Men : Is 12 sexual parteners alot in your mid 20s?

LynseyH

My boyfriend has slept with 12 women when he was between 18-24.

Its a huge turn off for me, i think its alot of parteners, but he disagrees.

All you men out there would you agree that is alot or not?

Im not sure what the average amount of sexual parteners for the average bloke is.

Faith

My ex had about the same number by 26 and I considered it pretty normal.

prinz

It's really irrelevant what other people see as 'normal', 'average' or a 'lot'. It's up to you OP in fairness. Can you come to terms with it or not..

Is someone else telling you they had 50 partners by that stage honestly going to make your bf's history any less of a turn off for you? It's really something that is only relevant to you and to your relationship.

Chinafoot

LynseyH wrote: »

My boyfriend has slept with 12 women when he was between 18-24.

So over a 6 or 7 year period he had sex with ~2 people a year.
I personally don't see it as excessive at all, but I'm not you.
As Prinz said, it comes down to what you think yourself. If its a deal-breaker for you then its a deal-breaker. I would think that you'll have a hard time finding many men in the mid-twenties that havent had a number around that of your current boyfriend, though, unless they've had long term relationships.

sarmer

I'm a girl and I don't think it's a lot at all!! I'd say it's very normal. Think about it, that's on average 2 girls a year so he definitely doesn't sound like the type of guy who was out every weekend shagging lots of different girls.

Numbers don't really bother me at all. I'd only be worried if he had been cheating on previous girlfriends or he wasn't using condoms.

krudler

Ah the old "how many" question, tbh its a question you shouldnt ask if you cant handle the answer you're going to get.

Everyone has an idea of whats "acceptable", to some 5 by 25 is too many, to some 50 by 25 wouldnt bat an eyelid. Whether or not you're able to accept it and move on is up to you. Someone who was what you may deem promiscuous may not cheat on you,promiscuity doesnt equal unfaithfulness.

When you look at it thats less than 2 people a year. Thats not a huge amount when you think of it, i'm assuming he was in a few relationships as well during all this so its not like he was doing someone different every weekend.

dontbemean

the way i look at it, the more experience a person has, the more likely it is that they'll know what they're doing in bed... nothing wrong with that.

tenchi-fan

Also, don't forget the rule of three:
"If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. "

Miss Fluff

You catagorically should not be asking those questions if you can't handle being given an answer. It really is as simple as that. Why do people feel this compulsion to have exact numbers and then freak out when told the truth???

As an aside, 12 partners in his mid-20s hardly makes the chap Don Juan. I would think that would be pretty average. And like I said above, it sounds like you might not be happy with his answer regardless of the figure he gave you. Give the guy a break....

LynseyH

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Also, don't forget the rule of three:
"If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. "

Ha iv heard that plenty. But i dont understand why a man would want to up his number? I think it turns women off. I think women prefer to hear that a man has a low number.

krudler

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Also, don't forget the rule of three:
"If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. "

Thats nonsense tbh, I think most women would rather a guy had a low number and was in a stable relationship where he knew what he was doing instead of a high number and just throwing it into anyone at the weekends, high numbers dont impress anyone.

LighterGuy

Sad fact is ALL people lie when it comes to how many they've slept with.

Th only genuine answers you'll ever get is when a person genuinely only has had a few partners. (which is hard to find in this day and age even when a person hits 20)

So whatever number a partner tells you ... is a lie.

krudler

LighterGuy wrote: »

Sad fact is ALL people lie when it comes to how many they've slept with.

Th only genuine answers you'll ever get is when a person genuinely only has had a few partners. (which is hard to find in this day and age even when a person hits 20)

So whatever number a partner tells you ... is a lie.

I dont, dont see the point. I'm nearly 30 and my number isnt huge by any means, but I've had 3 long term relationships (2 years+)

Wagon

LynseyH wrote: »

Ha iv heard that plenty. But i dont understand why a man would want to up his number? I think it turns women off. I think women prefer to hear that a man has a low number.

Men prefer to hear a low number too. I think that anyone who multiplies by 3 is a bit of a git and is only trying to impress his mates.

The longer someone has been having sex the higher their number is bound to be. But it averages to 2 a year for him. It isn't high at all. I've met many people with much worse.

