How to piss a shop assistant off...

The Agogo

Just to give boardsies some methods of getting on the nerves of shopworkers (of which I am one) throughout Ireland:

[feel free to add to the list]

- Throw money on the counter, even if my receiving hand is fully extended
- Mumble what you want only not to be understood, then accuse me of not speaking English
- Stand there like an idiot even when I'm clearly trying to clean-up/walk past/ close the shop
- Asking silly questions like "How much is the 6.50 carwash?" and "Are all your papers gone?" - No, we just sell invisible ones.
- Buy one scratch card at a time, causing a queue to build-up
- Looking at me angrily from a queue when I'm clearly on my lunch-break
- Give us a fistful of change with compliments of pubic hair and pocket fluff
- Start poking your Laser/Visa card at random angles toward the machine, even when clearly shown where to put it.
- Asking "Are you closed?" when we're halfway out the door with lock-and-key in hand
- Most people also STINK. Is it really asking much for you to wash your clothes and body at frequent occasions. It's especially revolting when the smell is transferred to the money (but a laugh is had at giving it to the next customer ha ha!)

MidlandsM

The Agogo wrote: »

- Most people also STINK. Is it really asking much for you to wash your clothes and body at frequent occasions. It's especially revolting when the smell is transferred to the money (but a laugh is had at giving it to the next customer ha ha!)

Every fox smells his own hole....:pac:

ie. - It's you that smells, sweaty pits after a long shift. UGHHHH....

jordan..

The Agogo wrote: »

Just to give boardsies some methods of getting on the nerves of shopworkers (of which I am one) throughout Ireland:

[feel free to add to the list]

- Throw money on the counter, even if my receiving hand is fully extended
- Mumble what you want only not to be understood, then accuse me of not speaking English
- Stand there like an idiot even when I'm clearly trying to clean-up/walk past/ close the shop
- Asking silly questions like "How much is the 6.50 carwash?" and "Are all your papers gone?" - No, we just sell invisible ones.
- Buy one scratch card at a time, causing a queue to build-up
- Looking at me angrily from a queue when I'm clearly on my lunch-break
- Give us a fistful of change with compliments of pubic hair and pocket fluff
- Start poking your Laser/Visa card at random angles toward the machine, even when clearly shown where to put it.
- Asking "Are you closed?" when we're halfway out the door with lock-and-key in hand
- Most people also STINK. Is it really asking much for you to wash your clothes and body at frequent occasions. It's especially revolting when the smell is transferred to the money (but a laugh is had at giving it to the next customer ha ha!)

all of the above warrant a punch in the face

Karl Hungus

Stop being a whingebag.

Kasabian

Thanks OP I will try them all tomorrow or in a few days when I have build up a pungent BO

The Agogo

Make me...

orourkeda

People are retarded. Thats a given and the main reason I dislike them so much.

I shudder to think whats going to happen when the general populace engages its grey matter. When this happens the world is totally f*cked.

leedsfan88

Asking is there any hot chicken left, even tho, both the hot and cold counter are closed:mad:

Scratching scratch cards at the till:mad:

Old people...not all of them but most of them:rolleyes:

orourkeda

leedsfan88 wrote: »

Asking is there any hot chicken left, even tho, both the hot and cold counter are closed:mad:

Scratching scratch cards at the till:mad:

Old people...not all of them but most of them:rolleyes:

No, all of them. Young people too.

Dubh Geannain

The Agogo wrote: »

- Give us a fistful of change with compliments of pubic hair and pocket fluff

Eww

Ricardo G

Dear shop assistant, I hate Shop assistants, why can't you work a bit faster and get through the q. Why dont you ever say please and thank you? Why do you insist on trying to sell us plastic bags when we dont need them? Why dont your employers hire hot broads to serve us? Why dont you make an effort to smile at your customers? Why do you always look like you hate your job? Why dont you try and look some bit presentable? Why do you take so long to turn on the ptrol pumps when its raining outside? Why don't you wear hair nets when making my ham salad roll ?

Joey the lips

The Agogo;67349064]Just to give boardsies some methods of getting on the nerves of shopworkers (of which I am one) throughout Ireland:

[feel free to add to the list]

- Throw money on the counter, even if my receiving hand is fully extended Make customer throw money on the counter by giving the attitude you dont want to serve them


- Mumble what you want only not to be understood, then accuse me of not speaking English
Dont attempt to make conversation or seem polite that way you leave the customer to believe you could not be bothered.


