Grandparents cleaning out my room.

ash23

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

You're not comparing like with like. Your daughter is still alive. Possessions are the only things OP has left from her family and her room was her own space which belonged to her and was decorated how she wanted it and probably provided a sense of home for her. You just don't seem to understand the situation she's in at all.

Again, you know NOTHING about me or the people I have lost in my life or my upbringing so stop making assumptions.

IzzyWizzy

ash23 wrote: »

I can't even be bothered as you are taking me up totally wrong and deliberately ignoring points I have made.
I am like the OPs grandparents. I do not think a room needs to be kept. i do not think I should have to consult anyone to redecorate a room in my house. I do not think that moving stuff from one room into a shed is a big deal in order to redecorate. I do not think a grown woman or 19 years who is no longer living there, needs to have her room kept for her or would have an issue with me redecorating.

How am I taking you up wrong? I see exactly what you're saying and I don't agree. You're comparing OP's situation to your own, and they're totally different. You don't think a room needs to be kept, but you didn't lose your entire family at a young age. You see other things as being more important. Someone with very little stability quite understandably puts a high value on their 'stuff' and on their space. I won't even pretend I understand OP's position, but I am a bit funny about my room because I moved around a lot as a child. My stuff was nearly always in storage and I hardly had any toys to play with, I could never buy anything big for my room like a mirror or a chair because I'd have to leave it behind. So when we did stay in the same place for more than a couple of years, I grew attached to my room and the stuff in it and even when I went away to college, I liked coming back and finding everything as it was. And I'm not even a sentimental person. Can you not understand how rooms and stuff are more important to some people than they are to you?

You and OP think differently which is your perogative but it's mine to think that the OP is over reacting.
I'm not sentimental or nostalgic. I live in the here and now and I focus on the love my family give me, not on a room in a house I don't live in.

I just can't get over your lack of comprehension that OP's situation is worlds away from yours. OP doesn't HAVE parents. OP doesn't HAVE a child. The only family she has have just cleared out her room without asking her and you think she's overreacting?

Call me bitter if you like but anyone who knows me wouldn't say that about me. I'm independent and proud to be. Home is where I make it, whereever myself and my daughter are.
I've moved countless times, had many homes and I don't place importance on bricks and mortar or possessions.

No, you just live differently to other people, it doesn't make you more independent or better. You had a grant whereas other people don't qualify for one. You had your mother to help with the baby while other people don't. Perhaps if you didn't have the things you have, other things would seem more important.

None of you know the ins and outs of my life. What my relationship with my parents was like growing up. I lost my grandfather who was practically my father (as my own dad wasn't involved). But I don't find meaning of him in "stuff".
I lost a baby through a miscarriage but it isn't "stuff" that I think of.

No, we don't know, but if you weren't in a position where you were orphaned as a teenager and lost your home, I don't think you can really understand. I know a few people in that situation, some of whom grew up in care, and all of them are very funny about possessions and their things.

I don't try to tell the OP how to deal with the death of her mother.
Is it really better that she takes this action of her grandparents as an insult, a sign that they don't love her and don't want her around? Is it better for her that she feels rejected by them for doing something that in a LOT of peoples eyes is no big deal.


Sure, tell her it was a horrendous thing that they did. Make her feel even worse about it. On top of losing her mother make her think like her grandparents don't want her.

Or point out that while she might feel it was a personal slur or a cruel gesture, that it is more likely a misunderstanding and an act of thoughtlessness on their behalf in thinking that she, as a grown woman with her own place, wouldn't actually mind of they redecorated.

By arguing with me ye are actually making the situation look worse from the OPs perspective.
Well done.

Nobody is saying they don't want her. But that doesn't mean what they did was right. People are strange, they have funny ideas about stuff, sometimes they just don't think, but I don't think OP should feel like she's being a drama queen for being upset about this.

IzzyWizzy

ash23 wrote: »

Again, you know NOTHING about me or the people I have lost in my life or my upbringing so stop making assumptions.

No, I don't, but you've said here that you have a mother, you moved out with your child, you are just NOT in the same position as OP at all. I'm getting a real 'hard done by' vibe here. I most definitely didn't have an issue free life, NOBODY has. But I know I haven't been through what OP has and I see little point in telling her she should be independent because I am, or that she shouldn't care about possessions because I don't.

ash23

But my whole point is that OP has a choice. She can see it for what it is. A difference of opinion, of values or things we find important.

