Initial Game Playing by Women

Dhamma

Hi folks,

I'd be interested in hearing other guys' opinions and experiences about how they deal with game playing by women at the initial 'courtship' stage of a relationship.

Now, I'm not talking about habitual game players who continually try to wreck your head, no matter what stage of a relationship you're at. I'm referring to normal women who almost always (in my experience) feel the need to play 'hard to get', don't return calls even though they're interested, etc.

I realise that some men love the 'chase' (as apparently do most women!), but it really leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth when I have to 'jump through hoops' just to date (I'm not talking about moving things to the sexual level), so much so that I often just don't bother not because I don't like the woman but because of how she behaves. I find it insulting, immature, gender regressive and just plain silly!

If you want to be honest and sincere with a woman (which is what many women usually say they want), it seems that their game-playing behaviour leaves the man in a catch-22 situation. Either you have to pursue them as if they were god's gift to manhood (which they may well be, but since you don't know them that well when trying to first date, this involves an element of 'faking it'), or you don't pursue them and they then view it as lack of interest. Why does it seem to be so difficult (in my experience) to meet a woman who, if she likes you, won't reciprocate a first move from a man without the inevitable playing 'hard to get'?

How do other men view the situation? Do you enjoy the chase? Do you hate if but do it anyway because that's what you have to do?

Thanks for reading.

force majeure

Welcome to the world off being a grown up.
where noting is as it seems
everything is mixed and yet true
and so we arrive back at your question.
The game you refer to and call it is not a game at all but nature dealing with that old torment called 'loov'
Women do not purposely go about recking a guys head, its just the way their emotions deal with the situation they find themselves in.
Nervousness shyness confusion shrouded in doubt[self] result the childish attitude you refer to they find them unselfconsciously adapting.
Put it another way we all screw up when we find ourselves in new ground and every relationship starts as new ground and life would not be what it is if things were simply so keep a steady mind and bid your time life well not end tomorrow so give her due course. If she is in to you she get around to you.

O yes and I being their and do'n that, it did not work but then again that is why I now know what I know.

Nervous Wreck

I generally ignore the games. If a woman is playing hard to get, I stop trying. Usually, she will realise that I'm not to be played and calls/texts soon thereafter. Sometimes she doesn't and I don't feel bothered in the slightest.

NB: Not all women are guilty of this and a lot of us men are just as guilty. Goes both ways I guess.

Giselle

Sometimes what a man thinks is game-playing is really just a woman being undecided how much she likes him, or if she likes him enough to persue it further, and not wanting to be presumptious enough to put it baldly. Especially if the guy seems needy or like he'll be really hurt.

Often what you think is playing hard to get is when she really just isnt that into you.

The 'games' is just humanity in action a lot of the time, its not some calculated plan to demean or torture you into action.:)

krudler

I have zero time for game playing, "hard to get" "loving the chase" and all that sh1te is for teenagers, if (its been a while now, ltr ) i texted someone I met and they waited 3 days or something to get back to me, they'd already have had their number deleted, its childish bullsh1t.

krudler

Giselle wrote: »

Sometimes what a man thinks is game-playing is really just a woman being undecided how much she likes him, or if she likes him enough to persue it further, and not wanting to be presumptious enough to put it baldly. Especially if the guy seems needy or like he'll be really hurt.

Often what you think is playing hard to get is when she really just isnt that into you.

The 'games' is just humanity in action a lot of the time, its not some calculated plan to demean or torture you into action.:)

sometimes it is though, not for everyone obviously, as for the "not that into you thing" why cant people just say that? I'd much rather be told that than strung along and all that jazz, its time started being brutally honest with other people instead of acting cold and hoping the other person gets the message, think of all the bullsh1t it'd save in the long run

Nervous Wreck

krudler wrote: »

I have zero time for game playing, "hard to get" "loving the chase" and all that sh1te is for teenagers, if (its been a while now, ltr ) i texted someone I met and they waited 3 days or something to get back to me, they'd already have had their number deleted, its childish bullsh1t.

Taking such a hard line without allowing for possible genuine reasons is, arguably, just as childish.

