Trans resources thread

Links234

Thanks Deirdre, very good post.

deirdre_dub wrote: »

And, I began to understand that just because I didn't have a strong sense of myself as female as a child didn't mean that I wasn't transgendered. Being trans is a very grey thing.

This is an extremely important point for me.
Recently, we are exposed in the media to very exceptional cases like that of Kim Petras, who started living as female from an extremely young age and start hormone treatment as teenagers. These young girls who've always had an extremely strong sense of themselves as female, interested in fashion and makeup and all kinds of typically girlish things. And we also come across a lot of accounts where people will say "I've always known", and for those of us who aren't sure that statement kind of throws us sometimes.

Why I had such a struggle coming to terms with my gender identity was that I expected to be 100% sure, and because I wasn't sure, I wasn't sure... it was a bit of vicious cycle, and as absolutely strong as I felt that my body was utterly wrong and how I could see nothing for myself living as 'male', that doubt was just feeding more doubt. Because I had doubts, I wasn't listening to everything else inside that was screaming out "I'm a girl, you ****ing idiot!" and I asked "But if I'm a girl, why didn't I know? Why wasn't I playing with barbie dolls growing up?" I kept looking for this outside validation, I remember grilling my parents about what I was like as a child, expecting maybe there was some hidden indicator that I had suppressed with everything else, and that got me nowhere either.
I kept ignoring the only validation I needed, inside validation.

I guess I expected to be transgender you had to fit into this little transgender box that I had imagined. Because I didn't fit and couldn't possibly make myself fit, could I really be transgender at all? But really, the box doesn't exist, because I was naively attributing a higher standard of femininity to trans women than cis women. Does a girl have to do typically girl things to be a girl? No, of course not! I didn't attribute any external attributes to validating cis women, why should it be any different for trans women? Why should it be any different for me?! Just because I'm not that feminine doesn't mean I'm not female. And that's a wonderful realisation.

I shouldn't have to question why it fits like a glove when I refer to myself as she and her, or why I feel completely uncomfortable with my body, or why when I look at pics of people who have transitioned it gets me so incredibly excited and hopeful, because the why doesn't matter, all that matter is that I feel the way I do. There was the question, do I feel like a woman? I feel like me. And that's the only answer to that question that matters, because I learned through all this to just go with how I feel.

I also came to realise that doubts are natural and healthy. In fact, I think now having doubts is a good thing, because transitioning is something absolutely huge that has incredible consequences, the least of which is that I'll be on medication for the rest of my life, so having doubts tells me I'm still sane, that I'm weighing up the potential risks against the benefits means that I'm going into this level headed. Doubts are suddenly validating in a round about way.

Getting back to that "I've always known" thing, there was a thread on another forum that sought to dissect what that meant. For me, there's degrees of knowing. Have I always known? Yes, but what I've always known is a much better question, because I did not know that I was female. What I've always known is that I wasn't male. And you know, for me, that was misdirected. I had horrible dysphoria during puberty, and hated being referred to as 'a man' with a passion. But for a while I interpreted this as feeling like I didn't want to grow up!
So, I've always known something, but I didn't know what.

deirdre_dub wrote: »

I also couldn't understand how I, as a biological male, could ever possibly express femininity in a way that wasn't degrading to femininity.

Femininity is a very interesting subject.
I definitely relate to you on that one, because I have had my worries about what people might take as being degrading in some way. However, I quickly learned that the very idea of someone's femininity being degrading to someone else's femininity is horrendously offensive to everyone, and I would liken it to the arguments that same sex marriage is somehow an attack on traditional marriage, or how families with same sex parents are somehow breaking down traditional families. It's ridiculous! If the sanctity of your marriage is somehow invalidated by someone else's marriage, then yours mustn't be very sanctified in the first place. When really your marriage is as valid as you feel it is, and what someone else does doesn't effect that at all, and that is equally valid even though it might not be the same. It should be applied all across the board, that traditional or non-traditional marriages and families are all equally as valid, and the existence of one doesn't invalidate the other, and that should be the same for gender as well.

If you feel my femininity somehow invalidates or degrades yours, maybe you're not all that confident in your own femininity, and you've got the problem, not me. My gender and my expression of my gender is as valid as yours.

I said earlier that I'm not very feminine. I think now is a good time to expand upon what I mean by that. I suppose I should say that I'm not typically feminine, in that my interests or my expressions are not that feminine. But I use terms like masculine and feminine in reference to gender expression, and I've talked about gender expression here before, in that I think everyone has varying degrees of masculinity and femininity to their personality that can be completely separate to their gender identity and sexual identity. So, for example of gender expression, lets say you could be a rather masculine straight woman, or a feminine straight man, or a feminine lesbian transwoman, or masculine gay transman, or any combination you could imagine do any degree, you could be slightly more masculine or slightly more feminine, or bisexual leaning towards gay, or anything else. And I think everything in that spectrum is as valid as each other. So I'd say I'm not masculine, but just not that feminine either.