She doesn't need to feel bad about it.


I have a daughter now. I lost another.

I have a mother. Who I have a good relationship with now. I didn't have a mother through my teens for reasons I won't get into.

I have a father who I didn't know as a child and hardly through the years until my daughter was born. I have a good relationship with him now.

So don't harp on to me about all I have. I had nothing. I do now. But only because I don't dwell in the past. And I would never advise anyone to dwell on things they can't change. And that is what the OP is doing. The room has been changed. It can't be undone. She can be angry and upset and miserable about it but what good will it do?
Why would anyone encourage someone to be unhappy about something that has been done and can't be undone. What is the point?

OP can be positive or negative about this. She can focus on the good or the bad. She has a loving relationship, she has her own place, she has a scholarship which also means she has a gift as an artist. She is doing something she loves.
I don't doubt her grandparents love her and want her. They are just very different to her and I don't see how slating them is actually helping the OP. She is upset because they did something. They didn't do it deliberatly with the intention of hurting her, they didn't do it to force her out of the home or make her feel unwelcome. They thought they were redecorating and nothing more.

ash23

Iguana I never mentioned the OPs personal circumstances. You did. I am not comparing anything. I am giving my perspective on the situation as I see it from the point of view of someone who doesn't think redecorating was a mortal sin. i.e. from the perspective of the grandparents to try and make the OP see that it wasn't an intentional thing that they did.

but what I am saying is being twisted so I won't be responding again.

lazygal

I agree with Ash23. I moved out of my home on a Tuesday night and by that weekend by parents had the painters in. Its now an office and when I'm home I sleep in a spare room. I am an adult, that is, I'm over 18 so no one is obliged to keep a room for me, sure if I was stuck my parents would always help me out but I really feel once you're out of home any "right" to a room goes with you. We've all had upheavels which mean things don't work out like we'd planned but that doesn't mean we can hold onto the past and keep things the way they always were.
OP you're an adult, life is full of change, good and bad. You'll just have to learn from this and keep what you really want with you if you move. I have learned to live without so much "stuff", memories are more important to me than mere possessions.

Taltos

May I respectfully suggest we take our disagreements off this thread - I cannot see how it will help the OP to have her circumstances used as leverage for one argument over another.

OP - I do feel for you on this, despite how my post may have come across earlier. But someone after me did make an excellent point - please speak to your grandparents about how their actions make you feel.
They could be totally oblivious - and could be trying to cope in the best way they know how.
In terms of just the room though - I can understand why they would have done this, they are aging and are house-proud - totally natural thing for them to do. However, they did disrespect your feelings by not at least giving you notice of what they planned - on the flipside however - they may have grown tired of waiting after so long for you to move your stuff - and on the day just acted without thinking.

Try not to hold their lack of communication as an indictment of their love for you - but instead see it as the opportunity to begin to really talk to them about things.
Try not to thrown blame - just let them know how you felt hurt and let down, and accept your own role in this.

Best of luck.

Busi_Girl08

The fact of the matter is, the OP's grandparents had no right to touch HER STUFF. She has lost a handful of personal belongings that she will never get back, or that are damaged, both from her clear out and her mother's (which I thought was particluarly deplorable). Photos are torn, frames are broken, others are lost, because the grandparents wanted to "move on".

I'm sorry, but the whole "my house, my rules" thing doesn't work when it's your own personal possessions and the memories connected to them.

My grandparents have left my uncle and aunt's rooms completely untouched. All their old books are still on the shelves, old mementos still in the drawers.
They have been living away from home for nearly 30 years, my aunt over in Italy. My Granny hasn't gotten round to ringing the decorators yet :rolleyes:
I always sleep in my aunt's room when we stay over. My brother stays in my uncle's room.
The only room that was changed was my dad and uncle's shared room. They took all their personal belongings; books, photos, etc. And my grandparents made sure they had everything they wanted before they changed it.


Surely the OP, as her daughter, was entitled to the belongings that her mother left behind? photos, jewellery, etc? I just can't get my head around the grandparents' mentality over this.

