Is your current lover the best you've ever had?

stripysocks85

As per the title, just wondering about people in relationships at the moment, if their current boyfriend/girlfriend is the best sexual partner they have ever had?

If not, do you think this poses a problem? i.e. do you think you are settling? Should you continue looking for someone who is a perfect match for you? Or does the fact they surpass all expectations in other aspecs of the relationship soothe the fact they're not the best lover you've had? I suppose, 'make up for it in other ways'??

Wibbs

Lets all keep this PG rated folks.

Joey the lips

My current lover is the only one i ever had and hopefully will be that way for the rest of our life. Everything about her is good not just one thing.

However although my research is non existant my reading is vast and from what i understand a good relationship has many aspects. Sim a good night does not happen every time.. but when it does it always seems like it was the best.

So really to ask the question rather than be settleing I think you as the op have settled and perhaps want someone to confirm your feelings. I imagine you need to discover yourself and your relationship will follow...

then again i dont know you.

Pembily

stripysocks85 wrote: »

As per the title, just wondering about people in relationships at the moment, if their current boyfriend/girlfriend is the best sexual partner they have ever had?

If not, do you think this poses a problem? i.e. do you think you are settling? Should you continue looking for someone who is a perfect match for you? Or does the fact they surpass all expectations in other aspecs of the relationship soothe the fact they're not the best lover you've had? I suppose, 'make up for it in other ways'??

My ex was the best I have ever had, we were so so so compatiable in the sex department and it is one thing that made me think alot before I broke up with him but while I loved the sex the rest wasn't right and I know that the next guy may not be as good but IMHO I think sex is something that can be worked on, people like different things so you work on what you / he likes!!!

To me sex is a big thing and would pose an issue if it wansn't very good but that is me, it all depends on how you feel!!! But if you are questioning why are you questioning??

We are all different but you are questioning it! xx

Stacks Mad

I find that our sex together depends on a lot of factor's for example mood time of the month how tired you are where you are etc etc .

Sometimes it's not great and other times it's unbelievable like OMG ,so like the op said it can be worked on but if other problems in the relationship are getting in the way of good/great sex then you have more problems than you know.

It is important in a relationship but IMO its not the most important thing in a relationship.
That's my opinion anyway!

Faith

When my ex put the effort in, he was definitely the best. Unfortunately he got very lazy wrt sex after a while, and it was often unsatisfying for me. I tried to talk to him about it a few times, but he didn't want to hear it.

But when it was good, it was fantastic.

Jules

Remco... my god i still blush when i think about him!

sleepyescapade

He is the best and hopefully always will be!

Contessa Raven

My current boyfriend is the one and only I've ever had. But damn is it goooooooood!

I find our sex life has up and downs though. If we're both stressed out with work or college then our sex life will suffer a bit. It may not be as good or we may do it less often and whatnot. Our overall relationship is pretty amazing though. We are good to each other and have a lot of respect for the other person and so even when sex slips up a bit, it is nice to know we can rely on the other stuff to keep us happy. I always know that he loves me and is into me even if it doesn't necessarily translate through to amazing, earth shattering sex.

Ickle Magoo

By a million, billion miles....one of the reasons I married him! :cool:

Colpriz

I would say so:) I feel comfortable now when it comes to sex with my current partner. With other girls I felt anxious and a need to be some kinda god in bed. I think it stems from the fact we became good friends first before anything else happened. I feel like we know, trust each other and are more accepting, less embarrassed and just enjoy the time together. We inspire one another to do things we may only have dreamt of before without any shame and with lots of respect for one another..

krudler

Definitely, we're pretty open about sex with each other. We dont get to see each other much, maybe 1-2 nights a week and sometimes we're not always able to do it for whatever reason, but when we do, its more than worth the wait

TitoPuente

stripysocks85 wrote: »

If not, do you think this poses a problem? i.e. do you think you are settling? Should you continue looking for someone who is a perfect match for you?