As Giselle said, when you're getting to know someone, you're doing just that. Being overly forward is just a little childish. Taking a little time and caution is natural. Lately, I've cut things short with two different girls because they were a little too into it. I.e. texted me a little too much, claimed to 'really like' me after knowing me a very short time. While it's possible that those feelings were real, it's more probable that they were just getting into it a little too fast. That, in my opinion, is just as dangerous. Feelings don't just appear; they grow. If someone is way into it at the start, the likelihood is that they're a liiiittle immature (or desperate for a relationship). That's no good way to start something and I, for one, would take it verrrrrry chilled in that situation....

krudler

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Taking such a hard line without allowing for possible genuine reasons is, arguably, just as childish.

As Giselle said, when you're getting to know someone, you're doing just that. Being overly forward is just a little childish. Taking a little time and caution is natural. Lately, I've cut things short with two different girls because they were a little too into it. I.e. texted me a little too much, claimed to 'really like' me after knowing me a very short time. While it's possible that those feelings were real, it's more probable that they were just getting into it a little too fast. That, in my opinion, is just as dangerous. Feelings don't just appear; they grow. If someone is way into it at the start, the likelihood is that they're a liiiittle immature (or desperate for a relationship). That's no good way to start something and I, for one, would take it verrrrrry chilled in that situation....

Genuine reasons aside, lost phone, family was killed by an asteroid, whatever. But purposefully waiting 3 days or a week or whatever to text someone back if you genuinely like themis imo pointless, I've been in the situation where someone was texting me a dozen times a day after we just met and thats kinda crazy, but a text or two a day for general chitchat? nothing wrong with that at all

Novella

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Taking such a hard line without allowing for possible genuine reasons is, arguably, just as childish.

As Giselle said, when you're getting to know someone, you're doing just that. Being overly forward is just a little childish. Taking a little time and caution is natural. Lately, I've cut things short with two different girls because they were a little too into it. I.e. texted me a little too much, claimed to 'really like' me after knowing me a very short time. While it's possible that those feelings were real, it's more probable that they were just getting into it a little too fast. That, in my opinion, is just as dangerous. Feelings don't just appear; they grow. If someone is way into it at the start, the likelihood is that they're a liiiittle immature (or desperate for a relationship). That's no good way to start something and I, for one, would take it verrrrrry chilled in that situation....

QFT.

I'd be just as put off by a guy who texted me constantly and told me he liked me 'sooo much' in the early days as I would be by a guy who didn't text me back for a day or two or whatever.

Yeah, playing games is stupid and not texting someone back because you wanna keep them interested is, imo, ridiculous but it's just as important not to be overly keen, so much so that you are kind of... scary.

Ime, the people who get into things really, really quickly usually aren't into you, they're just into 'being in love'. They're the kind of people who don't really mind who they are with as long as they are with someone and I find that just as bad.

pwd

Girls playing games in a relationship would be good. Most girls have no interest in them at best, or see computer games as a waste of time or even childish and nerdy.

krudler

pwd wrote: »

Girls playing games in a relationship would be good. Most girls have no interest in them at best, or see computer games as a waste of time or even childish and nerdy.

My girlfriend loves the Zelda and Final Fantasy games, and she bought me a Wii for christmas, she went up a few notches on the scale of awesome girlfriend when I heard all that

Nervous Wreck

Novella wrote: »

QFT.

I'd be just as put off by a guy who texted me constantly and told me he liked me 'sooo much' in the early days as I would be by a guy who didn't text me back for a day or two or whatever.

Yeah, playing games is stupid and not texting someone back because you wanna keep them interested is, imo, ridiculous but it's just as important not to be overly keen, so much so that you are kind of... scary.

Ime, the people who get into things really, really quickly usually aren't into you, they're just into 'being in love'. They're the kind of people who don't really mind who they are with as long as they are with someone and I find that just as bad.

Word. This is why I'm single. Too many of these crazies roaming the streets!

krudler

A good balance is needed, not to eager, not too playing it cool either. I've been on both sides with the needy freaks and the ice queens, neither are worth bothering about.

Snowie

whats the deal with thinking because a guy doesnt reply to a txt hes not interested or trying to play cool?
I rarely reply to txts there a pain in the ass ive got big thumbs and if im doing something like plyaing my ps 3 i don't reply... same if im with friends or working... and when i get home im veging so texting people trivial sh!t that has little importance so its not on my high prioiritys of things to get done.

