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Are many of your friends married?
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21-08-2010 12:37pm#1
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All bar a couple of my friends are married (I'm 33) - we got married when I was 26 after living together for four years and we were one of the first of our friends to get married. :eek:
Getting married depends on meeting the right person rather than age, doesn't it?0 -
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ztoical wrote:have one friend that's been engaged three times so far
Does that not mean the excitement wears off a little?
I remember my friend telling me about a girl her boss met on a plane. They were just chatting and she says "I'm getting married next year", the usual congrats etc, asks what the guys name is.
"Oh I don't have a boyfriend, but I'm getting married next year. I always said I'd get married at 32"
:eek:
:eek: Why do some people think it has to happen by a certain time or they're a 'failure' or something? 0 -
god, im 35, and most are married with a few kids, im one of the few single ones, some are even divorced and engaged again.
i went to a wedding recently and i realised that i used to change the grooms nappy when he was a nipper. oh boy do i feel like an auld maid
my little sister is engaged and will be married before me, they met 3 years after i met my fella. there is massive pressure from both families for us to get hitched, and my big sister 'kindly' informed me when skypeing me on my 35th birthday 'happy birthday, you better get a move on, cos your fertility declines dramatically at 35' charming:rolleyes:
the way i see it is, i am with the One. there is no doubt in my mind of that. with any previous relationship i was always worried about 'where it was going' wheras with him, there is none of that, purely because i can honestly say that every single day, i get great joy out of being with him, and we are enjoying the journey.
being married to him is important, but not a priority. we are building our house, and hopefully wont be long in starting a family, but firstly spending on our home our family and then a wedding down the line.0 -
Not always, people get married for a great many reasons and few of them are to do with 'love' or having meet the one - family pressure, kids, money, etc. Of my friends that are married the majority married either cus they had kids or/and for tax reasons or two different set of friends married due to visa issues.
Plenty of friends who've been together for 10+ years and still no interest in getting married. For some people getting married in seen as some symbol of commitment that they must have, have one friend that's been engaged three times so far,for others its just a piece of paper. For some it's the whole goal and point of relationship, for others it just happens naturally as their relationship develops and others do feel there's a system of date x months, engaged x months, married.
So there was nothing about finding someone special to share their life with - even for those who see it as natural progression or to also take advantage of tax benefits? How sad.
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We were the third wedding of our friends. Then this year and next there have been / will be 10 more couples taking the plunge (I think they've conspired to bankrupt me!).
There is a friend of my husband's who has been with his girlfriend for 10 years and she is really keen to get married, every wedding we go to she brings it up. However he told me one night that he would never marry her, but he's not going to tell her that. I gave him a piece of my mind over it. That was 5 years ago and they're still in the same situation. He has bought her a ring though but he made sure to say that it's not an engagement ring but a "commitment ring"
Then there was a friend of mine who was also desperate to get married and she cried on my shoulder on my wedding day wondering when it would be her turn. She did get married this year, but every wedding she was feeling that it should be her. Personally I think that's awful. If you want to be married talk with your partner and come up with a plan, it's not that romantic but it's better than having everyone's ear bent!0 -
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There is a friend of my husband's who has been with his girlfriend for 10 years and she is really keen to get married, every wedding we go to she brings it up. However he told me one night that he would never marry her, but he's not going to tell her that. I gave him a piece of my mind over it. That was 5 years ago and they're still in the same situation. He has bought her a ring though but he made sure to say that it's not an engagement ring but a "commitment ring"
i think it would destroy me if i spent 10 years with someone who felt like that. thats really sad. chances are by the time he meets his wife to be, this girl might be too late to start her family.
i told my OH about a year after we started going out (i was turning 30 at the time) that kids are a massive part of my plan, and if he didnt see that with me, then we were better off to call it a day - the reality is that if you want kids, the thirties are your last chance for a woman. i told him if he wanted something like you described above, the impact it would have on my life. he had never looked at it like that. it wasnt even a big serious chat or anything, it was over a sunday afternoon pint beside the fire in a cosy pub.0 -
Ickle Magoo wrote: »All bar a couple of my friends are married (I'm 33) - we got married when I was 26 after living together for four years and we were one of the first of our friends to get married. :eek:
Getting married depends on meeting the right person rather than age, doesn't it?
In some cases. What I'm surprised at is how many people are so sure they've met the right person at such a young age. That would have been normal in my parents' time, but I thought the average age for getting married was somewhere around 30 these days. I'm surprised anyone has the money to get married in their early twenties as well, huge weddings and all. I could just about afford a registry office and buffet in the local pub. It's strange to think I'd be among the last of my friends from school/college if I got married around 30, which is supposedly 'average'. Never expected that.0 -
Well, I'd hate to be getting married for any other reason, seems like a recipe for disaster to do it for the dress and because of any loud ticking.
