How to break up with boyfriend

mylittlepony

Play him at his own game:
If he bring up the weight issue again
say: well, I would love if you had more muscles or fab six pack, better clothes, last longer in bed, etc.
Give him a taste of his own medicine
and hopefully he shut up. :rolleyes:

Why cant he go to the gym so its a team effort if you do need feel you need to lose a few pounds.
What about himself, does he need lose weight or put on muscles etc??

Anna23

Well funny enough he is trying to get back his 6 pack now ( and this is not because I said so, I liked him the way he is/was) I honestly believe now that maybe he wants to break up with me but wont do it himself and expects me to do it! Oh yep he used to bring me to the gym every sat and sun when i was at his place, as early in the morning as possible and in all honesty I hated going and being watched if I run, how long i run for, how long i stay on the bike, how much i swim, how fast i get tired and sweat! Maybe I am looking for excuses as well. But again thank you for all the comments, I hope to be able to do this next weekend.

seenitall

This thread and your stories about this pompous control freak of a boyfriend would be nothing short of hilarious if they were about a quirky black humour Hollywood comedy, instead of flesh and blood people.

Get rid. ASAP. By means of your own choosing.

All the best for the future.

Anna23

Unfortunately its reality, I wish it was only a story!

Kidchameleon

OMFG will you read your orignal post and dump him straight away, its a no brainer!

Anna23

Not to worry I will

dan_d

OP.....if you stayed with him, the next steps would be controlling your money, the time you spend with your friends, how often you see your parents, where you go everyday....you want to get rid of him as soon as you can.

sesna

OP, would you be happier if you met a new partner, who ordered you up a 12 inch pizza every day for dinner, followed by some greasy chips and fatty burgers?

You should start looking down in your local on any given weekday after mid day.

kjl

Anna, I have a friend that is over weight. I have about 8% body fat and dropped it from about 22% so I often give advice and what not to my friend who needs to lose weight. I often ring him up and asked him if he went to the gym or what not, because he needs the nagging. There are loads of thing in my life I need a bit of nagging about.

I think there is a very good possibly that he is doing this for your sake. I know it's very acceptable to be overweight in this country, but it does not change the fact that it is unhealthy, and is a common source of depression, lack of energy and many other health issues. Maybe he feels that you need a push to make that change, tell the truth, since he got you on this regime, have you lost much weight? Do you not feel happier with yourself when you look in the mirror. When I nag my friend about going to the gym, I'm doing it out of love, not trying to offend, or annoy.

Being overweight is just stupid, and the fact of the matter is that its easily reversed. I know this guy is probably being a little bit obsessive about it, but is him trying to help you (albeit in a very annoying manor) grounds for dumping him? I think you need to talk to him and tell him to back off a bit about the weight, tell him you are doing your best and that has to be enough for him.

Anna23

My apologies I just don't seem to be able to follow your last comment sesna!
And second of all I hate pizza!

Again thanks a mill for all the advice I got. I will re read this thread before making a final decision, and KJL I don't mind encouragement, I just hate being questioned every time I speak to him on the phone + his other comments, that's all honestly, and yes i have spoken to him about this, in one ear out the other!

I just wanted to see if anyone has been though something like this and what advice they would give. Again I really appreciate it, thanks.

davyjose

sesna wrote: »

OP, would you be happier if you met a new partner, who ordered you up a 12 inch pizza every day for dinner, followed by some greasy chips and fatty burgers?

You should start looking down in your local on any given weekday after mid day.

Where are you getting this from? Either he has to behave as cruelly and authoritarian as he has been, or else someone like you stated above?

Cop on, and don't be an idiot. There are people who aren't like her boyfriend, and aren't like the above - they're known as normal. You should investigate them yourself.

kjl

Anna23 wrote: »

My apologies I just don't seem to be able to follow your last comment sesna!
And second of all I hate pizza!

Again thanks a mill for all the advice I got. I will re read this thread before making a final decision, and KJL I don't mind encouragement, I just hate being questioned every time I speak to him on the phone + his other comments, that's all honestly, and yes i have spoken to him about this, in one ear out the other!

I just wanted to see if anyone has been though something like this and what advice they would give. Again I really appreciate it, thanks.

You did not answer my question, how much weight have you lost so far?

elbee

I'm actually speechless. Get rid of this guy.

I suggest you sit him down and say 'Remember you said you didn't want me meeting your parents looking like this? Well, I've given that a lot of thought, and you're right, parents' opinions are so important. And I don't want my parents to know I'm dating someone as nasty as you, I think they'd be really upset if they knew someone was treating me like this. So I think we should end it.'

OK, that's mostly a joke. But that is a disgusting thing for him to say. I would consider that unforgivable. Apart from that, he could just be a controlling guy who has your best interests at heart and means no harm, but that remark is just so far beyond the pale.

One tip I would give you is this: Try not to make it about him when you talk to him, because then he could defend himself and this is about your decision.

For example, if you say 'You always go on about my weight!' he can say 'But I only have your best interests at heart!' and then you have to answer that, which is hard to answer.

Instead say 'I have decided I don't want to be with someone who goes on about my weight so much.' Then even if he says 'But I only do it because I care!' you can still say ''Why you do it isn't important. I am not willing to put up with it.'

Good luck OP.

Jaxxy

kjl wrote: »

You did not answer my question, how much weight have you lost so far?

Why would that matter? She should be doing this for herself, not for him. Encouragement is one thing but insulting her, constantly needing to know how often she goes to the gym and how long she spent on each machine is too much. And telling her he can't introduce her to his parents because she's overweight? Unforgivable! What an absolutely horrible thing to say to somebody you're supposed to care about.