While sex is an important part of any relationship, if you're of the mindset that you should leave your partner because there might be someone out there who's much better in bed then you should probably avoid relationships for a while! If it's so bad (or absent) that it's really causing an issue then fair enough... but if it's just 'good' then the rest of the relationship should take care of itself. Besides, the physical aspect of sex is only a part of it. The emotional aspect is much more important. Or are we all at a stage where we're so shallow that relationships are all about instant gratification these days? :rolleyes:

Ickle Magoo

TitoPuente wrote: »

While sex is an important part of any relationship, if you're of the mindset that you should leave your partner because there might be someone out there who's much better in bed then you should probably avoid relationships for a while! If it's so bad (or absent) that it's really causing an issue then fair enough... but if it's just 'good' then the rest of the relationship should take care of itself. Besides, the physical aspect of sex is only a part of it. The emotional aspect is much more important. Or are we all at a stage where we're so shallow that relationships are all about instant gratification these days? :rolleyes:

Surely that's just one of the millions of things we consider when deciding, even subconsciously, whether to carry on with a relationship or whether a partner is attractive? I'm not sure I'd class turning down a lifetime of mediocre sex as worthy of being called shallow or given a rolleyes, tbh...especially bearing in mind the billions of alternatives.

TitoPuente

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Surely that's just one of the millions of things we consider when deciding, even subconsciously, whether to carry on with a relationship or whether a partner is attractive? I'm not sure I'd class turning down a lifetime of mediocre sex as worthy of being called shallow or given a rolleyes, tbh...especially bearing in mind the billions of alternatives.

Well I suppose it depends on what your other criteria are and what weight you give them really.

Ickle Magoo

In a nutshell, I'd say with slightly over 6.5 billion people in the world getting all the boxes ticked - including great lover - isn't just plausible, it'd be silly not to. :cool:

TitoPuente

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

In a nutshell, I'd say with slightly over 6.5 billion people in the world getting all the boxes ticked - including great lover - isn't just plausible, it'd be silly not to. :cool:

I suppose if you tick all the boxes yourself then maybe you'd be right to expect perfection from your partner. :cool:

Ickle Magoo

There is a world of difference between perfection and mediocrity...

dorothymantooth

is not easy to tell them how rough to be...........

TitoPuente

Indeed. And relationships aren't just about sex.

Ickle Magoo

TitoPuente wrote: »

Indeed. And relationships aren't just about sex.

Of course! I don't have sex with any of my friends.

With lovers tho, as per the OP, sex & the quality there of is fairly important...to me & mine, anyway.

Selected

Forgive my ignorance, but isn’t sex just sex? Is it not like everything else in life; it depends on one’s frame of mind?

When you really want it, regardless with whom you’re having it, it’s satisfying. Of course, there are occasions when one doesn’t expect much from a particular individual and where one finds oneself pleasantly surprised, but that’s mainly down to an underestimation of your own desire more than anything else.

Personally, I find sex (with a partner) an over-rated, and possibly an outdated activity, pleasurable as it is.

Of my promiscuous friends, I adjudge them to be intellectually and evolutionarily challenged. Granted, most of them are male adhering to obvious strong bonds and perceived roles in their respective communities, but some are female, who also have an uncanny connection or allegiance to their local community, or for the purposes of this post, to their local tribe.

It is my belief that an overly sexed individual, or a person who places an emphasis on the importance of their sexual satisfaction, is an individual who could trace their genetic heritage to the Neanderthal tribes of Germany.

Look, sex is great when you know where it comes from – it begins and ends in the mind.

krudler

Selected wrote: »

Forgive my ignorance, but isn’t sex just sex? Is it not like everything else in life; it depends on one’s frame of mind?

When you really want it, regardless with whom you’re having it, it’s satisfying. Of course, there are occasions when one doesn’t expect much from a particular individual and where one finds oneself pleasantly surprised, but that’s mainly down to an underestimation of your own desire more than anything else.

Personally, I find sex (with a partner) an over-rated, and possibly an outdated activity, pleasurable as it is.

Of my promiscuous friends, I adjudge them to be intellectually and evolutionarily challenged. Granted, most of them are male adhering to obvious strong bonds and perceived roles in their respective communities, but some are female, who also have an uncanny connection or allegiance to their local community, or for the purposes of this post, to their local tribe.

It is my belief that an overly sexed individual, or a person who places an emphasis on the importance of their sexual satisfaction, is an individual who could trace their genetic heritage to the Neanderthal tribes of Germany.

Look, sex is great when you know where it comes from – it begins and ends in the mind.

Someone aint getting any

Ickle Magoo

Selected wrote: »

Personally, I find sex (with a partner) an over-rated, and possibly an outdated activity, pleasurable as it is.