So hardly grounds for trying to be cool id rather do a 1 to 2 minute phone call then text small talk for 50 mins which tbh is really boreing... so much better things...

A turn of with women who constantly text its like have you got anything better to do ?
you cant say anything about it because they get defensive, as most people if you want me ring me i dont do texts. make the plans feck the chit chat wait till we meet up then gives people this thing called convresation insted of struggleing for things to talk about..

Giselle wrote: »

Sometimes what a man thinks is game-playing is really just a woman being undecided how much she likes him, or if she likes him enough to persue it further, and not wanting to be presumptious enough to put it baldly. Especially if the guy seems needy or like he'll be really hurt.

Often what you think is playing hard to get is when she really just isnt that into you.

The 'games' is just humanity in action a lot of the time, its not some calculated plan to demean or torture you into action.

well itsa pretty lousey way to let some one know. personally sopeaking lett things fizzele out slowly.. (I relaise women dont wanna be seen as heartless.) But prolonging something thats happening slowly well its worse your just feeding a poor guy hope which makes it worse... your better of saying its not you its me... because it is just as bad.. I like when a woman says not into you all that much. because i know where i satand this pity paty crap windes me up

OldGoat

Most of the time it's not about game playing, it about poor communication skills and misunderstandings based on assumptions rather then on facts. The cure to the 'game' is to say what you think. If you ask someone to call you then stipulate a time frame. "Call me before Friday if you want to go out again.", "Hope I hear from you before next weekend so we can go out again".

Greyfox

I defininely LOVE the chase as women who play hard to get are far, far more attractive. I think people who say they hate people who play games are a little naive as people don't do it because they find it fun, they do it because their instincts tell them it works

For me when I first started dating women I always texted when I wanted and wasn't happy with the results as I was coming across too eager, I then decided to be a little unpredictable with my reply times and ALWAYS text a bit less then the girl is question, doing this I got far, far better results so I now always do this, I feel I have learned this works a lot better. The same applies to women, they instinctively learn what works with men, and when women play hard to get it gives the impression that she's got a very active social life and that she's a really good catch, that's just the way it is. What I noticed is when a women is replying back to me very quickly all the time I know I "have her" and won't really think about her that much as I don't need to (actually what I'm thinking is does she not have a life?), but when I don't know where I stand with a girl I find her a lot more attractive as I love the challenge, I believe the same applies to women, if you keep her guessing, not sure wheter or not she can have you or not she'll definitely be thinking about you more.

At the early stages both men and women HAVE to give the impression that they have other things to be doing other then the new guy/girl they met last week as it does make you more attractive. I do believe though that once you've moved on to the dating stage like I'm at now that's when all games playing should stop completely.

I just think that games playing is a neccisary part of the initial courtship!

speedboatchase

I hate the chase.

I prefer things to happen organically rather than "hmm... better not reply... YET" or any such nonsense or "rules" to live by. Now I have lost interest in women that text too much and are needy but that's a personality trait of theirs that would've came out during the course of any kind of courting anyways - pretending you're not that way and playing games will work work for so long. If I was single tomorrow (in a fairly long-term relationship) I'd be a lot more mature and assured of what I'm looking for so in an a partner so I'd have a very low threshold for anyone I'd percieve to be wasting my time.

Put it this way - ANY time a guy on boards needs advice to attract a girl everybody says "just be yourself" - however females are given the opposite advice; that ignoring him for days or not replying will make you want him more?! How about we all just be ourselves, or the best version of ourselves and MAYBE the person we want to attract will be interested?

LegacyUser

I think some women (and men) play games because they think it'll make them appear more attractive ie she/he has a life.
Ironically, the reverse is usually true. If you have a life, you don't spend it trying to figure out which dating game your new squeeze is playing. It's far easier to assume that the new guy/girl you met isn't playing any games, really saves a lot of hassle!

G-Money

I hate all that malarky too. If she doesn't reply to my texts or calls or whatever, I just delete her number and go after someone else. Her loss (and for once that actually is true) :cool:

Dhamma

Thanks for your replies.

The consensus seems to be that most men experience game playing and respond to it with varying levels of compliance or non-compliance.

