My Flatmate is copying me - Creepy!!!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

This may seem like a trivial issue but it's really really bothering me. I know the simple solution is to move out and once my lease is up (August) I will but in the meantime I'd like some opinions on this situation..

I moved into a share house with 2 other girls in January. I didn't know them before moving in.
One is very quiet and spends all her time watching TV in her room, the other is very bubbly and chatty and I find her over bearing.

For some reason she has lathced onto me and wants to know all about my life. I try to avoid her but that's not always easy in a share house. I'll be making dinner and she'll come into teh kitchen and ask me a million questions about my day, my weekend plans, what I'm cooking etc etc.

Also, when I make food I always make extra and she'll often say to me 'Oh I tasted some of your curry last night, it was lovely!'. I hate the idea of her taking food out of my pot without asking. I'm not stingy at all, it just irritates me.

I mentioned that I love crackers and cheese and eat them all the time. Suddenly her shelve is full of different cheeses and crackers. I wear Light Blue perfume. Suddenly shes wearing Light Blue perfume. I always wear converse. She came home today with a new pair of red converse. I recently got a fringe in my hair. She only yesterday got a fringe in her hair.

She keeps asking to borrow my clothes and keeps trying to be part of my life and I don't want anything to do with her.

She creeps me out big time and I can't stand her being near me.

Any tips on what to do?

Thanks

Canard

I know the feeling all too well. Just be blunt with her, or innocently ask her something like "haha why the sudden ___!". She cant become part of your life if you dont let her.

shellyboo

Give your landlord a month's notice and leave. Why wait til August?

cafecolour

Well, don't rent the movie Single White Female, whatever you do

Does she have any friends of her own? It sounds like she's terribly socially awkward, and thinks the way to make friends is having everything in common. Or she idolizes you, and become like you will allow her to have friends too?

You could try sitting her and down gently explaining that it seems like she wants to be friends, but she's going the wrong way about it.

LegacyUser

cafecolour wrote: »

Well, don't rent the movie Single White Female, whatever you do

Does she have any friends of her own? It sounds like she's terribly socially awkward, and thinks the way to make friends is having everything in common. Or she idolizes you, and become like you will allow her to have friends too?

You could try sitting her and down gently explaining that it seems like she wants to be friends, but she's going the wrong way about it.

I'm not from the city we're living in but she is. She has maybe 3 friends and I only have 1 (moved here a year ago) but that's fine by me. I have tons of friends back in Dublin and they visit me and I visit them. I don't want to be her friend!!

If she does idolize me then she must be mad! All I do after work is go to the gym, cook dinner and read! Hardly someone you'd want to be!!

It's little things though like she asked me what I use on my skin to make it soft. I said baby oil and she went out and bought loads of baby oil. She's 29 years old. She should have a mind of her own.

When I say I'm going home for the weekend, she'll say things like 'Oh..I'd love to go for a long drive in my car, haven't been on a long spin in ages'.
I'm not stupid! That's her hoping I'll say come with me so!!

She just wrecks my head an dI don't understand how she can't pick up the vibe that I don't like her!!

I know it's mean to say but she's got these big bug eyes that freak me out too!! She stares at me when she talks and it makes my skin crawl.

But she's very nice so what can I do! I feel like screaming at her ' YOUR CREEPING ME OUT!!!!'

mood

Until you move out when she asks about you plans etc just say I don't know yet / haven't decided / or make up crap. She should stop asking if she get no real answer.

PopUp

The weather is supposed to be lovely this weekend. Why not go home to Dublin and take a break from her for a few days?

She does sound a little infatuated with you but I think you are letting this get to you more than it needs to. Getting so worked up won't help. Go home, chill out with your normal friends!

If you can move out sooner than August, then do. But if you can't you should really try not to obsess about her obsessing about you - it won't help, it'll just make things worse.

LegacyUser

Oh God reading this is making my blood boil a bit, because I lived with one of these copying freaks for about 18 months and it drove me demented. Couldn't get rid of her because I was a student and needed the rent.