I'd also consider myself a feminist.
But feminism means so many different things to so many different people, that it's almost impossible not to have to qualify that, and elaborate on what feminism is to you. So what do I mean when I say I am a feminist? To put it in the simplest way I can, it means that I am an advocate of, and argue for, ALL female and feminine expression, be that feminine expression in a woman, trans woman, or even a man.

I very much subscribe to what Julia Serano said about misogyny not just being a hatred of women, but also female expression in general. In that way, I think a man hating the feminine expression of another man is also misogynistic. And that's why I don't like to see the masculine side of the spectrum held over the feminine side, like in the LGBT community where you see very masculine gay men criticizing feminine ones, or very masculine lesbians criticizing feminine ones, calling them 'fake lesbians' because they're not masculine enough. So to me, that's all a form of misogyny.

That's why feminism is to me, and I wouldn't even qualify myself as transfeminist, because I argue for the validity of femininity and female expression in everyone.

Sorry, I've gone off on a bit of a diatribe.

deirdre_dub

Links234 wrote: »

Thanks Deirdre, very good post.

As was yours! This thread just got exciting!

I was naively attributing a higher standard of femininity to trans women than cis women.

OMG I never thought of it that way.

What I've always known is that I wasn't male.

I didn't even have that. And the reason why I didn't have it was because when someone said to me "you are male", I didn't understand what the word "male" meant. I thought it meant "you have male biology", and I couldn't argue that one! I didn't realise that they were also referring to aspects of my identity.

Which meant, of course, that when it came to their expectations of my expression of that identity, problems sometimes arose. Not that I was a feminine male, but I most definitely wasn't a masculine one. I couldn't understand why my male friends were acting in certain ways. The most classic one was I couldn't understand this whole "chasing women" thing. What I didn't understand at the time was that I wanted to be chased.

Now that I have a much better understanding of gender, I can retrospectively say "I was never male".

I had horrible dysphoria during puberty,

OMG don't go there girl! One of the gifts of transition is I get to do puberty all over again. This time, I get to do it with a sense of happiness and of looking forward (even yearning) for where it is bringing me. Of course it also helps that I have money in my pocket, an extra 20 years of wisdom, no curfew, and no parents to answer to! I've been having an absolute blast!!!

So, I've always known something, but I didn't know what.

And that was the key for me. I can remember saying maybe 8 years ago to a friend "I reckon there is something fundamentally wrong with me". My friend, of course, answered with "no there isn't!". I wish I had paid more attention to what I was trying to say to myself, but I guess it wasn't the right time.

I'd also consider myself a feminist.

Not sure you should go there either. Three words - Michigan Womyn's Festival. But, as you say, feminism means different things to different people.

Links234

deirdre_dub wrote: »

As was yours! This thread just got exciting!

Thank you!

deirdre_dub wrote: »

OMG I never thought of it that way.

It seems really obvious now, but I understand why I thought like that at first.

I think maybe society as a whole holds a trans woman to a higher standard of femininity, as if everyone is waiting for her to slip up and do something "blokey" so they can point and say "hah! you're really just a man!" I remember a Jimmy Carr joke where he talks about meeting Nadia from Big Brother, where he describes how feminine she is, then she asks where the toilet is and takes a paper with her. The punchline being she did something "blokey" :rolleyes:

deirdre_dub wrote: »

I couldn't understand why my male friends were acting in certain ways. The most classic one was I couldn't understand this whole "chasing women" thing. What I didn't understand at the time was that I wanted to be chased.

Yeah, there's a lot of things that I just didn't relate to with boys when growing up, I couldn't understand the competitiveness, or the casual violence like Chinese burns and dead arms, the kind of 'friendly' violence. I got the attraction to women of course, but the way I talked to women has always been different to my friends, so I can relate to wanting to be chased. My first steady relationship was with a girl who was very dominant and aggressive, and later turned out to be a lesbian. I really laugh at that now, if only she knew!

deirdre_dub wrote: »

OMG don't go there girl! One of the gifts of transition is I get to do puberty all over again. This time, I get to do it with a sense of happiness and of looking forward (even yearning) for where it is bringing me. Of course it also helps that I have money in my pocket, an extra 20 years of wisdom, no curfew, and no parents to answer to! I've been having an absolute blast!!!