How can you be sure it's the right person? How do you know that the person you are ending a relationship with isn't right for you? It's kind of like that but in reverse, I guess...we moved in together within weeks and that was that. I guess it's pretty young for people who have never left home or been independent but I left home at 16 & moved hundreds of miles away, he left home at 18 and moved country so by the time we met we'd already been completely independent for quite some time. I'd say the majority of our friends met their partners while at uni too and got hitched sometime after qualifying, there would be very few singletons by the time we all went into the work-place - of course we know some determined to be single as well. :cool:
Incidentally, my parents were actually older than us when they got hitched. 0 -
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cherub rock wrote: »Well no, it depends on maturity imo. Also you're not the same person at 21 that you are at 25 that you are at 35. The right person for you in college might be totally wrong for you once you both develop.
I'm 26 and engaged. My friends at work are married/ engaged but there's a 3 year age gap. One friend my age is engaged with a house & is recently pregnant.
I'm not sure maturity has that much to do with it, tbh. You change and mellow all through life, there is no one point that you go, right, that's me, I'm not changing any more - it's safe to start looking at getting married. I moved in with the person I would marry at 22, my auntie just married for the first time in her fifties - the thing we have in common is meeting someone we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. I guess you can argue that most young couples wait for a while until they feel mature enough and sure enough about their choice to get married but I don't think getting hitched in general is dependent on maturity.
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Does that not mean the excitement wears off a little?
I remember my friend telling me about a girl her boss met on a plane. They were just chatting and she says "I'm getting married next year", the usual congrats etc, asks what the guys name is.
"Oh I don't have a boyfriend, but I'm getting married next year. I always said I'd get married at 32"
:eek::eek: Why do some people think it has to happen by a certain time or they're a 'failure' or something?
In the case of a female surely it's the "biological clock" If she's hoping to have a family.0 -
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Ickle Magoo wrote: »So there was nothing about finding someone special to share their life with - even for those who see it as natural progression or to also take advantage of tax benefits? How sad.
Why do you need to get a piece of paper to share your life with someone? Some would say needing said piece paper to show your commitment to someone is sad. At the end of the day a marriage is a legal concept which has alot more to do with inheritance rights and legal issues then love. Is the relationship of my friends who are together 10+ years with a house and a kid less then that of my friends who are together 10+ years with a house and a kid and are married?0 -
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We're the exception with our friends most of them are living together. I met my husband in my late twenties and we are together nearly nine years but are only married 2 1/2 yrs, dont no what the rush is in getting married i have a friend who met a guy three months ago, and was told last week that they were going to book their wedding venue this week for 2012!! whats the rush? 0
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Why do you need to get a piece of paper to share your life with someone? Some would say needing said piece paper to show your commitment to someone is sad. At the end of the day a marriage is a legal concept which has alot more to do with inheritance rights and legal issues then love. Is the relationship of my friends who are together 10+ years with a house and a kid less then that of my friends who are together 10+ years with a house and a kid and are married?
In the eyes of the law, yes - in my eyes, no. Let's be honest, it's a hell of a lot more than that "piece of paper" line that's always trotted out - otherwise it would just be a case of ripping up said paper rather than having to weather separation and divorce proceedings, isn't it? I think you missed my point anyway - you seem to think that marriage has little to do with love, in my experience (personal/family/friends) that is certainly not the case. I don't know anyone who has gotten married because they want an extra certificate or think that getting married is the only way to show their commitment.
Yes, we didn't want issues about inheritance, child custody/guardianship, hospital visitation rights, next of kin and all that jazz but we also were madly in love and wanted to show the ultimate commitment that law and tradition allow - to each other and the world - in front of our friends and family, in a ceremony that's been around in one form or another for as long as humans have been pairing up. Some people don't want to get married or see no benefits or point to being married, some think it's archaic, trite or soppy - that's their prerogative but it doesn't in any way detract or negate from the benefits or plus points that other people see & experience. 0 -
No, sad would be not getting to sit with the person you love and share your life with when they are critically ill because you are not family.
Well, that's exactly the point! It's sad and it shouldn't be that way. People should be entitled to be with people they love in these circumstances without being asked for pieces of paper (i.e. being family). Cos guess what, there are many different types of love, friendship, connection, affection, what have you, and some of these types are never going to fit into the narrow marriage definition of the past that the society is so stubbornly hanging on to. We see an incredible fragmentation of traditional family and a loss of traditional values taking place nowadays, and it is only going to go in one direction for a while yet. There are more and more people who have never married and never will, yet they have meaningful and deep relationships or partnerships with people in their lives, which are just as valid as any marriage, AND without going into who lives where and who leaves what to whom.
That's the way I see it anyway, and I wish the change would hurry up as well.
Marriage? Been there, done that. I'd like something different now, please. 0 -
Ickle Magoo wrote: »In the eyes of the law, yes - in my eyes, no. Let's be honest, it's a hell of a lot more than that "piece of paper" line that's always trotted out - otherwise it would just be a case of ripping up said paper rather than having to weather separation and divorce proceedings, isn't it?