- Stand there like an idiot even when I'm clearly trying to clean-up/walk past/ close the shop
Clean up the shop like an idot because your in a hurry to the pub afterwards makeing your customers feel like an idot for being in the way

- Asking silly questions like "How much is the 6.50 carwash?" and "Are all your papers gone?" - No, we just sell invisible ones.
Barate your customers for asking a question just because they do not know how to actually approch you and simply say."I want a car wash" or is there a chance you kept a paper back somewhere


- Buy one scratch card at a time, causing a queue to build-up
Make your customer feel pissed off by barateing them for queing up

Ah fcuk this.... if you dont like your customers join the dole que...someone else will be happy to take the job

Kasabian

Ricardo G wrote: »

Dear shop assistant, I hate Shop assistants, why can't you work a bit faster and get through the q. Why dont you ever say please and thank you? Why do you insist on trying to sell us plastic bags when we dont need them? Why dont your employers hire hot broads to serve us? Why dont you make an effort to smile at your customers? Why do you always look like you hate your job? Why dont you try and look some bit presentable? Why do you take so long to turn on the ptrol pumps when its raining outside? Why don't you wear hair nets when making my ham salad roll ?

Chill man , I recommend you send someone else to the shop for the next few days.

The Agogo

Joey the lips wrote: »

The Agogo;67349064]Just to give boardsies some methods of getting on the nerves of shopworkers (of which I am one) throughout Ireland:

[feel free to add to the list]

- Throw money on the counter, even if my receiving hand is fully extended Make customer throw money on the counter by giving the attitude you dont want to serve them


- Mumble what you want only not to be understood, then accuse me of not speaking English
Dont attempt to make conversation or seem polite that way you leave the customer to believe you could not be bothered.


- Stand there like an idiot even when I'm clearly trying to clean-up/walk past/ close the shop
Clean up the shop like an idot because your in a hurry to the pub afterwards makeing your customers feel like an idot for being in the way

- Asking silly questions like "How much is the 6.50 carwash?" and "Are all your papers gone?" - No, we just sell invisible ones.
Barate your customers for asking a question just because they do not know how to actually approch you and simply say."I want a car wash" or is there a chance you kept a paper back somewhere


- Buy one scratch card at a time, causing a queue to build-up
Make your customer feel pissed off by barateing them for queing up

Ah fcuk this.... if you dont like your customers join the dole que...someone else will be happy to take the job

Obviously, I can't speak for the majority of shopkeeps, but I try my best (hence why I vent my anger on AH). But you're right. Some of my coworkers project these traits. I think the three 100% scores I got from mystery shoppers proves my willingness to bite my tongue and just get on with it when I'm in work.

RE: "Join the dole queue" - If i did that the business would close and six other workers would follow me onto it

Ricardo G

Kasabian wrote: »

Chill man , I recommend you send someone else to the shop for the next few days.

Oh right its ok for shop assistants to have their pet hates re customers but not ok the other way round :rolleyes:

Kasabian

Ricardo G wrote: »

Oh right its ok for shop assistants to have their pet hates re customers but not ok the other way round :rolleyes:

See your getting worked up again. Chill it's not worth it.

leedsfan88

Joey the lips wrote: »

The Agogo;67349064]Just to give boardsies some methods of getting on the nerves of shopworkers (of which I am one) throughout Ireland:

[feel free to add to the list]

- Throw money on the counter, even if my receiving hand is fully extended Make customer throw money on the counter by giving the attitude you dont want to serve them


- Mumble what you want only not to be understood, then accuse me of not speaking English
Dont attempt to make conversation or seem polite that way you leave the customer to believe you could not be bothered.


- Stand there like an idiot even when I'm clearly trying to clean-up/walk past/ close the shop
Clean up the shop like an idot because your in a hurry to the pub afterwards makeing your customers feel like an idot for being in the way

- Asking silly questions like "How much is the 6.50 carwash?" and "Are all your papers gone?" - No, we just sell invisible ones.
Barate your customers for asking a question just because they do not know how to actually approch you and simply say."I want a car wash" or is there a chance you kept a paper back somewhere


- Buy one scratch card at a time, causing a queue to build-up
Make your customer feel pissed off by barateing them for queing up

Ah fcuk this.... if you dont like your customers join the dole que...someone else will be happy to take the job

Well working in a shop isn't any fun, and the majority of customers are grand but there is a minority that are ignorant and just make your job even more difficult.

With regards to joining the dole, no thanks i have a job and don't feel right leeching off the state, like a few people who won't work behind a bar because they have a college degree, so i'll just stay on the dole for 2 years:mad:

jill_valentine

- Let your kids act like twats. Yes, your kids.

- Shur while you're at it, avail of the free babysitting/ amusement service we can't help but provide for your horrible children. We'll be here all day, why should you? Go on to the cinema there, it'll be fine.

- Remember it's our fault you bought the wrong thing. We should have known!

- Be sure to be as passive-aggressive as possible at all stages of the transaction, particularly if it's in no way warranted.

- That queue that's lined up towards the counter doesn't apply to you. You get to come right up to the counter! Just walk right in front of all those people and ask your stupid question. No of course it doesn't matter that they'll eat the f*cking head off us immediately afterwards, you'll be gone by then!