Yep, this time, puberty will rule!

deirdre_dub wrote: »

And that was the key for me. I can remember saying maybe 8 years ago to a friend "I reckon there is something fundamentally wrong with me". My friend, of course, answered with "no there isn't!". I wish I had paid more attention to what I was trying to say to myself, but I guess it wasn't the right time.

You know, in my late teens I had been pretty fascinated with the idea of having a sex change, so I was nearly to the point of self-realization, but I sought some advice that really set me back. I was told that on hormones I would start to find men attractive, and that really horrified me, because I've never found men attractive. I didn't want that, so it scared me off the idea and I really tried to suppress how I was feeling. Over the years after, I found my life slowly crumbling away and I was sinking into depression.

I could have regrets about that, that I was so close and got scared off, but I really don't think that's worth it and maybe that wasn't the right time for me either.

deirdre_dub wrote: »

Not sure you should go there either. Three words - Michigan Womyn's Festival. But, as you say, feminism means different things to different people.

Too late, I've gone there. I will stand my ground and say I am a feminist. It's just my own flavour of feminism, and it tastes good!

The Michigan Womyn's Festival debacle doesn't even deserve being brought up here.

deirdre_dub

Links234 wrote: »

Too late, I've gone there.

ROFL

I will stand my ground and say I am a feminist. It's just my own flavour of feminism, and it tastes good!

Fair enough. For a while, I could see myself getting into an argument with you, and I guess I was saying that it was me who shouldn't go there! Maybe, if I'm feeling up to it, I'll meet you in one of the feminism forums and we can have it out then! :eek: Handbags at dawn?

Links234

Oh god, now I've had a flashback to South Park.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKA4Yhmc8ic

Eebs

http://community.livejournal.com/ftm

http://www.underworks.com/

http://djknowsdicks.com/

And I know it's been posted before but there is a HEAP of relevant links here for both FTM, MTF and more GQ trans people:

http://www.teni.ie/Links

Eebs

Also In terms of experience I'd say FTM guys need to be careful about being pushed into taking blockers. They're very hard on your system, for trans women there is more incentive to take them because T is a lot more potent then oestrogen is but I don't see why trans guys should be taking them for prolonged stretches of time if they're on a normal dose of T (shuts down production of oestrogen anyway, essentially doing what the blocker will do).

Also, it's bloody expensive even on the DPS.

L.Jenkins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qM9zDzj6gY

A help little video!

L.Jenkins

Transgender Network (TNET) part of PFLAG in the US has a nice little section for trans people family and friends.

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=380

Eebs

Pflag are an excellent resource and the lady who st up this site is amazing:

http://www.transparentcanada.ca/?file=kop1.php


I know they're all the way in Canada but sometimes email/phone contact with another parent can be invaluable.

L.Jenkins

Just thought I'd post a link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_transgender_people

Freiheit

I assume there is no surgeries available in Ireland that would be of benefit to Transitioning people? Face-lifts, liposuction are available at Blackrock but they would hardly be of use to trans people specifically? In any event the prices look extortionate.

L.Jenkins

Freiheit wrote: »

I assume there is no surgeries available in Ireland that would be of benefit to Transitioning people? Face-lifts, liposuction are available at Blackrock but they would hardly be of use to trans people specifically? In any event the prices look extortionate.

I just did a quick search and found a few.

http://www.harleymedical.ie/
www.Cosmedico.ie
http://www.cosmeticsurgery.ie/

I know, they ain't cheap. That's why I need to really start saving now so I can get a few loans myself.

Louisevb

I don't visit this site a lot... I must do so more often.. (note to self)...
This is an interesting thread in some ways..
As someone who transitioned nearly four years ago now and has been running support websites for eight years, what I notice here is a surplus of well meaning advice... How do you know.?.. how do you not know that you are transgender ?etc.

There is no blinding flash of light....Some people know from an early age some don't. We are all different. It's a bit like being a born again Christion I'd imagine for some
My advice is don't analyse yourself by yourself... don't take too much from transgender sites which say you should feel this way or that. Over analysis is a recipe for doing nothing... like a rabbit caught frozen in a car headlights.

The only way to figure it out is to sit and talk to someone like Dr James Kelly in a cool and reasoned way over a period of time.. unfortunately there are very few psychologists or psychiatrists with any in depth experience of transgenderism in Ireland. Find one... but you may need to experiment be warned on that one.

The first thing to do is to realise that there is no shame in being transgendered even though you may get abuse verbal or physical from some nethanderal quarters.

The second thing to do is not to think that you need to explain to those who show you some negativity and most of all that you need to take their negativitry on board mentally. You do NOT.

Thirdly spend some time reasoning out how you feel. Take your time and look back on every aspect of your life with a counsellor or within a peer support group for as long as that takes. Rushing does no good... you may feel bad at times but you will get there.