I ended up just avoiding her as much as I could, never inviting her to do anything with me and trying to keep new stuff out of view until it would be gone from the shops (seriously she would go buy the exact same tops/ hair dye/ fringe cut). She didn't just do it to me, she did it to other people she knew too, because she'd let it slip in conversation from time to time...

She was quite devious, loved being sanctimonious and ultimately I suppose had fluff all self-esteem, but doesn't make it any easier to live with.

If you won't lose money, move out next month but otherwise avoid her and just ride it out until August! I feel for you!

cafecolour

Copycatty wrote: »

It's little things though like she asked me what I use on my skin to make it soft. I said baby oil and she went out and bought loads of baby oil. She's 29 years old. She should have a mind of her own.

When I say I'm going home for the weekend, she'll say things like 'Oh..I'd love to go for a long drive in my car, haven't been on a long spin in ages'.
I'm not stupid! That's her hoping I'll say come with me so!!

Bizarre. Are you significantly younger? Maybe she's trying to pretend she's 22 by proxy? Or she's wants to be part of what she perceives as a 'cool Dublin crowd'?

That does seem a hard thing to confront her about. Plus, if she's this obsessive about trying to make you a friend, I wouldn't want to see her if she decides your an enemy!

If you really can't move out sooner, I'd avoid being home more for one - ie walks in the evening, read your book in a park or a pub instead of at home, volunteer somewhere a night or two a week, etc. If she starts asking where you've been, just keep things friendly but ambiguous (i.e. "Oh, its the summer, can't stay inside all day.")

At home, just keep the conversations friendly but short. Wear ipod earphones while reading, etc.

cafecolour

Wait, you read a lot, yes?

Everytime you finish a book, tell her "I just finished this book, I think you might enjoy it." and give her the book.

When she tries to talk to you, steer the conversation to the book ("How did you like it? What part are you on now?")

As soon as she finishes one, give her another!

If she's kept busy reading things (to 'impress you'), she'll have less time to be bugging you, but will still feel in a way like you are doing things together. Plus, you'll probably find it less annoying talking about a '3rd person' like a book instead of probing questions about you and your life.

Table Top Joe

Wow....I can really relate to this,only im a guy who had a guy constantly following/copying me in work,it was incredibly annoying,it drove me spare,he insisted on going out with me and my friends,i always tried to avoid him and made every excuse under the sun to not to meet up with him but i couldnt shake him....this went on for about 2 years(writing that makes me cringe,but im a private person which pretty much every other person ive met in my life gets,i wasnt used to this kind of attention at all,took me far too long to say anything)until eventually i exploded and told him to f*** off,he was stunned of course,thought we were great mates,even though we were completley different people with nothing in common and i never invited him out despite him constantly asking if i had plans and to let him know if i was going out,he used to insist i tell him if i was going out!.....some people wont take a hint at all,i honestly feel for you,tbh you either need to bite your tongue till Augest or tell her exactly how you feel,shes probably convinced herself your both the bestest buddies ever! only the harsh truth will get her off your back


Best of luck



p.s,this guy is straight,he just latched onto me for some reason,wasnt a gay thing(would have made life a whole lot easier if he was "sorry im straight" problem solved!)

finbarrk

I wonder is the op's housemate gay?

Denimgirl

I have had mates like her copying everything from make up to dying hair same colour to clothes it iritates the sh*t out of you so i know what your going through! now i under stand why the other girl stays in her room she's obviously had enough of her too!you should do the same just give her short answers when she asks you questions,if she asks you questions don't give her any info make it all general and short answers.also tell her a load of crap tell her your going to a friends for the weekend when your going home tell her nothing your life is not her business! you hardly know her and owe her no explanations tell her a pack of lies til you feel it's time to leave and try and avoid her she'll get the message

Dublinstiofán

I wouldn't move on account of her.

Try making things for her feel awkward to get her to move out.

Personally i don't see why you don't just tell her your busy, have had a hard day and that you want to be alone. Should that fail tell her to **** off. Oh and tell her not to be eating your curry at the same time.

gonnaplayrugby

maby u shud be nice about maby she jst wants a firned?

Nevyn

gonnaplayrugby text speak is not used on this site, please use full words when posting.

