Got really drunk on 1st date...and did silly stuff

magneticimpulse

Ok where to start.

So a week ago I met this absolutely gorgeous guy in a bar. He had lots of women chatting him up all night. And I just thought whatever and kept dancing away taking no notice. Before I knew it, he was on the dance floor dancing with me and we were playing some tonsil tennis.

Anyway we decided to go on a 1st date Saturday night (note my date was driving). So he arrived and we went to a party with my friend and her boyfriend. We had already had a bottle of wine in my friends house before we met him. Downed some Baileys and Cointreau. Then we had another bottle of wine at the party, followed by punch with Martinique Rum in it (70%). At which point I got up and started dancing on the table to "My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack".

We got bored (myself and my friend) and went to a pub...which was followed by more alcohol. My date drove us to a nightclub. Outside a guy kept calling me English and I got pissed off (then other men thought i said FCUK and they got angry for no reason...all French men...I live in France). So 2 British friends arrived in their car and I left with them...leaving the date outside the nightclub, without even saying goodbye. Of course I texted him to say some men were getting in a fight with us.

After all that, my date still wants to meet up. Im not sure I can put in another performance like that one. To make things worse, we are now facebook friends and I have found out he is 20 but I am 29 (30 this year). I mean none of this is a real problem. Its just not normally how I would act on a 1st date, but I've been on so many dates this year. I even have 3 dates in the one day. Its gone to a stage where I dont even make an effort and just be myself (even if that means drinking lots, dancing and singing).

Any advice on how to recover from the previous 1st date for the next date?

Adam

drink less.

magneticimpulse

Yeah but I just wanted a fun night. Honestly we didnt eat anything that day, so it was the only reason why the alcohol went straight to our heads. We kept asking the guys to go for a kebab, but they wouldnt listen.

Lets face it, I'll prob have a drink or 2 on the next date. Its more of how to approach the situation? Its hardly the end of the world to have fun at a party or is it? I know it was a 1st date, but would that really turn a guy off a girl? I didnt even sleep with him yet...so it cant be that bad, can it?

magneticimpulse

Do you think he will find it a problem being 20 and dating a nearly 30 year old? Especially a student who still parties like she is still 20?

Adam

personally i would find that kind of behavior off putting. there's nothing wrong with having fun but there's dignified fun, binge drinking is not necessary. cant you have fun without drinking? because he's going to find you boring during the day if that's the case...

try doing something else on your second date so you can actually get to know each other perhaps?

magneticimpulse

Adam wrote: »

personally i would find that kind of behavior off putting. there's nothing wrong with having fun but there's dignified fun, binge drinking is not necessary. cant you have fun without drinking? because he's going to find you boring during the day if that's the case...

try doing something else on your second date so you can actually get to know each other perhaps?

It wasnt binge drinking. I live in France, I shared 2 bottle of wine with my friends at a party. Its a normal night out in France. We had a small cointreau/baileys after and I had a punch (mainly juice and fruit cocktail) over a period of 9 hours.

Im a very fun girl. I dont "need" alcohol to have fun. I do cycling, running, surfing, climbing. Im writing my PhD thesis in Chemistry. I was just letting off steam. And I happened to have to meet my friends and date all at the same time as im busy with flying to Dublin and Spain next week. I "cant" be the "perfect" person all the time.

So I might botch up a date, but I was very nervous about meeting this guy as I dont speak much French and he doesnt speak much English and he is extremely good looking and only 20 years old. Also some people at the party said to him, he must feel very stupid as he "just drives the TGV" and was sitting next to a "Doctor". I thought it was awful thing to say and it made me more shocked and have the punch.

Adam

you came looking for advice, i'm giving mine. the fact that you're defending your actions means you think they're ok, so why are you asking for other peoples opinions? if you're happy then do what you do and be done with it, non?

MistyCheese

I'm not really sure what you're worried about, he's already asked you for another date so it doesn't seem like you put him off too much. If you're worried about making a bad drunken impression on your second date then simply arrange a date that doesn't involve alcohol.

Regarding the age difference, surely if you can see his age on Facebook he can also see yours? So it's not a problem for him.

Peggypeg

Hey Magneticimpulse,

To tell you the truth you sound like a scream, I mean the "my neck, my back" part must have been hilarious, I'd defo going boozing with you!!! I'd say he had just as much fun as you did, he obviously would't have asked you out again if he didn't. And he obviously likes you, it's really refreshing to hang out with someone that's just hellbent on fun and damn the consequences, I know my favourite people are like that. You didn't do anything wrong, high spirits and shananigans are nothing to be ashamed of!!! Now if you'd puked all over him and got abusive then that would be different. I'm sure you were just a hilarious and charming drunk, have to tell you I love hanging out with drunk people when I'm sober because they're hilarious!!! Stop worrrying sweetie, don't bother trying to figure out a, b or c for the next date, just be yourself, that's obviously what he likes anyways.

With regards the age gap, why worry about that? See where it goes and sure if it does turn out that you like each other then the age thing won't even matter, don't pre-empt problems!!!

Best of luck on the PHD too!!!
Have fun!
Peg.

Beruthiel

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Do you think he will find it a problem being 20 and dating a nearly 30 year old?

He's a 20 year old French man, he's looking for a shag and doesn't give a toss what age you are.