No matter how much weight she loses she will never be happy with this guy. The OP said herself, his ideal size for her is a size eight. She thinks this is personally unattainable. She should know. So she will never satisfy him, and as other people have said, if it's not the weight issue, it'll be something else.

OP I was in a very controlling relationship when I was younger. The issue was never my weight because I've always been small, but it manifested itself in other ways. He liked my hair a certain way. He liked certain outfits I owned. If I wore my hair tied back or wore something he didn't like then he would ignore me. When I'd try to coax a conversation out of him all I'd get was "Why didn't you wear this or that dress?" or "Why didn't you bother your lazy arse to blowdry your hair?" He didn't like my friends. For three and half years I was out of touch with them because I was convinced that they'd been mean/bitchy to him when he'd first met them. This is what he had told me and I'd believed him. People tried to tell me over and over again (including his own family!) that I deserved better. It was obvious to them but not to me, I doubted it every single time.

This is something you have to realise for yourself. Your friends, your mother, people on boards, they can all tell you this guy is no good and you should run for the hills. But you have to see this for yourself. If you think his behaviour is too controlling and if his constant obsession with your weight is making you unhappy then you have to do something about it, yourself, for your own present and future wellbeing. Make the decision and lay it out for him. Forget about the stuff you've left in his house. Cut all ties and try your best to move on. It's hard, I know, but eventually you'll wake up one morning and realise just how much happier you are without the stress of him in your life. You'll know you're wonderful just as you are and you can focus completely on what you want for yourself.

LegacyUser

As one of the above posters said you gotta weigh up the pros and cons and decide if he is right for you. Us men get lambasted for our shallow mentalities,yet we cant win in the situation where a guy falls in love with a girls personality but is frustrated with her lacking confidence over her shape. Men like to fix a problem , I think through his obsessive and controlling nature he is somehow forgetting you are a person and only seeing the "problem"

All may not be lost although the "parents seeing you" comment is really a dealbreaker. I can relate to him somewhat, i was a much much tamer version for a time and the girlfriend rightly resisted my nagging, ultimately it was up to her to decide to lose it. I quickly copped out of that phase .But feck, she looks marvelous and is much more confident since losing a bit of weight. I used to get frustrated how she would say, oh this belly runs in the family, or so and so girl was born with that figure, lucky bitch type of thing. Its all about lifestyle ultimately, genetics only makes it easier for some.

Personally I think hes acting like an asshole and it is up to you to decide whether he is beyond redemption.

muinteoir09

Well, the weekend is over... did you break up with the control freak?

LegacyUser

Firstly I don't think the OP's bf has any right to be telling her to lose weight since she is no heavier now than when she met him, but I also think we need to get real here and stop pretending that a size 14/16 is not a large size to be.

I'm the same height as the OP and a size 10/12. I am almost ten stone. A person of my height would need to be several stone heavier than I am to be a size 14/16, and I can't see a woman of 5.8 being thirteen or fourteen stone as healthy.

sesna

letsgetreal wrote: »

Firstly I don't think the OP's bf has any right to be telling her to lose weight since she is no heavier now than when she met him, but I also think we need to get real here and stop pretending that a size 14/16 is not a large size to be.

I'm the same height as the OP and a size 10/12. I am almost ten stone. A person of my height would need to be several stone heavier than I am to be a size 14/16, and I can't see a woman of 5.8 being thirteen or fourteen stone as healthy.

Personally I think the OP's boyfriend is a fatist. He doesn't like the unhealthy consequences of people carrying unnecessary fat all over their body.

However, its not his position to start harassing her about losing the weight. That would be a gym instructors job.

He would be better served buying her a voucher for a personal trainer/gym, and organising activity weekends etc. so the OP can burn off some of that fat.

LegacyUser

letsgetreal wrote: »

Firstly I don't think the OP's bf has any right to be telling her to lose weight since she is no heavier now than when she met him, but I also think we need to get real here and stop pretending that a size 14/16 is not a large size to be.

I'm the same height as the OP and a size 10/12. I am almost ten stone. A person of my height would need to be several stone heavier than I am to be a size 14/16, and I can't see a woman of 5.8 being thirteen or fourteen stone as healthy.

I am 5 foot 8 and weigh 11 stone, and a size 14. So you don't know what you're talking about.



To the OP - I would dump him. If I was going out with someone, and they started telling me what I could or couldn't do after 9 months, it would be all the warning sign I needed to get out of it. Don't waste your time on someone like that. It sounds like he's enforced this diet on you. You obviously don't have the same ideas about food and exercise. Why don't you find someone more relaxed and supportive of you? It really doesn't sound like he's worth it.

Sabbath Lily

Hi OP,

Get out. You are much too young to be in a relationship like this. This kind of stuff is usually stuff I hear from older women who are in long-term relationships that they are afraid to leave because they don't think they can function on their own or that anybody else would want them. You don't seem to be with your boyfriend for too long in comparison. He's obviously obsessed with controlling you - he's already weakened your self-confidence, and you seem afraid to do something about it. Fair enough, you've every intention of doing it, but you seem to be putting it off all the time. He probably senses this and is lashing out. Maybe he thought you were pulling away slightly, or becoming 'too independent' (as if there's such a thing!), and started on about your weight then.

I can't believe how people in this thread are reacting to you. Whether you need or don't need to lose weight is not the issue at all. You seem, to me, to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Whatever reasons he has for what he's doing, or how he feels - you've already told him that you don't appreciate it, and he has continually ignored this. You are so tired of it now that you have stopped even making the point. He's wearing you down emotionally. Don't let him.

You have outlined that you get on great apart from his harping on about your weight. This just follows the classic pattern of controlling relationships, IMO. Most people in this situation tend to say the same, and make excuses for their partner. Are the good parts of your relationship worth enduring this for? Ultimately that's a question you need to ask yourself, but I think you've done enough to answer that already.