I said it was a legal concept hence why it takes so long to rip up that piece of paper. It's alot quicker to fall out of love with someone then it is to divorce them.Ickle Magoo wrote: »Yes, we didn't want issues about inheritance, child custody/guardianship, hospital visitation rights, next of kin and all that jazz but we also were madly in love and wanted to show the ultimate commitment that law and tradition allow - to each other and the world - in front of our friends and family, in a ceremony that's been around in one form or another for as long as humans have been pairing up. Some people don't want to get married or see no benefits or point to being married, some think it's archaic, trite or soppy - that's their prerogative but it doesn't in any way detract or negate from the benefits or plus points that other people see & experience.
I never said some people didn't marry for 'love' simply pointed out it's not the only reason and in alot of cases not the main reason for people getting married when they do. I've not doubt several friends who did marry for children or visas might well have married anyway further down the line but the fact is they felt they had to marry when they did due to outside issues.0 -
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Almost all of my friends are married....but I'm the first of us to be heading for a divorce!
I'm 31, my husband and I were together since we were 18 and got married almost 4 years ago. A couple of months ago he told me he didn't love me anymore. There was someone else involved but I think that was more a symptom than a cause. He told me he never should've married me....that he thinks he got swept up with it all and just did it because "everyone else was" :eek:
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. It's only when I start deconstructing our relationship now that I wonder if we had met later in life would we ever have gotten married at all? In effect we grew up together, I feel like a very different person today than I was when we got together, and even since we married.
I am panicking a bit about being alone again. Almost all my friends have kids too (One is just 30 with 3 kids) and I can't help wondering whether it's ever going to happen for me now. Though I think if I were lucky enough to meet someone and fall in love again, the relationship would take a much better (healthier) course than the one with my husband. I think he wasn't ready to be married and I certainly didn't know myself well enough to be entering into what was meant to be a life long commitment.
As for a it just being a "piece of paper"....I only wish it were so simple to rip up the page! No one should put any pressure on themselves to be married by a certain age....don't do it til you're good and ready (really ready!)
Bella0 -
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Think that through logically. That simply won't work. There are reasons why only immediate family are allowed be with a critically ill person and even bigger reasons why only a limited amount of people can count as next of kin. Two unrelated people can not become a legally recognised family unit unless they both make the decision to be recognised as such.
Your spouse is your closest legal family. When you are incapacitated they make your decisions. That right really should not ever be achieved by default.
You probably don't mean to be, but I find the bolded bit somewhat condescending, especially as with whatever powers of logical thinking I possess, I still think you are not putting forth any argument in favour of status quo, except for "things are as they are because they are" kind of thing.
"Two unrelated people can not become a legally recognised family unit unless they both make the decision to be recognised as such." - Exactly. With the demise of the traditional family, I think it is high time that marriage NOT stay the only status where two people are recognised as a unit (albeit I can't logically
see a place for the word "family" in all of this, but whatever will bring about changes quicker).
"That right really should not ever be achieved by default." - Huh? Who ever mentioned any "by default"? (I won't even go into the fact that, if a person is not married, the next-of-kin IS very much by default, anyway - i.e. a blood relation). If you think that I meant anyone off the street should have the next-of-kin rights, well, you completely misread my post. And I thought I had made my point clear enough.
(Admittedly, you do have a point that I was disregarding earlier, that a piece of paper will be required for pragmatic reasons. I just don't think that the fact that that piece of paper, as it stands, can only be the privilege given to a certain kind of relationship, and that kind only, is fair or just to many people nowadays.)
EDIT: Apologies for going off-topic.
To redeem myself and answer the OP's question, in my circle of friends and contemporaries (bear in mind I am 36), it's about 50:50 as regards marrieds and singles. Not much help, I know! These things are so individual nowadays. You want to get married, or you don't. You meet someone to get married to, or you don't. You meet them at 20, or you meet them at 50... so many variables.0 -
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I made it through my 20s with only one close friend getting married. I'm now 31 and I am watching them go like dominos now! Lots of my friends are married, having kids, engaged, talking about getting engaged, talking about having kids etc.
I'm pretty much single, and while I don't really feel pressure to get married, I am finding there is pressure to at least get serious about someone. It's funny, when I was a teenager, I was being warned about 'peer pressure' constantly, and never felt it. Now I'm in my 30s, nobody is warning me, but it is definitely there. Like I said, there is no overt 'get yourself a man' pressure, but I do get left out of certain conversations and arrangements.
I'm happy for them, and while I would like to meet somebody, I just haven't - at least nobody special enough for me to change my life for! I'm happy with my life, I like my freedom and not having to be accountable to anyone but me. I have worked hard to get me to where I am pretty happy with myself as I am. I am and always have been very independent and while I do think it would be nice to meet someone who would add to my life, I am not looking for someone to 'complete' my life. It's complete as it is. I have watched some people I know get married because they don't want to be alone - it just never works.
I do think it's an age thing - pressure definitely mounts as you get older to follow the conventional path and if you deviate from it, there does appear to be a price to pay, whether it is pressure to change or a gradual pulling away from friends. Luckily I have a couple of very close friends who couldn't give a hoot what my situation is, as long as I'm happy. 0 -
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