As you live in France, I will assume you are well aware of their attitude towards people who drink too much.
He will have the perception of what us Irish are known for and has made allowances.
He will be quite happy to meet up again for sex, but you ain't ever meeting his mother.

btw - there is a difference between having a good time and making a holy show of yourself.
And that's coming from someone who likes to party.

If you want to see him again, just call him up. Seriously, I can't see him saying no.

LittleBook

I'm not really sure what is the problem.

On your first date with this "absolutely gorgeous" 20-year-old guy you ... spent it with friends of yours, got hammered, danced on a table, your friends insulted him, you nearly got into a fight, then you dumped him outside a nightclub (that he drove you to) without so much as a goodbye ... and he wants to meet up again.

Go for it

magneticimpulse

Thanks peggypeg. I suppose its just because I didnt go on my "conventional date" and that was what i was worried about. Usually if im in Ireland, i end up going to a pub in Dublin, having a chat and even usually drink Cranberry juice as i drive into town. So this date was far from anything like that. I found it refreshing and no i didnt puke on him or got agressive.

As for the comment "just meet him for sex again". Ahem, but sorry I didnt go to bed with him or ever have sex etc., I didnt even snog him the other night as I was dancing so much. I might have had a bit of alcohol....but doesnt mean I let my standards down. I understand the French man comment. But after living in France for 3.5 years, and after dating 4 Irish guys and a Scottish while living here. I thought, sure why not, give a french guy a go...as theres plenty of men here, not like Dublin.

I could go to the cinema I suppose on the next date. It just seems so boring to me for a date. I usually fall asleep in cinema's as well. So ive no idea where we could go to avoid alcohol. Even if we went for dinner it would involve alcohol...as you usually get a bottle of wine with meal. Its just so difficult to avoid Wine. I mean the night I met him, I had been on a 4 day Wine Festival here.

The age gap....well i actually took my age off my facebook immediately after I saw his. Im hoping he actually didnt see mine. Its no problem for me, but in France they get married at 26 and have babies by 28 years old. I hope he doesnt think 29 is too old.

Oh and the guy who insulted my date at the party was not my friend. He was just some annoying guy at the party...who later was the guy who insulted me outside the nightclub. Thats why I didnt want to go into nightclub as I had enough of him at the party. My friends boyfriend stayed with my date and he translated my text. My friends boyfriend, said my date got really excited and was very happy to get the text from me explaining why we left abruptly without saying goodbye. He said it was crazy, he just kept smiling so much. I know if someone did that to me, i prob wouldnt want to see them again.

Miss Fluff

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Ok where to start.

So a week ago I met this absolutely gorgeous guy in a bar. He had lots of women chatting him up all night. And I just thought whatever and kept dancing away taking no notice. Before I knew it, he was on the dance floor dancing with me and we were playing some tonsil tennis.

Anyway we decided to go on a 1st date Saturday night (note my date was driving). So he arrived and we went to a party with my friend and her boyfriend. We had already had a bottle of wine in my friends house before we met him. Downed some Baileys and Cointreau. Then we had another bottle of wine at the party, followed by punch with Martinique Rum in it (70%). At which point I got up and started dancing on the table to "My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack".

We got bored (myself and my friend) and went to a pub...which was followed by more alcohol. My date drove us to a nightclub. Outside a guy kept calling me English and I got pissed off (then other men thought i said FCUK and they got angry for no reason...all French men...I live in France). So 2 British friends arrived in their car and I left with them...leaving the date outside the nightclub, without even saying goodbye. Of course I texted him to say some men were getting in a fight with us.

After all that, my date still wants to meet up. Im not sure I can put in another performance like that one. To make things worse, we are now facebook friends and I have found out he is 20 but I am 29 (30 this year). I mean none of this is a real problem. Its just not normally how I would act on a 1st date, but I've been on so many dates this year. I even have 3 dates in the one day. Its gone to a stage where I dont even make an effort and just be myself (even if that means drinking lots, dancing and singing).

Any advice on how to recover from the previous 1st date for the next date?

OK, so let me get this straight. You went on a date and you:

• Drank your own bodyweight in booze
• Brought your friend on a date
• "Danced" (ahem) on a table while "singing" - "My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack". :eek:
• You nearly got into a brawl outside a nightclub
• You then abandoned your date and fckued off with your friends

Being honest OP, I don't think you will be meeting the in-laws any time soon. This guy isn't after you for a romance as I'm sure you'll agree he couldn't possibly have fallen in love with your elegance and poise.

You would really really want to look at your alcohol consumption and how you react to it.

You might also want to have a good think about what you wrote here:

Its just not normally how I would act on a 1st date, but I've been on so many dates this year. I even have 3 dates in the one day.

Do you ever actually get asked on a second date??? If not, you may want to take a long hard look at how you behave on a night out and ask yourself some hard questions OP, because tbh it's not very ladylike. At all.

Beruthiel

magneticimpulse wrote: »

in France they get married at 26 and have babies by 28 years old.

That's a sweeping statment and not true for an awful lot of French people.

Cheap Thrills!

Listen. Wine is NEVER a good look. EVER.

You drank loads that night for a woman, don't kid yourself. Drunkness that looks crushingly sexy and wild on a 22 year old may soon one day just look dishevelled and pathetic on a 30 year old. I'm not saying that's the case now, but the problem is one day you will cross the point where its 'charming' or 'wild and sexy' into another stage where it just looks mental. No-one will tell you about this, men will still ride you but they will then avoid you and so will other women.