The Recliner

Can we depersonalise some of the posts please and stop the bickering

We can all disagreee with each others opinions but there is no need to make it personal, we are after all here to give advise to the OP

Monkey61

Totally agree with Ash23 and Lazygal. The OP is an adult and why an adult would want their room left untouched in a family home once they have moved out is beyond me.

I left home at 18 roughly at the same time as my mother became essentially homeless. The house she lives in now has two bedrooms, one for her and one for my younger sister who lives there. Does it bother me that there isn't a bedroom for me should I ever need it? Of course not. I am an adult now. When I go to visit we take turns sleeping on the couch. It's not a big deal at all.

There comes a time when one has to grow up and let go of certain things. I think a bedroom that you have only had for a few years (unless I am taking that up incorrectly) is one of those things.

Yes the grandparents were certainly a bit thoughtless if they damaged possessions by throwing them around the garage, but going on what I remember of the nature of the OP's relationship with her grandparents, it can hardly have come as a surprise.

Busi_Girl08

It seems the OP has tried talking to them, in the first post she said they pretty much dismissed her and didn't want to talk about it.

They told her to leave all her stuff in the room, and they promised that they wouldn't change it. Then as soon as her back was turned, they changed it, and dumped all her stuff

And yes, they did dump her stuff, not move it. If they moved it (at least properly) then her stuff wouldn't have been damaged.

In other circumstances, where she wasn't relying on them for a room if her current financial and living conditions fell under, I would suggest court action.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I haven't read all the posts as it seemed to go into pointless arguments so I'm sorry if I've missed something you've added. I just wanted to say that all that has happened to you sounds so ****. It's horrible that your mom and brother died, it's horrific that your Grandparents threw out their braclet and photos.

I want you to know that you do deserve to be in a family, you deserve to belong, all that has happened to you isn't your fault and it's very very unfair. I do not think it is too much to ask that your grandparents try to give you a place you feel welcome and at home in, anyone with a heart would know that after all you've been threw the least you need is somewhere to call home. Try not to be so hurt about what your grandparents have done, to be honest they sound very hard hearted and cold, people like that don't even realise they've hurt you, one of my grandparents is the same so I understand.

You're so young and you've gone through so much, I think you're brilliant in that you're in college and building a life for yourself. I wanted to tell you you're doing good, be proud of what you've achieved. Some day you will have your own family and I really hope that you have a wonderful partner and children, I know nothing can ever make up for all you've gone through but I wish with all my heart that the future that's ahead of you is wonderful and happy, you deserve it.

All the very best,
P.

Sit down and talk to them digigal.
I think your completely justified in your feelings. This has been your home.
Some people just can't cope with constant reminders of the ones they have lost around them.
Maybe this is your Grannies way of coping with missing you.

I have alot of books and papers, I came home once to find them housed outside in a new shed.
My parent didnt tell me, because they knew I wouldn't have let them move my things. They were genuinely concerned about them being a fire hazard.

There could be a multitude of reasons. Ask them.

If it come down to it, that they are looking for you to be Independent.
It is harsh, but you are capable of making a home for yourself.
You will get through it, you have come through much worse.

Redpunto

The simple fact of the matter was the grandparents should not have "dumped" her belongings in the shed, just becuase she left her stuff in her grandparents house does not mean that her belongings now belong to them. They should have told her they wanted it cleared out and then she could have done it herself. The fact that the OP assumed she could leave all her stuff there was in hindsight a bit niave, the OP has a right to be pissed off but in reality will jsut have to get over it and learn from it.

DigiGal

iguana wrote: »

I think that unless most of your family died when you were very young like the OP's has then you have absolutely no right to imply she needs to learn what's important. Material possessions take on an entirely different meaning to people who have lost so many people who they love. Not just mementos of who we have lost but our own things that represent for us how we have coped with the changes to our lives that have come about from those deaths.

In addition having a room that we can call home, that we can feel secure will be the same for us is going to be utterly, utterly different to someone who lost their family and had to leave their home as a teenager. When you have already lost so much having a small pocket of security and family belonging is as close to a nessecity as you can get. The OP isn't like a normal teenager having to go to college and move on from her family. She had her family taken from her when she was young and has had to 'grow up' in a way that most people don't have to until they are middle aged.

