How many times have you been in love?

Faith

I'm curious about how many times people have been in love in their lives. I assume that most people only fall in love a couple of times, but I know several people (including my ex) who seem to fall in love with every boyfriend/girlfriend they have. I certainly was very paranoid that my ex having been in love so often meant I wasn't particularly special, or that he'd fall out of love just as easily (which he did!). Has falling in love once or several times scared you off falling in love again? Or are you happy to keep falling in love before you mean the right person? How long does it take you, on average, to fall in love?

Lia_lia

Once. With my last proper boyfriend. Took me about, 3 months? He said he was in love with me after about 2 weeks, weirdo. I'm not scared of falling in love again or anything, just can't see myself falling in love with anyone again for a long while. Avoiding putting myself into a situation like that, I just constantly get hurt.

Kanoe

probably after the first time I fell in love I was weary and it took a while to get over it but with time I got over the fantasy version of falling in love (ie expecting it to last forever) and just appreciate it more when it's there now. I fall in (and out of) love hard and fast.

miss5

I would say once, I think if you fall in love once and it doesn't work out
you are much more careful after that. Bad experiences shouldn't put you
off though you just have to tell yourself he wasn't for you.
I would also be paranoid if I was with someone who fell in love very easily.

ShagNastii

Lia_lia wrote: »

Once. With my last proper boyfriend. Took me about, 3 months? He said he was in love with me after about 2 weeks, weirdo. I'm not scared of falling in love again or anything, just can't see myself falling in love with anyone again for a long while. Avoiding putting myself into a situation like that, I just constantly get hurt.

Substitute BF for GF in this sentence and you have my thoughts actually. I'm not really avoiding the situation but at the mo. I'm content right where I am. I'm just taking a timeout from the falling or trying to fall for someone.

Wibbs

Twice, with a gap of over 10 years between them. I was very attracted to both, but before I knew I was in love? I'd say 6 months. In both cases it was an instant thing when I realised I had gone from very fond to love. After the split? Took years to not be in love with them. Not sure if Ive a third in me TBH. I would also agree that people who fall too quickly usually fall out equally quickly. They feel it yes, but they have a much better reset switch I think. I'm at one extreme, that type would be at the other. Somewhere in the middle is the healthiest I think.

jellie

once. he told me he loved me after 2 months, though he told me several times beforehand that he was "falling in love" with me. id say it took me about 4-5months.

but he fell out of love just as quickly as he fell in love. and then in again. and then out again. and then maybe again. and then out again. lesson learned: be wary of anyone who falls in love too quickly!

unfortunately its taking me a long time to get over love. im kind of wondering if you dont ever truly get over it until you fall in love with someone else..?

Wibbs

jellie wrote: »

im kind of wondering if you dont ever truly get over it until you fall in love with someone else..?

I dunno. For me anyway I had to fall out of love, before I could fall in love with someone else. I cant do the replacement thing at all.

tfitzgerald

i've being in love twice but if you were to count loving myself cos i'm so good looking i would have to say 3 times:)

LittleBook

Once. I thought it was more until I met my partner

jellie

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno. For me anyway I had to fall out of love, before I could fall in love with someone else. I cant do the replacement thing at all.

hmm.. well im not looking to replace him (dear God keep him & anyone like him away from me!). but sometimes i think im over him, sometimes i think im not, but it makes me wonder if Im over him but just lonely.. if that makes sense. missing having a relationship and what goes with it rather than missing that person. or maybe it just makes me sound sad :rolleyes::o

how do you really know when youre over someone? God im depressing myself now.

Jenneke87

Too many times.....and it always ends in disaster. I think I´ll call it quits and simply buy a load of guinea pigs to cuddle up with.

Wibbs

I meant the replacement of the emotions kinda thing. How do you know you're over someone? Hard one. I reckon when you're open to other people and you dont compare them to the previous love.

helimachoptor

Real love 2, including a mix of infatuation/lust/bits of love 4.

Kanoe

jellie wrote: »

once. he told me he loved me after 2 months, though he told me several times beforehand that he was "falling in love" with me. id say it took me about 4-5months.

but he fell out of love just as quickly as he fell in love. and then in again. and then out again. and then maybe again. and then out again. lesson learned: be wary of anyone who falls in love too quickly!

unfortunately its taking me a long time to get over love. im kind of wondering if you dont ever truly get over it until you fall in love with someone else..?

this made me lol. (i haz issues)

On a more serious note I think when you really truly love somebody, you love them for life and when you get to that place of understanding you are happy to, even when you're no longer a part of their life. It's like cherishing the memory of what you had and being content with that. You find you look back after ten years and still think fondly of them but glad to be where you are now. So no, I don't think you have to "fall" out of love in order to love somebody else, you just love people differently, not less, just differently.

sorrywhat

Only the once and I still am. The rest was definitley just lust as Ive never felt this way about any other boyfriend. The others were just fondness/lust. You know the difference when you meet that person.