But it isn't important what i say. Like someone said above, if it's too high for your standards, it's too high. And you're entitled to that. If you think it's worth putting behind you then make the effort. In my experience though, if you look down on him for his number then break up now because it'll end anyway.

Esoteric_

All people do NOT lie about their sexual partners. I've slept with 2 people and am 21, and would not have it any other way, except I'd prefer if it was only the one. My boyfriend has had one sexual partner (myself) and my ex was a virgin til he met me, too. I'm not a prude or anything, I just am not confident enough to have taken people up on their offers in the past :P

I would prefer if my partners had NOT slept with 12 people by their mid twenties, but that's because of low self esteem, not because it's not normal. It's a pretty normal number. I know a 20 year old who's slept with more than that and she's far from a slut. She's only slept with 2 people in the last year, but lots of people go a bit nuts when they're teenagers.

So yeah 12 is normal, but if it's something that bothers YOU, then it's an issue. You need to realize that he's with YOU, not them and he doesn't appear to want any of them back, so there's really nothing to worry about.

Dudess

LighterGuy wrote: »

Sad fact is ALL people lie when it comes to how many they've slept with.

Th only genuine answers you'll ever get is when a person genuinely only has had a few partners. (which is hard to find in this day and age even when a person hits 20)

So whatever number a partner tells you ... is a lie.

What are you basing these "facts" on?
Not everyone lies, you don't know what the genuine answers are for everyone, whatever number a partner tells you is not always a lie.

And 12 partners by the mid 20s - well it depends on what the individual considers a little or a lot, but generally speaking, it's not a lot at all. If that person lost their virginity at 18, that's 12 people in seven years - not even two a year.

Denimgirl

as you get older you are not going to find a guy or a girl really that they could count on one hand how many they slept with it does happen but not often,is'nt it good thathe got all that out of his system?i think your creating a problem here.if you do break up it's gonna be difficult to find first: to find a guy you click with, second: a guy that slept with the amount of girls you think is acceptable!it's goona be tough especially as you get older! it's his past he told you the truth don't make an issue out of it you did'nt know him then it's what he does when he's with you now that counts!

krudler

I remember when I was 21 I was dating someone who was just gone 19 and had 22 partners, she only lost her virginity at 17 so thats a lot by whatever standards, and yeah it bugged me to the point where I lost respect for her because of it. she said that wasnt including guys who she "just" gave blow jobs to either, I didnt even want to know that number tbh. On the other hand the guy she started seeing after me is still with her 7 years later so it worked out for her in the end.

a friend of my girlfriends is a self admitted tramp, she'll sleep with anyone who looks at her, she actually doesnt know how many but its near 200 at this stage. its gotten to the stage now where on a night out she'll have a few guys hanging around her at the end of a club as they know they're guaranteed a shag from her.Yet she complains she cant get a boyfriend as everyone knows she's the town bike, you reap what you sow though...

seenitall

krudler wrote: »

a friend of my girlfriends is a self admitted tramp, she'll sleep with anyone who looks at her, she actually doesnt know how many but its near 200 at this stage. its gotten to the stage now where on a night out she'll have a few guys hanging around her at the end of a club as they know they're guaranteed a shag from her.Yet she complains she cant get a boyfriend as everyone knows she's the town bike, you reap what you sow though...

OMG. This must be about the saddest thing that I have read on these PI threads so far.

LynseyH

Dudess wrote: »

that's 12 people in seven years - not even two a year.

Well hes been with me almost 2 years and was with someone for a year and a half before me too. So thats 12 parteners in a shorter period than if he wasnt in two long relationships.

krudler

seenitall wrote: »

OMG. This must be about the saddest thing that I have read on these PI threads so far.

Well tbh I have zero sympathy for her, she knows what people think of her but wont stop doing it, any guy that even comes close to liking her freaks as soon as they find out she sleeps around so much, and she doesnt use protection most of the time either which is just scary,shes "too embarassed" to buy condoms apparently, like thats more embarassing than getting an STI?