Digigal, I'm sorry if I crossed a line here. I don't want to make you sound like a victim or special case. But your circumstances are very different to other new students and people comparing your situation to their growing up experiences are so far off base it's not funny. I think your grandparents behaved callously toward you and should have shown a lot more consideration. Possibly this is their way of dealing with their own grief or possibly they are just kind of callous in their personality, I don't really know. Either way I think you have to accept that you won't get a lot of understanding from them about this and unfortunately have to rely on yourself to protect what's important to you. If I was you I'd gather up my important belongings and find storage from them. A private storage locker isn't hugely expensive so perhaps you could hire one and keep your stuff there until you are able to keep them with you permanently?

No its fine. Yes both my parents and my brother passed away and most of that stuff are things they have given me that are very important to me.

DigiGal

ash23 wrote: »

I can't even be bothered as you are taking me up totally wrong and deliberately ignoring points I have made.
I am like the OPs grandparents. I do not think a room needs to be kept. i do not think I should have to consult anyone to redecorate a room in my house. I do not think that moving stuff from one room into a shed is a big deal in order to redecorate. I do not think a grown woman or 19 years who is no longer living there, needs to have her room kept for her or would have an issue with me redecorating.

You and OP think differently which is your perogative but it's mine to think that the OP is over reacting.
I'm not sentimental or nostalgic. I live in the here and now and I focus on the love my family give me, not on a room in a house I don't live in.

Call me bitter if you like but anyone who knows me wouldn't say that about me. I'm independent and proud to be. Home is where I make it, whereever myself and my daughter are.
I've moved countless times, had many homes and I don't place importance on bricks and mortar or possessions.


Iguana, I never mentioned the OPs situation or what the grandparents did in relation to her mothers stuff. I have never lost a mother, nor have I ever lost a daughter so I have no reason to say what should have been done. The OP was a child when it happened. The grandparents may have thought they were doing what was right. Who knows.

None of you know the ins and outs of my life. What my relationship with my parents was like growing up. I lost my grandfather who was practically my father (as my own dad wasn't involved). But I don't find meaning of him in "stuff".
I lost a baby through a miscarriage but it isn't "stuff" that I think of.

I don't try to tell the OP how to deal with the death of her mother.
Is it really better that she takes this action of her grandparents as an insult, a sign that they don't love her and don't want her around? Is it better for her that she feels rejected by them for doing something that in a LOT of peoples eyes is no big deal.

Sure, tell her it was a horrendous thing that they did. Make her feel even worse about it. On top of losing her mother make her think like her grandparents don't want her.

Or point out that while she might feel it was a personal slur or a cruel gesture, that it is more likely a misunderstanding and an act of thoughtlessness on their behalf in thinking that she, as a grown woman with her own place, wouldn't actually mind of they redecorated.

By arguing with me ye are actually making the situation look worse from the OPs perspective.
Well done.

Yes ok I get it you had a daughter at a young age and your boyfriend dumped you, but that was your fault I did not ask to have my parents taken away from me and I did not ask to have my things thrown out

Those photos and presents and cards are the only things I have to remind me of a time when my parents werent riddled with cancer and I didnt have to feed them and bring them to hospital and watch their hair fall out and them slowly waste away. Your daughter is going to make more pictures and have more moments but my parents and my brother wont, I'll never get to take more pics with them, get anymore brithday presents, anymore cards

And if they had of ASKED me to move my stuff out I would have, but my point is THEY DIDNT
They threw it inot the shed where it got all wet and ripped and scrunched up


i have also noticed that in mnay posts that you have called me juvinile, well I'm sorry, I realise that you had a child mwhich automatically makes you grow up but I did my fair share of caring also.


Not only did I have to look after sick parents but A sick grnadmother. I was cooking meals for a family of 4 by the time I was 15 aswell as being a straight A student,
I hadnt time for friends and a social life and I was a hell of alot younger that you were when you had your daughter!

You probably dont know but people with terminal illneses are like children at the end, you have to watch them constantly and we were too poor to afford a carer.
And after all that I still managed to get to college and I dont think wit everything ive been through that I should be shown such a small level of respect from my grandparents whom I have done so much for, they didnt look after me I looked after them

I tried to keep as much personal info out of this thread but seen as you are going on about how hard your life is I thought id give you an idea about mine.
Yes you had a kid young but 2 billion people are parents.