I cant believe I typed that! Im not a very soppy person but that was soppy. I was only trying to get a point across!

Shivers26

Just the once I think. I told other people that I loved them but in hindsight I doubt it was 'real' love.

It took me a few months to fall in love with my boyfriend but I really and truly love him more than I ever imagined possible. However, he has broken my heart in the past and I think this hurt me all the more because I loved him so much.

jellie

zxy wrote: »

this made me lol. (i haz issues)

which part of my pain amused you?

captainspeckle

only once, still with him and all this talk of the pain of falling out of love makes me realise how lucky I am that this is real love. I have also thought it was love before as other posters have mentioned but when i met my current bf I realised it was definately lust! Just to kind of highjack the ops initial question, I was sondering what age were you when you first fell in love, just out of interest really!?

Walls

Wibbs wrote: »

How do you know you're over someone?

When you find yourself retching at the idea of them touching you, even just to shake your hand, sort of thing.

Kanoe

jellie wrote: »

which part of my pain amused you?

heh, sorry my bad. him falling in and out and possibly in and out again. I can understand what its like but not trying to demean how it makes you feel. (found it funny because I've done it too)

Faith

captainspeckle wrote: »

Just to kind of highjack the ops initial question, I was sondering what age were you when you first fell in love, just out of interest really!?

I was 21, and it happened out of the blue really. 23 experiencing my first real heartbreak.

Looking back, I think I was pretty naive with the relationship. I thought it would last forever, and I was willing to change myself in all sorts of ways for that to happened. He refused to change at all, so I was always bending myself to suit him. Ever since I can remember I've dreamed of moving to California, and I was willing to give that up for him because he "didn't like the sound of the US". Now, even though it still hurts unimaginably at times, I'm kind of glad we broke up, because I learned what I want from a relationship, and I learned what I will and won't put up with. I look forward to the next time I fall in love, because I think that relationship will be a lot more successful.

To those of you who've fallen in love more than once, were your experiences different each time?

Wibbs

captainspeckle wrote: »

Just to kind of highjack the ops initial question, I was sondering what age were you when you first fell in love, just out of interest really!?

23 and 35.

Faith wrote: »

To those of you who've fallen in love more than once, were your experiences different each time?

The second time was deeper in the sense that I could see a lifetime ahead together and quite simply couldnt imagine being apart kinda thing. The first was more in the moment.

Kanoe

14-16, 19-21, 30-presently. yes, your requirements change as you do, dynamics change and how you feel changes. I've fallen in love at first sight and it was very real and lasted. I've had deferred feelings where I never knew what I had til it was gone and I've had living in the present love where it's like waking up one day and realising what I've got, and loving it even more. (the in and out and in and out of love was the second one, more than likley the age I was at)

miss5

Faith wrote: »

I was 21, and it happened out of the blue really. 23 experiencing my first real heartbreak.

Looking back, I think I was pretty naive with the relationship. I thought it would last forever, and I was willing to change myself in all sorts of ways for that to happened. He refused to change at all, so I was always bending myself to suit him. Ever since I can remember I've dreamed of moving to California, and I was willing to give that up for him because he "didn't like the sound of the US". Now, even though it still hurts unimaginably at times, I'm kind of glad we broke up, because I learned what I want from a relationship, and I learned what I will and won't put up with. I look forward to the next time I fall in love, because I think that relationship will be a lot more successful.

To those of you who've fallen in love more than once, were your experiences different each time?

Faith the next time you fall in love it wont be the same, It will be entirely different
and possibly much better because as hard as it is for you at the moment you have
to trust that he wasn't the one for you. Most importantly don't compare your
next love to your last as it will be a completely new relationship.

