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How to pull?
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Hey Op!
I'm a 19 yr old girl and while I have never had a boyfriend I have "pulled" and, em, "been pulled" both in nightclubs and outside of them (my trouble seems to be hanging on to them
) so i feel like I have a bit of insight here.
What most of the posters have said here has been right: just relax be youself etc.
Personally I don't like kissing someone I never even spoken to so I tend not to be with guys on the dancefloor but if that is where some girl you like happens to be the go for it. Dance around her a bit, but do it subtley, have your friends near you and if she doesn't notice you give it a rest for a bit. There is nothing creepier than an apperantly friendless guy dancing around a group of girls for ages.
To be honest I'd say the smoking area is the best bet for meeting people. You don't have to smoke but it is handy to carry a lighter because if someone asks you for one and you don't have one they will carry on but if you have one then you're more likely to have time to introduce yourself. And just come out with it, don't wait for the oppurtune moment just do it "Hi I'm John. What's you're name?". The start of the conversation is always the hardest but asking questions is always the best route. When you've got a conversation flowing and you've been flirting for a bit ask them if the want to sit down/dance (personally, I hate dancing in front of hate I like) and maybe grab there hand on the way.
If at any time they seem like they're not into it then back off. If you have their name you can even go and chat to them later whn they're with some friends who might be more..eh..appreciative of you're advances.
Oh and compliments are good, but never complement either their weight, or lack thereof (it sounds obvious but you'd be suprised how many guys comment on this and it's just asking for trouble), and don't tell them they're good kissers, it isn't a deal breaker but most girls I know (myself included) find it massively creepy.
Anyway, thats all I can think of for now. Hope it helps!0 -
howdy, im a 19 year old man and i'm looking for a bit of advice...i know this question has come up before but still....so im 19, go out fairly often, yet can't get a girl..the thing i do when i go out is dance on the dancefloor, act confident and dance around a group of girls or one single girl, sometimes they look at me then look away quickly, some dont look at me at all....
thing is you might say you need to start chatting to girls, well why does the whole dancefloor thing work for alot of lads and not for others....i dont drink so its hard to get the balls to appraoch women, in fact ive never approached a girl on a night out...for a few reasons,firstly...i dotn know what to say to them, could say "hi hows things?" etc but i do be thinking that shes thinking "he's tryin to chat me up" or "he thinks he has a chance with me" or "please get me away quick"...
also there has been a few occasions when im dancing on the dancefloor where girls i.e, last night i was dancing on the dance area in a pub and there were 3 tall girls, gorgeous girls now and i was dancing and one of them felt my hair, then the other kinda threw herself towards me and they all started laughin with each other....then there was another incident that night where i was dancing near this girl and she pointed to her friend as if "will u get with her?" but her friend wasnt interested...
there has been a few occasions like that, what do they do it for, i don't look funny and i don't look funny dancing as far as i know...why do girls do it?!??!
so basically how do ya get confidence to approach women, what do you say to them and any other tips you have share them please...from a 19 year old lad whos never kissed a girl
I am absolutely hopeless at chatting up women, but (I think) the following is still good advice:
Go To Places You Like
Seems obvious, but go to night clubs where you like the music, and the type of people who go there. I personally can't stand Dicey Rileys in Dublin, but if you like it, go there. It's hard to enjoy yourself in a place which you hate. House parties are better places to hook up than night clubs.
What Should I Talk About?
It really doesn't matter. I was at a gig in Whelan's on Thursday night. I was out on a pub crawl on Friday. Most girls I was chatting to, I simply asked them: "Were you here last night?". As it turns out one of the girls I talked to was there the night before. We chatted for ages about the gig. It's that simple. If the person is not right for you, the conversation will be excruciating. That's your queue to leave. If the person is right for you, then you can talk about any topic, and it will be fine.
Don't Use Chat Up Lines
It depends on the type of girl you go for.. but they are usually a really bad idea. It takes a certain level of confidence and charm to deliver a line like, "That's a nice top - let's see what it looks like on the floor!". If you don't feel confident with women, and you deliver that line, in a shaky voice, with your eyes glued to the floor, you are going to come off like a complete weirdo.
Be Friendly
This is supposed to be fun isn't it? Someone mentioned it in an earlier post - people will be drawn to you if you look like you're having a good time. Be positive. Don't make chatting someone up the defining event of a night out. Sometimes I forget to chat to women. I went to wedding last year, and was having too much fun to notice two girls who were interested. Several people said it to me afterwards. I still can't remember them.
Start Early
Don't bother going over to a bunch of girls at 3am, unless they are drunker than you are. Women usually drink less. Don't insert yourself into the middle of a group of friends, and expect any outcome other than failure. You are part of a long line of drunken lads who have tried their hand that night. Ideally, don't do anything too overt. You can join a group of people and start chatting to people in it, without making a beeline for the person you are interested in.
Don't Drink Too Much
You don't drink, so no problems here. If I get too much booze on board, I become like a kid in a candy shop. I can't decide who I like best. Bad news.
