise that life can be so much better. I have seen people come on and get fantastic advice. What I don't like though is suggestions that everything is happy clappy and absolutely brilliant for LGBT people in Ireland, that there is no homophobia and no discrimination

Chuchoter

Personally gmale I think you're living on cloud 9 if you think homophobia doesn't have a place in 21st century Ireland. As for discrimination at work, it depends on the field you're in, for example hospital medicine,where I want to be, is not really gay-friendly. If your in any kind of retail/office/fashion kind of work I'd say it would be fine. If you want something that will tell you being gay in Ireland is a fantastic experience try belongto, they're really good at misleading people with their 'happy stories' into believing life is really like that.:mad:

Annasopra

crayolastereo wrote: »

Personally gmale I think you're living on cloud 9 if you think homophobia doesn't have a place in 21st century Ireland. As for discrimination at work, it depends on the field you're in, for example hospital medicine,where I want to be, is not really gay-friendly. If your in any kind of retail/office/fashion kind of work I'd say it would be fine. If you want something that will tell you being gay in Ireland is a fantastic experience try belongto, they're really good at misleading people with their 'happy stories' into believing life is really like that.:mad:

I think there is a middle ground - It's not all happy clappy and it's not all doom and gloom - some people are very happy, some people are in **** situations. Also discrimination in the workplace is illegal since 1998

gmale

crayolastereo wrote: »

Personally gmale I think you're living on cloud 9 if you think homophobia doesn't have a place in 21st century Ireland. As for discrimination at work, it depends on the field you're in, for example hospital medicine,where I want to be, is not really gay-friendly. If your in any kind of retail/office/fashion kind of work I'd say it would be fine. If you want something that will tell you being gay in Ireland is a fantastic experience try belongto, they're really good at misleading people with their 'happy stories' into believing life is really like that.:mad:

I never said that their was no discrimination or homophobia, just that I dont experience a whole lot (if any) of it. I also think that gay people love playing the victim. Sometimes genuinely there are victims and that is horrible but alot of the time we just love complaining. Like I said, maybe I am lucky?

rainbow kirby

When I was younger, I used to think that given the choice I wouldn't be gay. Now though, I wouldn't change. It's just part of what makes me the person I am.

Goodshape

You know, I sometimes feel guilty that I've not got more "doom and gloom" stories to tell. (*touch wood*).

Terribly sorry if it upsets anyone... but I've never had any problems being gay that I would consider above and beyond the problems other people have for being tall / short / dark-skinned / light-skinned / catholic / protestant / Irish / English / male / female / etc. / etc.



Anyway.. discrimination or not, no - I wouldn't want to wake up in the morning as a straight guy. I'm just about as "non-scene" as you can get but I'd still miss that community, the sense of being a part of something, the ability to see and experience the world a little bit differently. And of course I'd miss my boyfriend.

Would it have been easier? Yeah, probably. But I've never heard anyone say that life is easy.

MultiUmm

Yes. Just for the fact it would make things more straightforward. (No pun intended. :pac:)

I could change my mind as I get older, but I really struggle to see any advantages of being gay.

Plautus

No, I wouldn't change my sexual orientation - because then that would mean that I would not have the friends I do, nor the person who I am in love with. Sure, by any reasonable assessment it's an easier time being straight (you're more equal before the law for a start) but that doesn't outweigh the more intangible stuff.

Anywhere there's persecution or discrimination in the world there'll be people who want it to stop and wish they weren't victimised. However, I think it's a bit of a surrender to the tormentors to capitulate to their diktat as to how you should behave: be that in matters of creed or race or gender or indeed, sexual orientation.

GalwayGuy92

I want to say no I wouldn't and show some moral fibre.
But I dont know and could never know until the day I am faced with a decision to become straight or not.
Its a very hard question to answer I mean I didnt get to choose to be gay so my answer is I just dont know.
I didnt vote in the poll since I'm so on the fence.