You had yor mummy to help you with your daughter, to teach you to put make up on, to talk to about boys, to help with your debs and maybe someday your marriage, I never will.

And dont call me juvinile until you have experienced watching your father die of cancer then thinking your mother just has a lung infection bringing her soup for her flu, leaving for school, being called into the principals office in the middle of the day to be told your mother is dead 6 months after losing your father during your leaving cert year and still getting into college getting 550 pts in your leaving cert and pulling yourself out of the poverty your family lived in!

DigiGal

Hey Guys

Thanks for all the helpful replies

I think I was misunderstood a bit

I'm not annoyed that my room was changed, just that all my things were dumped, I wasnt asked, or even told. I cant expect my room to be the same forever but all my stuff was thrown in the shed, broken and wrecked, some jus gone, my nanny decideed i didnt need it and got rid of it
I was still alive, they were my things which I or my parents paid for and they TOLD ME i could leave it there. That is why i'm annoyed!

pookie82

I think what happened is awful, and if you don't mind me saying so, I think that the story about your grandmother throwing out all those possessions which were so dear to you after your mother's death hints at these being irrational and careless actions which are not the norm.

Don't listen to people who tell you that they had it tough and that's the way it should be etc - I don't think anyone on here can even begin to compare your situation to theirs or dictate how you should feel. You know yourself how you feel.

I'm 27 years old now and my room is just as I left it. I moved out of home officially to go to college 9 years ago, but went home for holidays and summers. I have my own place now but love going home on long weekends to see my parents and my mam always has it made up for me. It's not a babying thing, it doesn't mean you're pampered or spoiled - to me it's a lovely room where all my childhood memories are and my mum sees it that way too. There's nothing creepy about it and I wouldn't describe it as a shrine but there are some things in there from my childhood that are very special to me and there's just something about going home once in a while to your old bed that feels really comforting.

It sounds like you've had a terrible life and this is one last very hurtful straw. Is there any way you could talk to your granny and see if she could change her mind? Do they have that hectic of a life that they desperately need to convert a room for guests? (My room at home is often used for guests and they are more than able to work around the few bits and bobs I have left in it. There's no need to clear the entire thing forever to enable a few guests to use the bed.)

I suppose my ultimate advice would be to try to build your home elsewhere, salvage what you can from the bags and move on. I understand you're not financially independent and may need to go back one day but it may be the case that you don't. Is your OH supportive?

All my life I've felt there's nothing like having a base to go back to, I have moved a lot and am only now in the first ever real, "grown up" apartment that I've ever lived in but I'll always think of my original room as home and I'm really sorry you don't have that. But maybe in time you'll rebuild one elsewhere that no one else can touch.

I wish you the best.

ash23

DigiGal wrote: »

Yes ok I get it you had a daughter at a young age and your boyfriend dumped you, but that was your fault I did not ask to have my parents taken away from me and I did not ask to have my things thrown out

How is having an unplanned pregnancy or being dumped and left to raise her alone my "fault".
I didnt ask for lot of things but we get the hand we are dealt and we deal with it.

Those photos and presents and cards are the only things I have to remind me of a time when my parents werent riddled with cancer and I didnt have to feed them and bring them to hospital and watch their hair fall out and them slowly waste away. Your daughter is going to make more pictures and have more moments but my parents and my brother wont, I'll never get to take more pics with them, get anymore brithday presents, anymore cards

And if they had of ASKED me to move my stuff out I would have, but my point is THEY DIDNT
They threw it inot the shed where it got all wet and ripped and scrunched up

I did agree they should have asked. Plenty of times. Thats at least my 4th time saying it.

i have also noticed that in mnay posts that you have called me juvinile, well I'm sorry, I realise that you had a child mwhich automatically makes you grow up but I did my fair share of caring also.


Not only did I have to look after sick parents but A sick grnadmother. I was cooking meals for a family of 4 by the time I was 15 aswell as being a straight A student,
I hadnt time for friends and a social life and I was a hell of alot younger that you were when you had your daughter!

I was living alone at 13 and was a straight A student. We all have our problems.

You probably dont know but people with terminal illneses are like children at the end, you have to watch them constantly and we were too poor to afford a carer.

I do know. I sat and watched my grandad die of lung cancer when I was a teen. He was the only father I knew growing up.