Fourthly speak to someone on a one to one basis who has gone through the process and quietly think out your options going forward if you have sorted out where your gender questioning should end. Planning your future transition is as important as deciding whether you are transgendered or not.
Finances , job prospects, family issues, are all things that need to be looked at, but generally there is a positive way forward if the will is there.

Fifthly be aware that you may lose, friends, close family, work colleagues and you may at times feel isolated and lonely, but that in the end you will be true to yourself and the sacrifices will be truely worthwhile.

This website that I've been running for seven years now will have a few of the answers http://www.tranniehaven.com/Tranniehavenmainpage.html

The Yahoo group that runs in conjunction with this is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/irishtrannie/

Feel free to join the group and ask any questions you want.
I generally answer personal e mails if there is something you need to ask or you can sit down with me for an afternoon and talk over the issues. I'm in Rathmines Dublin 6.

You can also contact Vanessa in TENI and she will gladly do the same
http://www.teni.ie

I hope that is a helpful post and to anyone who needs a bit of support just be yourself and believe in yourself.

Louise

L.Jenkins

http://www.lgbt.ie/attachments/233_HRC_Coming_Out_as_Transgender.pdf

Just happened to find another useful link.

Annasopra

Please use this thread to post resources and links - not to ask questions or advice
For advice go to this thread -
For questions about trans people/issues etc go to this thread

L.Jenkins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAUq_-bFzX8

Had to post this somewhere.

deirdre_dub

New venue and trans boutique in Cork that caters for trans* people -

http://masqueradecork.webs.com/

Freiheit

Is there any advantage in having private health insurance? I've an Aviva plan at the moment but the economic depression is biting, am considering downgrading or leaving...Is there any pitfalls to be aware of? Any specific reasons why I should keep it?.
Danke
F

Eebs

Private health insurance covered none of my transition.

L.Jenkins

In a chat with someone from TENI, it came to my attention that there are no supports in place for family members of Trans people in general. I know the US and Canada has PFLAG, but us trans people only have TENI and nothing for family.

I know if family have issues, they can go see a GP or Counsellor. What about having such a group here in Ireland that provides such supports or even having TENI broaden its supports to include families?

Links234

that's something I spoke to Vanessa about before, and yeah, it's a real shame there's no support group for families, it would be very much needed!

L.Jenkins

I never mentioned that to Vanessa, but I did mention it to Orlaith also at TENI. I think I'd have a bit much on my plate to help arrange such a group.

Someone or some group would need to be proactive about it and set one up.

L.Jenkins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qw2cb6Jcjg

And just for fun! :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMyip_e3LFw

L.Jenkins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm3vdS5u6dI

L.Jenkins

Was in Galway last night and wound up talking about all sorts of odds and ends. Talk of a Trichologist who specialises in hair treatments and trans boutiques came up and I found a few links that might be of use.

http://www.trichologist.ie/ in Galway

http://masqueradecork.webs.com/aboutus.htm in Cork

Hope the links are of some use.

Azure_sky

I can't help but wonder what kind of place the one in Cork is like. Sounds more like a transvestites sort of place going from the website and it's name. Could be wrong. If anyone ever went there please give feedback.:)

L.Jenkins

Cork would be some drive to go and see whats it's like. I have a trans friend studying in Cork so I might use it as an excuse some weekend to go check it out.

Freiheit

Where is Jim Lucey based? Just realised that I haven't see the mandatory Psychiatrist yet?. Will ask my G.P. to write a referral.

Also is there any voice therapists in Ireland and if so would you recommend them?.

Danke schoen!
F

deirdre_dub

Freiheit wrote: »

Where is Jim Lucey based?

St. Patrick's hospital Psychiatric department

01 249 3200

Just realised that I haven't see the mandatory Psychiatrist yet?

Have you seen James Kelly? Because he's all you need to see in order to set the ball rolling.

I don't know, but you might have to pay to see Jim Lucey. If so, then Dr. Kelly is definitely cheaper. And, once you get to Loughlinstown, they will be able to refer you to their in-house Psychiatrists, for which you won't have to pay.

In summary - to start off, you need to see either James Kelly or Jim Lucey. I don't know if you are going to have to pay to see Jim Lucey, but if you do, then James Kelly is going to be cheaper. Then, once you are on the road, you won't have to pay for any of the other psychiatrists you need to see.

Also is there any voice therapists in Ireland and if so would you recommend them?.

As far as I know, there isn't a single voice therapist in Ireland who will help transgender women. I've been asking all and sundry this question for many months, and whereas I keep hearing rumours of such a person, I still haven't found any solid evidence that they exist.