Aard

No. I don't think I could handle shackin' up with Aunt Flo every month.

twinQuins

Goodshape wrote: »

You know, I sometimes feel guilty that I've not got more "doom and gloom" stories to tell.

I've always been wary of saying this, myself. I do feel for those that have suffered and yes, I do feel guilt. I suppose a part of it was precisely because I would never change who I am.
As ridiculous as I'm sure it sounds, I feel as if my ready acceptance and unwillingness to change cheapens the pain of those who do or feel they would be better off straight or have otherwise suffered for being gay.

Is that a sign I haven't actually accepted who I am? If I truly believe there's nothing wrong with being gay then shouldn't I be okay with not wanting to change who I am?
In any case, I apologise for my rambling nonsense. I suppose I just wanted to say it, instead of always just idly wondering to myself.

dory

I would certainly not want to be straight (pardon the generalizations here)

1. You can be with your best friend. I know straight couples always claim their OH is their best friend but that's more of a default thing from spending so much time together. How many men and women are really best friends when no sex is involved?

2. There's no such thing as 'Ok, one hour of rugby then I'm watching Corrie'. Again, best friends. We have some different interests but in general we're on the same wavelength.

3. No mummying. (I hope your still excusing my generalizations). I've seen so many hetero couples where the women becomes a mummy to the guy. Telling him not to go out, getting him to clean. I once heard I guy say, 'I need a girlfriend so she can tell me when it's time to go to bed'. That day I thanked the God of Gay I was a homo.

4. The gay community is like a ready made circle of friends. I hang out with so many people who I have nothing in common with but we're all gay so off we trot together to clubs/cinema etc. Same has happened around the world. Once a gayer found out I'm gay they treated me like one of the family.

I think my response has been adequately stupid* for the stupid question posed.


*stupid but sortta true

brandodub

No I am me and I am gay

plein de force

nope
i'm happy with who i am, wouldn't change for the world

AvaKinder

Nope I wouldn't. As someone who is bi, it would certainly be easier for me to try and live a straight life, not be out etc and not acknowledge that part of me than it would ever be for some who is gay or lesbian. But I don't think I'd be any happier for it.

akaspike

No.
It's not always easy, but thats life.
I think when i was younger i always enjoyed knowing that i was slightly different for my friends, before coming out to them around the age of 17 - 20.
I've had so many great experiences and excitement that i'm not sure if the same would have applied if i was straight. But who knows, i guess everything feels exciting when you experience them for the first time.

LegacyUser

Of course yes. Much less hassle being straight. And all those early years wouldn't be wasted worrying about your sexuality, worrying about coming out, being treated differently.

And all of you who say "oh but I'd lose my friends" but if you lose your friends then they wouldn't really be your friends if you lose them just because you are straight and you wouldn't care.

OldNotWIse

Johnnymcg wrote: »

You can't get married, You can have kids but it is not an easy process at all

Good point, and even though there are ways and means, people are ALWAYS going to see you as some kind of circus.

OldNotWIse

I thought I was gay for years (from about the age of 12/13) and made my peace with it, parents made their peace with it etc and then went to college and did the whole gay and proud thing, running around various cities being "pink trained" like an eejit. As I got older, I started to think about the rest of my life, how I wanted to settle down, have a fuss free lifestyle, babies etc and I started to look at men differently. After a lot of cbt and self analysis I have reached the conclusion that I was in fact, bi all along (I know some people dont believe in being bi but I do, I think sexuality is a spectrum, and people have different gradients, its not just a case of being black or white). I never explored the "straight" side of me because of a traumatic incident when I was a child which led me to fear intimacy with men. Now, I am comfortable with both genders but hope that if I do settle down with someone, it will be a man.

gmale

I thought what you said was great, voyage of self exploration and discovery and acceptance of who you are. That was until you said this...

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Now, I am comfortable with both genders but hope that if I do settle down with someone, it will be a man.

Why not hope that if you do settle down it will be with the person you love (man or woman)?

OldNotWIse

gmale wrote: »

I thought what you said was great, voyage of self exploration and discovery and acceptance of who you are. That was until you said this...