As some posters have said, I just don't understand why women instinctively feel the need to behave in that manner, but obviously it's hard-wired into most of them.

homerun_homer

I'm sick of the chase. It's always the same shít over and over. It happens with girls I've only met on a night out, girl's I've known for a while and very rarely is it easy (I don't mean in that way). I like it when you get with someone and both don't dick each other about.

Gyalist

"In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

homerun_homer

Gyalist wrote: »

"In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

I see his name and I just think of my favourite poem in school, Song of the Lotus Eaters. Always remembered this particular lilne and to me it fits the predicament of this thread.

Is there any peace
In ever climbing up the climbing wave ?

CDfm

My 10 cents worth is that it helps if you like women and if you like the woman who is the object of your affections. In a way -this person is cool and I would like to be friends.

I can't fake that. Some people can.

That does not mean you wimp out -it means that if you are a bit shy -accept that is part of your character. Carry on regardless -there are 3 billion women in the world and all you want is 1 of them to like you.

krudler

homerun_homer wrote: »

I'm sick of the chase. It's always the same shít over and over. It happens with girls I've only met on a night out, girl's I've known for a while and very rarely is easy (I don't mean in that way). I like it when you get with someone and both don't dick each other about.

Thats exactly it, you get talking to a girl in a social group outside a nightclub and its sooooo much easier, it seems that people you meet in clubs all subscribe to the bullsh1t "rules" of hooking up with someone, they probably all have 3 or 4 forever single friends giving them "advice" like "nooo, dont text him for a week, that way you'll seem popular and busy instead of him knowing you spend every night on the couch in your jammies with a copy of heat"

OldGoat

What would be interesting to see here is - on average - how long lads think is a suitable time to wait for a call and compare that to how long a girl think she should wait to call.
Sneeking suspicion that the two time frames are going to be different, with the lads expecting quicker calls then the girls like to give.

CDfm

There was a thread in PI about a guy who went out with a girl and missed the plot when she wanted to go home -told her to find her own way and carried on pinting. Couldnt work it out he couldnt.

There are plenty of other places to meet girls other than nightclubs cos I am sure you look your most attractive and sound your best after knocking back a load of tequila.

So you wont get a look in with a girl who is there for the same reason getting tanked with her mates.


Just a thought.

Kimia

I'm hoping it's ok for a girl to respond?

I would have to say personally that I would never play games. If I like someone I like them and to be honest I'm not able to ignore a guy for a week and then act like I don't like him and other such nonsense!

I don't really know anyone like that really, maybe younger women in their late teens do it but I can't see it being the norm with mature adult women (as in mid 20's +)?

It just seems to be an immaturity thing rather than a gender thing eh?

homerun_homer

Kimia wrote: »

I'm hoping it's ok for a girl to respond?

Sure there's probably more lads in the ladies lounge then women half the time so female opinions in the Gents Club are very welcome.

I don't really know anyone like that really, maybe younger women in their late teens do it but I can't see it being the norm with mature adult women (as in mid 20's +)?

It may not be the norm with older "mature" women but it happens. Last girl I was seeing would never text unless texted first. I thought "she's not interested" but she kept agreeing to go on dates, so that in itself is annoying and confusing. I had friends telling me don't bother with her since she doesn't get in touch but then it seemed she was still interested up to a point.

It just seems to be an immaturity thing rather than a gender thing eh?

Nope, it's a gender thing - end of story. Girls are horrible and mean;)

.

ghostdog1

Kimia wrote: »

I'm hoping it's ok for a girl to respond?

I would have to say personally that I would never play games. If I like someone I like them and to be honest I'm not able to ignore a guy for a week and then act like I don't like him and other such nonsense!

I don't really know anyone like that really, maybe younger women in their late teens do it but I can't see it being the norm with mature adult women (as in mid 20's +)?

It just seems to be an immaturity thing rather than a gender thing eh?

With you there, games are bull****, I agree with some of the posts that you shouldn't be too full on in the early stages of something either but there is a healthy balance and being too aloof with a bloke you like is just sending mixed messages, a lack of respect!! Im 31 and most of the woman I know don't game play!.

load1234

Women have there own money now so
why rush and good looking women have
many boyfriends, women can pick up men
easily so they have choice, women are
very fussy. Most women are only interested
in money.