- It's definitely fine to ignore the other people queuing and interrupt whatever we're doing if it's just a question. Hang on until I check the computer and go to the store and check the stocks and ring the other stores to answer it. It doesn't count as an interruption if it's just a question.

- No, we don't accept cheques, war bonds, IOU's or the official state currency of Sealand, but by all means insist that we should and do and have to. Don't worry about having it ready at any point until it's absolutely necessary or anything, it's grand.

- That big "OVER 18S ONLY" rating on the game box doesn't count if it's your under 18 year old kid, and you told him he could have it when you went to the shoe shop. I might lose my job if I sell it to him, but don't you bother your head about it. I wouldn't want to eat into your precious shopping time by forcing you to parent or anything.

-Then again, if I do sell it to him, make sure and let Joe Duffy know. It's probably turned little Jimmy into a rapist or something. You're not sure though, you haven't seen little Jimmy today.

Kasabian

jill_valentine wrote: »

- Let your kids act like twats. Yes, your kids.

- Shur while you're at it, avail of the free babysitting/ amusement service we can't help but provide for your horrible children. We'll be here all day, why should you? Go on to the cinema there, it'll be fine.

- Remember it's our fault you bought the wrong thing. We should have known!

- Be sure to be as passive-aggressive as possible at all stages of the transaction, particularly if it's in no way warranted.

- That queue that's lined up towards the counter doesn't apply to you. You get to come right up to the counter! Just walk right in front of all those people and ask your stupid question. No of course it doesn't matter that they'll eat the f*cking head off us immediately afterwards, you'll be gone by then!

- It's definitely fine to ignore the other people queuing and interrupt whatever we're doing if it's just a question. Hang on until I check the computer and go to the store and check the stocks and ring the other stores to answer it. It doesn't count as an interruption if it's just a question.

- No, we don't accept cheques, war bonds, IOU's or the official state currency of Sealand, but by all means insist that we should and do and have to. Don't worry about having it ready at any point until it's absolutely necessary or anything, it's grand.

- That big "OVER 18S ONLY" rating on the game box doesn't count if it's your under 18 year old kid, and you told him he could have it when you went to the shoe shop. I might lose my job if I sell it to him, but don't you bother your head about it. I wouldn't want to eat into your precious shopping time by forcing you to parent or anything.

-Then again, if I do sell it to him, make sure and let Joe Duffy know. It's probably turned little Jimmy into a rapist or something. You're not sure though, you haven't seen little Jimmy today.

Are you mad ?

Ricardo G

Kasabian wrote: »

See your getting worked up again. Chill it's not worth it.

I do get worked up over it because i see it in the majority of places i go to !! If you are good enough to go and give an establishment your custom then i think they should make an effort to show you a bit of gratitude. Your spending hard earned money in these places and most of the time you can't knock a smile from them !!

jill_valentine

Only with righteous Retail Rage.

skelliser

Is it to much to ask to return my change into my hand as opposed to dropping it on the counter, after all i handed you my money.

jill_valentine

- Old people, remember: it's alright for you to be racist and unbelieveably rude to everybody you come into contact with. You've earned it! You're old!

The Agogo

skelliser wrote: »

Is it to much to ask to return my change into my hand as opposed to dropping it on the counter, after all i handed you my money.

That works two ways. I hate customer AND retailer for doing it.

I'd also like to add price-complaint to the list. The amount of abuse I get for prices is unbelievable "I could get this in Dunnes for €x!" WELL THEN GO TO ****ING DUNNES!

jill_valentine

skelliser wrote: »

Is it to much to ask to return my change into my hand as opposed to dropping it on the counter, after all i handed you my money.

No, it's not too much to ask at all.

Retailers and customers alike, let's agree on this for once and for all. Money into hands, everybody! Money into hands!

The Agogo

jill_valentine wrote: »

No, it's not too much to ask at all.

Retailers and customers alike, let's agree on this for once and for all. Money into hands, everybody! Money into hands!

Agreed

Celly Smunt

i'd have you sacked,i really would

niamhallen

When people who come in every few months and go "i'll have my regular" eh i have no idea who you are or what sort of beverage you prefer so you may have to tell me!?
bitch.

jill_valentine

I used to have a customer who would occasionally bump into me on on my days off to ask me long, detailed questions about products we sold that I couldn't possibly answer without being able to check the stock and pricing on the computer. She wasn't rude about it, so I would answer her as best I could, but God, it was incredibly frustrating.

I had to hide from her more than once, I remember seeing her in Penneys once and what followed was a scene not unlike the Largest Lingerie Section In Ireland bit from Father Ted.

ColeTrain

Throw down a few hundred coppers on the counter when there is a big queue of people behind you. From personal experience the person behind the till shall not be happy :mad:

Marvinthefish

jill_valentine wrote: »

...or the official state currency of Sealand...

Brilliant. I love that place!