Wine IS everywhere, so is drink, so are drugs. You can avoid it if you want to. I NEVER drink wine because I don't like how quickly it gets you pissed. Also women drink it too thoughtlessly, downing bottles of the stuff before they go out and then there are those boozy lunches.

It's the furthest thing from sophistication you can get. As you move into your 30's female drunkness is quite tragic.

I understand you are intelligent, high spirited and thrill seeking. I get that and you are still young enough but don't lose your dignity either.

As for that age gap, pah! No problem!!! :pac:

422nd

Beruthiel wrote: »

That's a sweeping statment and not true for an awful lot of French people.

Beruthiel wrote: »

He's a 20 year old French man, he's looking for a shag and doesn't give a toss what age you are.

So was that, to be a little fair.

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Thanks peggypeg. I suppose its just because I didnt go on my "conventional date" and that was what i was worried about. Usually if im in Ireland, i end up going to a pub in Dublin, having a chat and even usually drink Cranberry juice as i drive into town. So this date was far from anything like that. I found it refreshing and no i didnt puke on him or got agressive.

As for the comment "just meet him for sex again". Ahem, but sorry I didnt go to bed with him or ever have sex etc., I didnt even snog him the other night as I was dancing so much. I might have had a bit of alcohol....but doesnt mean I let my standards down. I understand the French man comment. But after living in France for 3.5 years, and after dating 4 Irish guys and a Scottish while living here. I thought, sure why not, give a french guy a go...as theres plenty of men here, not like Dublin.

The highlighted bit just jumped off the page up dancing on a table to my neck my pussy and my crack and that's not letting your standards down, i'm far from a prude and love to party as much as the next person but if I see a girl up dancing like that to such a song, sorry but it does not give a great impression. You don't seem bothered about making an effort really with this guy is it just the attention you like.

Peggypeg

Wow, cannot get over the judgementalness on this thread!!! SHAME ON YOU MAGNETICIMPULSE, you didn't behave with dignity!!! I mean, my god people, this forum is getting bloody old and stale with people going on like anything less than perfect is a big bloody sin, next you'll be sending her to AA. And what's witht the warnings that she won't meet his family? She didn't say she want to!!! What is this? The 1950s? Not every date has to be with a view to marraige, for christ's sake, it's like people only answer so they can go on about how perfect they are, like none of yiz ever drank too much, ffs.

Back to the OP,

You went out, got hammered, danced on table, had an all out whale of a time and the hot 20 year old had a big grin when you text him to apologise for leaving, happy days Missy, that guy sounds like a good time. ENJOY and stop bloody worrying!!!

Eve_Dublin

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

You drank loads that night for a woman, don't kid yourself. Drunkness that looks crushingly sexy and wild on a 22 year old may soon one day just look dishevelled and pathetic on a 30 year old. I'm not saying that's the case now, but the problem is one day you will cross the point where its 'charming' or 'wild and sexy' into another stage where it just looks mental. No-one will tell you about this, men will still ride you but they will then avoid you and so will other women.

I think a wine drunk (specifically being drunk on wine) looks pretty messy on anybody of any age actually. Nothing worse than seeing a young woman stumbling around holding walls for balance. No doubt some men who see women in that state are thinking, "easy shag" regardless of age.

I have to agree with Peggyleg to a certain degree. OP if you havent´got your heart set on having some sort of relationship with this guy, then do what you want to do...or maybe he´s bored of women acting "Ladylike" and you´re a novelty. I don´t get that drunk anymore really because I can´t handle "the fear" the next day (gets worse as you get older) but I have in the past and if somebody wants to carry on that way, then it´s a free country. It´s not as if you had your head down a toilet bowl or you could barely walk. I´d much rather hang out with a girl like you Magneticimpulse than some of the women I meet nowadays who are too concerned with not coming across as "Ladylike". They bore me to tears. I like women who know how to have the craic. Why are lads allowed to "let go" at these occasions and were expected to sit and look pretty? It´s not all about attracting the opposite sex(although granted, in this case it is)...sometimes it´s great just to really let go sometimes after a long week (and I´ve no doubt there´s a serious need to let off some steam doing a PhD in Chemistry :eek: ) I´d hate to think I can´t do that just because I´ve turned 30 and because I might turn off a potential suitor. Feck that, quite frankly. If you don´t like it, don´t talk to me.

Saying all that and possibly contradicting myself as well, I´ve been going out with a guy the past few months whose from a culture where people (men and women) don´t get baloobas....so we don´t get baloobas and I love it. Just a couple of beers or share a bottle of wine sometimes. Makes a nice change conducting a relationship soberly instead of getting drunk every time we meet up. Maybe do something involving less alcohol for the next date if you want anything to come of this....just to mix it up a little bit and show him another facet of your personality.

Good luck!

Edit: I´ve got a friend over here (Spain) who is Irish and is the ultimate party animal. She´s been with her Spanish boyfriend for about 2 and a half years. She´s a loose canon when were out and she´s GREAT craic and her boyfriend loves her for it. He´s good fun himself and they´re a great couple to be around because they include everyone and are extremely sociable. Like attract alike. If a man gets turned off by a woman having fun, chances are he´s not that much fun himself.

Look, I've lived in France and I've known a lot of French people in my life, and I think Beruthiel's comment is spot on. French people look down on people, especially women, who get drunk and act wild. I'm pretty reserved with new people and don't drink much compared to most Irish people, and I heard word back from a party that I'd been to that the guys thought I was a slapper because I got tipsy and was talking to everyone. French girls are so, so conservative and French guys view anyone who isn't as an easy shag. Sorry if that's unfair, but I practically grew up there, I know what it's like.