Walls

I was 27 the first time, and about, 33 or so the second time.

speedboatchase

I don't know, I think if you're one of these people who's madly in love with someone (or so says on your facebook) but break up a few months later and never speak to the guy again, you probably weren't in love in the first place? I have two exes I said the L word to, one who I thought I was in love with but really I was more in love with the idea of being in love, if that makes sense - she didn't feel anywhere near as strongly as me And the second ex things were very much aligning for us to get together and in that instance I was probably falling in love with her, but it didn't work out (long distance, she had a scary ex) and I think I was falling, but didn't fall in love. My current gf wasn't anything like that, things gradually creeped up on me and I'm fairly sure I'm in love - it's been three years either way! It's a strange word and gets thrown around too often though, people that "fall in love" with someone every few months are just people that desperately want, or need to be loved

Abi

Faith wrote: »

I'm curious about how many times people have been in love in their lives.

Twice. I ended things with one of them, the other I can't even talk about.

Has falling in love once or several times scared you off falling in love again?

Yes =/

Or are you happy to keep falling in love before you meet the right person?

No, definitely not. As a result I can be very hard to get close to.

How long does it take you, on average, to fall in love?

The first time it happened quite quickly, maybe within a month. The second time took several months. All its taught me so far is to keep guys at a safe distance. I don't think I could handle all that again.

Vinta81

Never.

My first and only serious relationship (lasted a year), I look back and think I was more in love with idea of love, if you get me?

After the way it ended, (very badly ) it really affected me and I became a bit of a hermit and then the last year and a half I've really acted out and been quite promiscuous With the last guy I was kinda "with" I think the initial feelings of love were there on my part, utterly smitten with him. i fell SO hard for him and I realized I still am

that felt good to get out

sleepyescapade

miss5 wrote: »

Faith the next time you fall in love it wont be the same, It will be entirely different
and possibly much better

This is very very true. However, I tend to look at things more realistically now too - I never want it to end, but yes it may not last forever.

Novella

Faith wrote: »

I'm curious about how many times people have been in love in their lives.

Never. I've never been in love. I think when I was younger, with my first boyfriend, I thought I was in love with him, but looking back, naw. I was in 'crazy about him' and 'omgz, it's so exciting to have a boyfriend'. I was in love with the thought of being in love, or something.

Has falling in love once or several times scared you off falling in love again?

I've never been in love, so I wouldn't say I'm scared of falling in love for that reason, no. I'm scared of falling in love because I hate how you can invest so much of yourself into a relationship, into another person and there can just never be a guarantee of a happy ending. I know people say they "just know" that they'll always be with their partner, but imo, you can never know. And that is what terrifies me.

Or are you happy to keep falling in love before you mean the right person?

Naw. I'm not that kinda person. I think I read too many fairy-tales as a child. I take love really seriously. It's very rare I'd say "I love you" to anyone, unless I absolutely 100% mean it and know what I meant by it. I'm just not sure yet. I've heard too many, "Oh, I love him 'cause he's so hawt and funny" type stories and two weeks later, "Yeah, it's over". I never want that. When I love I want it to be real, and long, and as close to perfect as I can possibly get.

How long does it take you, on average, to fall in love?

I'd imagine it'd take me quite a while.

pollypocket10

I think if I'd been answering this question two years ago I'd probably have said 2 or 3 but now it is definitely once.

I don't think you really know what it is until you have the real thing and it so much better. Even when the butterflies and the excitement fades it's still amazing. There is a sort of total contentment and happiness that it brings, and an understanding between you both that this is it and no-one else matters anymore.

It's hard to explain but it's definitely not something that will come around too often.

G86

I've been in love twice, the first time was when I was 16 and the second is in my current relationship The first relationship lasted a few years and ended because I fell out of love with that person, I've dated guys since but I never got to the stage where I felt that way about them til now. I have no doubt that I was in love back then, but it was a different kind of love - a naive view of things. But this time it's so much deeper, I never knew I could feel like this, and sometimes I think that if my 16yr old self knew this kind of love was possible she'd have doubted if she was in love at all.

I think it means so much more the second time around because you have that life experience behind you, because you know just how damn much it will hurt if it goes belly up, and you're willing to take that risk because you know the person is worth it.

akamossy

I've been in love twice but I found the second time much harder to get over

Once

monkeyfudge

I thought I fell in love once... but it turned out to actually just be the first time I'd gotten sick with the flu. No kidding.

Nervous Wreck

I fall in love about 4 times a week. Fickle lad, me.

LadyMayBelle

Honestly? Once. One guy. Always have, pretty confident I always will. i drive him mad with my crazies but he still hangs around so I guess he loves me too.

Howard the Duck

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I fall in love about 4 times a week. Fickle lad, me.

i think it's Jim Gaffigan that does a joke about that.. something like " oh look there's my future wife ..she is so pretty.. oh she's getting off the train".
But i do know what you mean i see girls all the time that i could imagine falling in love with.. but thats not really the same thing

I've been in love once ... there was another girl that i was probably falling in love with but we stopped seeing each other before that happened.