Why not hope that if you do settle down it will be with the person you love (man or woman)?

Obviously if I settle down with ANYONE it will be with someone I love (I am not in the habit of settling down with people I dont love lol) but I HOPE that person (the one that I fall in love and hence settle down with) is a man...that make sense? Am I not allowed to want that for myself?

gmale

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Obviously if I settle down with ANYONE it will be with someone I love (I am not in the habit of settling down with people I dont love lol) but I HOPE that person (the one that I fall in love and hence settle down with) is a man...that make sense? Am I not allowed to want that for myself?

Of course you are!

But I cant help but think that if you hope that the person you will fall in love with is a man then you will never give yourself the opportunity to open your heart up to a woman and so you will never love a woman. But you are right, love and hope to love who you want to love!

OldNotWIse

gmale wrote: »

Of course you are!

But I cant help but think that if you hope that the person you will fall in love with is a man then you will never give yourself the opportunity to open your heart up to a woman and so you will never love a woman. But you are right, love and hope to love who you want to love!

You may be right there, if I am totally honest, but the thing is, nothing ever worked out with women for me. I dont know if it's just the weird logistics of two females living together or the fact that every single lesbian out there seems to have some kind of retardation when it comes to fidelity/commitment/security/happiness etc - it never works! Plus there's the usual falling in "love" with women who turn out to be straight and that's just not fun. I guess I am just saying, if I am attracted to men, then why bother setting myself up for (what I can see anyway) a life of heartache? It just seems so much easier with men! OK you got me, brutal honesty

kisaragi

I would never change my sexuality... I love life as a gay person! I feel like growing up gay gave me a certain perspective on life that I might have not gotten as a heterosexual, for example being more open to other walks of life etc...

Plus the gay scene and community are just way too much fun to give up!

LGiamani

kisaragi wrote: »

I would never change my sexuality... I love life as a gay person! I feel like growing up gay gave me a certain perspective on life that I might have not gotten as a heterosexual, for example being more open to other walks of life etc...

Plus the gay scene and community are just way too much fun to give up!

Very good point. I think growing up gay give you advantages to been a minority and in my case has helped me find better life long relationships that if feel if I was straight would fade to grey as life moved on. Plus there is the benefit of watching hot muscular men in tight shorts playing sports and getting down and dirty on the field.

akaspike

kisaragi wrote: »

I would never change my sexuality... I love life as a gay person! I feel like growing up gay gave me a certain perspective on life that I might have not gotten as a heterosexual, for example being more open to other walks of life etc...

Plus the gay scene and community are just way too much fun to give up!

I'd agree with this too, but never moved into the scene so cant comment on your last line

dreamer_ire

Funny question and one I can honestly say I've never thought about before. But having thought about it I have to say that I could care less if I was gay/straight or bi. I am me. That fact that I'm gay is just one part of me. I've never thought would I be French if I could, or would I be a man if I could or even would I like coffee if I could! I'm simply me.

So would I change, no.... but in saying that I don't believe I would be a different person if I was straight.

Miss Ogyne

I answered No based on my point of view (i.e. would you not be Transsexual if you could), I like who I am, I love my partner to bits and as hard as it's been to transition I've become a much better person than I think I would have been capable of in my born gender, not a pot shot at males, just that where I was from was a rough area and males usually went into the drugs route just to be part of the gang and if I wasn't born as who I am now I have no doubt I could have ended up as a topic on one of the many skanger threads.

LegacyUser

I don't take verbal abuse from strangers very well or indeed nasty comments from so called friends but I wouldn't wish to be straight because I don't believe that the negative reactions I have received are my fault. Wishing that I was straight would diminish me and other gay people. The worst things that have happened in human history have happened because people look the other way. So no. What's your perspective Cooltown?