If You're Not Failing, You're Not Trying
... to quote Woody Allen. It feels absolutely excruciating to go over to chat to someone, and get treated horribly. Once a girl said to me: "Are you still talking?". This is precisely what you have to expect. Pick a number, say 20, and over the next couple of months, plan to get turned down by 20 women. I guarantee the closer you get to 20, the more success you will have. If you reach 20, you won't care after that - and then you're set. You need to break the mind set of it being the end of the world when someone turns you down. If you get turned down often enough; you'll end up just laughing, when another person has to go and, "find their friends".
Not everyone is for you. Don't forget that...
Some People Are Not That Nice
That gorgeous women you have spotted across the bar, could be a complete bitch. You'll know pretty quickly. Closed body language is usually a good indicator. Arms folded, an 'impress me' look upon their face. Haughty, high strung. If you go over and they give you a torrid time, just laugh and walk away.
Look for people who are open, and welcoming. Women initiate 90% of communication with men. If you lock eyes with someone across a bar, you will know in an instant, whether they would like you to go and talk to them. If the only questions they ask you are of the status establishing variety: What do you do? Where do you live? Do you own your own house? (You are only 19, so you probably won't get these type of questions for another 10 years) Last week I was at a gig, and I started chatting to these two girls. I knew from looking at them that they were going to be hard work. I had just bought a drink and I thought, no harm in chatting to them while I finish my drink. Within a minute they were running through the menu of, what do you do? etc. Unless you are a billionaire, you're not going to come out of this well. I'm an engineer, and that seems to be a really crap occupation if I am to go by the reaction I get to it. You can't complain about women asking these questions. It might seems quite shallow, but men are quite shallow too - usually on the looks front. I think those questions are bad news. It says to me: "you haven't met any of my basic criteria, so let's see if you have any cash!". The old: if you're rich, I'm single.
If It's Work, Then That's All It Is
After about 1 minute you will know the outcome of chatting to someone. If it's not going well, leave immediately. Just smile, and say, "Nice talking to you", and off you go. If it starts to become hard work, then you might as well get a pay check at the end of it. A good indicator is whether they are asking you any questions, or just waiting for you to go away. When you meet someone who is right for you, it will seem like the most straightforward thing that ever happened. It will be effortless.
Learn How To Dance
Some women love dancing. If you can make some sort of account of yourself on the dance floor, you will greatly improve your appeal. Why do women love men who can dance? Dancing requires confidence. It's an excellent gauge of a person's confidence level/well being. It also shows whether a person likes to have fun. Dancing is just harmless fun after all.
Ask For A Phone Number
I am the wrong side of thirty now, so I always ask for a phone number. The days of the drunken snog are well over. I am always surprised at how often this proves to be a success. In a stroke you put yourself in a different bracket. You are someone who wants to get to know them better, and that's a nice feeling. I have done it so often now that I hardly give it a second thought. It's extremely easy to get someone's phone number. Women will be more inclined to give you their phone number after 20 mins chatting, rather than talk to you for an hour. It's nice for them to be able to tell their friends that, 'he asked me for my phone number', rather than 'he tried to grope me on the dance floor'.
Ask Someone Out
This is high on the mortification factor. Recently, I asked out a girl working in a cafe, with whom I really hit it off. I was absolutely bricking it, but it was still worth it. She wasn't single, but I think she was flattered, and mortified on my behalf. Think about it - you only get one trip around this merry go round. It would be nice to think back in your seventies that you tried it once, at least. There is no culture of it Ireland, but it doesn't mean you can't give it a shot. Women are fascinated by why a person would ask them out after just meeting them. They want to know why. What was it about them, that made you pluck up the courage?
Don't Get Discouraged!
It may be the 21st century, but some things about interacting with women are still really primal. At a a very primitive level, women will go for the dominant male in a group. The dominant male will most likely produce healthy offspring, and help guarantee the continuation of the species. We are hard wired to interact on this level. How does this manifest itself in the 21st century? It's usually a little test, which can help them gauge your level of interest. If you have been chatting to someone for 15-20 mins, and everything seems to be going well, then it nearly always happens (especially if they are interested). It takes many forms, but it will usually involve them saying 'No' to you in some shape, or form. Be very careful here! You will know instinctively whether it's 'No, I have absolutely no interest', and whether it's 'No, I'm not sure, if you're sure, about me'. If you immediately wilt or get discouraged, then you're not what they are looking for. If you really liked them, you would just ignore it. This is the single most important piece of advice. If they say, they have to go and catch a train, just pretend you didn't hear them. I missed opportunities with tonnes of women because as soon as I heard them say no, I interpreted it as, "I guess they're not interested". You have to be very single minded about it. I want you, and I don't want anybody else. Women will respond to someone who knows exactly what they want. Give them your full attention. You have to be absolutely certain about them, if you are not, they will spot it a mile off. You can't pretend to like someone.
Good luck!
/j0
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