PK2008

I honestly think she sounds nice OP, I get that you want your private space and all but she doesnt sound like a creep to me. Sounds like she just wants to be friends to be honest

Katgurl

This oddly enough has happened to me a few times over the years, it's not flattering as some people would deem it, it's suffocating.

I remember one particular experience where this girl seemed want every aspect of my life, my relationship with my mother, my two best friends, my clothes, my style, my part-time job. She would openly admit to trying it on with the guy ihad confided liking. Worst of all she wasn't even an official flatmate, we just couldn't get her to leave for an entire year after we'd offered her couch for two nights.


OP I am sure you've figured out that this girl is unhappy and thinks your life looks brighter and your choices better. It's hard to be subtle with these people. The worst part is for me that having had a few of these imposters I am now much more cautious about making new friends. I think you should just find a new ace to live and move out if you're uncomfortable. There's no need to have a painful talk and risk really hurting the girl, she's probably very unstable already.

Beetlebum

cafecolour wrote: »

Wait, you read a lot, yes?

Everytime you finish a book, tell her "I just finished this book, I think you might enjoy it." and give her the book.

When she tries to talk to you, steer the conversation to the book ("How did you like it? What part are you on now?")

As soon as she finishes one, give her another!

If she's kept busy reading things (to 'impress you'), she'll have less time to be bugging you, but will still feel in a way like you are doing things together. Plus, you'll probably find it less annoying talking about a '3rd person' like a book instead of probing questions about you and your life.

Hee hee...this is absoluelty the way to go...sound advice indeed!

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for the replies all and Cafecolour I think the book idea is great!!
The only trouble with the book idea is she doesn't like reading. She says she doesn't have the attention span for it, she also doesn't watch TV for the same reasons. She just likes to talk.

My God, it boils my blood just thinking about her. She's a complete twat. She is just a very naturally irritating person. Last night for example I was in bed and I could hear banging around downstairs. I went down and she was making popcorn on the hob...at 1am.

I'm gonna try to avoid her as much as possible and keep my answers short. For those of you saying she sounds nice and just wants a friend,w ell tough. I'm a nice girl too but I like my own space and I am quiet by nature. I have no interest in her life or getting to know her but I'll smlie and say hey, how was your day, when I see her. that's how I want it to be - house 'mates' not house friends.

Last thing I want is some girl who never shuts up talking wearing teh same style of clothes as me all of a sudden and eating my food without asking!!

She's very loud in general too. She walks loud, she talks loud, she opens doors loud. I'm at breaking point with her.

You know that episode of the Simpsons where Homer befriends Ned and drives him so mad that Ned loses it at him for breathing through his nose? Well that's me now...everything she does angers me now!!

LegacyUser

This sounds like your problem to me, rather than hers. she is talking to you and trying to be nice. you dont have a monopoly on crackers or perfume or fringes or converse! now that youre looking for it your attention is drawn to the pattern, where it may be coincidence.

yes this girl might be overbearing. if you need space, let her know.

look at yourself too though

LegacyUser

while i agree your housemate might be a bit too much (copying your dressing and hair styles), i think you are over-reacting a bit also. what's the problem making pop-corn at 1am? the noise would not last too long. i can't get it.

comparing with some housemates who got drunk and peeped in the sink, you are much more lucky.

when living in a house, i would prefer to be friends instead of just so called house'mates' but strangers living in the house. how strange is the ideas that you dont know your housemates but you share the kitchen, the toilets... with them. maybe it's better you rent a bedsit? it's not very expensive.

i dont mean i try to hang out with my housemates, or invade their privacy, but we chit chat, share opinions and thoughts about life. may even share the difficulties in life... i found this experience precious.

when you are asking how are you? do you really mean what you ask? do you really care the person standing in front of you? or do you do it just because you are / want to be polite.

you can tell her you dont like her eating your food without you knowing it. you can tell her making pop corn at 1am is too much for you. just tell her.

but tbh, it's very natural that there are certain type of people we cant get along with for our whole life, some people would simply freak creep you out. so next time, better see every body in the house first before you move in.