And after all that I still managed to get to college and I dont think wit everything ive been through that I should be shown such a small level of respect from my grandparents whom I have done so much for, they didnt look after me I looked after them

Again, i said they should've asked but in fairness they did it before. If these were so precious you should have looked after them better. They've chucked out stuff on you before. Once bitten, twice shy.

I tried to keep as much personal info out of this thread but seen as you are going on about how hard your life is I thought id give you an idea about mine.

I never said my life was hard. I was blasted for not being nderstanding enough etc etc. I was just giving it from my perspective which is what you asked for, no?

Yes you had a kid young but 2 billion people are parents.

And lots of people lost their parents. It doesn't make it easy just because it happens to lots of people.

You had yor mummy to help you with your daughter, to teach you to put make up on, to talk to about boys, to help with your debs and maybe someday your marriage, I never will.

She helped with my daughter yes. The other stuff, no. She wasn't around. I mentioned that already.

And dont call me juvinile until you have experienced watching your father die of cancer then thinking your mother just has a lung infection bringing her soup for her flu, leaving for school, being called into the principals office in the middle of the day to be told your mother is dead 6 months after losing your father during your leaving cert year and still getting into college getting 550 pts in your leaving cert and pulling yourself out of the poverty your family lived in!

I said that expecting them to leave the room intact after you moved out was juvenile and I stand by that. If you only wanted opinions from people who had been through exactly what you describe above then I suggest in future you put that in your OP and then those of us who don't know the ins and outs won't waste our time giving our unbiased opinions.

You don't know what my upbringing was like. And I didn't know what yours was like. If we're supposed to base our posts on every bad thing that ever happened then please put it in the OP for those of us who aren't familiar with your other posts.

pookie82

Ash this thread isn't a competition for whose life is worse. The OP is looking for advice and all you've done above is pick an argument with her and try to compare your woes. None of which will help.

Silverfish

pookie82 wrote: »

Ash this thread isn't a competition for whose life is worse. The OP is looking for advice and all you've done above is pick an argument with her and try to compare your woes. None of which will help.

Agreed. Can we keep replies on-topic and helpful please, the OP is looking for advice, and is not on trial.

Thanks.

Ickle Magoo

DigiGal wrote: »

....

I'm not annoyed that my room was changed, just that all my things were dumped, I wasnt asked, or even told. I cant expect my room to be the same forever but all my stuff was thrown in the shed, broken and wrecked, some jus gone, my nanny decideed i didnt need it and got rid of it
I was still alive, they were my things which I or my parents paid for and they TOLD ME i could leave it there. That is why i'm annoyed!

I'd be annoyed too, changing the room so soon after you leave I can kind of understand, though I think given the circumstances that's a bit off too - but chucking your possessions without even telling you is just horribly thoughtless and hurtful! :eek: :mad:

Some people deal with loss and grief in funny ways, I remember when my grandpa died my auntie binned a load of stuff, including irreplaceable baby pics of my mum. It was like if she couldn't see them, she didn't have to think about it or something, maybe your grandparents are a bit like that?

Anyway, some of the the really special stuff I didn't want to loose when I first left home stayed with my folks until I had a more permanent address, I'd be gutted if anything had happened to them - and they don't hold a fraction of the importance or personal value of the things relating to your folks....hope you managed to salvage most of them and found them a safe place.

Busi_Girl08

ash23 wrote: »

Again, i said they should've asked but in fairness they did it before. If these were so precious you should have looked after them better. They've chucked out stuff on you before. Once bitten, twice shy.

Her grandmother told her to leave her stuff in the room. Anyone would assume that that means their stuff would be kept safe, unless her grandmother outwardly said "You just leave all your stuff here, and I'll chuck em out for you!".
The first time they did it all while she was at school, didn't say a word to her. I'd say they didn't say anything about the stuff to her before they snuck around the first time.

This time round, the grandmother even acknowledged her belongings, which gave her some reassurance, and she still went off and dumped them, while she was away.

ash23

if I was coming across as comparing woes, I apologise. it wasn't my intention. I was just drawing on personal experience to answer questions that were put to me. And correcting assumptions that were made about me.