While a girl who gets wasted (and 2 bottles of wine between a few people plus rum and punch IS a lot) and dances on a table might be seen as a laugh in Ireland, in France she will be seen as a joke/slapper/idiot. Honestly. Miss Fluff is right. And not speaking French will lose you even more respect. I am 99% sure the guy just wants to have sex with you. If you're fine with that, looks like you're in there, but if you want more, forget it.

Sarahon

I don't think you did anything wrong!! On the contrary! You said yourself you have plenty of dates, it's not like you go out at night with the sole purpose of finding a husband who will take you to his mom! Which is great!
So you enjoyed your night, without any effort the guy was after you, you danced on the tables (excellent!!! ) and he still wants to see you!

The age gap, language barrier and different nationalities probably just make you more exotic and interesting to him!!

Go for it! If he's going out with u just for sex, as some people suggested, you will find out very quickly and it's up 2 u to have it or not. And if he's gorgeous and you also feel like just having sex, big deal! Enjoy it!
If he actually thought you are a lot of fun, not boring like other girls who are too worried about spoiling their make-up on the dance floor – and that's what I would think, if I was a guy! – even better!

You got nothing to lose! And guilty is such a waste of time Keep having fun and dancing on the tables for as long as you want!!


PS. As for getting drunk looking silly on 30 yo, that’s crap! I have a male friend who is 40 and goes out with younger girls. One day he was complaining that the girls he went out with were too immature for him, and we asked "so why do you go out with younger women, if you prefer older women?" And he said, "cos I can't find women over 30 who go dancing and have a great crazy time as I like to do! I wish they were out there, and I wonder where they are hidding!"

gandalf

Just a bit of advice if you are interested in meeting him again how about you reboot the 1st date and go somewhere were you both can try and get to know each other without going overboard on the alcohol.

LegacyUser

Sarahon wrote: »

I don't think you did anything wrong!! On the contrary! You said yourself you have plenty of dates, it's not like you go out at night with the sole purpose of finding a husband who will take you to his mom! Which is great!
So you enjoyed your night, without any effort the guy was after you, you danced on the tables (excellent!!! ) and he still wants to see you!

The age gap, language barrier and different nationalities probably just make you more exotic and interesting to him!!

Go for it! If he's going out with u just for sex, as some people suggested, you will find out very quickly and it's up 2 u to have it or not. And if he's gorgeous and you also feel like just having sex, big deal! Enjoy it!
If he actually thought you are a lot of fun, not boring like other girls who are too worried about spoiling their make-up on the dance floor – and that's what I would think, if I was a guy! – even better!

You got nothing to lose! And guilty is such a waste of time Keep having fun and dancing on the tables for as long as you want!!


PS. As for getting drunk looking silly on 30 yo, that’s crap! I have a male friend who is 40 and goes out with younger girls. One day he was complaining that the girls he went out with were too immature for him, and we asked "so why do you go out with younger women, if you prefer older women?" And he said, "cos I can't find women over 30 who go dancing and have a great crazy time as I like to do! I wish they were out there, and I wonder where they are hidding!"

So you think women should change to suit men that like to go dancing?

Imhof Tank

[quote=[Deleted User];66812657]Look, I've lived in France and I've known a lot of French people in my life, and I think Beruthiel's comment is spot on. French people look down on people, especially women, who get drunk and act wild. I'm pretty reserved with new people and don't drink much compared to most Irish people, and I heard word back from a party that I'd been to that the guys thought I was a slapper because I got tipsy and was talking to everyone. French girls are so, so conservative and French guys view anyone who isn't as an easy shag. Sorry if that's unfair, but I practically grew up there, I know what it's like.

While a girl who gets wasted (and 2 bottles of wine between a few people plus rum and punch IS a lot) and dances on a table might be seen as a laugh in Ireland, in France she will be seen as a joke/slapper/idiot. Honestly. Miss Fluff is right. And not speaking French will lose you even more respect. I am 99% sure the guy just wants to have sex with you. If you're fine with that, looks like you're in there, but if you want more, forget it.[/QUOTE]


What would you rather be – “so, so conservative” and respected by the French guys, or someone who has the self confidence to go against the grain and act “wild” or like yourself gets tipsy occasionally?

You say yourself that the attitudes of these guys are unfair – and yet you seem to be implying that the OP should give in to the unfair value system and become a demur conservative to fit in with the expectations of the backward thinking local misogynists?

For what, to gain their “respect”?

Where would that leave her? – a bitter, respected, cynic.

Don’t change a thing about yourself OP – especially not for the sake of a nation of humourless gits as described by Roger Early Suffix.

magneticimpulse

1st of all thanks for all the comments. Everyone's insights have been very good. However I never asked for people's opinion on what they "think of french men". I asked more about the 2nd date and what we could do...regardless of the dates nationality. French people have relationships too you know, and im sure in a whole country, there has to be at least 1 nice guy. Ive dated enough of snobby Irish guys who think all Dublin girls are slappers, that its time for a change. (yes the irish guys comment is not true for all irish men,....ive lots of nice irish friends).

I do go on 2nd dates and guys get on great with them. But I was intending on moving back to Ireland, so most of my dates were with Irish guys. Yes I have a few (4th and 5th time dates) lined up in Dublin with them again. And I think alot of people have a negative attitude to sex...everyone seems to just think he is out for just sex. Well I didnt have sex with him 1st night we met, nor on the date...so i doubt his motives are just sex. What happened to actually liking people??