LegacyUser

Given when I grew up, I would absolutely have chosen to be straight.
I was raised to be myself, and do what I thought was right, and to do what I wanted to do. I was always encouraged to ignore whatever was popular, and instead pay attention to the things that interested me.
This often made me a social outcast, even a pariah.
Add to that, that I was gay, but lived in a very gay-hostile time (even in a moderately non-gay-hostile place for the time.) and that put me in a position where I refused to pretend to be like everyone else in the name of "fitting in" and I had no social outlets where I could be myself, so I never learned a lot of the social skills that most people take for granted.
These are not skills I am ever likely to develop.
I also grew up in a time & place where gays didn't have kids, unless they didn't come out of the closet until they were well into their adulthood.. and since I never "pretended" to be straight, and always would have been averse to it.. I don't have any children, even though they are the one thing I always wanted most.
Now, I'm 42, have never had a serious relationship with anyone (friendships yes, but nothing intimate.) and still have no idea how to go about meeting people, making friends, nor approaching people for dates etc..
If I'd been straight, I would have done things like going to school dances without 'fear' of everyone noticing that I was only looking at the guys and had way less than zero interest in the girls.
I would have had my choice of several smart girls that I went to school with (one of whom became one of my best friends.. and probably would have been 'the one' if I'd been straight.) and would likely have kids in their mid teens by now.

Instead.. I'm considered "WAYYYYYYYYYY to freakin' old" to even say hello to out on the gay scene, I'm single.. and always have been for all intents and purposes, and the likelihood that I'll ever end up raising any kids is pretty much non-existent, even though I'm now successful enough that I could afford them.

Unfortunately, some of us just seem destined for a lifetime of pain and loneliness.

I had to logout to post this, as there isn't anyone that I consider close enough to actually know how painful it is to be me.

baby and crumble

Hey, Anonymous Coward- I just wanted to say something.

i feel for you. i wish i could help, you seem like a lovely guy. i kinda want to give you a dirty great big hug.

MultiUmm

Anonymous Coward wrote: »

Given when I grew up, I would absolutely have chosen to be straight.
I was raised to be myself, and do what I thought was right, and to do what I wanted to do. I was always encouraged to ignore whatever was popular, and instead pay attention to the things that interested me.
This often made me a social outcast, even a pariah.
Add to that, that I was gay, but lived in a very gay-hostile time (even in a moderately non-gay-hostile place for the time.) and that put me in a position where I refused to pretend to be like everyone else in the name of "fitting in" and I had no social outlets where I could be myself, so I never learned a lot of the social skills that most people take for granted.
These are not skills I am ever likely to develop.
I also grew up in a time & place where gays didn't have kids, unless they didn't come out of the closet until they were well into their adulthood.. and since I never "pretended" to be straight, and always would have been averse to it.. I don't have any children, even though they are the one thing I always wanted most.
Now, I'm 42, have never had a serious relationship with anyone (friendships yes, but nothing intimate.) and still have no idea how to go about meeting people, making friends, nor approaching people for dates etc..
If I'd been straight, I would have done things like going to school dances without 'fear' of everyone noticing that I was only looking at the guys and had way less than zero interest in the girls.
I would have had my choice of several smart girls that I went to school with (one of whom became one of my best friends.. and probably would have been 'the one' if I'd been straight.) and would likely have kids in their mid teens by now.

Instead.. I'm considered "WAYYYYYYYYYY to freakin' old" to even say hello to out on the gay scene, I'm single.. and always have been for all intents and purposes, and the likelihood that I'll ever end up raising any kids is pretty much non-existent, even though I'm now successful enough that I could afford them.

Unfortunately, some of us just seem destined for a lifetime of pain and loneliness.

I had to logout to post this, as there isn't anyone that I consider close enough to actually know how painful it is to be me.

Your post really moved me a lot, I feel so sad after reading it ..

You made me really appreciate growing up in a more accepting world than you did though. Sure, there's still a long way to go, but it's no where near half as stifling as it used to be for lgbt young people who couldn't say a thing for fear of discrimination and their families completely rejecting them.

I know it doesn't mean much but my heart does go out to you, it really does.