Rozabeez

I don't really know, I like to think I've been in love, but I'm still very young, so maybe it was infatuation on both occasions. I suppose I'll never know, sometimes worry I'm incapable of love because I seem to get so far emotionally and then just stop. Have to wait and see!

Bonito

Never.

extrinzic

I have loved every girl I had a significant relationship with, to varying degrees. Nevertheless, I can honestly say that I did love them. With some I recognised the futility of our future, with others, I failed to see the futility written on the wall. I have been reckless with the heart of another, and I have tasted the bitter resentment that comes from rejection and betrayal. I can say now with honesty that I cannot see myself open to another, for I no longer believe that people are capable of fulfilling my hopes and expectations (and I know this through personal honesty as much as interpersonal experience). I accept now that my aspirations were unrealistic, and to grow as a person with stability, personal development and self respect, I am to grow alone. I may date again, but I wont cast any illusions or buy any delusions. I really loved one of them, but when I ask myself if it worth it, I feel old.

Censorsh!t

I'm not really sure to be honest. I selected once. But...I really don't know if it was that or if it was just the fact it was all new to me. Because after a year, it started to wear off.

princess-lala

I selected twice, one I know for sure was love. The other I dont know because of the volatile relationship we had!

I could have clicked 3 but the third was a Ba%t**d who cheated on my young naive self

MissMotivated

Once, the relationship I'm in now, never even thought I was in love before I met him, I was crazy about guys but I knew that's all it was, he was with a girl for 3/4 years before me and he said he though it was love until he met me and experienced it for real :D

BizzyLizzie

I clicked once but I'm not 100% sure it was love. I was completely crazy about him but I only started to consider that maybe it was love when he started to pull away from me...

If anything, my feelings for him have only intensified since we split. We stayed friends. Not a good idea!

banshee_bones

Novella wrote: »

Never. I've never been in love. I think when I was younger, with my first boyfriend, I thought I was in love with him, but looking back, naw. I was in 'crazy about him' and 'omgz, it's so exciting to have a boyfriend'. I was in love with the thought of being in love, or something.

I've never been in love, so I wouldn't say I'm scared of falling in love for that reason, no. I'm scared of falling in love because I hate how you can invest so much of yourself into a relationship, into another person and there can just never be a guarantee of a happy ending. I know people say they "just know" that they'll always be with their partner, but imo, you can never know. And that is what terrifies me.

I'd imagine it'd take me quite a while.

+1 to ALL of this!

I am the exact same.

At 14 with my first bf I would have thought the same! and you think you are! because its all new and exciting but you really arent!

So nope, never here either and as I grow older and see more mature relationships I think I have a much better grasp on it so that I will recognise it when it happens if it ever happens.

I also imagine it would still take me quite a while because I am a bit on the cynical/realistic side when it comes to this stuff.

Latchy

Twice

Howard the Duck wrote: »

i think it's Jim Gaffigan that does a joke about that.. something like " oh look there's my future wife ..she is so pretty.. oh she's getting off the train".
But i do know what you mean i see girls all the time that i could imagine falling in love with.. but thats not really the same thing

I've been in love once ... there was another girl that i was probably falling in love with but we stopped seeing each other before that happened.

Rozabeez wrote: »

I don't really know, I like to think I've been in love, but I'm still very young, so maybe it was infatuation on both occasions. I suppose I'll never know, sometimes worry I'm incapable of love because I seem to get so far emotionally and then just stop. Have to wait and see!

You can see somebody and think ' I could fall in love with that person ' but that might be the image or idea of being in love with her/him .

Getting past the physical attraction to know the inner person can be much harder .

Women work on a different emotional level to men , are very good and much better I think at hiding their ( true ) feelings about somebody .

Contessa Raven

I have been in love once. And still am. He's my Squishy!

Thought I was in love once before that. Turns out I had gas! :eek:

Ginny

I had thought I was in love twice before my current relationship, until I started my current relationship, it's just different.
I've tried to explain it to people but I can never gather the proper words to describe it, its like I'd been travelling aimlessly for years until I met him, it just feels like home and how it should be.

pollypocket10

Ginny wrote: »

I had thought I was in love twice before my current relationship, until I started my current relationship, it's just different.
I've tried to explain it to people but I can never gather the proper words to describe it, its like I'd been travelling aimlessly for years until I met him, it just feels like home and how it should be.

Thats exactly how I feel