Yeah he might not be husband material...but jeez, i only just met him. Hardly going to be thinking about meeting the in-laws already.

Also, I spend my time meeting up with the top Profs. in europe who coordinate my PhD...from Cambridge, Geneva, etc...Im not some slapper, I have a life too and people are being so judgemental. If I acted all holy and proper...it would just be boring. I do have a serious side. I work hard, but I equally play hard. So what if I danced around and had a few glasses of wine, dont want to be a complete geek.

Fact is, despite the way i went on at the 1st date (and no i didnt need to balance myself on anything...could even run down the road in my highheels for the bus). I do have a 2nd date with him (and we havnt had sex...so he not just after that). I would like advice on what to do on the 2nd date?? Places to go, things to see??

Imhof Tank

Imhof Tank wrote: »

What would you rather be – “so, so conservative” and respected by the French guys, or someone who has the self confidence to go against the grain and act “wild” or like yourself gets tipsy occasionally?

You say yourself that the attitudes of these guys are unfair – and yet you seem to be implying that the OP should give in to the unfair value system and become a demur conservative to fit in with the expectations of the backward thinking local misogynists?

For what, to gain their “respect”?

Where would that leave her? – a bitter, respected, cynic.

Don’t change a thing about yourself OP – especially not for the sake of a nation of humourless gits as described by Roger Early Suffix.

I'm saying that's how it is. To think otherwise is really naive. There's nothing inherently wrong with how the French view things. They, male and female, see this kind of behaviour as trashy and unacceptable. A lot of European countries still have norms for women which might be different to the norms to men (although most men don't get trashed and go wild either), there is no 'ladette' culture there like there is in Ireland, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Personally, I'm sort of between the two viewpoints.

I lived in Belgium last year, and the Belgian girls were laughing at me for drinking Leffe because 'girls don't drink Leffe'. I think that's really over-prissy, it's not like I was getting wasted on it, but those attitudes are still the norm there. I drank it anyway, but I was aware that people were looking down on me for it. It's not that you can't do what you want, but you can't tell other people what to think of it. I think it is a bit arrogant to try to impose Irish cultural values and norms on French people. They're hardly going to change all their thinking, are they? OP is free to party and be as wild as she likes, nobody is stopping her, but what I'm saying is, she is just not going to be respected for it. Fact. That's just how it is. What you might see as 'going against the grain' would be seen as 'losing your dignity and making a fool of yourself' in France. Who is to say which idea is right or wrong? It's just two different cultures.

magneticimpulse

[quote=[Deleted User];66814784]I'm saying that's how it is. To think otherwise is really naive. There's nothing inherently wrong with how the French view things. They, male and female, see this kind of behaviour as trashy and unacceptable. A lot of European countries still have norms for women which might be different to the norms to men (although most men don't get trashed and go wild either), there is no 'ladette' culture there like there is in Ireland, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Personally, I'm sort of between the two viewpoints.

I lived in Belgium last year, and the Belgian girls were laughing at me for drinking Leffe because 'girls don't drink Leffe'. I think that's really over-prissy, it's not like I was getting wasted on it, but those attitudes are still the norm there. I drank it anyway, but I was aware that people were looking down on me for it. It's not that you can't do what you want, but you can't tell other people what to think of it. I think it is a bit arrogant to try to impose Irish cultural values and norms on French people. They're hardly going to change all their thinking, are they? OP is free to party and be as wild as she likes, nobody is stopping her, but what I'm saying is, she is just not going to be respected for it. Fact. That's just how it is. What you might see as 'going against the grain' would be seen as 'losing your dignity and making a fool of yourself' in France. Who is to say which idea is right or wrong? It's just two different cultures.[/QUOTE]


Not really...I was at a "Black" party with people from Senegal and Martinique and various other African origins. They thought it was hilarious and fab that I acutally put that song on, and they all said they love that song and it was so refreshing for them not to meet a "conservative french person". It is possible to change things. Theres lots of "ladettes" on the last tram at night.

Anyway this is going off topic and is not concern of mine. I still dont have suggestions on what would be appropriate on 2nd date?

The guy was not put off, and we are going out again. Nobody at the party was put off either...everyone had a great time.

28064212

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I could go to the cinema I suppose on the next date. It just seems so boring to me for a date. I usually fall asleep in cinema's as well. So ive no idea where we could go to avoid alcohol. Even if we went for dinner it would involve alcohol...as you usually get a bottle of wine with meal. Its just so difficult to avoid Wine. I mean the night I met him, I had been on a 4 day Wine Festival here.

The bolded parts stand out like a sore thumb. Are you telling me you can't go for a meal and not have a drink? That's pretty worrying. Are you incapable of ordering a coke or a water instead? Or even if you have a single bottle of wine between the two of you, are you incapable of stopping at that?

In terms of alternative dates, depends on your interests and what's around you, but there's art galleries, museums, concert halls, or you could just go for a walk/picnic in a nearby park. Being unable to see beyond the pub and the cinema for a date screams lack of imagination tbh

Distorted

Beruthiel wrote: »

He's a 20 year old French man, he's looking for a shag and doesn't give a toss what age you are.

