My Flatmate is copying me - Creepy!!!

Miss Fluff

I lived with someone like that. She was insane. She actually used to wait for me in the hallway until I came home from work and used to talk AT ME. She copied my perfume, used my products, bought the same clothes, ate anything I cooked if I left it in a pot, developed the same interests. She used to PHONE me in my bedroom on a Saturday morning from the living room directly below to see would I get up for a chat if she put the kettle on. :rolleyes: I knew she used to go through my room when I was not there. It used to irritate me beyond belief as I am so private but also amuse me as it provided great hilarity when regaling the stories to my mates. All very hilarious until she made reference to the particular colour of one of my dildos which was IN MY BEDSIDE LOCKER.

I've always had people copy me and while it's intensely irritating it is merely flattery OP so you just have to not let that part get to you, seriously. Just keep the boundaries of your "friendship" very very clearly set. Do not go out with her socially. Do not go shopping. Do not invite her if having a friend around to dinner etc. Do not give her too much information about any facet of your life. You can be friendly to her and civil to her and all-in-all a perfect housemate just stop telling her stuff. Don't tell her your plans, don't tell her about work, your feelings, your intentions, your worries etc etc.Tell her nothing!! The less you tell her, the less she will have to go on.

BettePorter

Table Top Joe wrote: »

If anything i think the OP is probably being too nice! if she wasnt she probably would have told her to p*** off by now,i dont see what the other girl has to do with anything,again,if she wants her space and privacy then thats her own business,or maybe she used to have the same problem with the other girl??



Maybe im bringing my own experiences into this too much but im 100% behind the OP,i can be very outgoing and chatty but i need my own space too(hence spending Sat night on my computer talking to you instead of being out with my mates;))my need for space and privacy gets me into these situations all the time,not as much lately though as im working in a new place with loads of employess so theres always someone else there to talk to when you come into the staffroom and not just me with my headphones on and my head stuck in a book like the last one! a few people told me it was really rude of me in the last place to be so anti-social but i felt it was really rude of them to interupt me when i was doing my own thing!


So yes,different strokes for different folks indeed:)

no i hear exactly what your saying joe, and to an extent i agree, but the thing is your experience, was work related (as was mine) . house sharing requires vastly different expections of behaviour. i would consider the kitchen to be the most public room in the house and as the op has said the girl hasn't the concentration for t.v. so wouldn't be in the sittingroom a lot i assume, but when she's in the kitchen she's getting attitude from the op. so she has crackers and cheese in the cupboard......guess what....so do i ! it's hardly bunny boiling stuff at the end of the day. the girl may very well be irritating, but that's life. we've all read stuff on here about weird housemate who do unbelieveable things that make us think 'wtf'.......but what has this girl done really, she's (in the ops words) very nice, bubbly, chatty, compliments her clothes etc. . . but she irritates the op.......it's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. if the op is anti social (if you live with people you have to converse) she should have as suggested rented a bedsit. i'm sure she would be delighted if the girl locked herself in her room like the third housemate and gave the op the run of the house.....but house shares don't work that way !

Eve_Dublin

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I lived with someone like that. She was insane. She actually used to wait for me in the hallway until I came home from work and used to talk AT ME. She copied my perfume, used my products, bought the same clothes, ate anything I cooked if I left it in a pot, developed the same interests. She used to PHONE me in my bedroom on a Saturday morning from the living room directly below to see would I get up for a chat if she put the kettle on. :rolleyes: I knew she used to go through my room when I was not there. It used to irritate me beyond belief as I am so private but also amuse me as it provided great hilarity when regaling the stories to my mates. All very hilarious until she made reference to the particular colour of one of my dildos which was IN MY BEDSIDE LOCKER.

I've always had people copy me and while it's intensely irritating it is merely flattery OP so you just have to not let that part get to you, seriously. Just keep the boundaries of your "friendship" very very clearly set. Do not go out with her socially. Do not go shopping. Do not invite her if having a friend around to dinner etc. Do not give her too much information about any facet of your life. You can be friendly to her and civil to her and all-in-all a perfect housemate just stop telling her stuff. Don't tell her your plans, don't tell her about work, your feelings, your intentions, your worries etc etc.Tell her nothing!! The less you tell her, the less she will have to go on.

I´m sorry but the person OP described in her post sounds very different to the person you describe above Miss Fluff. Your old housemate DOES sound creepy...going through someone´s stuff in their room while they´re at work crosses the line for EVERYONE but everything else is subjective: each person has a very different idea of personal space. I´m not trying to be deliberately obtuse here but I´ve become friendly (but not necessarily friends) with most people I´ve lived with and everything else both you and the OP have described have happened to me and I never thought my housemates were creepy. Perhaps it´s because I´m from a large family and "my own space" is only a luxury I have had the privilege of getting in the past 8 months (I´m sharing flat with a Spanish recluse!). My sister would often come in to the bathroom while I was on the toilet or in the shower to wash her teeth and people walked in and out of my room uninvited all the time, so my tolerance for other people I live with might be a little bit more relaxed than a lot of other people.

I understand why you might be irritated...your situation would be irritating if you didn´t get along with her but I think you have to try and see it from her point-of-view....is she REALLY being creepy...or just overly friendly and unaware that she´s overstepping the mark because you haven´t made it clear? Now I know I sound very sanctimonious here so I apologise but if you share house there has to be give and take and some degree of tolerance and patience or else it really is time to get your own place or be a little pickier about who you live with next time. The more you build her up as a character you despise while she remains totally oblivious to the fact, the worse you´ll make the situation for YOURSELF.

2manyconditions

If your housemate is annoying you this much, you can either

move out now - fast solution end of problem.

continue as you are and continue complaining about the problem and then get sick of complaining about the problem. Keep in mind that the situation will get worse over the coming weeks. And weeks are like years in a bad houseshare especially if your dislike is this strong. (you already think she's a twat-thats a very advanced dislike in my book) At some point you may explode, have it blow up in a huge argument - awkard yes, end of the problem, yes - start of new problem, most likely.

Or you can avoid her completely, stay in your room or stay out all the time. If you have to cook, keep it brief and eat either in your room (extreme I know) or in the sitting room with the TV on and watching intently even if you don't like the program ( I suggest this because you say she doesn't like TV) Keep the conversation brief, like your busy, have to go, or like your in bad form and don't want to talk. The problem doesn't go away, you just ignore it a little bit.

I would mention the food thing though - I don't think that people who have to live in a houseshare can afford to feed their housemates - thats why one lives in a houseshare, lack of cash. I could never get the logic to a housemate eating my food, esp if your livin in a complete cip. :mad:

kerrygold

Just a couple of points.

Firstly have you met any of this girl's family? Maybe they are all like this and she just thinks it is normal behaviour? What are her friends like? Are they similar to her?


Secondly does she have a bf? Maybe she has low self esteem issues and feels that by copying your hair etc that she is making herself more attractive?

Thirdly, have you spoken to your other housemate? What does she think of this girl? Does she act the same way with her?