Does that mean sex with things other than a partner are not? Hmmm, I think I getcha....

Selected

krudler wrote: »

Someone aint getting any

I knew that was cumming, sorry, coming.:p

Selected

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Does that mean sex with things other than a partner are not? Hmmm, I think I getcha....

Define 'things' - In a PG way, of course.

Ickle Magoo

Well, you were very specific to choose to include "sex (with partners)" in big brackets as being over-rated & possibly out-dated...I assume from your deliberate choice of words & punctuation that sex (without partners) was deliberately excluded from the dismissal? :pac:

Selected

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Well, you were very specific to choose to include "sex (with partners)" in big brackets as being over-rated & possibly out-dated...I assume from your deliberate choice of words & punctuation that sex (without partners) was deliberately excluded from the dismissal? :pac:

The assumption is correct. I am, however, not sure where that leaves us? - the thread, that is.

Ickle Magoo

Back at Krudlers insightful second post, I think.

Selected

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Back at Krudlers insightful second post, I think.

Probably as insightful as yer trakkans!:D

Ickle Magoo

They are Terry Pratchetts trakkans, not mine. :cool:

Selected

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

They are Terry Pratchetts trakkans, not mine. :cool:

Naturally.

Selected

The Turtle moves for Ickle Magoo.

Calling it a night.

SarahBeep!

Honestly? No.

dorothymantooth

why not do something about it? my current lover needed a lot of help to come out of their shell

The Big Red Button

My guy is the best ever, but then again I haven't been with a whole lot of guys before him. But we know each other so well by now, we really do, and it works really well for both of us!

And the thing is, when I first got with him (over five years ago!), I don't remember the first few times being particularly mindblowing. No surprise there - I mean, we both liked each other an insane amount, but we didn't know each other at all.

The thing is though, from my experience, you could have mindblowing sex with a randomer - but, equally, you could have mediocre sex with someone you're in love with.

In my own opinion, there are things that can be improved in a relationship, and things that cannot. And sex is definitely one of those things that boys can be trained to do right!

Professey Chin

TBH ive never had a best sexual partner
Every partner ive had so far has left me unfulfilled.Then again im a bollox to get anything out of.They always seemed happy though :pac:

newtoboards

An ex of mine was the best but that was all he was good at and after a while it just wasn't enough. My husband's good and it gets better every time but the whole package is what does it for me with him. It's not about the gratification but about the emotional bond that sex brings.

dorothymantooth

yes. he knows exactly what i need and deserve

SarahBeep!

newtoboards wrote: »

An ex of mine was the best but that was all he was good at and after a while it just wasn't enough. My husband's good and it gets better every time but the whole package is what does it for me with him. It's not about the gratification but about the emotional bond that sex brings.

That's really sweet

stripysocks85

TitoPuente wrote: »

While sex is an important part of any relationship, if you're of the mindset that you should leave your partner because there might be someone out there who's much better in bed then you should probably avoid relationships for a while! If it's so bad (or absent) that it's really causing an issue then fair enough... but if it's just 'good' then the rest of the relationship should take care of itself. Besides, the physical aspect of sex is only a part of it. The emotional aspect is much more important. Or are we all at a stage where we're so shallow that relationships are all about instant gratification these days? :rolleyes:

I'm not of the mindset that I should leave him, but I was just wondering I suppose are things supposed to be magically perfect, or if they are not, can they be improved on? I mean, if everything else is great, but that part of the relationship is lacking, then does that mean I should find someone who 'ticks all boxes' or can the sex part be improved upon? As stated already, it's not the most important part of a relationship, but I suppose I would like assurance that YES it can be worked upon to make the relationship a success. Or can you fix something that's not quite broken, but just different?

stripysocks85

chatterpillar wrote: »

My guy is the best ever, but then again I haven't been with a whole lot of guys before him. But we know each other so well by now, we really do, and it works really well for both of us!

And the thing is, when I first got with him (over five years ago!), I don't remember the first few times being particularly mindblowing. No surprise there - I mean, we both liked each other an insane amount, but we didn't know each other at all.

The thing is though, from my experience, you could have mindblowing sex with a randomer - but, equally, you could have mediocre sex with someone you're in love with.