IzzyWizzy

PK2008 wrote: »

I honestly think she sounds nice OP, I get that you want your private space and all but she doesnt sound like a creep to me. Sounds like she just wants to be friends to be honest

Just wants to be friends? She tastes the OP's food on the cooker without asking! That alone would have made me tell her to f**k all the way off. While I do think that asking questions and asking for recommendations for clothes/shoes is friendly and normal, it seems that she's way overstepping the mark. Sounds like she doesn't have a mind of her own and is trying to be the OP.

Darthhoob

tbh, my son tries makes friends in the same way, stares at people, endless talking, not picking up social queues (like "shut up you're boring me" lol), copying people, standing too close
he is autistic!

not saying she is autistic but she obviously has social and communication problems.

i ditto a previous poster who said to keep her busy with books. i can see that working without upsetting her/you...especially if she does indeed have a problem.

Table Top Joe

I really dont think some people here understand how overbearing this kind of thing can be unless you go through it,its incredibly frustrating and all the hints in the world dont work,i think with some people the more you (try)and withdraw into yourself the more they try and befriend you,almost as if its a challange,at the end of the day its the OPs life,if she doesnt want the attention she shouldnt have to put up with it

BettePorter

OP while i don't think you're at fault i do think that what probably began as irritating has now taken over as your obsession more than hers. you would probably admit that if anyone else were doing the things in the same way she is, it wouldn't bother you half as much.
i worked with a girl who i got on fine with until one day she did something to annoy me (can't even remember what) but from that day on every little thing she did drove me mental, how she drank tea, the way she walked into a room, typed on her keyboard, suddenly everything she did i found fault with, yet had anyone else done likewise it wouldn't have phased me.

it has probably gotten to the point where you're instantly irritated when you hear her key in the front door......in that respect, the problem is yours not hers. if you think about it, you're probably exaggerating her behaviour in your head and her over bearing friendly attitude is just a red rag to a bull. so you spend all your time on edge cause she's in the house at all. cooking popcorn at one in the morning is hardly sleepwalking into your room naked ! by the same token she may even have written a thread; ' i was making popcorn at 1am and my psycho flatmate got up to check up on what i was doing'. try and see things from her perspective and compromise that you 're just on different wavelengths.

Eve_Dublin

Copycatty wrote: »

Thank you so much for the replies all and Cafecolour I think the book idea is great!!
The only trouble with the book idea is she doesn't like reading. She says she doesn't have the attention span for it, she also doesn't watch TV for the same reasons. She just likes to talk.

My God, it boils my blood just thinking about her. She's a complete twat. She is just a very naturally irritating person. Last night for example I was in bed and I could hear banging around downstairs. I went down and she was making popcorn on the hob...at 1am.

I'm gonna try to avoid her as much as possible and keep my answers short. For those of you saying she sounds nice and just wants a friend,w ell tough. I'm a nice girl too but I like my own space and I am quiet by nature. I have no interest in her life or getting to know her but I'll smlie and say hey, how was your day, when I see her. that's how I want it to be - house 'mates' not house friends.

Last thing I want is some girl who never shuts up talking wearing teh same style of clothes as me all of a sudden and eating my food without asking!!

She's very loud in general too. She walks loud, she talks loud, she opens doors loud. I'm at breaking point with her.

You know that episode of the Simpsons where Homer befriends Ned and drives him so mad that Ned loses it at him for breathing through his nose? Well that's me now...everything she does angers me now!!

She´s a "twat" for making popcorn on the hob at 1am? Interesting choice of adjective there. She sounds like she´s lacking in social skills but she most certainly doesn´t sound like a twat. I´d save that word for nasty people, she doesn´t sound nasty. Perhaps chalk this down as a lesson in patience and tolerance ´till you can move out. Until then there´s nothing you can do.

Onesimus

Ah she just wants a friend is all, obviously she feels unhappy with herself and feels the need to copy other peoples behaviour, in order to fill a hole she feels that lies within herself, what you've got to do is dont be nasty towards her, invite her out on a day of shopping and if she starts buying the things that you buy, then tell her, no no no, this would suit you, you should buy something that YOU like and get a hair cut that YOU like. just try and help her to come to some sort of understanding that she doesnt need to be anyone else but herself, show her this is many ways.