LynseyH

krudler wrote: »

a friend of my girlfriends is a self admitted tramp, she'll sleep with anyone who looks at her, she actually doesnt know how many but its near 200 at this stage. its gotten to the stage now where on a night out she'll have a few guys hanging around her at the end of a club as they know they're guaranteed a shag from her.Yet she complains she cant get a boyfriend as everyone knows she's the town bike, you reap what you sow though...

Whats happened to people thinking that sex is more a sacred personal act of showing affection for someone?. I cant understand why people sleep around. I think its much more pleasurable to have sex with someone you care about than someone thats means nothing. Sex becomes meaningless. I think its sad the way the modern attitude of what sex is and what it means has become.

But thats my opinion.

LynseyH

And also, if men dont like when women sleep around, why do they do it? Why do they up their numbers?. I have more respect for a man that is confident to say yeah i have a low number.

To men out there, that sleep around, or have a high number. You cannot put down a woman for doing exactly what your doing.

Chinafoot

LynseyH wrote: »

Well hes been with me almost 2 years and was with someone for a year and a half before me too. So thats 12 parteners in a shorter period than if he wasnt in two long relationships.

So that's around ~4 partners a year. Thats still not a huge amount for someone in their late teens early 20s. That averages around 1 partner every 3 months, hardly shagging around every weekend.

I'm more surprised that this is now an issue after almost 2 years of being together. If you have a stable and loving relationship, I don't see how his actions frpm 3 and a half years ago can be upsetting you so much. He's with you, and has been for almost 2 years.

LynseyH

Chinafoot wrote: »

I'm more surprised that this is now an issue after almost 2 years of being together. If you have a stable and loving relationship, I don't see how his actions frpm 3 and a half years ago can be upsetting you so much. He's with you, and has been for almost 2 years.

Its not an issue between us really. Its just always at the back of my mind, and i dont like it. But i try and forget about it. Its just a turn off.

Rosita

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You catagorically should not be asking those questions if you can't handle being given an answer. It really is as simple as that. Why do people feel this compulsion to have exact numbers and then freak out when told the truth???

Leaving aside completely the specifics of the issue up for discussion here it seems a very strange thing to say that someone should "categorically" not be asking questions unless they can guarantee they will be happy (which presumably is what you mean by being able to 'handle' an answer) with the answer.

People ask questions to get answers. If they are entitled to ask the question then surely they are entitled to have an opinion - their own opinion - on those answers?

To argue otherwise seems a bit irrational and defensive to my mind.

Chinafoot

LynseyH wrote: »

Its not an issue between us really. Its just always at the back of my mind, and i dont like it. But i try and forget about it. Its just a turn off.

Well, no disrespect or anything, but why did you feel the need to post in personal issues if its not a problem in your relationship?

Rosita

krudler wrote: »

shes "too embarassed" to buy condoms apparently,

You'd wonder what could be so embarrassing about putting a coin or two in a condom machine in a pub toilet.

seenitall

krudler wrote: »

Well tbh I have zero sympathy for her, she knows what people think of her but wont stop doing it, any guy that even comes close to liking her freaks as soon as they find out she sleeps around so much, and she doesnt use protection most of the time either which is just scary,shes "too embarassed" to buy condoms apparently, like thats more embarassing than getting an STI?

Oh I wasn't suggesting that she wasn't responsible for her own misfortune. No two ways about it. It is just that the person she is hurting the most in the long-term is herself and her own self-esteem. I don't think that woman is going anywhere good in terms of self-realisation and personal happiness (and that's putting it mildly). That's why it is sad.

However, I should also probably reserve my biggest sympathies for people who aren't actually co-creators of their own mysery...

LynseyH

Chinafoot wrote: »

Well, no disrespect or anything, but why did you feel the need to post in personal issues if its not a problem in your relationship?

I was curious to what other people thought. I wanted to know if other people thought it was a high or low number. If the majority thought it was normal, it would be easier to forget about it.

LegacyUser

12 is nothing I once shagged 13 girls in 13 nights out so maybe 3/4 weeks. That was about 15 years ago so cant actually remember, just have the 13 out of 13 in my head.
Rarely used condoms and never had a std. Have never lied about something as trivial as numbers and my long terms have never cared, found it a turn on that I was a dirty dog more like.