As you live in France, I will assume you are well aware of their attitude towards people who drink too much.
He will have the perception of what us Irish are known for and has made allowances.
He will be quite happy to meet up again for sex, but you ain't ever meeting his mother.

btw - there is a difference between having a good time and making a holy show of yourself.
And that's coming from someone who likes to party.

If you want to see him again, just call him up. Seriously, I can't see him saying no.

He's a Frenchman. He likes you. He will be thinking all those things but being French he will probably fall in love with you without meaning to because you are different and want to see you long term. Also I should imagine there is quite a lot of prestige in having an older girlfriend, and at 29, you are in your prime. However if you want to meet someone slightly more intellectual than a train driver in future, you might want to learn how to be a little more dignified as some things do look better when you're in your twenties than in your forties.

magneticimpulse

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Not really...I was at a "Black" party with people from Senegal and Martinique and various other African origins. They thought it was hilarious and fab that I acutally put that song on, and they all said they love that song and it was so refreshing for them not to meet a "conservative french person". It is possible to change things. Theres lots of "ladettes" on the last tram at night.

Anyway this is going off topic and is not concern of mine. I still dont have suggestions on what would be appropriate on 2nd date?

The guy was not put off, and we are going out again. Nobody at the party was put off either...everyone had a great time.

So why are you asking what you should do? How come you don't know yourself? What's your 'issue' here because I'm not getting it. You seemed to be saying you made a fool of yourself by drinking too much and now you're saying you weren't drunk at all, and everyone loved you. What do you need to recover from if everything is fine?

Adam

[quote=[Deleted User];66815156]So why are you asking what you should do? How come you don't know yourself? What's your 'issue' here because I'm not getting it. You seemed to be saying you made a fool of yourself by drinking too much and now you're saying you weren't drunk at all, and everyone loved you. What do you need to recover from if everything is fine?[/QUOTE]
is there an echo in here?

Wibbs

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I would like advice on what to do on the 2nd date?? Places to go, things to see??

Ok cool, but I'm tending to agree with:

Adam wrote: »

you came looking for advice, i'm giving mine. the fact that you're defending your actions means you think they're ok, so why are you asking for other peoples opinions? if you're happy then do what you do and be done with it, non?

more and more. Though I think its more about looking for external reinforcement myself.

If it was a simple "we went out had a laugh, so I'm looking for something different second date wise" then why get into the gory details of the first date? And some tone of self justification? Are there some part or parts of it you're concerned may have given him the wrong impression? If not why mention them? Apologies if this is not the reasoning behind it, but that's how its coming across to me and early on how it was coming across to one other poster at least.

You do seem somewhat surprised he's up for a second date. Frankly so am I. Nada to do with your age and his, or even the drinking and dancing on tables to some degree, but leaving the guy high and dry while you go off with others would put off most men. Rightfully so. It's nothing to do with whether they're "sound" or not. Most men would consider it the height of simple bad manners. As would most women in his position. As would I. If it was me, the age, drinking, dancing on tables would be fine(if they werent a constant fixture of someones personality), but the manners bit would have me pulling the "its not you its me, actually no, its you" line. It smacks too much of self centered mindset. "I'm a free spirit out to enjoy myself and so long as I am the feelings of others are in second place".

As for him not looking for just sex. Well its only been one date, so unless he's pretty obvious about just wanting a one night legover, even the biggest whoremaster is gonna play some sort of waiting game if he's just looking for a good time girl for a while.

As for the second date, unless someone has knowledge of the place you're posting from any specific advice beyond the vague is gonna be wanting. Gandalf pretty much nailed it with this :

Just a bit of advice if you are interested in meeting him again how about you reboot the 1st date and go somewhere were you both can try and get to know each other without going overboard on the alcohol.

You say the cinema is out as you have a tendency to fall asleep. Which is a bit of a but OK. There are museums(not exactly exciting mind), going for a coffee during the day or early evening, going for a bit of a hike if you're in some area of natural beauty.

You could also go for a meal. You don't need to get into the wine either. I've gone for meals in France, Spain, Italy and Greece, all lands of Vino and on occasion have stuck to the fizzy water and absolutely nada was said about it. If you were some 18 year old wanting to fit in then I could see some reasoning behind it, but you're not. So maybe get him to show you the local sights(if he's local), go for a meal in the evening and then maybe somewhere after for a couple of drinks. That should sort a second date and give him the chance to see more of what you have to offer and vice versa.

Imhof Tank

[quote=[Deleted User];66814784]I'm saying that's how it is. To think otherwise is really naive. There's nothing inherently wrong with how the French view things.

I lived in Belgium last year, and the Belgian girls were laughing at me for drinking Leffe because 'girls don't drink Leffe'. I think that's really over-prissy, it's not like I was getting wasted on it, but those attitudes are still the norm there. I drank it anyway, but I was aware that people were looking down on me for it. It's not that you can't do what you want, but you can't tell other people what to think of it. I think it is a bit arrogant to try to impose Irish cultural values and norms on French people. They're hardly going to change all their thinking, are they? OP is free to party and be as wild as she likes, nobody is stopping her, but what I'm saying is, she is just not going to be respected for it. Fact. That's just how it is. What you might see as 'going against the grain' would be seen as 'losing your dignity and making a fool of yourself' in France. Who is to say which idea is right or wrong? It's just two different cultures.[/QUOTE]

It may be how it is but that doesnt mean she has to pander to them. And I thought you acknowledged in an earlier post that these attitudes are unfair - which I agree with and which sounds pretty black and white - so how is that "unfairness" not inherently wrong?