In my own opinion, there are things that can be improved in a relationship, and things that cannot. And sex is definitely one of those things that boys can be trained to do right!

Thank you for that. You have put me at ease. I know it's what I wanted to hear, but thanks anyway!

sesna

stripysocks85 wrote: »

Thank you for that. You have put me at ease. I know it's what I wanted to hear, but thanks anyway!

Don't be so hard on your boyfriend stripy. He's doing the Leaving Cert, and hes a man , not a machine.

Women these days are so demanding - A product of too much Sex in the City and El Tigra Celtica? :pac:

Ickle Magoo

stripysocks85 wrote: »

I'm not of the mindset that I should leave him, but I was just wondering I suppose are things supposed to be magically perfect, or if they are not, can they be improved on? I mean, if everything else is great, but that part of the relationship is lacking, then does that mean I should find someone who 'ticks all boxes' or can the sex part be improved upon? As stated already, it's not the most important part of a relationship, but I suppose I would like assurance that YES it can be worked upon to make the relationship a success. Or can you fix something that's not quite broken, but just different?

I don't think things are always magically perfect. We definately have immediate sexual chemistry with some people, more so than others but I think a good chunk of technique and sexual preferences is a learnt skill for the most part on a partner to partner basis...I suppose it really depends on how big an issue it is and how good at taking on board your requests/advice your partner is as to whether it would work.

Pembily

stripysocks85 wrote: »

I'm not of the mindset that I should leave him, but I was just wondering I suppose are things supposed to be magically perfect, or if they are not, can they be improved on? I mean, if everything else is great, but that part of the relationship is lacking, then does that mean I should find someone who 'ticks all boxes' or can the sex part be improved upon? As stated already, it's not the most important part of a relationship, but I suppose I would like assurance that YES it can be worked upon to make the relationship a success. Or can you fix something that's not quite broken, but just different?

I though the same that it should be magically perfect but its not and you have to work on it, nothing good in life comes easy!!! I think sex can be imporved upon, other things can't but I think sex can!! x

noaddedsugar

Yep, but then again I haven't had a whole heap of experience before him. We've been together 7years almost and still work on it and try new things.

Shivers26

Yes he is the best. We are together over 5 years and admittedly the first few times werent great (very polite lol) but we had a chat about it and it literally changed overnight.

We are comfortable around each other and still like to try new things and also pleasing each other is important to us both so it just works.

I do think sex is important in a relationship. I dont think its the only thing but in fairness if its not working it becomes a bigger problem than if it is.

nobleedinway

i strongly believe your whole relationship is expressed in love making, my current boyfriend is the love of my life. I was with my previous for five unsatisfying years and began to think there was something wrong with me, and resented my ex for not being able to satisfy me (EVER!! Even ann summers books couldn't help us). But within a few weeks of meeting my current boyfriend it all changed. We are so comfortable around each other and i have no body hang ups anymore he supports & loves me in everything i do and because he displays his love for me so much i have given myself to him completely and i think it shows in bed. :P We talk to each other alot about it and i think that has bonded us further .. i cant reccomend talking about it enough otherwise you won't know what to do!

.... cheesy i know but i have a deeper understanding of both the physical and emotional aspects of love because of it

candy-gal1

oh yes definitly!! I truly think if you connect with someone and can be totally honest about everything with them then its the best relationship and sex ever!:)

Howard the Duck

I'm single at the moment and i've had my fair share of sex.. but the best sex i ever had was with a girl i loved.. and i think she loved me at the time also. Emotion makes sex better... and Love is probably the best emotion of all.

sesna

nobleedinway wrote: »

i strongly believe your whole relationship is expressed in love making, my current boyfriend is the love of my life. I was with my previous for five unsatisfying years and began to think there was something wrong with me, and resented my ex for not being able to satisfy me (EVER!! Even ann summers books couldn't help us). But within a few weeks of meeting my current boyfriend it all changed. We are so comfortable around each other and i have no body hang ups anymore he supports & loves me in everything i do and because he displays his love for me so much i have given myself to him completely and i think it shows in bed. :P We talk to each other alot about it and i think that has bonded us further .. i cant reccomend talking about it enough otherwise you won't know what to do!

.... cheesy i know but i have a deeper understanding of both the physical and emotional aspects of love because of it

And from a scientific point of view sometimes it just comes down to the anatomical shape of the penis.