On topic OP, salvage what you can and don't leave anymore stuff there.
Move out. Properly.

vicecreamsundae

hi OP
It's a pity they didnt ask you to sort through your things yourself, and a real shame some of your things got damaged in the shed. though i do think they had the right to redecorate your room [my bedrooms a guestroom too now, sigh!].

i would just say lesson learned, don't count on them to look after your things/understand how important your things are to you.

quick anecdote which will hopefully make you feel slightly better -my sister was moving out for the first time and going to South Korea for a year. She knew my parents wanted to redecorate the room so she packed everything away into four huge sacks... two for dumping, two for keeping. a year later and we were all so excited for her to come home, my parents especially, as she was just in time for Christmas. you can prob see where this is going.. she went up to the room and was like "...why is the rubbish still here?". They had thrown out the wrong things. and in fact they only got around to throwing it out about two weeks before she got back. all her photos, old letters, certificates, diaries and other bits and pieces -basically everything she owned except the clothes she had brought to Seoul was gone. it was so awful, she was just in tears for days, and my parents felt absolutely AWFUL, almost felt more sorry for them than her! such a bummer.

anyway, if i were you i'd either sort out the shed so it's up to spec and ask your grandparents to consult your before messing with your things again, or find somewhere else to store them. [other relatives? boyfriend's family?]

newtoboards

Your grandparents kept your stuff, although they were careless with moving them from the room to the shed they did actually keep them. I appreciate that these items were incredibly sentimental to you considering the circumstances. If other parents like your oh's keep their children's rooms intact it is up to them and you can't compare. In the time you've been away this year how often have you gone to your grandparents house. Perhaps they wanted to discuss this with you and didn't get a chance. I would sit down with them and chat about it now though in an effort to clear the air. Remember that your grandparents had raised their child and watched them move out and move on and then very tragically die which no parent wants to see. And they have a grandchild move back in with them. They probably thought you were gone and would only be coming back on visits over time, have you asked them? Although you place great value in these items damaged from the move they may not. If they are so important i'd go back and re-box them more carefully, perhaps you could put them in a storage unit if you're worried about them getting more damaged.

IzzyWizzy

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

hi OP
It's a pity they didnt ask you to sort through your things yourself, and a real shame some of your things got damaged in the shed. though i do think they had the right to redecorate your room [my bedrooms a guestroom too now, sigh!].

i would just say lesson learned, don't count on them to look after your things/understand how important your things are to you.

quick anecdote which will hopefully make you feel slightly better -my sister was moving out for the first time and going to South Korea for a year. She knew my parents wanted to redecorate the room so she packed everything away into four huge sacks... two for dumping, two for keeping. a year later and we were all so excited for her to come home, my parents especially, as she was just in time for Christmas. you can prob see where this is going.. she went up to the room and was like "...why is the rubbish still here?". They had thrown out the wrong things. and in fact they only got around to throwing it out about two weeks before she got back. all her photos, old letters, certificates, diaries and other bits and pieces -basically everything she owned except the clothes she had brought to Seoul was gone. it was so awful, she was just in tears for days, and my parents felt absolutely AWFUL, almost felt more sorry for them than her! such a bummer.

anyway, if i were you i'd either sort out the shed so it's up to spec and ask your grandparents to consult your before messing with your things again, or find somewhere else to store them. [other relatives? boyfriend's family?]

Why on EARTH didn't they check? My mom checks with me 4 or 5 times that something is really for the bin and pretty much refuses to throw anything out without me being there in case it turns out to be important. I just don't understand how someone can be so careless with someone else's possessions. People keep saying to Digigal 'oh they didn't mean to be cruel, they were just redecorating' but it seems awful to me to treat someone's possessions like that, especially in this case where memories and photos are all that's left.

DigiGal

I go to my grandparents twice a week and ring every day, the week my room was redecorated I was finishing up college so I hadnt been in a week, but I still rang them.
I've moved it to my house now and put it under the bed in boxes until it can be organised, a friend also offered to restore the photos for me

Lollipops23

OP what they did was horrible-it doesn't take a genius to work out that those things may have sentimental value for you,and apart from anything else,it was your property and yours only. For them to dump your belongings without even asking is out of order,even if they were a bunch of 2 euro tshirts from penneys!!

I honestly don't know why this thread got derailed,it seems like an open and shut case of "they were in the wrong and should have asked you"....