Re the bolded bits above - there is a lot of focus on what other people think going on in your post. Why cant she just be herself and have fun instead of obsessing about what the whole French town might be thinking?

Wibbs

[quote=[Deleted User];66815156]So why are you asking what you should do? How come you don't know yourself? What's your 'issue' here because I'm not getting it. You seemed to be saying you made a fool of yourself by drinking too much and now you're saying you weren't drunk at all, and everyone loved you. What do you need to recover from if everything is fine?[/QUOTE]This as mine is TL;DR

Wibbs

Imhof Tank wrote: »

Re the bolded bits above - there is a lot of focus on what other people think going on in your post. Why cant she just be herself and have fun instead of obsessing about what the whole French town might be thinking?

Simply because that's what the OP herself seems to be doing in her very first post.

Imhof Tank

Wibbs wrote: »

Simply because that's what the OP herself seems to be doing in her very first post.

What I got from the first post was she was concerned about what this one bloke may have thought of her based on the first night - not what the rest of the town might have thought.

By her further posts he sounds like he's cool with the OP's personality so clearly he couldnt be representative of French men generally who would apparantly be disgusted by her.

As she isnt worried about the rest of the men in France - only the one guy from the first night - then why should she undergo a complete personality transplant just to be more acceptable to the rest of them.

Imhof Tank

Imhof Tank wrote: »

It may be how it is but that doesnt mean she has to pander to them. And I thought you acknowledged in an earlier post that these attitudes are unfair - which I agree with and which sounds pretty black and white - so how is that "unfairness" not inherently wrong?

Re the bolded bits above - there is a lot of focus on what other people think going on in your post. Why cant she just be herself and have fun instead of obsessing about what the whole French town might be thinking?

I didn't say the attitudes were unfair. I said I thought my lumping all French men into one category could be considered unfair. And the OP seems to be worried about what other people think, no matter how much she's trying to convince us otherwise. My point is, people think things, and they're hardly wrong for doing so. Whether or not you pay attention to them or not is a personal decision.

Imhof Tank

[quote=[Deleted User];66816025]I didn't say the attitudes were unfair. I said I thought my lumping all French men into one category could be considered unfair. And the OP seems to be worried about what other people think, no matter how much she's trying to convince us otherwise. My point is, people think things, and they're hardly wrong for doing so. Whether or not you pay attention to them or not is a personal decision.[/QUOTE]

Couldnt agree with that - some things are black and white.

Imhof Tank

Imhof Tank wrote: »

Couldnt agree with that - some things are black and white.

What? Who are you to tell other people what they should think?

Imhof Tank

[quote=[Deleted User];66816399]What? Who are you to tell other people what they should think?[/QUOTE]

Well, I was thinking about some admittedly extreme examples such as white supremacist groups or people who carry out honour killings of their sisters/ daughters - some of those guys think their beliefs are reaonable

Emme

None of us are perfect all the time. If the OP is working on her PhD she needs to let off steam some time. I admire the French guy for not trying to sleep with her on the first night and if she meets him again fair play.

Maybe she was thinking "I'd better have as much fun here in France as I can because it's pretty bleak at home from what I read on boards!":D

Imhof Tank

Imhof Tank wrote: »

Well, I was thinking about some admittedly extreme examples such as white supremacist groups or people who carry out honour killings of their sisters/ daughters - some of those guys think their beliefs are reaonable

Eh...we're clearly not talking about that here, so why bother bringing it up? People looking down on other people for drinking a certain drink or dancing on a table aren't committing a crime, and I don't think their beliefs are unreasonable, just different. I think you're being rather intolerant here. You don't go to other countries and moan when people don't act and think the same as in Ireland.

Adam

Emme wrote: »

None of us are perfect all the time. If the OP is working on her PhD she needs to let off steam some time. I admire the French guy for not trying to sleep with her on the first night and if she meets him again fair play.

Maybe she was thinking "I'd better have as much fun here in France as I can because it's pretty bleak at home from what I read on boards!":D

he didnt really get a chance, she left him outside the club!

Imhof Tank

[quote=[Deleted User];66816742]Eh...we're clearly not talking about that here, so why bother bringing it up? People looking down on other people for drinking a certain drink or dancing on a table aren't committing a crime, and I don't think their beliefs are unreasonable, just different. I think you're being rather intolerant here. You don't go to other countries and moan when people don't act and think the same as in Ireland.[/QUOTE]

I bothered because you challenged me to give examples of unreasonable beliefs and those examples sprang to mind just to illustrate the point at hand.

Regarding the concept of tolerence, its the French who have the probelms by the sounds of the posts on this thread. And I dont think it was a case of the OP moaning about the French - posters felt that the French men and women would be privately disgusted by the OP - so they are the intolerant moaners not her

Imhof Tank

Imhof Tank wrote: »

I bothered because you challenged me to give examples of unreasonable beliefs and those examples sprang to mind just to illustrate the point at hand.

Regarding the concept of tolerence, its the French who have the probelms by the sounds of the posts on this thread. And I dont think it was a case of the OP moaning about the French - posters felt that the French men and women would be privately disgusted by the OP - so they are the intolerant moaners not her

No, I didn't. I swear you're reading a different thread. Look, I think a lot of people here expect others to share their idea of what a 'good time' or a 'laugh' is. It's no more intolerant to look down your nose at someone for getting drunk and dancing on a table than to look down your nose at someone for NOT doing it. Some posters have commended the OP for 'letting loose' and 'not caring what anyone thinks' - in France and plenty of other places, this is a BAD thing! The good thing would be to show some restraint and behave properly in public because getting drunk is the 'easy' thing to do.