Table Top Joe

BettePorter wrote: »

OP while i don't think you're at fault i do think that what probably began as irritating has now taken over as your obsession more than hers. you would probably admit that if anyone else were doing the things in the same way she is, it wouldn't bother you half as much.
i worked with a girl who i got on fine with until one day she did something to annoy me (can't even remember what) but from that day on every little thing she did drove me mental, how she drank tea, the way she walked into a room, typed on her keyboard, suddenly everything she did i found fault with, yet had anyone else done likewise it wouldn't have phased me.

it has probably gotten to the point where you're instantly irritated when you hear her key in the front door......in that respect, the problem is yours not hers. if you think about it, you're probably exaggerating her behaviour in your head and her over bearing friendly attitude is just a red rag to a bull. so you spend all your time on edge cause she's in the house at all. cooking popcorn at one in the morning is hardly sleepwalking into your room naked ! by the same token she may even have written a thread; ' i was making popcorn at 1am and my psycho flatmate got up to check up on what i was doing'. try and see things from her perspective and compromise that you 're just on different wavelengths.

Sorry but i have to disagree here,it shouldnt be the op's problem at all,shes just doing her own thing and bothering no one,why should her privacy and space being invaded be her problem? its the problem of the flatmate if she has "issues" or whatever and needs to fill some void in her life,having been in the OPs situation i know how irritating it can get,my "buddy" used to buy whatever albums i bought(even though he didnt know who the hell the bands in question were),he used to buy the exact same stuff from the supermarket near work for lunch as well cause i bought it(and used to actually complain if he didnt like it!)and used to go to the same pubs i went to and stand right next to me all night,if you went through all that i think you'd see the Ops point


Sorry but this kind of thing really gets on my nerves!

BettePorter

Table Top Joe wrote: »

Sorry but i have to disagree here,it shouldnt be the op's problem at all,shes just doing her own thing and bothering no one,why should her privacy and space being invaded be her problem? its the problem of the flatmate if she has "issues" or whatever and needs to fill some void in her life,having been in the OPs situation i know how irritating it can get,my "buddy" used to buy whatever albums i bought(even though he didnt know who the hell the bands in question were),he used to buy the exact same stuff from the supermarket near work for lunch as well cause i bought it(and used to actually complain if he didnt like it!)and used to go to the same pubs i went to and stand right next to me all night,if you went through all that i think you'd see the Ops point


Sorry but this kind of thing really gets on my nerves!

while i don't dispute that the flatmates behaviour is irritating and a prob, you also have to have a bit of give nd take. the op mentions another room mate , who stays in her room all the time. on another thread that might be a problem too, an antisocial room mate. but this girl is social. but coming into the kitchen and asking about her day is not beyond the conditions of a housemate. ok so she's buying the same perfume and geting a fringe......this is irritating perhaps but its hardly cause to get her evicted. when she climbs into bed beside her and says she's cold ! then you can label her ! i'm just saying, house shares can be tetchy at the best of times, this girl is guilty of being too nice. my experience of an irritating person was many years ago, but when i look back on it now, i see she was trying to be nice initially and i just stonewalled her every action because she irritated the hell out of me. hindsight is a wonderful thing. its just different strokes for different folks. the op is probably subconsciously acting uber ignorant toward this girl, and if the third housemate never leaves her room, it can't be easy to live in that environment either. i'm just saying, see things from all sides !

Table Top Joe

If anything i think the OP is probably being too nice! if she wasnt she probably would have told her to p*** off by now,i dont see what the other girl has to do with anything,again,if she wants her space and privacy then thats her own business,or maybe she used to have the same problem with the other girl??



Maybe im bringing my own experiences into this too much but im 100% behind the OP,i can be very outgoing and chatty but i need my own space too(hence spending Sat night on my computer talking to you instead of being out with my mates;))my need for space and privacy gets me into these situations all the time,not as much lately though as im working in a new place with loads of employess so theres always someone else there to talk to when you come into the staffroom and not just me with my headphones on and my head stuck in a book like the last one! a few people told me it was really rude of me in the last place to be so anti-social but i felt it was really rude of them to interupt me when i was doing my own thing!


So yes,different strokes for different folks indeed:)