I'm not saying I liked the attitude of most French men I met, but I wouldn't go as far as to say they were wrong. I was in their country, so I wasn't going to expect them to live by my rules. I just didn't date them because I didn't like their views and knew we wouldn't be compatible. A lot of people in the world would be privately disgusted by a drunk woman dancing on a table singing 'my back my pussy my crack.' That's hardly a revelation to you, is it?

LegacyUser

Imhof Tank wrote: »

I bothered because you challenged me to give examples of unreasonable beliefs and those examples sprang to mind just to illustrate the point at hand.

Regarding the concept of tolerence, its the French who have the probelms by the sounds of the posts on this thread. And I dont think it was a case of the OP moaning about the French - posters felt that the French men and women would be privately disgusted by the OP - so they are the intolerant moaners not her

I am not Irish, not French, and I think OP's behaviour that night was not proper.

I dont think having a bit of manner and behaving yourself = not having fun.

Well, but every one makes mistakes.

Imhof Tank

[quote=[Deleted User];66817257]No, I didn't. I swear you're reading a different thread. Look, I think a lot of people here expect others to share their idea of what a 'good time' or a 'laugh' is. It's no more intolerant to look down your nose at someone for getting drunk and dancing on a table than to look down your nose at someone for NOT doing it. Some posters have commended the OP for 'letting loose' and 'not caring what anyone thinks' - in France and plenty of other places, this is a BAD thing! The good thing would be to show some restraint and behave properly in public because getting drunk is the 'easy' thing to do.

I'm not saying I liked the attitude of most French men I met, but I wouldn't go as far as to say they were wrong. I was in their country, so I wasn't going to expect them to live by my rules. I just didn't date them because I didn't like their views and knew we wouldn't be compatible. A lot of people in the world would be privately disgusted by That's hardly a revelation to you, is it?[/QUOTE]

I would say the most agreeable people are those who don’t look down their noses at anyone. Is it naïve to think non judgmental people exist in this world?

Izzy, my problem is with people advising the OP to change her entire lifestyle – even though she seems happy with it herself - for the sole purpose of making herself less scandalous in the eyes of the local folk.

And yes, I can imagine what people would have thought of a drunk woman dancing on a table singing 'my back my pussy my crack.' (although I think she was dancing to it as opposed to singing the words and I do think there is a difference there) - some probably would probably have been shocked and stunned - but thats not the point - the point is whether she has to join AA and generally amend her ways so as be less shocking in the future

Imhof Tank

Imhof Tank wrote: »

I would say the most agreeable people are those who don’t look down their noses at anyone. Is it naïve to think non judgmental people exist in this world?

Yes, it's incredibly naive. We all judge people. You've done it in this thread.

Izzy, my problem is with people advising the OP to change her entire lifestyle – even though she seems happy with it herself - for the sole purpose of making herself less scandalous in the eyes of the local folk.

But we all thought she was asking for advice about that, about how her behaviour might have come across to the locals. People advised her not to drink so much and she's since said that isn't an issue. People said French men don't generally like women who get drunk and dance on table, she's said that isn't an issue.

And yes, I can imagine what people would have thought of a drunk woman dancing on a table singing 'my back my pussy my crack.' (although I think she was dancing to it as opposed to singing the words and I do think there is a difference there) - some probably would probably have been shocked and stunned - but thats not the point - the point is whether she has to join AA and generally amend her ways so as be less shocking in the future

That's up to her. My point is, you can't expect other people to live by your standards. You can't expect nobody to ever think negatively of you when your behaviour is outside the norm for the community. If that isn't a problem, fine, but as I said, you can't control how people see you.

sam34

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Im a very fun girl. I dont "need" alcohol to have fun.

if thats true, then just go for dinner with him, a conventional date.

magneticimpulse wrote: »

So ive no idea where we could go to avoid alcohol. Even if we went for dinner it would involve alcohol...as you usually get a bottle of wine with meal. Its just so difficult to avoid Wine.

why do you actually have to go out of your way to avoid alcohol?

you can just go to a restaurant and not drink wine... drink sparkling water, soda water and lime etc

Jim_Bob_2010

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Ok where to start.
We had already had a bottle of wine in my friends house before we met him. Downed some Baileys and Cointreau. Then we had another bottle of wine at the party, followed by punch with Martinique Rum in it (70%). At which point I got up and started dancing on the table to "My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack".

We got bored (myself and my friend) and went to a pub...which was followed by more alcohol. My date drove us to a nightclub. Outside a guy kept calling me English and I got pissed off (then other men thought i said FCUK and they got angry for no reason...all French men...I live in France). So 2 British friends arrived in their car and I left with them...leaving the date outside the nightclub, without even saying goodbye. Of course I texted him to say some men were getting in a fight with us.

Please OP, if people think you're English do your country a favor and don't correct them.

Honestly, in your heart of hearts do you really think he considers you more than an easy ride?

dellas1979

Ahahahaha sorry-OP your story reminds me of that video from the prodigy "smack my bitch up".
Um Im not quite sure what the problem is - Ive tried reading through the thread but other posters seem to be confused too.
Is it about the french guy? i.e. did your behaviour put him off? I guess not if he is looking for a second date.